I feel like I feel the same way, however, I’ve had some deep meditation sessions where I’ve realized that I’m scared of wealth… So idk, take action all the time? 
Maybe running something that you will become so much alpha that nothing scares you. For example Khan.
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Khan is part of the plan, but I’m not ready for it yet. 
I ran it last year and it was WAY too much for me.
However, recently, I’ve spent time running a program, taking a break, and then revisiting it, and every time I return to a program it’s easier because I’ve grown and changed.
Long story short, by the time I get to Khan, I think I’ll be ready. In the meantime, I’m working on things that will make Khan easier, like Mogul for wealth, Genesis for general stuff, and my seduction subs.
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Washout Day 1/4 Reflections on Wealth and Beauty
I’ve spent a little bit of time reflecting on my insight from last night, and it’s crazy. Here I was thinking that my addictive issues were somehow part of my relationship to women, or love, or romance, or something like that.
I’ve spent so much time thinking and acting as if all these different aspects of myself were separate, however, now I’m starting to see that it’s just not the case.
The mind is just too strange, mysterious, and complicated. My relationship with wealth is directly connected to my relationship with my body and my physical appearance, or vice versa, doesn’t really matter.
It still tastes strange in my mouth, but it’s starting to make so much sense how these strange associations could have formed in my early subconscious mind. We don’t exist in a vacuum, and when I think back more honestly about how I viewed wealthy people when I was young, it makes sense.
The poor people that I knew (which included me and my friends and family) were shorter, less attractive, overweight, typically drinkers, typically smokers, typically not very physically healthy or active. The list goes on. This is what I saw as a child, and with my childhood mind, it seems like I started forming associations between poverty and the attributes that I listed above. Don’t get me wrong, these attributes are stereotypes and I don’t consciously view people that way, but that didn’t really matter to my early childhood psyche, now did it?
The rich people that I encountered were what? They tended to be taller, more attractive, and leaner, if they drank, they didn’t get wild drunk, were non-smokers, played sports or did other physical activities, had nice hair, and the list goes on.
In my childhood mind, I associated wealth with beauty and health, among other characteristics. This association was bolstered by the media that I was consuming, I knew at a very young age that famous actors were typically very wealthy, and they were also the most beautiful people, almost godly in their legendary beauty.
A more objective look at reality will reveal that many A-List actors are really not “that beautiful” and if you were to see them working at a gas station, you probably wouldn’t think too much of their appearance. However, the aura of wealth and power influences our perception of their beauty.
In the same way, the more I align myself with wealth consciousness, the more beautiful I see myself as. In previous journals, I’ve talked about how low my self-esteem has dropped, well guess what? My self-esteem has dropped off right alongside my recent financial hardships. The less money I made, the more ugly I began to believe that I was.
It’s really amazing, actually, to finally understand these things about myself and it explains so much, so very, very much about the last 10 or so years of my life.
When I think about times in my life when I’ve rubbed elbows with millionaires, they always (so long as I played cool) instinctively saw me as one of their own…which also gives me pause. The exterior world, in some capacity, does reflect a wealth consciousness within me, but there is still a blockage.
I have some strange deep inner conflict with wealth. I’m half in and half out. People have often perceived me as being wealthy, because in many ways, when I’m out and about in the real world, I have that energy.
Addiction and money. That’s what’s happening here.
I think, my addictions are what tie me to poverty consciousness…
I think that’s the mental block.
Part of my psyche is a rich man, and people see that, but the part of my psyche that still wants to drink, smoke, and be fat is a poor man.
Remember this isn’t true, it’s stereotypical, however, that’s how my SubC sees things, it sees my habits as poverty habits…and I think there is something more profound about that, that I don’t quite understand.
I think my bad habits are all that tie me to my poverty consciousness…I think they are the chains.
So I have 2 choices. Either I can try and convince myself that having addictive tendencies is fine, or I can cut all the trash out of my life and embrace the inner rich man.
The choice is obvious.
I’ve met many millionaires, and they simply DO NOT engage with food and alcohol the way I do. I drink, eat, and smoke like a poor person, so I need to train myself to drink eat and smoke like a rich man.
How does a rich man eat, drink, and smoke? He always has his eye on his image and reputation. If it would look bad for him to smoke at that moment, he doesn’t smoke, if it would look bad to eat, he doesn’t eat, if it would look bad to drink, he doesn’t drink.
It’s funny, years ago I was hanging out at the house of this millionaire dude that I knew and he saw me smoking and made a comment, he said. “Yeah, I never wanted to quit smoking, I love smoking.” I didn’t respond, I just nodded, and he walked back inside, but now I knew what he was REALLY trying to tell me. He was trying to tell me that he had to quit smoking because rich people weren’t allowed to smoke. That’s just how American culture is right now. In American consciousness, only poor people or rebels smoke. It’s just not the right image for a rich dude, especially not one in his shoes.
This was a man who made himself a millionaire, he quit smoking because he HAD TO because he HAD to present the SOCIAL IMAGE of wealth, his continued success depended on it. In America, cigarette smoking is associated with poverty, that’s why even though many wealthy people smoke, they do it in private, in secret, and only when no one is around.
This reminds me of years, and years ago when Obama got elected into office, he was a cigarette smoker at the time, and photos of him smoking got out so then there was the whole story about how Obama quit smoking. Why did he quit? He quit for his public image.
Guess what? Obama never quit, in his memoir, he admitted that he never really quit, he just got really, really good at hiding it from people. It was all for PR.
My point is that…
Yeah, I’m just rambling because these insights are blowing my mind, but they seem important.
Rich people have addiction problems too, however, rich people don’t do it the way that poor people do. Most rich people won’t just smoke anywhere because the public perception might not be worth the risk.
So many insights. So many insights about myself.
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Washout Day 1/4 Reflections on My Journey
I’ve wanted to go back over my journey and investigate it for a while. I wanted to look at what worked, what didn’t work, what could be improved on, and uncover some wisdom from past me.
Wow, isn’t that still the truth?
Good question. Why did I change? Things are cool now, but I do miss that path I was going down…I had some genuinely good times, I guess I changed because deep down I knew that that path, was a lifelong path. I would have married that girl. It was self-sabotage for my own good. Truth is, I’ve had the chance to settle down with a nice enough girl several times.
It’s just in the past I was too much of a dishonest coward to admit to myself the truth. The truth is that I don’t want to settle down with just some nice girl, not yet. That’s why I’ve never done it.
Yeah, not even close to done reading these journals, but it is pretty awesome to look back and see how truly far I have come.
Khan was on my mind, always on my mind, even in my very earliest journals. Keeps coming up every few posts. Khan and QL are the biggies that keep coming up for me.
Yeah, I was very, very attached to Khan, so much so that it would eventually sabotage me for a short while. Recon is an interesting phenom.
This was a wise call, and I feel a truthful statement, yet when did the ego step in and cause us to lose our senses?
The answer is recon, almost always, the answer is recon. The wise thing to do when you feel this conflicted is to finish the cycle and take a good 10 day washout to see if you’re still so keen on changing your stack.
I still have a serious lack of confidence in myself and my ideas, but I was speaking the truth here.
This is recon logic. The door was opened by your current stack brother, not by this new sub that you’ve never run. SMH…
Yeah, the HoM recon was intense. Almost as tough as Khan.
Also true, still haven’t scratched the surface. I broke my promise to myself that I made a year and a half ago.
No, it was a foolish choice. Making rash recon decisions and switching your stack on the fly is almost always the wrong choice.
Correct. It almost seems like I was in some ways wiser back then than I am today. I became arrogant, that’s what happened. I started to feel like the rules didn’t apply to me because I was “experienced.” What bull crap. What do I win for being “experienced with subs?” Nothing. Results, or get the hell out.
Fallen back into a similar state of mind in recent weeks. I think this represents something unhealed within myself.
Wow, I was more self-aware back then. Back then I was journaling obsessively, so yeah, I was practicing self-awareness far more frequently.
I mean, the man has a point. I think I like him.
This was rash, but it had been on my mind to run EmP and LD since I purchased my first subliminal, so I’ll give this one a pass.
Factual.
Just straight-up good advice that made a huge positive impact on my life.
God damn, past me was a genius! Why have I never actually read MY OWN INSIGHTS? Damn, half the problems I’ve encountered in the last few weeks could have been solved by just listening to MYSELF.
Jesus, I actually need a moment…
What the hell was I talking about? When did I go for a sales gig? I’ve never worked in sales?
Yeah, been working on that business this last week, same thing. Nice!
It would turn out that this is somewhat true. The SubC is sneaky, and without direct prompting to overcome direct issues, it seems as though many things will “slip through the cracks.” It was this early frustration that led to interesting decisions later.
Didn’t happen.
Wise dude.
A well-intentioned mistake, the first major mistake, totally threw off my groove.
This was my first real mistake, and marked something of a period of silliness for me. That was a very foolish and frankly idiotic thing to do. At the time I didn’t know any better, but knowing what I know now, that was about the dumbest thing I could have possibly done.
Still an Urdtree daily occurrence. Some things don’t change.
This thinking is flawed beyond belief, that’s okay. I didn’t know any better.
And this marks the most drastic shit in my journey. And this also end the end of my self investigation for tonight.
Quick Update
Mogul has dramatically increased my attention to detail and my level of focus. Prior to Mogul, I would have never sat and read my own journals for the last several hours. I would highly recommend that everybody not only journal but read their own journals. You will see a lot.
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More Self-Investigation
It would be foolish not to take this statement seriously. I started Khan because I saw a far deeper potential in myself and I felt powerless to truly bring it out. So I made the understandable mistake of looking for something outside myself to correct the issue.
These subliminals are tools, and ultimately, they can’t DO anything to you. They can neither force or coerce. Yes, there is wisdom in running new programs to encourage more focused growth in specific areas, however, I see now that I was sort of hedging my bets on Khan to just kinda “do the work” for me. Let’s see how it plays out.
These are beautiful goals, and I’ve met exactly none of them. Again, I was already on the path toward achieving these goals, and it was my current stack–Emperor and Wanted–that opened this path for me. Could Khan help me do this? Yes, however there is some dishonesty lurking here, the dishonesty is that I was ignoring my recon. My stack had already put me on this path, and I was looking for something else to continue the journey…This isn’t always a bad thing…but it’s still flawed thinking.
That’s the Emperor talking. Haha, oh, I just didn’t see it.
Why was I in such a rush? I’d changed more in 7 months than I had in 10 years, why was I so eager to accelerate the next 5 years of development into a single year? Pride.
I’m deeply competitive, masochistic, and I like to fight. Where I tend to falter is with strategy. That’s alright, I accept my own naivete
There is a deep emotional statement. Worth recognizing that motivation. However, I was still flawed in thinking that Khan would “make me something” and that I wouldn’t have to make myself that way. Truth is, any program could have been guided to help me make this change. My motivations for Khan were not what they appeared.
This is something that I talk about wanting to do every single fall around September and October. I’ve been wanting to do it for about…10 years.
Ahh…so that was the first source of Khan recon. Khan was trying to help me, it was trying to show me my internal conflict. I want both. I want the girl-friend, and I want the playing field. This is normal, but I wasn’t honest with myself about it yet. Looks like it caused sever distress at the time, I just wasn’t really willing to accept it, was I?
Yes, this still often paralyzes me and Khan was trying to show me how it stands between me and true greatness. Before I read deeper, I’m already getting clear memories about how much this experience was ruled by fear, even the fear of fear itself. Interesting.
Oh? Now this is interesting. I was wrong. Yes, through subliminals it’s true that I became a person that was almost alwasy happy and jovial, however, it’s also true that I have deep fears and blocks that I avoid facing. I was denying the reality of what I was seeing, I was fighting it and ignoring it instead of releasing it and allowing myself to heal. The truth is, Khan was only showing me what was already within me, I just wasn’t mature enough to accept it.
Ah, here’s another error of thinking. The last 4 statements about getting what I want are facts. The first 5 statements were misunderstandings. The truth is, that the friends and lovers in your life are a reflection of who you are. This means that deep down I knew that in order to grow, I would need to lose all those people, I was just too scared to admit it. This is just how reality works. There is a reason why people who reach the heights of success need to cut all their old friends out, it’s because often times you need to cut those people out to truly become your best self. It’s okay, I was just scared of losing my friends.
The fasting fixation again.
Interesting, this was the moment where the benefits began to shine through the darkness.
Put that shit on a tee-shit, the inner warrior was starting to come out. What an absolute alpha terachad.
Straight up felt like Guts back then.
This was my first Khan mistake, leaving the forum. I actually relied on the forum as an outlet to process my emotions, it’s not surprising that I started acting strange and quit Khan shortly after I made this decision…Hmm, recon again.
You right. Reading back over it, Khan was really showing me some real shit. It was actually making me MORE empathetic toward people.
Forshadowing what would actually cause me to quit.
That’s why I was really running Khan. Desire to truly transform.
Nope, didn’t try that. Should have, didn’t. Also refused to switch to ZPv2.
Nope, bad decision, that just pushed me into over exposure.
There is the self-destructive pride. By implication, I’m making the assumption that I must reach x-level by x-amount of time. Though time-bound goals are good, self-development isn’t really something that you can prediction. There is simply no way of knowing how quickly or slowly someone will develop until they begin the journey. The best we can ever do is make rough estimates that will be mostly true for most people.
I would ignore this wisdom for a full year until I had my second run in with over-exposure. See what I said about not being able to predict self-development? How could I have predicted that I would be so stubborn for so long, lol. As if Khan wasn’t hard enough, I wanted to do Khan FAST. 
Boom, the realization.
WOW! I find this one shocking…Did I really used to be like that? I feel like these days my assumptions of people are so positive that they boarder on being naive…Cool, looks like Khan helped me overcome that hangup.
When did this shift?
I want what he was smoking. God damn, had some pretty profound insights about reality.
Found it! I knew I’d find it, this was the moment where I screwed myself. I was just barely hanging on with Khan, making beautiful progress and succeeding, then I decided to over-stimulate with a beefy custom. This choice would mark the beginning of the end of my Khan journey. It was a decision based on pure ignorance. I was operating right at my limit for 4 weeks, then I decided to make a choice that fully threw me over the edge.
And…
Boom, two posts later, I realized the error of my ways. I then vanished from the forms and showed back up approximately a month later saying that I was now on ST2 and running a full stack…
Not a great move…
Hmm. Unfortunately, I didn’t journal during this period, and I’ve never been hyper-specific on the forums, so I don’t really recall the exact circumstances that were taking place.
From more recent experiences that I’ve had in life, I think the most likely thing that happened is I severely over-exposed myself and started behaving in strange and irrational ways…
Here’s what I do know, at that stage in my life, in those particular circumstances, I had a job that paid enough money and prior to some shift (caused by over-exposure) I was actually doing just fine financially. So, there is some missing information here.
Recently I’ve also had financial struggles that seemed to result from over-exposure behavior…There is a pretty important missing piece here.
Hmmm. Not sure about this, I think I was making strange excuses.
Hmm.
Nope, didn’t.
Dude, I totally forgot that I did that on Khan! That’s so cool. Haha.
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It’s pinned, and he went back. 
False statement.
Yeah, so here’s the deep lore, I cheated on my girlfriend and handled it in probably the worst way possible. This is the REAL reason why I quit Khan.
I cheated on my girl with a classmate that I’d had eyes on for a few months prior. What made the cheating so hard to deal with is that the sex was awful and the girl I cheated with was a bit of a snake. So it was like a damage multiplier, not only did I cheat and damage my relationship, but I damaged my relationship for nothing.
Boom, that’s the moment I quit Khan. I tried to make it up to my girl, but I was too emotional and showed her nothing by weakness and it was pretty foul.
Yeah, Khan did nothing wrong, I just made a human mistake and was a little too immature to deal with it properly.
I quit Khan and jumped back on my legacy stack. I’ll spoil the ending, I ended up utilizing the power of Emperor and saving the relationship against all odds. It’s actually one of the coolest and most difficult things I’ve done since starting this journey. I would later end up cutting that girl completely out of my life, but I still felt like a hero for saving the relationship.
There was a lot of beauty that came from my short time on Khan.
This ended up happened exactly as hoped.
I was ready for what I got, I wasn’t ready to continue. Correct.
Dope, he did understand.
Si, me amigo, si, si, si…
A reasonable experiment, but DD isn’t really that effective for me. I think it’s because my social hang ups were less related to social kill and more related to self-esteem
Oh, brother, bro, habibi, amigo, friend, buddy, guy, you haven’t learned, but that’s okay.
Don’t know what I meant by this. I said it and then ended the journal with no context like a total chad.
Okay, that brings me to the end of 2022. There was a lot going on that year and I made some truly amazing progress that still floors me to this day.
Emperor and Wanted, those two programs alone account for essentially my entire journey so far. That’s been the impression that I’ve gained… It was after that final post in Dec 2022 that I stopped journaling so consistently, so investigating this year will be a little different…
From memory, this year I’ve run: Emperor, Wanted, DD, RoM, RICH, Genesis, WB, and Mogul. Now, it doesn’t really take an astrophysicist to see that my trajectory this year has been FAR, FAR less focused than it was last year. Truthfully, it appears as though I owe the majority of my progress to the strict focus that I was able to maintain last year. I stayed on stacks with discipline and consistency and tracked diligently.
I won’t make a judgment yet though, I still have more journals to go through.
Washout Day 2/4 Reflections on My Journey
Reading over my old journals has been a very eye-opening and inspiring experience and I feel that I’m getting a much cleaner and clearer perspective on my journey thus far, and the types of considerations I can make as I move forward along my journey.
What prompted my self-inquiry, is that recently I’ve been looking at Khan again. I’ve learned better than just to act on these whims and flights of fancy, so I decided to do the work of actually going back to the very beginning and investigating my journey from day one.
So far, I’ve made it through all of my public journals from 2022, and I found some interesting things.
Firstly, my interest in Khan started VERY early into my subliminal run, so my later decision to run it was not quite as random as I remember it being.
Secondly, the utter majority of my growth came as a direct result of running Emperor and Wanted for a prolonged and focused period of time. Though I faced many challenges on the journey, all of them were overcome with relative ease and grace. Contrary to how I remember events transpiring, I was actually highly social on Emperor. I’m not entirely sure where I got the idea that I was “anti-social” on Emperor, nothing could be further from the truth. The social aspect was also certainly related to my use of DD core which I ran for far longer than I remembered.
Third, I remembered that things took a turn when I started running Khan, but after reading back over the experience, Khan actually caused a tremendous amount of fast, positive growth. The error was that I over-exposed myself repeatedly to Khan, violating my own better judgment. Prior to this mistake, the changes that happened on Khan, though very difficult, seemed to completely alter me for the better to this very day.
One of the most drastic changes that I saw on Khan, was that my writing style and my entire mode of self-expression shifted quickly and drastically, indicating changes that were far deeper than I was capable of understanding at the time. Though, to my credit, I did understand many of the changes at the time also.
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Washout Day 4/4 - Probably going to extend the washout
Hung out with a friend last night, drank and ate garbage for the first time in a couple of weeks, and I had some real trouble sleeping. I wonder how I survived all those years of drinking every night.
Once I was asleep, I had the best dream experience of my entire life. I was lucid through what seemed to be all of my dreaming experience, I was also seemingly lucid through certain periods of deep and dreamless sleep–I knew this was possible, I just didn’t know it could happen spontaneously. I felt pretty strongly that I could have woken myself up at any time if I had wanted to, but I didn’t want to, it was pure bliss and excitement. It felt as though I was fully lucid for at least an hour and a half or more.
What’s interesting about this experience, was that I didn’t seem to have any control over the raw content of the dream, I was just free to do what I wished within the dream once I was in it. I guess I just really don’t know too much about lucid dreaming, it’s something that’s interested me, I’ve just never put any time into studying the practice.
I don’t think it’s an accident that this seeming ability to LD would pop up after I had stopped drinking. Deep down in my core, I knew that drinking was masking my true potential, that it was masking the true extend of my subliminal development and preventing me from really fully expressing the subliminal.
After having had these recent experiences, I now know two things for certain: you can still get incredible, life-changing results while drinking and treating your body like shit; the better your treat your body, the better the results will be, the less recon you will have, and the smoother the journey.
The recon bit is interesting but I know it’s true because 4 days ago I did that test loop of WB, I ran a full loop, and didn’t get even a hint of recon.
It makes sense to me now though, alcohol affects the whole brain, so obviously if you are drinking every day, the brain can’t process and integrate the subliminals as effectively.
This is a very, very, very, hopeful finding.
In Other News
I’ve been looking a lab equipment and I want to start a small, private, human performance lab. These days, a lot of lab equipment is way more affordable than it used to be. You can get a highly functional EEG machine for like 2 grand, whereas a few years ago, it would cost 10 grand for a used machine from a medical supply store.
That’s my newest obsession, starting a personal laboratory.
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Washout Day 5/4 - Gonna Extend The Washout
Yeah, gonna extend the washout. I’m just gonna chill for a second, keep integrating what I’ve learned from this previous cycle, and wait on the new products. My hope is that one of the new wealth titles will drop soon, so maybe if I’m patient, it’ll drop within the next couple of days.
Now seems like a good time for a longer washout anyway. I’ve been looking at the subliminal club lineup, thinking, planning, etc. I’ve been looking at Khan again pretty seriously, it’s been a year since I last ran it, and I might be ready for it this time around. I’ve also been thinking about finally giving DR:LD a shot, I had a friend do a test loop of it for me, and he got a job offer the next day, so that might be a good option.
Long story short, I’ve got options, and I might as well just chill. I don’t know what titles are gonna drop or when and this new tech seems to be really shaking things up.
New Plan
I’ve got a fun new idea, once I decide my new stack and start it, I’m not gonna say what I’m running. It’ll be a fun little test.
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Washout Day 1/4 - Test Loops Ran Last Night
Ran some test loops and was smacked in the mouth, which was both good and needed.
I’ve been in a really low mood recently and there is a very good reason for that, my birthday is in a few days. Yeah, an air sign.
My birthday brings with it a natural urge to be reflective, or in my case, an urge to dwell on my failures and catastrophize everything that’s happened recently.
I’m still in my twenties…but 30 is looking very, very, close to me now. Look age is arbitrary and we are all on our own timeline, but I’m clinging to my twenties. Now that I write that down I don’t think it’s healthy or rational, and I think clinging to my twenties is holding me back.
I’m clinging to my twenties as a way of tracking myself and comparing myself and my progress to others. I keep asking myself, have I done good enough? Have I done enough? Each time I ask that question, the answer is a “no” so resounding that it smacks the taste out of my mouth. What makes it toxic is that I’m not doing anything about it. If I were to shape up today, and utterly attack like like an animal, then I would transform even more than I have in the last year. If I ran a tight schedule and ticked stuff off my bucket list, one by one, like clockwork, then I would probably have nothing to complain about.
Where is everything that you said you were going to have by now? Where are you going? Are you going forward or are you moving backward? What happened to the dreams? What happened to the vision that you had all those months ago? What about the vison from last week? You saw it, you saw exactly what you want, so where is it?
The rite of initiation draws near.
I was struck with something after running my test loops that crystallized today. I recently spent time reviewing all my public journals from 2022, and I saw a few common themes or mental fixations: Khan, fasting, and a desire for more.
I think I now understand why I really want Khan and why I really want to fast. I want a rite of initiation, a rite of passage. Men must endure a rite of passage to become men. In the past, the elders of the tribe would ensure that boys endured their rites of passage. Tribal rites of passage include a number of things from body modification to dangerous physical trials, the commonality with rites of passage is that they are physically or mentally challenging and that the boy must endure it alone, without the safety of his mother.
Khan and fasting are ways that my inner warrior have spoken to me, calling me to endure my rite of passage, to earn my confidence, so I can move forward in life as a man…
Yeah, that’s all for now.
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Day 1 - Cycle 1 - Two Title Secret Stack
Found me a new stack, it was a pretty obvious choice once I got over the irrational fears of positive change.
As the title makes clear, it’s a secret stack, and it’s gonna stay a secret stack until after I’ve stopped running it, or have run it for a year. Something like that. Why secret stack? I don’t know, just kinda operating on intuition, but it sounds kinda fun.
If the stack’s a secret, then it changes things and makes it feel a little more scientific. If people don’t know what I’m doing, then no one can attribute changes to a specific title. What does this accomplish? I don’t know and I don’t care, it just sounded fun and I’ve been in a period of the most severe boredom recently. Maybe the point of it being a secret stack is to take the unconscious pressure to perform off myself. All I know is that I feel strongly about the secret stack idea, so I’m running the secret stack.
What I will say, is that the stack is still completely in line with this journal and the goals that I stated in the introduction. The direction is the same but the titles have changed.
Today is officially day 1 of the secret stack. I’m going to run this stack for at least 3 cycles. I’ll be adding in a third title at some point but that wouldn’t be until November at the earliest.
Updates
I spent the last couple of days concept-testing this new stack. I started with test loops where I ran both titles for full-time. That caused pretty fast and instant recon. The recon–as it always does–caused some growth, but the intensity was a bit too high for me and I had to ask myself if I could deal with that level of intensity, knowing full well that the intensity would get even higher halfway through the cycle. The answer was no, so I washed out for like, 2 days, then ran another test.
In the second test, I micro-looped one title (the one I assumed was causing the intense recon) and left the other title at full listening time. This also led to recon, but it was a healthy, manageable and productive level of recon. It was just enough recon to inspire massive action, but not so much as to overwhelm and make action feel impossible.
Given the results from these tests, I felt confident that I could move forward with this stack and commit to it for a long enough time for it to be worthwhile.
Results
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The first result was a realization that I toxically compare myself to others. I compare myself to the worst in others as a way of validating who I currently am, this leads to stagnation. Now, I’m looking for ways to compare myself to the best in others to inspire growth. Comparing yourself to others in this way is a dangerous and stupid game, it creates a cycle where you continuously aim low to seek validation, instead of achieving highs for validation. Not useful for growth.
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Yesterday, I was feeling it. The shame, guilt, and powerlessness exploded into a rage of action. I started tearing my house apart: cleaning, organizing, throwing away trash, sorting through old documents, unpacking boxes, and re-decorating. I was a man possessed by the spirit of beauty. I took a good hard look at my home and I realized that my home was a reflection of myself. I decided that I simply would not allow myself to live the way I had been living. The beauty and care that I express in my home, is an expression of my self-love. After I had attacked the house for hours, I went to work on my car and detailed it like I was getting paid for it. It was a very clear sensation that for me, my material objects are a direct reflection of my inner world, so by caring for my things, I was caring for myself.
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Also yesterday. While cleaning, my mind was racing and I faced fully my fears of getting old without truly maximizing my physical beauty. Am I shallow and stupid? Perhaps, however, the truth is that I will never be any younger than I am in this moment, and the thought of passing my peak without physically peaking made me morbidly depressed. It felt like such a tragic loss to throw away the physical gifts that I’ve been given. It’s truly an insult to God and the world for me to destroy my own gifts. It brings me to tears to think of our creator, looking down on us, wondering why we can’t love ourselves the way that it loves us. The same can be said for any talent that any human possesses. Talent is a gift, and it’s your duty to make the best of your talents, to do anything less is hurting not only yourself but society…I digress…but I could write an essay on the subject. Socrates said what I was feeling best a few thousand years ago:
“No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”
- This morbid depression of mine snapped me into action. Done cleaning, I laced up my shoes and went for a 40-minute run. My first long run in about a year. It was agony, my legs ached, I felt slow and clumsy, and for the first 20 minutes, I could hardly breathe, but I remembered my mental training, I relaxed into my audiobook and refused to stop. The goal was 60 minutes, but by 40 minutes I was so beaten that to continue would have risked injury, so I allowed myself to stop and did a quick upper body circuit in my home gym and a nice long stretch. I then showered and used my penis enlargement device, to my pleasant surprise, I’ve grown and passed another plateau.
When the dust had settled, I realized that my running represented something of a personal record. It was so much more than a simple run, the act of running yesterday was the clearing of a whole cluster of blockages inside myself.
- Reconciling the fear of being alone. For a man who has had as much success with women in the last year as I have, I’m deeply afraid of being alone. It’s illogical because I have no problem making women fall in love with me, it seems to be a talent that I’ve had since before subliminals. However, this fear exists and it causes me to act irrationally sometimes. In the last couple of days, I’ve been feeling into this fear deeply and taking action in the form of reading and self-reflecting.
This fear is not yet fully healed, I admit that fully. Recently I’ve been having irrational fears of abandonment by my current lover. It caused a minor argument, and I had to pull away because had I continued, I would have caused damage in my irrationality. I’ve been considering making her my girlfriend, but is that just an act of fear or is it real love? Simply put, I can’t allow myself to make a decision like that out of fear, it’s so morbid and depressing really.
“Honey, do you love me?” she asks.
I swivel around in my desk chair to face her, take a sip of my wine, and pinch the bridge of my nose: “No, not really dear–in fact, I’m only dating you because I’m scared of being alone and I’ve been possessed by a demon of stupidity that’s led me to believe that if I don’t settle down now, I’ll die alone.”
“Oh,” she breathes, feeling her chest cave in.
“Sorry dear, you know how I am. Honesty is the best policy and all that…”
Yeah, not exactly inspiring or romantic now is it? Will she be my girlfriend? Perhaps, I like her enough to date her, however, I won’t just make that decision without reconciling the idiotic fears first.
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Understanding my limitations as areas for improvement. Recently, I’ve begun to realize that I relate a little too much to ADHD memes. Internet culture is…it is what it is, whether or not I actually have adult ADHD, the fact is that I relate to many of the struggles discussed. This has been freeing for me because it’s been an opportunity for me to seriously look at my limitations and work on overcoming them.
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Action, action, action. Everything is polar and dependent on its opposite to exist (philosophically speaking). So, changing thoughts can change actions. AND Changing actions can change thoughts. BOTH PATHWAYS ARE VIABLE. However, even though both pathways are viable, action is the better path. Why? Because changing the mind, with the mind, is among the most difficult things that a person can do. That’s why psychology has mostly been a failure (in terms of practical application). Action is reliable. If you take action, it will change your thoughts, feelings, moods, and emotions. It’s reliable, and it always works. The mind is very UNRELIABLE. Thoughts, feelings, moods. They come and go and are always subject to environmental influence and can vary drastically from day to day.
In short, feelings just aren’t reliable, however, action is.
There is no better feeling in the world than acting when you’re in complete alignment with your thoughts and feelings, however, if you always wait for that alignment, you’d better be fucking immortal, because that shit doesn’t happen often.
- Even though action is the way. I will never stop searching for the secrets of the mind and looking for strategies to better use it. However, action will remain my baseline.
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Day 2 - Cycle 1 - Two Title Secret Stack
Secret stack is pretty tough. It’s digging real deep. I think people will do almost anything to avoid really facing themselves, and honestly, once you face the biggest and baddest demons…idk they are so uncomfortable to face, but are they really so scary?
Dope, broken through the recon and feel like a God.
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Day 3 - Cycle 1 - Two Title Secret Stack - Listening Day
This stack is hitting very, very well, and running it alongside the masterclass is the perfect case scenario. It’s just helpful to be reminded of the process. In the thick of reconciliation, it can be tough to think straight.
That’s what makes reconciliation kinda fun, it’s like a test, a pressure test. It’s an opportunity to stay as calm as possible, and to work as hard as possible knowing that once the recon clears, it’s gonna “click” and you’ll pass through an invisible gate and be stronger and better on the other side.
Results
Had a huge result last night. I was suffering some pretty intense emotions, so I doubled down all day. I went to the gym, made some money, meditated, took a cold shower. I did everything that I wanted to do, and then more. The emotions were still intense and tough, and they were all related to a friendship. Finally, I stood very still and just asked myself for guidance. “I know that I’m missing something, I know it. Help me, guide me, just help show me what I’m missing in this situation.”
I got an urge to text the person in question, and it lead to a 2-hour long text conversation where we healed pretty much all the bullshit between us.
It was probably one of the biggest and most dramatic interpersonal things that I’ve navigated. After it was done, I realized that all the intense emotions were gone. I felt light as a feather, better than I’ve felt in weeks.
It instilled in me a lesson about facing life head-on, about not running from emotions but looking them square in the eye.
It taught me that beauty is often on the other side of pain.
I’ve tried to run from pain, seeking only pleasure, but the truth is ya’ll, pain is part of life, and beauty being on the other side of pain, I think that’s just a fact about reality. Why else would all successful people talk about it? Talk about pushing through the pain and growing as a result. I think it’s just how our brain works.
I’m not gonna run from pain anymore.
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Day 4 - Cycle 1 - Two Title Secret Stack - Rest
Well, it’s been quite the day. This stack is challenging, very challenging. But the challenges are good. The challenges are me. It’s just me. It’s just me facing myself. So I need to ask myself, again and again, do I really want to be better? Do I really want to be excellent? What do I really want now?
I see myself falling into old behavioral patterns, and I see the reason why. I’m being asked a question, “Am I going to go down the same old roads again, or am I going to rise to the challenge and embrace the changes.”
Here’s the good news. This pain is all pain I’ve felt before, and if I’ve felt this pain before, then there is simply a lesson that I haven’t learned yet. There is something more yet to discover, there is another path, there is another way forward.
There is simply nothing that can’t be done by dedicating your heart to it with full capacity.
I’ve also learned yet again, that I frequently ignore my intuition. You see, my subconcious simply knows things that my conscious mind cannot understand. Therefore, I go forward and I trust in myself. I trust that when the mind fails, the subconcious prevails.
Right this moment, I’m experiencing pain. However, I’m also experiencing growth, and change, and I will continue forward.
I will irradicate the weakness inside me until all that remains is a boundless love.
There is nothing to fear, only a path to forge ahead into self-mastery. I will move forward with an open heart.
Day 4 - Cycle 1 - Two Title Secret Stack - Rest
Even though I’m feeling pain right now, I also figured that I should make a note about the positive results that I’ve gotten in the last few days. Gotta keep myself focused on the positive changes, not just dwell on the negatives.
Results
Last night I was working. Met a couple at random. We talk a little, and the dude is like “hang out with us, I’ll buy you all the drinks you want.”
At first I was like…“Okay…” but then I got a strong urge to just go along with it, so I did, and sure enough, they bought me drinks all night, we hung out, talked. It was honestly pretty freaking cool.
I’ve never had such an intense and bizarre spontaneous occurrence.
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Day 5 - Cycle 1 - Two Title Secret Stack - Listening Day - Micro Looped All Titles
I’m returning to my old strategy, where I keep my journal results focused. Though it’s fun for me to just free-write, and though that’s sometimes what’s called for, in general, my free-writing can be done in my offline journal. If I keep my public journal results focused (almost all of the time) it helps me focus and search for results that might be difficult to find. SO…
Results
Physical Shifting
Down 5 lbs of solid fat. Looking much leaner, and feeling tighter, the face is looking much more chiseled.
Penis is bigger than it’s ever been. Today I was doing my growth routine, and my penis measured at 18cm. This was a solid 18cm measurement, like no way at all to trick myself. This is the biggest I’ve ever been in my life, and it’s also broken me through a plateau. I had plateaued at 7 inches, but no more. I’m officially in the above 7-inch crowd. I think that makes me officially BIG, not just high average, but BIG. Hell yeah, walking on air right now.
Feeling taller again. I went through a phase where I felt shorter than I’ve felt in my life, but now that the recon has cleared, I feel taller which is a great feeling.
Hair has been on point recently.
I’ve reinvented my style into something more authentic to my heart, and less an imitation of others. I think I can now say that more often than not, I dress truly uniquely. Can’t wait to go clothes shopping.
Money
Manifested $10 from nowhere. I checked one of my apps and someone sent me a tenner, which is dope and a great sign.
I’ve worked really hard the last few days and have paid off about 30% of a $1000 debt that’s been screwing with my life the last few weeks.
Got a new job, and unless I’m mistaken, I’ve already been promoted ahead of schedule. This ends my little unemployment dark age.
Personal Business
I spent a sold week building a strong foundation for my little online business, and I’ve taken a break from that venture but I will be revisiting it in the future. The break was caused by a very stark and striking realization that I have a list of goals that I simply MUST accomplish by the New Year, and these goals will be taking up pretty much all of my non-working time. And on that note…
Reinvigoration of Focus
I’ve been doing a lot, I’ve spent a while now building a solid foundation for myself with these subliminals, however, the foundation has been built. It’s now time for me to zero in on hyper-specific areas of my life, and start knocking goals down like bottles in a shooting gallery.
This is where I shift from a large, broad, unfocused approach to improving all areas of my life simultaneously (something I’ve done with remarkable success if I do say so) to narrowing in on specific areas.
This is because I’ve reached a level of skill in all the basic areas of interest to me, and in order to advance, I would benefit most greatly from focusing and prioritizing certain areas.
A Path Forward
The path has been revealed to me. My path is to focus on specific areas of my life in phases over the next 17 months before I return to a more broad and general approach. The idea is to gain mastery in hyper-specific areas so I can quickly “punch through” certain internal limitations that are preventing me from being the man of my dreams.
The man of my dreams is a very tall order, so, time to master the required skills.
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Day 6 - Cycle 1 - Two Title Secret Stack - Rest
Results
Money and Productivity
Manifested some cash last night from gig work. I had come home to charge my phone and rest, I was exhausted, running on no sleep, then I saw this post
And I was like, well shit, bring it on. So I got my shit and hit the road and doubled my money by 2a.m. While working, I had some weird customer interactions that made me rethink my…
Physical Shifting Goals Changed
This is a fact. Last night this dude made a joke about jelqing his girl started oversharing. She started talking about penis enlargement. She was talking about how her ex figured out how to grow his penis using jelqing, and he became so big that it scared her and she ghosted him. She then railed on about how stupid penis enlargement is because the shit just hurts once it gets too big. These are all things I’ve heard from women before…but…
It was such an odd coincidence to happen on the same day that I broke my plateau that I had to stop and think about it. My goal has always been 8 inches, but do I really want that? Sure, I’ll feel like a king, but will that really make me a better lover? The answer is no, not unless I’m exclusively dating women in the 6ft and above crowd…not that I would be opposed to that.
So, I’ve changed my penis enlargement goals. I’m gonna back off on the exercises and shift into relaxed maintenance mode, and simply ask that my subconcious make me the perfect size to be the perfect lover.
I’ve always been a great lover, I’ve never left a woman unsatisfied, and I’m not about to throw that away by growing my dick on a silly ego trip.
I don’t need to gratify my ego like that. I’ve now proven to myself beyond a shadow of a doubt that with a mixture of subs and manual exercise, you can grow your John Handcock, the fact that it’s possible is enough for me.
The real point is to be the ultimate lover, the ultimate seducer. What women want, is really all that matters to me.
Physical Shifting Results
I’m getting lean and mean. Down 8lbs total from when I started this stack. Clothes fitting better, skin looking nice, feeling sharp. An empty belly leads to a sharp mind.
Desire to Break the Comfort Zone
As I was falling asleep last night, I got a strong intuitive ping to start hanging out in the local hipster coffee shops. The call was simple: “Go read your books in coffee shops, you’ll meet someone.”
This is a big result for me because I’ve always shied away from that lifestyle. Now I’m like, fuck it, all the pretty girls do it, why shouldn’t I give it a shot.
Reinvigorating the Social Life
Yesterday I called up a friend and made plans to go on a little adventure with her.
A Stark Warning
There is this dude that I’ve ran into two nights in a row. The guy is pathetic. I feel for my fallen brother, but make no bones about it, he’s pathetic. He’s about 35-40, good-looking, going out and hitting the bars every night, trying to pick up chicks, failing, and then getting so shit-faced drunk that he can hardly keep his eyes open and he starts mumbling to himself about how “It’s a women’s world, how am I suppose to get tail if they aren’t down,” and how he “can’t afford to take women on dates, he’s too broke.” As if that’s why he’s failing to get women.
The poor guy is delusional, depressed, and a victim of shit programming. The dude is flat wrong and doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
Women don’t actually give a damn about money. The only women who “care about money” are women who are looking for a sugar daddy to provide them financial security so they can do their thing without having to work. The truth is, those women will be happily seduced away from their rich husbands by a broke dude who makes them feel alive. It’s just a fact of reality. Not only is it a fact of reality, it’s one of the deepest female fantasies to ever exist, the starving artist that comes along and sweeps the housewife off her feet.
I manifested this guy as a warning. I see him on a road that any man could travel down, even me. A road where you give up, resign yourself to fate and give your power over to women.
Seeing this dude has pushed me even harder to become the ultimate me.
People are being really cool to me
Yeah, people have been really kind to me. It’s nice, I like it when people are kind to me because then I get to be kind to them. I do love spreading love, it’s a special feeling that too many people don’t have nearly enough of.
Edit: title
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