Unlocking the Khantastic Potential within: Khanquering My Fears

[GoldenBird]

1xSanguine 15m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 15m. (Third Cycle)

Third day of the third cycle on TB, and I already had a major breakdown. The loops were fine, even pleasant. But around 6 hours after, I found myself discussing with my father how my two attempted forays into the humanities went wrong(I got the degrees and placed best in class, but didn’t make the right connections and found no job placements for too long, so my current career chances are next to nil). While I was talking, it already dawned on me how this was untypical of “me” to bring up a topic like that and that it was likely caused by something Khan dredged up. And surprise, surprise. One hour later all kinds of bad emotions came up and I felt depressed as hell about my situation. Unlike the previous breakdowns related to looks/height/random dating memories which I easily was able to reframe as they came up, this one was hard to reframe- it just is what it is. However, I’ve come to associate Khan with a kind of righteous anger that sometimes swells up and propels one towards action(along with extreme horniness) and this was also the case today.
I knew that this must be one of the hidden insecurities I have and that in this case, I’d simply be better off by stopping to identify myself with what has happened, as I cannot change it anymore. I can only move into another industry(which is what I’ve been setting myself up for anyway). The important part is the letting go of something I’ve intensely focused on for one and a half decades- so that is not an easy thing to let go of. But obviously, if I want to walk around with a swagger and be a free spirit, I cannot drag around this kind of sorrow with me, so out it goes.
Towards the evening, the usual Zen like serenity of Khan settled in again and that grief-like energy in my chest gave way to the feeling of relief and relaxation.
Clearly, Khan is not simply a seduction type of sub, but rather a comprehensive self-transformation program, and I love it for that.
To take action on Sanguine, I’ve begun a new habit: two sessions of Yoga Nidra(yogic sleep) everyday, going as deep as possible.

[GoldenBird]

1xSanguine 15m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 15m. (Third Cycle)

What @Parsifal wrote yesterday in his journal resonates with me. I’ve also spent much time in digital worlds levelling up some character instead of developing my own. However, I’d extend this concept to include other forms of Dissociation as well: reading novels as an escape from a boring life or watching movies for the same reasons. There is nothing inherently wrong with these things- after all, we’ve all benefited in some way from any of these entertaining mediums, they can be a form of therapy(which would be positive dissociation). However, I’d lie to myself if I pretended that it has always been a form of positive dissociation for me- far more often than not, it was simply an escape. And @Skadoosh is right when he observed that these accomplishments in these digital worlds simply don’t translate to anything in real life. There is now a clear urge in me to stop spending my energy on things that don’t translate to the real world.

The yoga nidra exercise I’ve mentioned in the post above has done a lot to make the most out of Sanguine. I find that after 20 minutes or so my body goes to sleep and I can barely feel my hands resting on my thighs. A feeling of floating in space comes about and suddenly, my whole being is enveloped in bliss. This not only helps with inner silence but generally lifts my mood for the rest of the day and helps me deal with recon.

[GoldenBird]

1xSanguine 15m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 15m. (Third Cycle)

Things have turned quite smooth. Since four days there has been no noticeable recon. Just a drop in productivity from time to time. Yesterday, I was jogging in the forest here when an old woman stopped me to compliment me on my hair. Caught me off-guard. I live in a nordic country where these things don’t usually happen between strangers. Even in almost total isolation here, Khan manifests some social feedback

[GoldenBird]

1xSanguine 15m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 15m. (Third Cycle)

Mood has noticeably improved. I smile and laugh much more throughout the day, and this has been noticed by those around me as well. It is becoming more difficult for me to become pessimistic about my situation or my future, and I instantly seem to notice when such thoughts come up. And I just swat them.
Maybe it is just the result of a good workout/diet/sleep schedule along with some mental hygiene, but I am getting many comments about my glowing skin recently. For the first two cycles, I basically felt nothing when I looked at myself in a mirror. Or I’d just focus on some muscle group I’d want to improve on. But in the middle of the third cycle of TB, I’ve actually started feeling good about looking at my overall appearance. I just feel good in general now, if not a bit restless.
Now I am curious how Khan is going to meld with Sanguine and the new Lovebomb. It should really be a killer combo for self-esteem, self-love and self-confidence. All the things you’d need to truly feel comfortable in your own skin, which is one of my end goals.

[GoldenBird]

Jotting down some thoughts I have about the new Love Bomb Release:

• Khan Black and a relevant inner alchemy practice used in conjunction with it cleans one’s energetic system and allows the build-up and refinement of unimpeded sexual energy, which in turn fuels one’s aura.
• One thing I’ve learned in Chinese Neidan is that the deeper you can go in inner silence, the larger the amount of energy you can circulate in yourself and beyond. If you run New Sanguine and practice a serious method for cultivating deep inner silence, you’ll naturally improve just that.
• Love Bomb is designed to cultivate self-love to a high degree, which allows one to sincerely love others as well. It also generates a profound aura of love, which in turn will be fueled by your energetic practice and Khan Black, starting from Stage 3 onwards. A possible action one could take on Love Bomb would be to add a conscious daily self- and other loving practice like the metta method from Buddhism. I’m sure the Sufis would have something for that, as well. Many possibilites.

If this is done on a foundation of a strong sense of self-worth and inner security cultivated through something like Khan or Emperor, and you keep this stack of Khan Black+Love Bomb+Sanguine for many cycles, until they become fully integrated with your being, well, I cannot imagine the kind of enchanted world you’ll live in and the massive aura you’ll radiate wherever you’ll go.

I also strongly suspect that if you practice something from Indian Tantra or Sufism, and you run the upcoming Alchemist+Khan Black+Love Bomb, you’ll have a fantastic journey.

Naturally, this is what I’ll be going for.

[GoldenBird]

1xSanguine 15m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 15m. (Third Cycle)

Sanguine is just amazing. It quickly made me re-integrate practices into my life that used to give me good results but which I had dropped due to self-sabotage, such as Yoga Nidra and Kasina(focusing on the afterimage of a candle flame to induce deep states of absorption). These practices help me become calm in all situations and help me towards accomplishing one of the most important goals of Khan: to have a source of internal self-confidence and bliss that is independent of what is coming from others around me. Years ago, I had already noted down how surprisingly long-lasting the effects of Candle Kasina are(just 30-40m of it will create a state that lasts for the remainer of the day during which it creates a warm lull that seemingly surrounds you and puts you in a very relaxed but also highly alert state, where everything you see turns more vibrant in terms of its color and form).

I walked by an old neighbor today and she asked me if I was high. A few hours later, my mother asked me why I am in such a good mood for seemingly no reason(she thinks that I should be unhappy because I am unemployed and have next to no money and just got dumped by my long term gf last winter).
My ex, who wants to videochat with me more and more now, has asked me to lend her my glowing skin. Lol. All kinds of good results in just half a cycle of Sanguine and consistent practice.

Funnily enough, the state I’ve been in the last few days is really similar to how Radcliffe plays Harry Potter in this scene, while he’s high on the potion:

Harry Takes Felix Felicis AKA Liquid Luck!

More importantly, I originally took up Sanguine to help deal with Khan TB’s punching my guts on a daily basis. That has worked out really well so far. While it is true that on the third cycle of TB, I’ve gotten fully used to the sub, to the point that full loops no longer cause that feeling of heavy processing going on all day, I haven’t experienced any massive emotional breakdown since that event at the beginning of the third cycle I noted above. Like before, I usually experience panic/grief in the evenings when I run TB in the mornings, but now they’re so fleeting and tamed that they’re barely noticeable. In the last two days, I felt very slight irritation and lack of focus for around 20 minutes maybe, but then it got quickly replaced by that strong feeling of freedom and relief that I’ve also gotten used to now.
That offline file I’ve been working on since the beginning of the second cycle has proven to be immensely useful and the focus of my daily re-reading and contemplation. It started off as Simon’s method adapted for Khan. But between the second and third cycle, I realized that I had become able to easily reframe all of the blocks and insecurities I could find in myself and intuitively knew how to counter them to become the man I want to become. None of the issues I listed have that sting they had when I initially wrote them. I’ve also greatly slowed down in terms of identifiying more issues and self-imposed limitations. The ones I find are becoming increasingly subtle. I am confident that by the end of the the third cycle, I’ll be ready to move on. However, it remains to be seen what I’ll experience during the washout, as last time, almost every washout day was a living hell for me.

I would also like to note that I went for full loops of Sanguine straight away, and have not experienced any noticeable recon whatsoever. It feels really gentle. Amazing sub, really. Like others, I’ve also observed that running Sanguine before the second sub seems to make the whole experience smoother. Likely because it just relaxes you so much, and opens up your mind.

[GoldenBird]

1xSanguine 15m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 15m. (Third Cycle)

I am becoming really stingy with what I spend my energy on. Unless I absolutely need to do something, I don’t do much for entertainment anymore. I find that all the good ideas I get come from deliberately placing myself either in nature or somewhere where I am alone, away from all electronics.

Instead of watching youtube or listening to music, I’ve begun listening to my own recording of my offline file that contains all of my identified limitations and responses to them. I’ve noticed that whenever I feel like I am in slight recon or have doubts, listening to my own voice recording immediately lifts me up and puts my back into what I am calling the Khan state now. A palpable inner power that drives and coaches me.

[RVconsultant]

How are you today?

[GoldenBird]

1xSanguine 15m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 15m. (Third Cycle)

Splendid actually, thanks for asking!
I still am in above average mood all the time, which is precisely what I was looking for. Still look high to some people around me.
I’m currently trying to figure out how to replicate Sanguine’s effects through the afterglow effect I get from practices such as Yoga Nidra or Fire Kasina(focusing on the afterimage of a candle flame for prolonged periods of time to induce deep concentration and bliss). Why? I don’t want to become dependent on Sanguine and I think it is within my means to reach most of its goals on my own, which will make it possible for me to replace it with Lovebomb.
I’m ready to move to Stage 2 of Khan after this third cycle of TB, and I know that either Sanguine or Lovebomb will always be the perfect second title for me, personally. However, I know that I’ll fall in love with Lovebomb since its main features are like a comprehensive list of all the things I need to work on, and it is one of the titles I want to keep in my stack for a very long time and fully integrate in my being.
Through TB I’ve also come to realize that I need to go through Khan Black for three reasons: first, to kill off the remainder of my urges for wasting my sexual energy through porn(and the weakening of my inner frame that goes along with it), which have already gone down substantially through TB, and secondly, to help with the formal Neidan(Chinese refinement of sexual energy) practice which I plan to take up seriously, and thirdly, to help power the love bomb aura(or any of the seduction related titles I may run in the future).
I am aware that there are quite a few people here who run Khan and Khan Black concurrently. However, I intentionally avoided running Stage 1 of both titles since Khan TB on its own was already kicking my behind.
I know that Sanguine is a very gentle title which I didn’t need to microloop at all, and which has given me no noticeable recon so far. I really hope Lovebomb will be similar in its feel, because it will make my stack more feasible.
So the current plan is:
Love Bomb / Khan Black Stage 1 (microloops)
~ Day off ~
Khan Stage 2 x 2
~ Day off ~

I hope this will be manageable. If anything, this is the time to take risks with recon city, as I am still able to in the upcoming months.
On a different note, I’m currently waiting to hear back from a Swedish university about my application for a MSc program that I submitted half a year ago. Keeping my fingers crossed! If I get accepted, it’ll finally bring me to a city again where I can actually get social feedback, the one thing that has been missing from my Khan progress so far!

[GoldenBird]

1xSanguine 15m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 15m. (Third Cycle)

My dreams have become much more symbolic in the past few weeks. Last November and December, I was running Genesis and a bit of DRLD, and to my surprise, I had almost no dream recall at that time. It was so strange me, considering that I normally recall 2-3 dreams per night. It could have been a sign of overloading my mind back then, but a few months ago, I really thought I’d need to run full loops everytime to not miss out on anything.
The dreams I am getting these days are all either centered on something I identified with in my teenage years, or my time in high school. I lost much of my confidence after I turned 18, because I simply stopped many of my former habits and hobbies because I moved a lot and changed my life too much. For example, I had a dream in which I was sitting down with my guitar teacher and my mom and we all cried reminiscing about the good old times when I joined all these competitions and won prizes here and there. Despite it forming a huge part of my identity back then, I radically broke away from it and basically stopped playing the guitar 20 years ago because my stage fright intensified with each concert I gave and at my last competition, I didn’t win because I forgot how to play a passage in a song and there was a long awkward pause. So I did not consider it a viable career option for myself, despite everyone around me, including my mom, thinking that I wouldn’t do anything else. In retrospect, it would have been far simpler to have simple continued on that trajectory, but that’s life.
Now running Khan, it seems that I’m continously shown aspects of myself that I thought I had left behind decades ago, but actually still haunt me to a certain extent because deep down I am still attached to them and they did form a large part of who I thought I was.
I feel like I consist of fragments that were not integrated with each other as I grew up and that my personal power will only grow once I learn to make peace with all these fragments and unify them into a coherent whole. I also feel the urge now to finally open the case that contains my guitar and simply start playing it again. This time, for fun.

[GoldenBird]

1xSanguine 3m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 3m. (Third Cycle)

Tried microloops today, since there’s been much talk about this, recently.
Surprisingly, this felt harder than the full loops I had been running before, as I experienced more uneasiness towards the end of the day. Slight anxiety, but nowhere near what I had before.

@GoldenBird

I’m currently waiting to hear back from a Swedish university about my application for a MSc program that I submitted half a year ago. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Received the admission letter today. Really happy and now I’ll have a place to go to in August. I know I’ll need the social feedback to get the most out of the Khans and the other related subs, and it will be really interesting to test them in a country even colder than my own. Time to learn some svenska!

[SaintSovereign]

@GoldenBird

Tried microloops today, since there’s been much talk about this, recently.
Surprisingly, this felt harder than the full loops I had been running before, as I experienced more uneasiness towards the end of the day. Slight anxiety, but nowhere near what I had before.

Less input, faster processing. The recon you might’ve encountered days in the future just started up a bit earlier, but lighter.

[GoldenBird]

Thanks for pointing that out!

Is it possible that this accounts for why some people here have noticed this common pattern, where they experience swift success with straightforward seduction approaches like Libertine, but encounter slower progress(but eventually more stable and profound) with sophisticated programs like Khan? “Lighter” titles execute and hit you with recon faster than denser titles?

[GoldenBird]

1xSanguine 5m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 5m. (Third Cycle)

Tried 5 minute loops today. This was the last loop for the third cycle of TB.
I had an incredible wave of relaxation and relief pass over me today. Lasted several hours, which I used to further refine my romantic/relationship goals and start with a section for my spiritual goals. I plan to eventually merge them together, as I find it artificial to seperate them. Really clear thoughts and focused determination to refine my goals and work towards them. Funnily enough, I had this constant feeling of something massaging my brain today, something I’d have expected from QL, but it happened on Sanguine/Khan instead.

[Psiklou]

@GoldenBird

the larger the amount of energy you can circulate in yourself and beyond. If you run New Sanguine and practice a serious method for cultivating deep inner silence, you’ll naturally improve just that.

Really? Does it mean that meditation improve just that also? I heard feedback that people who meditation a lot had a reduced libido.
Curious about your opinion/insights about that.

[GoldenBird]

Here’s the funny thing: Western meditators I’ve met often brag how they’ve “conquered” or “mastered” their libido by reducing it through meditation. However, tantric yogis in India and Taoist cultivators I’ve met often indirectly brag about their virility, which is often connected to their ability to first channel it through deep silence and to refine it through breathing/visualisation or other techniques.
Also note how monastic orders like the Buddhists intentionally starve themselves to a certain extent by going vegetarian, eating only one bowl/meal a day and avoiding all type of foods that increase your libido. Whereas tantric and Taoist yogis often intentionally eat as much meat and libido improving foods as they can get their hands on. Very different priorities, because they understand our bodily needs intuitively and are generally not under monastic pressure to appear holy or not cause trouble.

In practical terms, the sexual energy which manifests as libido is a natural charge that builds up, but there is also a limit to it, set by your inherent capacity(some people naturally have a high libido, after all). This capacity can be increased through deepening your inner silence through whatever means you can find. The most common theory I’ve encountered is that energy follows intent, and many intellectual thoughts disperse energy in all kinds of directions(hence why artists and scientists seem to benefit from celibacy from time to time). Remove the various thoughts, and you are back to the natural state where your sexual energy optimally recharges after depletion through sex or masturbation.

The most interesting thing is what happens when you go into deep silence for prolonged periods of times. The famous “100 days of setting the foundation” as a formal stage in Taoist cultivation is just that. The real challenge is not to have any sexual thoughts because they instantly convert the energy into semen for procreation. You have many religious orders that enforce celibacy, but don’t tell their members why. So while they may refrain from having sex, they still think about it, and keep converting their energy down. And once it turns into semen, it is no longer usable for energy cultivation.
So real meditation would have to be supremely disciplined, especially when you come from a background like mine where you have been hammering your mind with porn for several decades in a row. It’s like when you say “don’t think of the pink elephant!” and can’t avoid visualizing it. Hence why Khan Black would be really useful for that end, too. If you remove the original addiction and habit, it becomes easier to regain your youthful energy and ambition.

The idea that meditation reduces your libido(beyond the initial stage) seems rather strange, considering that for example the Longmenpai Order of Wang Liping is literally focused, in its beginner program, to “restore an adult man to the energy configuration and libido he had when he was 16”(their words, roughly translated). You are supposed to get spontaneous erections at some point. Of course, these sadists want you to have boners and absolutely avoid having horny thoughts. But yeah, there’s many layers of complexity to these things.

[GoldenBird]

Day 2 of the Washout.
On the first day, I had a very symbolic dream in which I kept pulling brown yucky type of chewing gum out of my mouth. It was extremely sticky, but I still managed to pull all of it out through sustained effort. Ended up with a comically large pile of it in front of me.
I interpret it to mean that I am in the process of cleaning myself out, but I am holding on to many of these self-imposed limitations, hence why they appear sticky.
Yesterday, I only had some mild anxiety in the evening and thought that the washout would not be as god awful as it was between Cycle 2 and 3 of Khan TB.
However, today, I got friggin KO’ed before lunchtime. I initially had some problems focusing on calculus exercises in the morning, but by noon, I felt like I got hit by the strongest mental fatigue wave I’ve had so far. It became impossible to process anything in front of me and my eyes were difficult to keep open. I actually slept for 10 hours before that, but I suppose that despite the microloops in the past week, the heavier loops from before caught up with me?
Anyway, I did my best to deal with it by drinking lots of water, going to the forest and exposing myself to as much sun as I could(thankfully, the Winter is over). Meditated on a park bench and ended up sleeping on it lol. Woke up a few hours later and headed home, only to sleep a few more hours.
I am still sleepy, but at least there is no anxiety or panic. I had some really good insights into how to let go of some of my obsessive thoughts that have been holding me back.

[Psiklou]

Nice deep stuff on the subject So there is deep energetic consequence in meditation/ what you call inner silence, on top of regular meditation benefits.

[GoldenBird]

Day 3-5 of the washout were fairly uneventful, aside from feeling surprisingly dominant/aggressive during conversations, and not encountering any fatigue anymore. There was a mild “background anxiety” during most of the day, and I also noted down a dream in which I vomited out a lot of stuff and in which I felt greatly relieved afterwards. Similarly to the chewing gum dream, they all seem to point to my subconsciousness wanting to get rid of old patterns.

Today I began with the next stage.
Love Bomb(5m)
Khan Black Stage 1(5m)

The third title will be Khan Stage 2 in a few days. 5 minutes seems to be my sweetspot for me right now, although I need to experiment more.
Like last time I went with that pattern, recon(in the form of mental fatigue) hit me hard and fast right afterwards, but just for a few hours.

My libido has shot up even more now. It was already ridiculously high during the last cycle of Khan St.1, but during the washout and today, I’ve had a hell of a time cycling the energy. My need for sleep is also going down slowly. I wake up 1-2 hours before my usual time, and feel wide awake.

[GoldenBird]

Man, recon hit hard today. I thought I had played it safe with the 5 minute loops yesterday.
Shortly after I woke up, I was hit with classic recon in the form of mental fatigue and becoming unable to concentrate on anything, pretty much. Had to use a lot of willpower to drag myself to the forest to work out. As expected, the coffee and the workout routine made me feel somewhat normal again, but the fatigue came back in waves and has persisted until now.
As a result of my meditations, my energy is circulating better now, though, so my horniness has come under control again.