Cycle 1 Day 4 Rest
Weekly updates will begin soon. For now, I’m still learning the technology. Khan will make me a man who knows himself so well that he honors his word.
Prelude
Okay, this cycle started off pretty dramatically but that’s alright. Frankly, I have no idea what to expect going forward but what I do know is that during the last 6 months or so of subliminal use–5 cycles of EmP and Wanted; 1 cycle of Stark, Wanted, and PS; 5 cycles of a custom title; and 1 cycle of Lovebomb for Humanity–there have been some very dark days. Heck, before I started subliminals, I was in one of the darkest places that I’d been in, in my life.
What I tried to explain in my previous update was that I’ve grown accustomed to a new state of being, a state where more often than not (75-90% of the time) I’m happy, confident, and calm. This has been my normal state for some while now–I can’t really say when it became the norm, but it happened sometime in the last 6 months that I’ve been here. So, to break down on day two the way I did was emotionally jarring.
Imagine the shock of taking a cold shower for the first time: it’s such a drastic shock that for the first several moments, it’s unbearable. If you stay in the water for a while or take them often, eventually you get used to it–it always sucks, but it’s not so frightening and certainly not as bad as your mind told you it was. My breakdown was like a cold shower–fast, dramatic, frightening, short-lived, and not as frightening as my mind made it out to be. Just like a cold shower, I was more scared of the starkness of the change than anything else.
Speaking of Shocks to The System
I haven’t drunk any alcohol in three days, as a result of this, my sleep has been great! I’ve been sleeping like 10-12 hours a night since I stopped drinking. Physically I already feel healthier, younger, and more alive. It feels good. I’m still a cigarette smoker. Part of my breakdown the other day was admitting to myself that I don’t want to quit smoking. I screamed it to myself in the car while TB was tormenting me with memories of failure and ruin.
What good does it do me to be delusional about my smoking and keep talking to everyone about how much I want to quit? I don’t want to quit, I simply don’t have any desire to quit which is why I still smoke. Why should I delude myself about that? Never once have I tried to affirm that I quit smoking. Never once have I honestly tried to quit. Never once have I actually meant it when I said, “I want to quit.” I tell people I want to quit because I sometimes get embarrassed of being a smoker. Well, why not embrace it for now? Why not be a man and be honest? That’s what I’m doing, I don’t want to quit and at this moment in time, I don’t intend to quit.
Compare this to drinking. In the last three days, I haven’t drunk a drop of alcohol. Was that difficult? Nope, effortless. It was effortless because I wanted to drink less and feel healthier, so I drank less and feel healthier. Simple.
I’m going to start a water fast today. I’ll fast for 21 days total. 7-14 days will be water fasting (water, coffee, tea, cigarettes) and the remainder of the 21 days will be modified fasting (low protein, low carb, high fat (it mimics the fasting state but allows you to eat food still)). What’s the point of the water fast? Physical healing and emotional healing. Right now is actually a darn good time to do a fast, so I’m gonna do it.
How Am I Doing Now?
No recon (fingers crossed) but things are shifting. When I quiet down (for instance, before bed) and watch what the mind is doing, I see all these memories from the past popping up and being transfigured.
Beyond Limitless Works
Yeah, it’s working. Yesterday I skimmed the reading for class and when I got to class I was the most well-spoken and insightful person there. People really seemed to appreciate my contributions. It felt like I was able to connect dots far better than ever before, not to mention that I spent less time doing homework and got better results.
