Day 9 ~ listening day!
Genesis & HoT (full loops)
/LB (5mins)
I didn’t have a very restful sleep… felt like mostly REM sleep. Lots of dreaming going on. Tossing & turning.
I’ve experienced this dream like state more than once since subs, where I am having a conversation with someone who is expressing back to me the things I am insecure about or feel bothered by in myself. I am very conscious of it happening too. I go almost lucid.
Last night it was someone very random who doesn’t know of these specific things. One being about my eyelashes. Something I am consciously working at shifting with HoT.
I’ve had many dreams of my hair like this since seductress & paragon last year.
I notice where I begin to feel good about myself physically & then I start scanning for reasons to not feel good about myself.
I realized today that it’s an unconscious discomfort in being happy or joyful. Discomfort of feeling good about myself. Like it doesn’t fully feel natural.
Because of this realization, I will consciously guide myself to capturing the feeling of truly being comfortable about myself from the inside out.
It’s one thing to think it but another to actually feel it real.
I can’t fool myself anymore !!!
I have clearer skin on my chin area…. I have always been prone to black heads there. So grateful about this discovery tonight.
Boo yaaaa.
I’ve been in & out of recon all day but using my tools!
Normally when experiencing recon, I think of stopping subs. Not this time. I feel like I’ll be playing this stack for a good while.
How does one produce great wealth and abundance without being locked into a 9-5?
I find myself sitting here deep in thought as I meditate. Thinking of all the different possible ways I can do it without sacrificing my values morals and internal belief system.
I don’t want to go backwards. I don’t want to be stagnant. I want to keep soaring.
My yoga teacher training is very intensive & time consuming. My children take a lot of my time and energy as well, as they should of course. Especially my youngest.
I just had a big relieving cry session during my meditation. Alpha brain wave music made by one of my former mentors.
If others can make big things happen then why can’t I ?
HEART OF GOD
You are a part of something profound, a divine calling. Be led by your heart, and you will not only find your path, but you will become your destiny. There is divine intelligence in your heart, speaking through it, calling you forth to love, and the love that flows through your heart, filters out through your toes, dripping on those beneath you, like stars falling from heaven.
This oracle holds a message for you, direct from the Divine – you have a sacred purpose to fulfill upon this Earth. It may seem intimidating or unclear or impossible or confusing. Yet at a deeper level, it’s all sorted out. There may be some unravelling and finessing to accomplish, yet it’s basically a done deal.
Your destiny is ready and waiting for you. So let your heart motivate and inspire you to move towards it.
DISTANT SHORES
Your soul is yearning for more. You may be feeling this soul impulse as an urge to travel, to try something new, to let go of the limitations of your mind in how you see your current life and to begin to see the new in what was once familiar.
It’s time for you to reach distant shores in your own unique way beloved. Don’t pack your bags with too much though, you’ll travel light and easy with less baggage and you’ll need plenty of space to receive that which is new.
This oracle brings you a message – it is time to broaden your horizons, to open yourself up to something different, to allow a new understanding of yourself, and an unrehearsed aliveness to flow through you. Embrace that which enriches your body, mind and soul with new possibilities.
SHAKTI
Shakti is the divine feminine and she is the kundalini, the energetic force that moves through us, triggered by love that leads to enlightenment of our being.
With kundalini awakening, we cannot remain as we once were. It is impossible! We may try to lead the same lives, be the same in our relationship patterns and perhaps even behave properly, but it simply cannot be done. Soon our disguise slips and people wonder what has happened to the predictable person they once knew.
You are going through significant energetic shifts in your soul. This will have effect in your body, your mind and your life! Some change just needs to happen. It is as natural as the seasonal shifts that keep life on our planet thriving. You cannot resist Shakti – she is a universal power – but you can trust her and move with her, allowing for the growth and healing changes that want to happen.
Day 11 ~ listening day
Genesis & HoT (full loops) / Love Bomb (5min loop)
Managed to get my stack listening in with my 3 year old here. Put on the Bluetooth headphones. That worked out perfectly. 
I dreamed a lot & didn’t wanna get up this morning. So much to do with a 3 year old home.
We start module 3 of my yoga teacher training today.
My sister won’t be available to babysit for me during our zoom calls or to get in my daily practice when I have my youngest. I feel like I’ll make it happen no matter what though.
I definitely had monkey mind but I moved out of it faster than usual. I don’t enjoy worrying about how I am going to get things accomplished or going too far ahead in my mind on all the stuff ahead of me.
Just being more present in the now and observing the space around me will likely help this. I’m gonna do more of Dr Joe Dispenza meditations on this. I also enjoy Dr Wayne Dyer / Eckhart Tolle talks and meditations on this.
I have to read A New Earth for this yoga training module. It’s a very sacred book of mine. It was my late friends book. He lent me it back in 2008 when I was experiencing a dark night of the soul at the age of 21. I felt lost and confused. He was a beacon of light on my journey & still is.
My daughter is in such a great mood. The energy feels great right now too.
I feel like everything will be alright. 
To add: I notice when crap thoughts come up that Genesis goes to work on it very quickly.
Was reading over my besties old journal and loved this particular part:
Another insight:
Subs are tools. Meant to be listend to/run until they aren’t needed any longer. The scripting gets “in there”. Minimum Effective Dose will be different for each person, of course.
The real insight, though?
Listening to subs over and over again past MED signals to the SubC that you don’t actually have faith it will do what it does.
Find your MED, run the loops. Trust the SubC to do its thing with the scripting.
Day 12 ~ rest day
Woke up feeling a bit sluggish…
Put on some Stick to Your Guns & began to flow in my kitchen. Ninja warrior yoga style.
Began to twerk a bit too.
I was activating my glutes really good last night.
Something clicked in me when doing a certain yoga pose I often lifted from the lower back in. Game changer. Now to maintain that and rock it more and more.
I feel sort of beast mode right now but gracefully beastly ? 
I’m continuing to not allow BS in my world… for every door that closes many more will open…
Drop the led and bring the gold.
I really really really want to produce large sums of money working less and being more in the world as a digital content creator and social media presence…
Break these chains & rise above 
Day 13~ listening day
Dreamed a lot last night. Didn’t sleep as many hours but feel okay this morning.
Enjoyed morning cuddles with my 3 year old.
My daughters were both very pleasant and cooperative before leaving for my 3 year olds dance & gymnastics classes.
She participated in dance amazingly today. The last few classes were dreadful, so that was a wonderful change. 
I noticed some doubt kicking in but that quickly melted away.
Looking forward to a road trip later this evening with my bf. Going to see one of my favourite bands since high school tomorrow ~ Thrice. 
I started thinking ~ could I add in minds eye once a week to help with manifesting? Or is this recon
Probably not needed.
Listening day ~ same stuff.
Holy moly. I have memories flooding back of my experiences with all my ex’s. The patterns and similarities between them all. The way I showed up. The identity I had for myself.
The same things keep showing up until we address and truly heal them.
It hit me so deeply last night as I slept on a couch in an Airbnb rather than in the big king bed where my bf was snoring. He told me he was sleeping in the bed even though I asked to sleep alone. Oh well.
I prefer to sleep alone because I am thrown off by little things at bedtime. Sleep hygiene is so important to me. To be proactive, I feel it’s better to sleep alone. He can stay up late doing his thing while I do my own thing. He can snore and I won’t hear it. I can snore and he won’t hear it. My snoring isn’t even loud though. I heard him snoring from downstairs last night. Had vivid intense dreams with lots of processing going on.
I went away for a weekend getaway to Toronto to see one of my favourite bands since high school ~ Thrice. enjoyed myself, feeling the music on a whole new level. It was fun! I cried a bit during some of their songs.
We argued a lot on this trip. He says things to me that trigger me. “Stop taking things out on me.” “You shouldn’t listen to subs.” He is listening to subs and very new to them.
Sometimes I just wanna vent and express without judgement or criticism. Someone to hold the space for me without commentary. I do this for others.
I laid on the couch questioning what I have done for myself. What have I created? I feel like I’m deep in a hole and have to find my way out again. I don’t wanna have to rely on others or depend on others in a co dependent manner. We all need each other & it’s okay to ask for help, but also making sure we embody our own self reliance too.
Got a phone call today from local health unit informing me my 3 year old was registered for school by my ex, which I didn’t know about. I’m going through court over this. I don’t wanna be knocked from my desired outcome of her being with me for school & seeing him when he isn’t working, flexibility. He isn’t a good communicator & often misinforms me of important things. Him and his family would probably be happy if I disappeared. They have a very unloving image of me. 
He’s trying to reduce my time with our daughter when I have designed my life to be available full time for her. I am an excellent mother. He hasn’t Detached from his mother yet & she is so heavily involved in his life and my daughters. He stays at his parents when he has our daughter.
This is madness.
I will be okay but this feels heavy right now.
I’m not reducing my sub usage because this isn’t overload or too intense of recon. I’ve experienced much worse. I’m drinking a butter coffee right now & breathing.
It’ll all be okay but for right now I’m so sad.
Listening day ~
Been working out so much in my mind past few days.
On my drive back from Toronto my bf was having recon at the same time as me… this made for an interesting test of my patience & restraint.
I was getting some unloving thoughts such as punching him in the head, leaving him at the service Center or throw him out of the vehicle. I am not a violent person or intentionally want to harm anything, not even a fly. I had fire moving through my body. I started doing some pranayama while driving to cool my body down. To come back to balance.
He talked for over an hour straight relating to giving back what I had dished out. If I’m gonna speak a certain way then I’m gonna get it back, according to him.
Sometimes I find it difficult being me because I have the abilities of clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience & claircognizant & I am an intuitive empathic. I see feel hear and just know things before they happen or while happening, past present and future. 
I have held the space for 100’s of people in my life to let out the darkest corners of their being throughout my entire life. Projections that would take place through words and actions. I did my own version of exorcisms intuitively without any proper guidance from a super young age. I have a powerful mind that sometimes scares me.
I learned how to protect myself to an extent but I am also a human, not just divine. There comes a time where enough is enough. I don’t want this to show up in my world anymore, but do I have a choice?
It’s astonishing what the outcome has been for all the different people who would release their crap in front of me though. I have a high success rate for helping some of the ugliest parts of people to become beautiful again.
From dark and ugly to whole and beautiful.
I was engaged once to someone who experienced losing their brother in a collision. They went to the vehicle to remove belongings and saw things no person should ever have to see. That haunted them for many years leading to extreme anger and blocks to their energy flow. I witnessed violent outbursts leading to dropping to his knees and crying. Opening up about some extremely vulnerable things. He is now a successful business man and super dad to our daughter. We are very close and have excellent communication. We have each others backs.
Anyways,
I’m just realizing how I would bring men and even women romantic and non romantic into my life with extreme trauma in their pasts, presenting with a lot of unconscious patterns & I would work on fixing and changing their patterns. They would say how do you know what I’ve been through and how would you know what’s best for me. People thought I was creepy and weird. It was hard to be my full true self with all these gifts that felt more like a curse sometimes. I used to use drugs and alcohol to escape. I am completely sober other than good coffee now.
I felt that if everyone around me is okay then so will I. Clearly a learned behaviour from childhood.
So many flashbacks of things have come up to heal that I thought were already healed. Or maybe just reminders of what not to do anymore and keep going on my journey to bliss.
It feels good to have let this out.
I have court next week with ex fiancé #2. The reopening of a long drawn out case against me relating to custody of our daughter. His family painted a picture of me being crazy. This stemmed from exposing my gifts to them. Trusting the wrong people. Not fully understanding how the laws of power work. I was using them wrong.
I have a really good lawyer and a really good cause this time around. Trying not to get emotional and knock myself from my state.
I got a call from one of the places I dropped a resume at for any position (child protective services), maybe even a created position since my resume is amazing. I don’t really want to go back to a job since I desire to be financially free doing what I wanna do & have been working at my business. I see where I am procrastinating though. Maybe having something casual where I am helping others while working at my bigger goals may be good for me.
Anyways, they’re putting my resume at the top of the pile.
Remember that we consider subliminal audio a form of self-care. If usage becomes overwhelming, cut down on exposure. You still receive benefits during short and long-term washout periods. I’ve been on a… 8 month washout period now and its given all the subliminals I ran over the past few years time to set in. Not suggesting you quit, but the active running time and the washout periods (even for a day or two) has great benefits.
There’s never an issue in going DOWN in exposure. It’s going up in exposure and overexposing that causes the issues.
Roger that!
Wash out begins on the 12th from this stack.
I’ll take a longer wash out this time around.
Let it all integrate!
I am loving the book 48 Laws of Power.
I listened to PCC briefly before & doing a little experiment with it right now until my wash out.
I’m glad you’re a part of the community! No wonder I take a liking to you, I’ve had some crazy experiences myself in the empath/intuition arena as well. I discovered I had my own traumas to heal and be free of after years of nothing but inner work. So I’m glad there’s somebody who I can relate to in terms of having legit experiences but not having anybody to talk to and share with.
Anyway, how are you finding time to fit PCC in? It’s one I always have my eye on but again, can’t find a spot for it in my stack. I could use it for sure especially being someone who never used to stand up for myself and kind of was a doormat, that unfortunate side of being a sensitive/empath but not having flipped the coin yet.
I’m being experimental. Going against the suggestions.
I’ve been experimental with subs for about a year now. Knowing my limits and when I feel overload.
Less is more.
