Total Reprogramming, BL, Dancer
Cycle 1 - Washout - Day 2
Experiencing a bit of washout recon. Sent a girl a couple of dumb texts. In the moment I was full of screw it energy. Now, Khan is punishing me a bit. Recklessness is not the way of the Khan. The Khan doesn’t say “screw it” and act carelessly and without thought. The Khan thinks, analyzes, and takes calculated risks. The lesson that Khan is trying to teach me from this little blunder is that thoughtless recklessness is not bravery. Cliff diving isn’t brave, it’s reckless. Sending a thoughtless text isn’t brave, it’s reckless. It’s easy to just rip the bandaid off, it’s easy to “just do it” without thinking or strategizing, but just doing it and hoping for the best is not the way of the Khan. The Khan doesn’t hope for the best he creates the best outcome. The Khan thinks, strategizes, then acts. The Khan might act in a situation where the chances of victory are low, but he knows the odds and chooses to act because he recognizes the potential benefit that’s in store for him–that’s real bravery. I really am feeling the need to hammer home this point: diving in to a situation without thought is not bravery.
Do I continue with Khan, or do I stop Khan for now? That’s the question that’s keeping me busy. If I stop Khan, I would want to do a full year on some other programs: Emperor, Wanted, and an open third spot; or Stark, Wanted, Godlike Masculinity.
So either Emperor or Stark would be my core program, Wanted would be my secondary, and…yeah. Maybe I could run Stark for 6 months, then add in Emperor for the fated Emperor-Stark
I don’t know. I started Khan for a reason, but if I’m honest, I don’t like the difficulty. On Emperor, Stark, and Wanted, I was able to make significant progress without nearly so much pain. Khan feels like it’s harder than it needs to be. That’s how it feels it feels harder than it needs to be, is that the case? Who knows, recon makes seeing things clearly very difficult. My baseline is Emperor and Wanted. I struggled on both, but the struggle was always directly correlated with large changes and manifestations. On Khan, it feels like I struggle for scraps. On Emperor, I would punch through a wall and find a pile of gold on the other side. On Khan, I punch the wall and break my hand, so then I kick the wall down, and inside is nothing more than a 5-dollar bill and a note that says “try harder.”
I guess that’s my issue with Khan. It’s working, sure, but it feels so much harder than it needs to be. I’ve never had to work so hard for so little. I don’t know. I’m in recon, so I won’t speculate much further, I don’t want to fill my head with a bunch of garbage.
I’m probably going to quit Khan and spend my year on easier programs.
I’m just thinking things out, no decisions have been made yet.