This is not an easy one man, to stick to Khan for one year!! Kudos on this journey.
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I won’t support this if I should advise.
You are running subs man, water is very necessary for your body system and nervous system to work synergistically and process these subs.
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No, no, no. I’ll still be drinking water. No food, only water, coffee, and tea.
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Cycle 1 Day 6 Rest
The recon is very predictable. I tend to get it on rest days in the evenings, and that’s exactly what happened tonight.
A lot of stuff came up for me today. I’m actually starting to see that many of the things that came up on Love Bomb for Humanity, are coming up now. It’s different for sure, but people are still confronting me with things that I need to change.
The recon is ending. The fast had yet to being. The hard work begins soon. Things are good, tough but good.
My nights are when the demons come out and now I’ve seen many of them. Let the fires burn them out. I don’t want to live with these…things anymore. They are small things, but I hate them and they will dissolve. 3 cycles of Total Breakdown, never been more sure about anything in my life. I don’t want this weakness anymore.
It feels like a moral duty to burn this weakness. The world needs people to take up the sword, why shouldn’t it be me? Why? Why not me?
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Cycle 1 Day 8 Rest
One Week Over
I’ve made it through my first week on Total Breakdown and I’m determined to run 3 full cycles of it. I’ve found myself confronted with weakness after weakness in the last week and it’s steeled my resolve to overcome each and everyone of them. There is no law codified in nature that these weaknesses must remain, so let them burn.
I’m starting to see these weaknesses as small things that can be overcome with only a little pain and the right frame of mind.
Results
Immune to fat gain, (thanks Wanted).
Network of suitors expanded, (thanks Wanted).
Deepened friendships and new friendships and salvaged friendships, (thanks Emperor).
Traumas confronted, (thanks Total Breakdown).
Water fast initiated, (thanks Total Breakdown).
Money situation stabilized, (thanks…everything.)
Smart mode activating, (thanks Beyond Limitless).
Sense of purpose achieved, (thanks Total Breakdown).
I’ll leave it there. See you next Sunday.
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Cycle 1 Washout Day 5
I’m back, but I might not be here as often as I used to be moving forward.
I won’t really bother updating on what’s happened in the last two weeks, there’s too much. Recon was a daily phenomenon, pretty much.
Results
Beyond Limitless works. I’m faster and more effective in my studies. I work for less time and accomplish more.
I finally made a routine/schedule. I realized that the only way to get what I want is to run a tight schedule, so I started running my schedule today and it worked. It also made me feel good to see that running a schedule actually gives me more free time because I’m simply more effective.
I decided pretty firmly on my career path and the exact BootCamp that I intend to do. I will start studying CS in November, starting with 7 hours a week and then continuing to work on my schedule to find more time to study CS.
People have been nicer to me. It seems as though something about me has shifted and I’m more approachable. This is fantastic, but at the time, I haven’t felt as though I can take full advantage of this result, time will tell.
I got real with myself several times. Especially socially, I really want to be there for people, be better to people, be more present with people.
I have a girlfriend now, and I’m happy about it.
I’m full of fear, but someday it will go away.
That’s about all I care to share right now.
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Cycle 1 Washout Day 5 (Still)
Hmm.
Yeah, there have been some big changes, but I’m not really sure I can put my finger on what they are. Maybe it doesn’t matter?
It seems like my social situation has shifted again. People are suddenly being very kind to me, approaching me, trying to talk to me. This has been happening more and more since I started TB. It’s a very different energy that people are projecting toward me and it’s an energy that I’m not familiar with. I can’t tell what it is. It seems like I’m more approachable than I used to be.
I’ve never been approachable, I’ve always had an intimidating, unapproachable aura. Oh, on that note, that aura that I used to have, was one of many things that I realized I tried to beat out of myself due to being in traumatic situations. I feel like I need to say more about this:
Khan has shown me that many of the qualities that I want in myself, I ALREADY HAD ALL ALONG. Many of the qualities that I want, actually showed up in my personality in early childhood, but they were repressed and beaten out of me by abusive parents and partners over the years. Case in point, emotional non-attachment. That was a skill that I gained as a young boy and it served me well, but over the years I was forced by society to become a bit of a narcissist because I thought that my emotional non-attachment (a healthy and useful skill) was somehow wrong. So what did I do? I started dwelling on myself and my own traumas (because that’s what everybody else does) and slowly but surely, I lost the ability to be emotionally objective and traded it for being delusionally self-centered and a victim.
Why was this beaten out of me? Because I was surrounded by misguided and hurt people who didn’t understand what I was doing. I would make detached, objective comments, and my parental figures would freak out and misinterpret my objectivity and detachment for a lack of empathy. Here’s the reality, my parental figures were both highly emotional, self-centered, and incapable of viewing the world for what it actually is. Because they always became overly emotionally attached to every little thing, they thought that I was wrong for not doing the same thing. What they didn’t understand is that it’s totally possible to be emotionally detached and objective and still have a deep level of empathy for other human beings, as I did.
This also brings up memories of my empathy as an early child. I remember becoming a vegetarian early in life once I realized what eating meat actually meant. I was tortured by the thought of other animals dying to feed me. This empathy that I felt as a child, is where my emotional detachment came from. I had to learn how to cope with the overwhelming feelings of empathy for people and animals, so I did so by learning how to detach and be objective, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t care. Actually, now as an adult, I realize that the ability to emotionally detach is one of the most valuable skills that one can gain. When you can emotionally detach from situations, people, yourself even, you can make the best possible decisions. When you aren’t clouded by emotional attachment, suddenly the right choice is obvious. I’ve seen glimpses of this ability coming back into my life recently.
Now, years later, I’m trying to regain the skill of emotional non-attachment so I can be more objective and effective in my life. Emotions aren’t the enemy, it’s emotional attachment and self-centeredness. The problem is getting lost in the storm of emotions and no longer being able to act and think effectively.
Other News
I might not do the full 3 cycles of Total Breakdown. I have a rule that I can’t make any decisions until the washout comes. I’m at the end of cycle 1 washout so I’ve decided to run a second cycle of Total Breakdown, but I can’t decided on a third cycle until the end of cycle 2’s washout.
It’s very possible that I won’t do a third cycle of Total Breakdown. The healing is good, but my life is very busy and high stakes right now, so I feel like I can’t spend another 6 weeks in recon not really doing much, time will tell. Both arguments are convincing. On the one hand, the more I heal, the better the results. On the other hand, the sooner I get started, the sooner I get results. The path that I’m leaning toward is: heal just enough and then move on for now.
I can always run TB again next year after I finish the whole program.
Anyway, I don’t know what I’m going to do and I won’t know until the end of the next cycle. All I do know is that I’m going to stay with Khan because I feel like the door has been shut behind me and I might as well keep going forward. I’ve already cracked my psyche like an egg, why stop now when much of the hard work is already done? That’s the funny thing about these subs, they make it really difficult to stick to plans because you change so much and so quickly that a plan made 3 months ago just no longer makes sense with who you are.
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Update:
Okay, the bloom is here. I just walked to the hangout spot on campus and…shocker, I was welcomed and people were happy to see me again. I’ve been pretty anti-social for the last couple weeks of TB, but the bloom is here. Looks like the primary result so far has been increased social ability and connectedness. Looks like it burned through a lot of my social hangups. Particularly my unapproachable energy.
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Reading this make me want to run stage 1 again lol, but as you stated, there’s time when you can’t afford too no be productive so I might have to hold off on that front for a few months. In the meantime, ST2 seems to have similar effects for me.
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Damn, that is some real self-reflecting there. I resonated with a lot of what you said about your childhood and upbringing. As you said, you already have it within you, but we tend to forget as time goes by. Congratulations on your progress 
This one is so interesting. This is exactly what I have been tapping into lately with my study of Buddhism and doing TWIM loving kindness meditations, where you are taught not to take things personally, that life is impersonal, but also that you learn to radiate kindness and compassion to all living beings because you care.
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Yes bro! I’m coming to the same conclusions through my study of Taoism. Taoism is hammering home the importance of impartiality, and Buddhism is hammering home the importance of compassion. My synthesis so far is to try and live as an outwardly directed, impersonal (that I don’t take things personally) and compassionate person.
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So, I ran the full loops, every other day. I feel like it’s possible to run TB at a more relaxed pace and still get the healing. I feel that if you ran, say 2 loops a week, it might be more manageable.
I’m not going to do this yet, but I’ve been thinking about a new experimental listening pattern for situations like these, it would look something like this with two subs:
Day 1 Sub 1
Day 2 Rest
Day 3 Sub 2
Day 4 Rest
Day 5 Sub 1
Day 6 Rest
Day 7 Sub 2
The idea is that it would work kinda like a upper/lower body building split, you hit everything twice a week and you get 3 days of rest between each sub. The point of a plan like this would be to run challenging subs like TB without suffering such intense recon. Now the downfall of this plan is that you’d probably want to run more cycles, but the upshot is that it should be far less intense because you’re running half the number of loops per sub each cycle.
With a single sub, say TB, it could be like this:
Day 1 TB
Day 2 Rest
Day 3 Rest
Day 4 TB
Day 5 Rest
Day 6 Rest
Day 7 TB
2 Rest days between each loop to give plenty of time for integration and for the recon to subside.
Idk, I don’t intend to test either of these protocols any time soon, but that’s what I got.
I tested out the top protocol and wasn’t really satisfied in terms of the depth of the results I got. While I had little recon, it felt like I had less results then on previous cycles. The thing that I’ve been doing these days is playing it by ear and only playing my stack when I feel like it. The results are better than with the previous and the recon is pretty much dead, but I feel like I can still push myself more in terms of my frequency. For reference during this stack, I ran KhanST2 5 times by day 19. I feel like the trick is to keep frequency high but lower the play time, though with customs the ratio to use isn’t truly clear yet, in regard to the shorter time format.
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Makes sense. Maybe sometimes you really do just need to dive in. During the cycle, I felt so damn low, but it seems like I needed it? In hindsight the pace worked, so who am I to argue with it.
I’ve never played with lowering the time but I should keep my mind open to it in the future. High frequency, control intensity with volume (listening time), makes sense to me and tracks with how the brain seems to learn most effectively–spaced repetition every 24-48 hours.
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Now that you mention it, a 1 day on two days off could be a slightly better alternative. For reference this is the pattern I was trying, (which looks odd when I explain it like this):
Day 1 Sub 1+2
Day 2 Rest
Day 3 Rest
Day 4 Rest
Day 5 Sub 1+2
Day 6 Rest
Day 7 Rest
Day 8 Rest
Day 9 Sub 1+2
I got to this pattern by only playing on my schedule play day, meaning if I missed a play day, I’d wait for the next scheduled one and not catchup the very next day.
This seems like a slightly better way to do it:
Day 1 Sub 1+2
Day 2 Rest
Day 3 Rest
Day 4 Sub 1+2
Day 5 Rest
Day 6 Rest
Day 7 Sub 1+2
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There isn’t enough like button for this. Great attitude about it. Keep embracing the suck and going forward.
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Total Breakdown Cycle 2 - Day 1
Let’s talk results.
Social bloom has happened. I’m more approachable now than I’ve ever been, I’ve gotten more in touch with reality as it actually is, and I’ve straightened out my goals and made some sustainable plans to reach them.
Oh, I also finally built my pure physical shifting custom, something that I’ve been thinking about for a long time but haven’t done.
Oh, I also have a girl friend now and I’m happy about it. It’s an opportunity to have the best committed relationship I’ve ever had and work through and solve my relationship hang ups. Also, of course I like the girl…I suppose I’m saying that there are many reasons why I’m happy about it.
Oh, BL is working beautifully. Last night, I didn’t read the textbook before a class discussion and I was able to skim the book in class and gather enough information from the context of the discussion to be one of the most active participants in class. The teacher complemented me several times, so did some peers. Little did they know, I was totally unprepared. 
Yeah, things are good.
I’m really grateful to be a part of this community. The fact that this stuff works continues to shock me, but I’m glad it does.
Excited for the Future of Sub Club
SC black excites me so much that it makes me want to vomit. Name embedded subs excite me so much that I want to vomit. The future is bright for SC and for all of us here.
Name embedded main titles excites the hell out of me, because the main store has so many amazing titles.
My Custom
Also want to vomit in anticipation. My custom is physical shifting, health, and nutrition with some vampire stuff thrown in to tailor the Khan experience to my personal tastes.
Dancer
Emperor Fitness ST3 Core
ASP Hair
Male Enhancement
Emperor Fitness Height Inducer
Physical Shifter Sexiness
SPS Fat Burn
Elegance
Ethereal Presence
Enchanting Smile
Entranced
Fusion Optimised
Health Codex
Mosaic
Epigenetics and DNA Modulator
I’ll finish this cycle of Total Breakdown before I test out my new custom. I need to get at least 2 cycles of TB with minimal stacking before I start throwing extra stuff in.
Moving Forward
I now have an archetype, Khan; a skill, Beyond Limitless; and physical shifting, Dancer. I should be properly set for the next good while. Onward to the future boys and girls!
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You celebrate Halloween? 
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Total Breakdown Cycle 2 Day 1 Update
Ehh, got some recon. It’s to be expected of course. Just embrace the suck, move forward, and look toward that washout.
Another benefit of recon is that it’s an excellent mental training tool. I feel like crap but I gotta preform, gotta keep that smile up, gotta talk to people. It builds resilience when you’re forced to preform no matter what. It feels good to take action even when you feel like crap.
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You know it bro.
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