Listening day ~
Been working out so much in my mind past few days.
On my drive back from Toronto my bf was having recon at the same time as me… this made for an interesting test of my patience & restraint.
I was getting some unloving thoughts such as punching him in the head, leaving him at the service Center or throw him out of the vehicle. I am not a violent person or intentionally want to harm anything, not even a fly. I had fire moving through my body. I started doing some pranayama while driving to cool my body down. To come back to balance.
He talked for over an hour straight relating to giving back what I had dished out. If I’m gonna speak a certain way then I’m gonna get it back, according to him.
Sometimes I find it difficult being me because I have the abilities of clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience & claircognizant & I am an intuitive empathic. I see feel hear and just know things before they happen or while happening, past present and future. 
I have held the space for 100’s of people in my life to let out the darkest corners of their being throughout my entire life. Projections that would take place through words and actions. I did my own version of exorcisms intuitively without any proper guidance from a super young age. I have a powerful mind that sometimes scares me.
I learned how to protect myself to an extent but I am also a human, not just divine. There comes a time where enough is enough. I don’t want this to show up in my world anymore, but do I have a choice?
It’s astonishing what the outcome has been for all the different people who would release their crap in front of me though. I have a high success rate for helping some of the ugliest parts of people to become beautiful again.
From dark and ugly to whole and beautiful.
I was engaged once to someone who experienced losing their brother in a collision. They went to the vehicle to remove belongings and saw things no person should ever have to see. That haunted them for many years leading to extreme anger and blocks to their energy flow. I witnessed violent outbursts leading to dropping to his knees and crying. Opening up about some extremely vulnerable things. He is now a successful business man and super dad to our daughter. We are very close and have excellent communication. We have each others backs.
Anyways,
I’m just realizing how I would bring men and even women romantic and non romantic into my life with extreme trauma in their pasts, presenting with a lot of unconscious patterns & I would work on fixing and changing their patterns. They would say how do you know what I’ve been through and how would you know what’s best for me. People thought I was creepy and weird. It was hard to be my full true self with all these gifts that felt more like a curse sometimes. I used to use drugs and alcohol to escape. I am completely sober other than good coffee now.
I felt that if everyone around me is okay then so will I. Clearly a learned behaviour from childhood.
So many flashbacks of things have come up to heal that I thought were already healed. Or maybe just reminders of what not to do anymore and keep going on my journey to bliss.
It feels good to have let this out.
I have court next week with ex fiancé #2. The reopening of a long drawn out case against me relating to custody of our daughter. His family painted a picture of me being crazy. This stemmed from exposing my gifts to them. Trusting the wrong people. Not fully understanding how the laws of power work. I was using them wrong.
I have a really good lawyer and a really good cause this time around. Trying not to get emotional and knock myself from my state.
I got a call from one of the places I dropped a resume at for any position (child protective services), maybe even a created position since my resume is amazing. I don’t really want to go back to a job since I desire to be financially free doing what I wanna do & have been working at my business. I see where I am procrastinating though. Maybe having something casual where I am helping others while working at my bigger goals may be good for me.
Anyways, they’re putting my resume at the top of the pile.
