Hello everyone!
Back in October 2023, I asked for help in this community to find my ideal stack. My naive idea was to start with an alpha stack right away. I received some good feedback and fortunately, I did not start with Khan immediately.
Instead, in November, I began using two loops of Genesis every other day for one cycle. This was followed by a cycle of Genesis+Limit Destroyer in December. I refrained from reading other people’s logs and only had a rough idea of what the recon process entailed.
In November, I regularly experienced sadness and anxiety, primarily centered in my chest. It became so physical that I initially mistook it for the discomfort from sore muscles due to my chest workouts. At times, I would feel anguish, as if I had a premonition about someone’s imminent death. This usually occurred about 8 hours after listening to the subliminals in the morning, and the same would happen on days when I didn’t listen to them.
Around December, I started feeling grateful that I didn’t have a job at the moment, as I kept experiencing strong waves of sleepiness that made it nearly impossible to accomplish any tasks. I would often have to lie down for a nap in the afternoons. Occasionally, these debilitating effects would suddenly disappear after a few hours and I would be able to concentrate again, as if nothing had happened.
When I started with Genesis in November, something unexpected occurred: I abandoned most of my previous habits/hobbies and began learning French enthusiastically. I immersed myself in one of the best natural language learning books ever, the extensive “Le Français Par La Méthode Nature” (1121 pages), and completed it in under a month. In December, I moved on to its follow-up, “Initiation à la Littérature Française.” By the first week of January, I was reading “L’Étranger” by Albert Camus. By the second week, I had also finished reading “La veuve Courderc” by Georges Simenon.
My current goal is to read the whole of Tintin and Astérix in their original language, which is something I’ve always wanted to do since I was a kid. It seems that Genesis brought this desire to the forefront, even though I wasn’t aware of it before. I have a strong sense of nostalgia for these works.
In December, my girlfriend of 5 years informed my family that she had decided to move on, but still wanted to remain friends. I anticipated this, as our relationship had become strained due to not seeing each other in person for 2 years (she had to return to her home country, and our attempts to secure a work or student visa for her were unsuccessful).
Although she was my first girlfriend (we met shortly after I turned 30 after 15 years of unsuccessful experiences with women), I strangely felt a sense of relief upon hearing this news. I had been craving freedom and a wider range of experiences. The choice to pursue Khan felt natural to me, as I believe its goals strongly align with mine.
I have come to realize that my previous problems stem entirely from my fundamental assumptions about my own reality and what I believe is possible for myself. The experiences of recon I’ve had so far are likely the result of my own self-imposed limitations conflicting with what the subliminals are suggesting to me.
I’m glad I went through two cycles of Genesis and a little bit of Limit Destroyer before starting with Khan. In 2024, my focus will be on Khan, and possibly Khan Black later on.
The following are the things I want to bring into my life:
-a healthy self-image devoid of insecurities and shame. I want to walk through life confidently.
-fulfilling sexual relationships. I want to break free from the mindset of desperately holding onto what I perceive as limited options (considering I almost married my first girlfriend). Essentially, I want to cultivate an abundance mindset.
-the feeling of being desired (perhaps one day I can go beyond this, but for now, it is a strong desire of mine, as I never experienced it during my formative years).
-achieving financial independence, being able to afford my own place, and finding work that aligns with my strengths. Currently, I am taking care of my parents in a small town which severely limits my social life, but gives me time to address my inner issues.
-maintaining a healthy and strong body (I am already mostly there, just working on aesthetics).
Here’s what I am doing so far to achieve these goals:
-Engaging in intensive workouts. I used to lift weights in 2020, but I injured my shoulder joint which took six months to heal. I lost most of my progress, but thankfully muscle memory kicked in and I quickly regained my strength and more after starting a Ring-focused fitness program (Body by Rings) in June 2023. I am currently in Phase Two of the program and am focusing on making progress without getting injured. I am amazed at how stable and healthy my shoulders and elbows have become since I started this program. Additionally, the rate at which I am building muscle on this program is faster than what I remember from weightlifting. I absolutely enjoy working out with Rings and plan to stick with the program until it becomes easy, at which point I will incorporate weights.
-I recognize the need to challenge my assumptions about who I am and what I can achieve directly. To address this, I decided to continue my old habit of meditation but with a different focus. Previously, I focused on concentration using a candle flame, which greatly improved my concentration and overall well-being, but did not alter my fundamental assumptions (such as thinking certain girls are out of my league or believing I can only keep warm with warm clothes). These assumptions can be addressed through intense contemplation, the other side of the coin.
-During my time at university, I concentrated on Daoist methods of contemplation and energy cultivation for my research, and I’ve always been drawn to their practices. Recently, I discovered that Nathan Brine, the only Western disciple of Wang Liping, the lineage holder of the Dragon Gate Sect, has created a program open to Westerners and available for purchase on his website. This program focuses on refining sexual energy based on Chinese Neidan principles that I have good experiences with. I plan to enroll in this program as I have the feeling that it will synergize well with subliminals like Khan Black or Wanted Black in the future.
-In a similar manner, I am eliminating all pornography from my life. I suffer from erectile dysfunction caused by pornography, and I am in dire need of completely “resetting” my mind. I have come to the realization that I have been overly reliant on pornography for almost two decades. When I first had sex, I was initially disappointed because I struggled to maintain my erection and felt very little sensation. My excessive masturbation with a tight grip had desensitized me to the point where a natural vagina felt devoid of sensation. Not only did I use my hand, but I also engaged in humping against hard surfaces like chairs since I was a young child(to the point that nothing else would do). I am hopeful that through my determination and resolute commitment to abstaining from pornography, I will break free from this habit and regain a natural state where I don’t require the fantasy/illusion of an extensive harem of stunningly attractive women in order to maintain an erection. Brine’s program may provide substantial assistance in achieving this goal, as well as incorporating the Diamond sub to stack in the future.
-My interests in the humanities haven’t provided job opportunities thus far, and pursuing a PhD seemed to be the only viable option for me for a long time. Only a few years ago did I realize that I could explore other avenues, such as non-academic jobs or starting my own company (many of my friends from academia are currently unemployed and struggling to secure tenure track positions). Around 10 months ago, I began learning programming with Rust and recently started learning Python, with the aim of pursuing Data Science or possibly Machine Learning. Last summer, I dedicated most of my time to catching up on math in order to start Calculus 1-3, and once I feel mathematically prepared, I will tackle Linear Algebra. I am currently applying to various institutions in Europe that allow individuals with a Social Science background to switch to a more computational social science or data science track. This will also provide me with opportunities for scholarships and a social life.
-I am reading French purely for my own enjoyment. Who knows, it might open up future opportunities!
In January, I am currently on day 12 out of 21 of Khan Stage 1 (the old version) and incorporating Spartan Apex Warrior (I added this because I read it helps with the recon process, although the fitness benefits are also great). During the first week of Khan, I experienced intense waves of sadness and loneliness in the afternoons after running the subliminals in the morning. Interestingly, during the Khan Stage 1 loop, I feel absolutely fantastic. It’s difficult to describe the feeling, but it’s akin to having a healing salve applied to my entire being, or experiencing a truly refreshing bath (I don’t experience this during the Spartan loop). Almost every day, I had to note down that in the afternoon I would experience bouts of anger, frustration, and sadness centered in my chest. Sleepiness, too. I would go from being able to solve math problems or read French fluently to suddenly being unable to comprehend even the simplest things. In the second week of running Khan/Spartan, I experienced strong restlessness and a constant urge to do something, although it’s currently unclear what that something is.
The new version of Khan has just been released and I am excited to switch to it. Since it is an upgrade to the same program I am currently using, can I switch to it tomorrow without a washout period? Or is it recommended to complete the 21 days of the old Khan first and wait for 5 days before starting the new version? I feel a strong desire to switch to the new Khan immediately and solely focus on it for a few months without incorporating Spartan. I want to fully devote myself to Khan and align my life with more meaningful pursuits.
Thank you for reading my log!