1xNew Khan 15m.
1xNew Khan 15m.
(Stage 1, Cycle 2)
Wrapping up Cycle 2. I decided to go for the full loops today as I was well-rested, and thankfully, I didn’t encounter any noticeable fatigue or challenging recon.
Even though it felt like I was being steamrolled every other day, the last two cycles on Khan Stage 1 have been absolutely incredible. My only regret is not discovering the Simon List method until the start of Cycle 2. Ever since then, things have been ultra-focused.
The most significant sign of progress is that I’ve stopped associating myself with nearly all the fears on my list regarding my sexual goals. They just don’t faze me anymore - some daily pondering and running the subs seem to have achieved that in just a few cycles, quicker than expected. Keeping a daily journal, both private and open, has also been crucial in tracking these changes and keeping me mindful of them. If I had to sum up Khan Stage 1, it’s a self-esteem booster, or revealer.
I no longer slouch when I walk, and I don’t even have to remind myself to stand tall. When I’m not in recon, there’s a strong, unwavering sense of confident ambition and bubbling energy in my lower abdomen. Side note: Almost everything turns me on now, but an unexpected effect of Stage 1 is that porn doesn’t excite me as much as before - it feels too static and fake to be enjoyable. While I find everything arousing, I now find it unsatisfying to release my energy through artificial means - if that makes sense.
Maybe it’s due to the deep introspection I’ve done, but I’ve spent a lot of time refining my list of desires and fears, and noticed something interesting: as mentioned, the fears no longer seem relevant, but my wants have also shifted. Half of what I wrote seemed to stem from seeking external validation and low self-esteem. It’s rewarding to witness my growth in such a short time span. A sense of optimism is starting to settle in - a stark contrast to my previous negativity, especially concerning my sexual goals. I took some challenging steps to confront my vices, and it was tough to face them head-on. Some of my beliefs were overly materialistic - despite my affinity for non-materialistic philosophies - like playing the victim of genetics to avoid addressing my mental barriers and maintaining an off-putting superiority complex rooted in deep-seated low self-esteem.
This attitude pushed away many people I encountered in the past. Some issues that I was already aware of have become more pronounced in my day-to-day contemplation, as they appear to be significant obstacles on my journey to success. I accumulated numerous socially traumatic experiences during my childhood and teenage years, leading to the development of severe social anxiety by age 12. This, in turn, shaped me into an introverted individual with nerdy interests and a strong reliance on porn, which my subconscious viewed as the sole outlet for my high libido. I delved into PUA in my early 20s, resulting in awkward interactions and fruitless dates due to trying to mimic alpha behavior while holding onto a traumatized inner self that was the complete opposite. It wasn’t until I turned 30 that I entered my first genuine relationship, which brought some healing. However, it’s only now that I no longer feel like a mere pawn of fate. I believe I can actually solve my situation and go for what I want.
Now it’s time for the washout.
