You celebrate Halloween? 
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Total Breakdown Cycle 2 Day 1 Update
Ehh, got some recon. It’s to be expected of course. Just embrace the suck, move forward, and look toward that washout.
Another benefit of recon is that it’s an excellent mental training tool. I feel like crap but I gotta preform, gotta keep that smile up, gotta talk to people. It builds resilience when you’re forced to preform no matter what. It feels good to take action even when you feel like crap.
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You know it bro.
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Total Breakdown Cycle 2 Day 2 Rest
The recon is negligible today. Social bloom is on, social openness is the way. In general I’m filled with a sense of power, calm, and acceptance.
My dark side is coming to the surface of my thoughts. I’m becoming acquainted with this inner darkness. I’m not scared of it. I only need to fear what I don’t know about myself. Knowing the darkness, is freedom from its power.
I’ll probably do the third cycle of Total Breakdown, but as always. No decision made until washout ends. There’s just no point in planning ahead in this situation because I don’t know who I’ll be in 3 weeks.
Onward!
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Total Breakdown and Beyond Limitless Cycle 2 Day 3
Jesus christ! I just want this to end. The only, and I repeat, only reason why I haven’t quit is because 4 days ago, day 5 of washout, I felt amazing.
I guess I’m brave. I knew that this would happen, but I started the second cycle anyway. Why? Because I want more damn it! This is my God damn life and I want to live it how I want to live it!
I’m angry, I’m tired, I’m lonely, I want to drop out of school and quit all this crap.
I won’t though. I’ve been such a screw up in so many areas of my life, I’m indecisive, I second guess myself, but I always move forward. I always move forward, I don’t look back.
God!
Anyway, as always. I take full responsibility, yadayada.
I’m clinging to hope. If this works, if this program really, really works, then the pain is worth it.
I know it works. I saw the freedom on day 5 of my last washout.
Dude, these next few days will be hell.
I can’t imagine myself doing a third cycle of this. Do I even need to? Like what if I just did two cycles?
I just want to get to Total Reprogramming so I can just become that man I want to be. I’m sick of this pain, I’m sick of these anxious, insecure thoughts, I’m sick of wandering around like a loon. I’m sick of feeling crazy.
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LOL, maybe you’re doing too much too fast.
Have you tried decreasing loops and/or spreading it out more?
If you go slower, then it’s easier.
Someone can run Khan ST1 for 3 minutes a week and still move along the journey of Khan.
Check this out:
I don’t know though to be honest LOL, just trying to help. Oh I see Malkuth typing, wisdom incoming lol
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Just in case:
Are you getting physical exercise?
Sounds simplistic, I guess. But sometimes it really helps.
If you’re a music person, put some of your favorite angry-angst music on, go to a track and run. Or rowing machine. Or whatever makes you breathe.
nah. just a simple reminder.
am in some recon myself right now.
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I hate to say this, but if it’s still doing that to you, you probably aren’t done with it. That said, I’m not sure that you ever really get DONE with a healing sub. We are never 100% healed and there is a time to call it good enough for now and move on.
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After I made this post I went back in to work and came to the same conclusion. I feel like I need to run this sub until the recon goes away. I think I’ll just add in my custom next cycle so I can make progress with my health and body and continue healing.
In other news, I think my boss wants me, so once again I’ve been given proof that it’s working, it’s just so damn uncomfortable. She kept getting really close to me, and we bumped into each other a few times and other subtle physical signals.
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I’m gonna start working out again. Which is my way of saying…no, I haven’t been haah.
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Decreasing loop time is certainly on the table. If it’s this hard, then I need it. I might just need to heal slower than I wanted too and extend the experiment beyond a year.
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Yeah. This bit really bears repeating.
I’ve been switching my paradigm.
A lot of beginners (self included) tend to emphasize the exposure to the subliminals.
More experienced users seem to emphasize the processing of the subliminals.
If your mind has been processing Khan for 1 week; then that’s “1 week of Khan”;
and that’s true, whether you’ve listened to Khan, during that week, for 1 minute or for 5 hours.
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That can be a sticky situation right there.
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Yeah, that might just be good general advice for life, even.
Why not invest in QL ? rather then using BL
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I thought about it quite a lot.
Beyond is supposed to be faster and lighter which seemed like the better fit to run alongside Khan. Do you have experience running Khan and QL?
Then he’d be running two intense four stagers at the same time. That is probably not a great idea.
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Oh yeah, for many extra reasons not discussed it’s not a good idea. But, I’ve had a crush on her for a while and I always suspected that she had some interest, now it’s essentially confirmed. Don’t intend to pull the trigger on that one for like 3 distinct reasons: she’s my BOSS, I have a girlfriend (and I’m not looking to break any hearts atm), I want to keep this job. If she makes a move, it would be a big confidence boost, so I’m gonna manifest her making a move, just for fun. 
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That’s where it can go south. If you turn her down and she’s the vindictive type, it can go bad for you. Plus dealing with HR about a female boss as a male is a crap shoot at best.
Khan Total Breakdown & Beyond Limitless: Cycle 2 Day 4 - Rest
Recon, recon, recon and more recon. I feel okay this morning–better than yesterday–but not optimal.
Now what?
I impulsively went to see my girl friend last night while still in moderate recon. I could see the track that my mind was on and something within me gave me the good sense to keep my damn mouth shut. She doesn’t need to hear my insane recon thoughts. I’m really glad I made that choice. Not only was it better for our relationship, it’s better for me.
For years I’ve known that I need to keep my cards closer to my chest and learn to really analyze my plans before I talk about them. There’s a lot of reasons for this, but one of the biggest reasons is respect. I tend to impulsively talk about my ideas without really thinking about how my words affect others. If I go on a tirade about some crazy new business plan that I have, people might listen to me. When I give up on the plan because I spoke too soon, people don’t respect me as much. It’s a simple lesson: think before you speak and keep to your word.
Keeping your word is a superpower. What’s the best way to keep your word? SAY LESS! Don’t make idle promises, don’t make impulsive commitments. Act first, speak later. Little skills like this are the way forward.
Total Breakdown is making me very conscious about the words I use.
Ugh, it’s tough to focus right now.
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