Now that I think about it, it was one of the most beautiful moments I’ve had alone in a very long time.
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I noticed a pattern that whenever I was thinking about my father, I got very angry and was like I hate him and kinda was wishing someone kills him brutally or humiliate.
Today I sat in public bus and told myself that these negative thoughts towards your father will have an affect on his reality and maybe manifest bad things to him, before I was thinking of this and the answer was yes. But I guess the sub had done some cleaning and I answered myself: no! I don’t want any bad thing to happen to my dad, even though he mistreated us alot(I forgave hik completely) another aspect: when I was thinking about forgiving my mind/ego constantly was telling me he should pay for his karma and blah blah, I said(another new thing after the sub’s cleaning) I don’t give a damn, I just don’t want any negative thing happen to him. So I forgive him. I don’t care if he pays back or I want revenge.
I did not expect this, but I started getting this emotional for the second(first time was on Khan ST1 which I cried loud and crazily for 35 minutes.)time and started telling myself that I forgive my dad and again something came up and I remembered someone here saying that the best therapy is crying… And I cried and it kinda got loud like the mouth started moving and I was overwhelmed but I did not care about others, I was just crying and crying and whenever Biggie’s verse which said:No one was born broke as me I was crying again. Now I was also running EOG ST1 for some days. But I don’t know if that was the factor. Since somethings can be used as a trigger but don’t necessarily mean the real source of trauma.
Now that I think of my father, I don’t get amgry that he did this that… And if I get angry I will consciously tell myself naaah.
Another thing I think about is that everytime thinking about I was getting angry and hating 
and thinking the most bad thoughts. But today sadness and kindness came.
I have two hypothesis:
-
layered emotions: like I had to express the anger(I expressed it badly to my mom) for the forgiveness to come up. Like the OSHO’s(I just watched videos about OSHO out of nowhere-maybe something like wheel of creation or scripts like that in EB) red rose meditation, I hope I said the name correctly. I don’t know the exact sequence, but it’s a 4 day process and the first day they entirely laugh crazily, next day crying…
-
another hypothesis I have is that my approach was wrong and I should’ve forgiven him, just to make myself more lightweight -but it ain’t that simple AND easy, is it?
Another aspect of my shadow that I JUST discovered that I am judgemental.
Like projecting judgements on people, their tone of voice with others and everything.
When I start writing I get fascinated how things connect and after judgements I was thinking if this guy asks me about his and his employees behavior towards customers I will tell him that they are not good. But where did THIS urge and wish that he asks me comes from? It comes from the fact that I was projecting my judgements and wamted to express it, but due to the power dynamics I should’ve not and I must also take the fact that “when you project those judgemental thoughts people get uncomfortable in your presence” into account and this is not very optimal due to my current situation.
Another thing just popped into my mind is that my father put this habit of extreme judging in me(my problem with WANTED’S rogueness, but the more fascinating part is that when this thoughts pooped in my mind, I was not feeling hatred and anger towards my dad.
Now let’s get back to topic of wether should we be judgemental sometimes or not(for power)
OSHO had this much lovers and followers(he could be called a khan I guess, the sexual guru😂) but he also had haters and he was also judging his haters. But he was not judgemental to everyone around him, like if the wrong doer was a sanyasi of OSHO, he could qualify that by lawyer games and he could easily condemn his haters by creating logic, which is pretty easy.
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I just put this here since people visit this thread. I invite you to come and share your opinions. Thanks
Another aspect and tendency which I watched multiple times that when I focus on someone talking, they get nervous and that makes me laugh(I am laughing and the guy who I am laughing at is laughing a bit😂)
Please share your insights about this that where this laughing comes from?
A superiority complex? When I see him nervous I just can’t hold my laugh.
It’s just funny that they get nervous.
Please share
That was beautiful, real beauty in your tears. That is how I felt when reading that part, not because I like your tears but how you gained clarity and made such a amazing decision. I guess I have been in a similar situation too but with my own sister,. Crying is difficult for me, because I feel it is weak. Obviously it is not and it has such courage in it and transformative power. I am allowing my self to be vulnerable, each day more and more
The only way out is in
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I’m really struggling with Emperor Black. For me, I’m simply not getting the results I’m looking for.
I’m getting results, but I don’t know if they align with me and what I’m looking for at this stage. They’re results, but not the highest ROI results possible for me. They’re results, but not the results I want.
EB is giving me conscious insights into the nature of my procrastination, so that I can look at it with a fresh perspective, develop real habits, maybe even let go of them for good one day after enough conscious grappling and system management. It’s almost healing, but, doesn’t feel like healing at all. More like introspective awAreness.
However, I procrastinate like crazy on EB.
If that’s recon or not, it’s hard to say, as procrastination is my base state, and subliminals that work and have great effect on me increase my baseline so procrastination isn’t a factor.
Because of that, I can’t say whether or not procrastination is a sign of recon or simply a lack of results from EB.
I mostly feel good on EB ->I feel dominant, I feel aligned with self, I have easier times socializing because I’ve completely stopped putting people on a pedestal. I am in my own world, and if someone enters my world and genuinely interests me, I will speak to them for a little while, but then will go back to what I’m doing.
I can tell this puts me as extremely high status in people’s eyes, but in the words of a great American Chess Grandmaster…
”I just don’t care. Guys. Guys. Come on guys. I don’t care. I literally just don’t care guys, oh ha-ha-ha guys very funny, come on guys.”
- Hikaru Nakamura, (American Chess Champion, World No. 2 from 2015-2019, world Rapid Chess Champion, World Fischer Random Chess Champion, and Blitz Champion, also #1 chess streamer, also worth $50M)
There’s a lot of confounding factors so I don’t think EB is totally to blame. I may still be in overwhelm, even post washout, after listening to LBFH and getting completely overexposed and burnt out. I’m also in a relationship and am not really doing monk mode.
Safe to say, I can vouch for EB and say it’s an awesome sub that hits deep.
But I’m moving on from it now 
(Perfect timing too because I’m about to go to a mastermind in Miami and my #1 goal is to make high value connections)
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Great opportunity to test HoM.
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It’s good to see the growth of members who use this sub, especially when you read through the thread in one sitting and get to gauge how people mature through their posts.
Saying that, has anyone stacked this with Sage?
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No lie, my family had the soundtrack on an old 8-track and I used to listen to the theme song over and over.
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I completed 3 weeks on Emperor Black. One loop every other day. The first 2 weeks with Quantum Limitless ST3. I forced myself to study but I didn’t reach the focus I need. Something is wrong with me. Reconciliation?!?! Maybe, any ideas?
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It could be reconciliation or overexposure. I went through the same. I wasn’t achieving the focus or the drive that I wanted. I decided to end the first round early and I started a washout period yesterday. However, Emp Black gave me deep clarity on why I procrastinate. I stacked it with HoM and EOG2. I’m not surprised that I overexposed myself. It happened to me so frequently that I know what the signs are.
Next round I’ll be stacking it with EOG3 with is action oriented. I’m expecting to have great results. I’ll also do 5 minute loops.
EDIT : I’m not surprised that it takes me a bit of time to feel the effects of Emp Black. Subliminal Club products usually takes me at least two rounds to notice anything. The only subs that gave me very fast results (in days) are Rebirth and LBFH.
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Thanks @ksub! I really appreciate your insight.
Any cognitive enhancement title had historically (since Nov 2018) very hard for me to run. It seems that always hit me hard badly. With QL Q, I was not able to find my words. Similar to what happened to Varuna.
This is an strange type of reconciliation. RM gave me for the first week motivation to read about everything except my career related topics. Hahaha! But then, it subside to almost zero.
Last resource, pray and listen to SC subs.
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Thanks for sharing all of that bro.
I can definitely see the subs working their magic on you, peeling your emotions away layer by layer, bringing you to the place you need to be to make progress towards your ultimate goals.
How can you be the ideal man you want to be while cursing death on your father?
How can you be the ideal man you want to be while judging others harshly?
I know you, and lots of other guys here, say you want to be feared and respected by others.
And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that really.
But deep down, I think what we all want is to be loved and accepted by others.
And when we don’t know what it feels like to be loved like that (because our parents or family weren’t capable of it or because some other trauma made us forget what it feels like), then we default to wanting to be feared and respected because the look of awe in the eyes of someone who fears/respects you is the closest thing we can imagine to love.
I am proud of you for making this progress bro, and I know for sure you are well on your way to being the man you want to be, and being loved and respected and admired and accepted by the people around you.
Keep pushing 
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Really interesting to read your perspective on this bro, as I thought this would work super well for you based on how well it’s working for me.
But it’s also likely you have less healing you need to do, and more building (sales team, marketing automation, SOPs, systems in general, that crazy P&L sheet).
So subs that laser focus you on cognitive enhancement and seeing through the matrix would probably help you more in this phase of your business.
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Hey, did you try doing shadow work in a journal on EB? This is what I’ve found most useful and most effective for self-improvement with this sub so far apart from the obvious. At the same time, I’m not clued on what you were looking for result-wise exactly or if uncovering the suppressed part of your character is what you were focused on obtaining. All the best.
Thank you, IMO, if you gave not a hugh flow state, you’ll experience anger and everything but after some loops the subs poke you and poke you until you release it.
Remember when it comes, release it.
The first I cried on Khan ST1 was when I saw a woman selling cakes on the subway and was faking being so innocent. I bought the cake and cried for 1 hour, VERY INTENSELY, but after that I did not feel anything for her. She was just a trigger.
When I cried at the bus last night, I did nothing to hidey tears, but I also did not try to “not hide” my teers. So yeah. That caring is gone.
I also don’t like one of my sisters, but it’s not trauma. She’s just an asshole.
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Thank you brother, for the encouragement and you opinion.
I think both love and fear is needed in a balance.
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The bottom is one of my own experiences
I believe the whole post can be useful for shadow work.
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