2023-05-30T15:00:00Z
Today was bright and sunny, and I made sure to soak up as much as possible. And holy shit – the energy! Been working nonstop since I woke up but feel calm and energized. I realized the other night when I was doing some Japanese that I’m too easy on myself and that I need to push sometimes and demand more. It’s all about my energy and my mental state. K3 might be blooming too because I feel so locked in. I decided to give it another go and I found a great program to go through DSA called structy and I’ll combine it with the last section of execute program. Using the principles from atomic habits, I’m doing the absolute minimum per day. So literally one part of one section of structy, a study session on EP, and 30 min - 1 hour on my app. That’s still a bit of time, but it’s enough to force myself to sit down and focus and then be finished. And it’s a balance of learning and doing, and it’ll help me get momentum going.
I got another newsletter done for the side business and it made me realize how things can develop over time. This is my fifth one, and although it hasn’t evolved much from the first it is way more polished and it’s really catching some speed in terms of involvement and feedback from students. The first issue was all generated by us (the school) and this latest issue is 90% student-generated content. I’ve got some of the systems smoothed out and we’re tackling some other stuff right now.
Teaching English is not really the work I want to be doing, but damn if it isn’t satisfying to see something I’m doing actually have some impact. It feels so nice when I print out the finished product.
I could continue blabbing on but I’m gonna stop, go home, eat and do a little bit more work. Fucking hell I have big energy right now.
Started my next cycle today. Ultimately I went with a double stack of Khan Stage 4 and… Heartsong! I was going to run stage 4 solo or with RICH and forget about Mogul for now since it has some wealth scripting already, actually, but something in me has been pushing for HS for the last few days. Maybe it’s impulsive, but I listened to my first loop of K4 today and when I asked myself “second loop of K4?” “No, buy Heartsong and give it a go” was the answer. So I did
I listened to HS and fell asleep almost immediately after. Just woke up – about 4 1/2 hours later. Feeling refreshed but a little bit worried about how I will get back to sleep in a little bit.
2023-06-05T15:00:00Z
Since I woke up after yesterday’s subliminal-induced sleep I’ve been horny as a mfer. This is what I thought K3 would feel like. To spare the gory details I’m just gonna say I’ve been in a heightened state that has only grown since then. I’m amazed I managed to sleep last night. Also it’s only one loop but I think something from Heartsong is already activating. I feel more at peace somewhere inside me that I’m going to find at least some semblance of love and acceptance.
Back to forum participation after a long break. I never stopped running subliminals – and in some cases ran them too much – but I had to get away from the forum.
Before I do anything else in this journal, I want to spend the next few days brain-dumping some of my thoughts, findings, and experiences from the last six months. I’ve tried to put hyper-specific things in their appropriate product discussion threads, but the rest will go here.
I wasn’t trying to correct anything or cause any problems – just sharing my reaction to the copy. I read it, and to me it was a bit cringe. I couldn’t get into it at all and was a bit bummed out after the hype leading up to it. Everybody else was digging it, so I felt bad for being weird about it.
And yes, I know I was being super dumb about it. It wasn’t a good look on my part.
Anyway, that post lead to this exchange with @SaintSovereign and even @Malkuth chimed in at the end…
It annoyed the hell out of me, but I remember that Saint’s last post in particular stuck with me.
At first I was in my feelings and took it purely as an insult. But I couldn’t get it out of my mind and after I got over myself I zoomed out on the big picture and realized how embarrassing the whole thing really was.
Basically, “What the fuck am I doing right now?”
“Why am I so emotionally invested in this product and what’s clearly joke text? Why am I spending all of my time following marketing hype and getting so riled up by new subs anyway? What about my actual goals? What about my real life? I post on my journal often and I’m taking some action but still getting essentially nowhere. And come to think of it a lot of my posts are rants or meaningless stuff anyway. What am I doing???”
And something inside me clicked. A new contract year was coming up and I wasn’t any closer to getting out of a situation that was supposedly oh-so-terrible. At that point, I believed that subs “worked” but I was still running them with no real purpose, philosophy, or understanding behind my decision making (which reflected my approach to my life itself). I was trying to feel like I was making my own choices while still looking to everyone else for how I should be running these things, and not getting a single step closer to understanding what was good for me.
In hindsight it was a really humbling but pivotal moment.
I decided to step back from my own bullshit and from the noise of the forum to find my focus and find my own way.
I decided I wouldn’t participate again until I had my own philosophy and understanding of how this process fit into my life, with some bonafide results and experiences to back it up for myself.
I got all of that, and now I’m back.
I still can’t say I understand how any of this really works, and I’m still not even at a full year of subliminal use. And I’m not trying to become an expert, which is great because I never will be anyway. I’ll leave that up to the owners and veteran members.
But I can say with certainty that I’ve found my footing and I’m ready to tackle 2024 with a completely different mindset to where I was back in June. And that’s all that matters to me now – proper change and growth in the right direction.
As they say here, subliminals aren’t toys – they are tools. And I intend to use them much better this year than last.
As you can see from my last posts in June, I ran K4 and HS for two days. After I got off the forum, I switched to KB1 solo and ran it for the rest of the cycle.
Why I switched to Khan Black
I had no plan for HS. No money I could really use for dates even if I somehow got them. No socializing, no nothing. At the time, I thought it could help me for healing relationship trauma, and I saw someone’s report of manifesting their girlfriend on Khan and HS. But, again, my mindset was poor and I realized I was mainly playing it with the hope that something would just happen. I had no intention to do anything to make something happen or expose myself to opportunity.
Khan was making me too horny and I felt like I couldn’t control myself. The sexual energy in me was powerful but chaotic. I thought I could use Khan Black to get some control and then try K4 again after I worked up to KB4.
It was a relief to switch and not have any recon or any intense feelings and work with a subliminal that was purely internal.
During this time I was focused on doing good work for a set of students we were trying to recruit, working on a new product and marketing strategy, and preparing for a family visit in July. Things with those two college girls were proceeding well, too. Girl A was giving me good vibes every week and Girl B stayed for an hour after class every week to basically chat about all sorts of stuff. Anime, partying, travel, etc.
2023-06-30T15:00:00Z - 2023-07-20T15:00:00Z (Khan Black Stage 2 solo) [+3min microloop of Wanted Black from July 13]
Ditto for this cycle.
I was also in the middle of a digital detox, to continue my exploration of the idea from Atomic Habits about our environment’s influence on our lives. The original plan was to go until the end of August, but I failed. Still learned a bit from it, and although I can’t commit to it fully right now, I now know how I want to implement low/no-tech into my life in the future.
The big thing here was that my family was coming to visit and I was dead broke. I tried to do as little as possible and eat as little as possible so I could save face when they came. It was also annoying to me that they could come as tourists and get an unbelievably generous nation-wide transit pass while I, who lived and paid heavy taxes on a meager salary here, had to pay full price for every leg of the trip we would make. I had to cut back on some of the planned destinations and I was lucky that I could use work as an excuse to bail me out.
This was the first of a few major incidents that ultimately forced me to accept that I wasn’t making enough money to live, do the fitness stuff, have any sort of hobby, and pay off my debt. The extra money was better than nothing but it still wasn’t doing much and growing at a slow rate. I would only be able to solve my issues by getting a better job.
Anyway, at the time I still didn’t feel the pain too much and merely thought it annoying that every month there seemed to be some “thing” coming through that required money. Big bill, big taxes, family visit involving travel, etc. So in July, that was the latest “thing”.
It was great to be able to see my family again after four years, and I was so sad to see them go. I felt trapped and pathetic that I had neither the time nor the money to go back and visit them.
Khan Black Stage 2 Thoughts
I found some notes I took during that time so I’m going to take pictures and upload some parts below. It’s interesting looking back on some of the stuff I wrote. A common theme is developing a massive distaste for fake/virtual ANYTHING and wanting so desperately to enjoy my real life. Conversely, I noticed a huge increase in desire for women that did it for me. A few times I found myself overwhelmed with desire in completely unexpected situations by people who I wouldn’t normally look twice at. IIRC I started to lean way more into the “energy” side of things, noticing it not just for attraction but in my general interactions with people.
KB2 gave me much more control over my sexual impulses, and I was feeling good and feeling myself. I love running sex subs. But I couldn’t help myself and I ultimately ruined a good thing. I ran KB (2x) followed by 3min microloops of WB from July 13, and the feeling was so good that I ended up:
a) Using porn again
b) Bypassing my washout and going straight to KB3 (I felt the pain of this later) + WB (full loops)
c) Losing my shit and going off the rails with a bunch of sexual subs over the next month that I had no business running
Wanted Black (3min microloops) Thoughts
Holy shit I wrote this on July 3, and Wanted Black came out on July 10.
I forgot, but that must be why I impulse bought it and ran it so aggressively.
Looking back, this has basically been the case since I started using subliminals, but it’s only become more pronounced and obvious to me as I’ve used subs with newer technology and particularly once I started the aura subs: I get a lot of results, both good and bad, for the first loop I play, and then things tend to mellow out a bit before picking up later on in the cycle.
This pattern happened with WB and, although I prefer 15 min loops, it seems like microloops were pretty darn effective during my short time on the subliminal. I remember feeling confident and cooler than usual, but I also lost control of my sexual energy.
In my daily life, at the gym, etc. I noticed increased attention and unusual behavior from myself in terms of (lightly) flirting openly with strangers on the street.
2023-07-22T15:00:00Z - 2023-07-30T15:00:00Z (Khan Black Stage 3 + Wanted Black)
~1 week (5 loops)
I went straight into my next cycle of KB3 + WB and this is where things started to go off the rails in terms of subliminal usage.
Considering I have no social life, WB was pretty damn effective.
Wanted Black Results (1)
During this time we (my school/company) had a big event in which I was required to give a speech in front of ~100 mostly strangers, and I nailed it. Thanks to teaching, I’m now used to public speaking and leading unfamiliar groups, but I still surprised myself with how well I did. I was also feeling extra mysterious because nobody really knew who I was.
At the event I got a lot of attention and was even literally chased down by one student and her mother for a picture when it ended I kind of disappeared after the main event, so when they found me a few floors down in the building they were visibly relieved and laughing.
Wanted Black Results (2)
Conclusion for Girls A & B.
University classes ended and I finally got to unleash ~15 weeks of patience and theorizing to see how things might play out with Girls A and B. Of course I ran many different subs during this period of time, but I attribute the way in which everything played out at the end to Wanted Black.
The reason is because both girls, in their own ways, showed their hands first in very clear ways.
I sent a standard email to everyone to announce the end of class. Her response - ILY was clear as day I invited her on a date and we had a good time. I didn’t continue with her, though, because she had become slightly too chubby for me by the end of the semester and it may sound stupid but I realized on the date that she was just a kid still. She was perfectly legal but it felt… wrong. A different kind of 19-year-old compared to Americans.
Girl B - how it started:
Girl B - how it ended:
This girl waited for everyone to leave, and gave me this at the end of class:
We got to talking, and I noticed she was getting really close to me. It was a “reality bubble” in Primal Seduction speak. I invited her to go see a movie by a director we both like, and she asked, giggling, “Just the two of us?” “Of course.” "…OK " Melted my soul. Swapped contacts and set the date/time.
AND THIS OTHER STUDENT SAW US TALKING, CAME BACK IN THE ROOM, AND KILLED THE FUCKING MOOD.
Ultimately things didn’t progress. Not because of that student but because of her “really close guy friend” who was basically a puppy dog she had friendzoned hardcore. Really long story short, she told him about our plans and he got super angry. Because of him she wanted to flake and I gave it up completely. I was not about to get into drama and any fighting with a student over another student.
These two interactions (Girls A & B) led me to give up on this whole student thing. I’m not in my 20s anymore, anyway, and it’s just not worth the bullshit. I feel like maybe mid-20s is where I should aim, but I’ve completely given up on anything happening for now. I have no life. There’s no demographic here for me. I’m forcing it both for myself (broke AF, no social life) and the people around me.
Wanted Black Results (3)
I also had a crazy manifestation in which I bumped into three former students at a random shop who had since turned 20 (18 is the accepted legal age for consent, driving, etc, but 20 is the age of adulthood – kind of like 21 is in the US). They were reeeaally curious about my relationship status and one of them who was working part-time at a bar told me to come on one of the days she was there. She gave me the address and her schedule and told me about 6 different times during the conversation to come. She emphasized ~midnight or later so we could hang out when the bar was dead.
I didn’t go because she had a lousy attitude in my class and she didn’t do it for me. She’s trashy cute and that’s not my speed.
What ended the run of KB3 + WB was that I had a moment where I questioned if I really wanted to be chased. The answer was no. No clue where that came from, but I have a lot to figure out in the romance/relationship side of life…
The other thing that ended the run for me was that my head started to hurt pretty badly
2023-08-05T15:00:00Z - 2023-08-26T15:00:00Z (Khan Stage 4, Khan Black Stage 3, Sex Mastery X2, Diamond (ME), Wanted Black, Revelation of the Nectar Within, Genesis)
7 subs in 1 cycle. Not my proudest month.
So much for figuring out myself, finding my focus, attacking my goals, etc.
I started with Khan and Khan Black Stage 3, and I wanted to cheat the process so I decided to run Sex Mastery and Diamond since I thought they were “light” subs. The reason was because of the manifestations I mentioned in the previous post. I was feeling myself and feeling positive that something was going to happen with one of the girls that I suddenly had a choice of. Of course, nothing ended up working out.
I ran this stack of four subs (KKB - off - SMD - off) until 8/16 when those three opportunities ended, at which point I was feeling desperate so I tried to bring back WB + Nectar (microloop), which I believe had been released around that time. I didn’t want to get chased, but I wanted some quick and easy manifestations. I was also feeling more lost than ever about my direction, so I decided to run Genesis (ended up running 3 loops over the span of a week). I was also dealing with the disappointment and frustration and got stuck in to porn. If there is a plus side, it’s that I confirmed that diamond, nectar and KB worked veerrry well together. Extraction was, dare I say, nuts, and I didn’t feel much of a slump in energy or attitude after. I also felt like the nectar refueled quickly. But it was chaos.
Desperate. Horny as hell. Frustrated. Why am I a failure? What’s wrong with me? How did I end up in such a shit position in life? etc. etc.
I was so unbalanced and my sexual energy was out of control. I didn’t really notice it at the time, but looking back at this calendar I can see clearly it must’ve been KB3. I mixed up too many sex subs with no purpose or outlet and KB3 was definitely working to power everything up. AND it was summertime (when I get way more energy and libido normally skyrockets anyway)?? I had no chance
Subliminal Report
KB3: The only thing I ran consistently that cycle was KB3. Can confirm it works to give big sexual energy. I’m looking forward to my next run of KB3 starting at the end of next month, so I can give it the proper attention and really see how it works without the noise.
K4: At this point, Khan stage 4 still felt very heavy and I switched off of it after my second loop. I feel both really good and really bad when I run it. It’s such a powerful subliminal.
Nectar: I didn’t get to use it with any partners but confirmed the benefits to nectar production and extraction
Genesis: Under the conditions I ran it, it’s not surprising I didn’t get much out of it. But I never re-visited it, either.
Diamond (ME): Really powerful sub that gave me great erections. When I use this in the future, I might run it properly for a cycle but then cheat and run it 1x a week as a booster. It’s so hard for me to justify a whole slot (and halving my overall exposure time) on a penis sub.
Sex Mastery X2: Can’t review this because I didn’t have sex No clue how this sub is supposed to work.
WB: Like I said, I realized before that I didn’t really want to be chased. I’m not into the hot and cold stuff and the mystery and whatever. Seems like a huge waste of time to me. What I mainly wanted from WB was to make women show… something – anything – if they were interested so that I could act with more confidence.
@Doc
I have no social life and no intention on building one, so I don’t run the seduction stuff. Would drop me straight into recon hell. Primal was the first sub I ran here, and I really liked it actually, but I recently tried the new Primal and didn’t like the feeling of it. At some point this year I’m going to finally move and will be more socially active, so I’ll reassess at that point.
If you’re referring to the post above, that report is from August of last year. The answer is: no. Recon sucks. Since then I’ve wisened up and focused on trying to avoid recon instead. I try to be honest about my intentions when using a given subliminal and strict about loops to prevent overexposure. Since my mental state is really important for studying and doing two FT mental jobs, recon will destroy my productivity.
That’s why I’m not running Khan right now
But when it hits, this is basically my strategy:
Eat a lot and get some sleep or take it easy. It’s easier for me to do that than try to power through.
2023-08-31T15:00:00Z - 2023-09-20T15:00:00Z (Ecstasy of Gold Stage 1, RICH, Primal)
At this point I was seriously done with my own bullshit and I was particularly inspired by this post by @Pyro
This line in particular got stuck in my mind. I actually still say it to myself sometimes lol.
Run it like a blind faith cult member, no exceptions.
I was feeling so bad about my financial situation, yet I was running sex subs. Truly this meme by @RagnarLothbrok
So I decided to follow the advice. I’d run EoG each stage for two cycles + whatever else. At first I went EoG / RICH but then I added Primal because I still couldn’t get my mind off of sex and I wanted some sort of alpha sub running.
I didn’t journal very much during this time and I wasn’t participating in the forums, so I don’t have specific details about each cycle. But in hindsight, this is where things actually changed for me. I’m going to list all of the other relevant cycles in this post, and then post the major events that happened during this time that represents my overall experience.
Cycle 3 2023-10-22T15:00:00Z - 2023-11-11T15:00:00Z (Ascension, Ecstasy of Gold Stage 2, Nouveau RICH)
My EoG Experience
I ended up spending the majority of this 3-cycle period on EoG and Ascension. Due to my time here at subliminal club, I no longer believe in coincidences, so I strongly believe EoG manifested both terrible and great things to teach me a lesson. Ascension gave me the spine to back myself and get through the storm.
I decided to get off of Primal and go back to basics – pure alpha juice + money. 2-stack with no budging.
I already posted this experience with Ascension (stacked with Gold) here:
But basically I found myself in a situation that forced me to realize that the “side business” I was trying to build wasn’t worth jack shit. And it wasn’t a side business, it was still my boss’s business. And at the end of the day she was in control of the money no matter what deal I thought we had in place. From the beginning it had felt… difficult to get money when students finally started coming in. Things were fine when I was working my ass off and we weren’t seeing results, but as soon as things started rolling I had to keep checking and talking just to get my share. You can even see some of that play out in my earlier posts in this journal. I always trusted – and still do btw – that she wasn’t trying to rip me off, and my conclusion is that the deal wasn’t very good for her from the beginning but she really wanted it to work and was hoping that the numbers would be more than they were. But basically since new students were kind of trickling in, I think she felt the squeeze and was having a hard time paying me. I genuinely think it was her subconscious causing all of the “mistakes”, “misunderstandings”, and “oops I forgot” type situations. Or maybe I’m a fool
So I had just come off of like 10 fucking weeks of grinding just to get this one new student in the door, and she finally enrolled. And I would be getting like $15 / month from that. Small money, but it was adding up so I had no problem being patient.
I wasn’t paid for the student like I should have been, and I found myself arguing yet again about it. Arguing over $15…
At the same time, my brother’s business started picking up and I was helping him out with some stuff. And one day, without even thinking, he casually sent me $150 just as a thank you.
I had been out of the US – and a high-paying job – for a long time, so I had long forgotten the days when $150 was “nothing”. It was a big deal to me and I told him to keep it, but he insisted and said it was barely anything as it was. And I stopped suddenly, checked the conversion rate, and realized that $150 was almost exactly how much I was currently making on the side with this fake business thing.
It was humbling and eye-opening.
Here I was scrapping and working my dick off over 15 fucking dollars, and my brother just tossed me my monthly amount as a thank you for work that I didn’t even see as work and took me barely any time or effort.
That’s a helluva manifestation and learning experience, and I’m glad it happened.
I ended up quitting the whole thing, relinquished all of the money I was pulling in monthly for my side of the “deal”, and told my boss I wouldn’t be doing any more work outside of the bare minimum requirements for my job. I was pissed, felt insulted, and I really let it show in full force for once. I think over the course of the month she realized how much she had mishandled the situation – and also how much I was doing for her that I was no longer doing – so she ended up giving me ~$1000 as “sorry” money, with a heartfelt apology. I didn’t go back to doing anything extra, but I felt that she was sincere and I accepted the apology. And the money.
If all of that wasn’t EoG, I don’t know what that was.
During this time, I also had two different times when I was on my last dollar. Like actually, my bank account was close to 0, I had a week or so left until I would get paid, and my credit card was maxed. I was on the wrong end of a negative spiral that had finally caught up with me.
Shit spending habits → shit salary → in a shit currency → using a credit card based on a powerful currency → having to pay against that credit card with shit currency → having to also pay an absurd amount of insurance and taxes compared to the shit salary I was receiving…
For the first time in my life, and thank God it was the first and definitely the last, I experienced periods of going to bed hungry and having to eat basically rice or rice and a liiiittle bit of chicken. One time, even the rice ran out.
But both times, when I was seriously wondering how the fuck I would make it through without asking for some sort of advance, my brother randomly sent me money. He doesn’t know how powerful that money was, and I’m not sure how I can ever repay him for that because he literally saved my life twice.
And the funny thing is that it was only during this time. I haven’t gotten a dime from him since getting off of EoG. And I’ve continued to help him with much more work than I was doing during that period.
Another notable manifestation from EoG
I got a hookup through my network to apply for a software-related job at Apple (Japan or otherwise) and I would get fast-tracked to a guaranteed interview with someone, but I couldn’t find any jobs that I thought fit my skills or interest so I ended up declining. Plus, I was really holding out for a fully remote job. It was a weird manifestation, too, because both the person who introduced me and the connection at Apple said the exact phrase “You need to make some money, Saint.”
Nouveau RICH
I tried it because I saw that it could give EoG some NSE powers, but in hindsight I should have remained loyal to the cult of EoG.
My experience was basically:
It made me horny
I got crazy urge to work on my app
Followed by a day when I woke up and ragequit and killed the whole project (yes… I’m still trying to break this cycle)
And stopped running Nouveau RICH
I remember a moment that stood out to me, though. I was on public transportation and someone sitting across from me spilled a whole bunch of cash out of their wallet. I was really worrying about money at the time, and it was like the universe was directly telling me “money is abundant”. Probably a daily manifestation from NSE.
Final Thoughts
I did a really good job of staying the course when I was on AG1/2, but seeing the new subs and this whole NSE thing pulled me off track. As I’ve shared already and will reference again next, NSE subs are amazing and the next cycle I ran is what helped me get a life-changing job offer and finally get out of this bad situation that brought me to this community in the first place. So I have no regrets, but I definitely want to run EoG again when it gets updated in the future and the time is right.
I learned some really painful lessons about money, and going through this business break-up sucked ass. But it cleared the way for me to get to where I am now, so I can say with certainty I got my money’s worth out of EoG many times over – and I didn’t even get to stage 3
2023-11-18T15:00:00Z - 2023-11-28T15:00:00Z (Emperor, Index Gate: Ultimate Programmer X)
This is the cycle that changed everything for me. It was too short for me to justify a post on the Emperor thread, but my results were significant enough that I decided to talk about it in the Index Gate thread as my results were mainly about tech and tech jobs.
In short: I got my perfect job at the very company that rejected me early last year. It met all criteria I had in mind and outlined in this very journal:
Out of all the subs and experiences that I’ve had on these subliminals, this was tops. My true desire, intent, and actions all aligned and synergized perfectly with the subliminal I was listening to. I suddenly found myself wading through a deluge of job opportunities and being in a position to actually choose something good for myself for once. These subs are scary good.
I did my best to outline the situation in the Index Gate thread (including a tad bit about Emperor), so I’m not going to say much more.
This cycle was short because I literally couldn’t press the play button on a listening day, and I realized that I should stop running the subs. It was most likely Emperor – I did not like the direction I was going on it and the effect it was having on my life – but I can’t say for sure. Given that I’ve had my own struggles with coding and trying to build projects, it could have very well been from IG too. But the job-seeking part was spot on and the results I got were well worth the measly $70 it cost for both of the subs.
" Melted my soul. Swapped contacts and set the date/time.
Not my proudest month.
No clue how this sub is supposed to work.