SubliminalGuy--Ascension and Rebirth Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#146

I’ll say it. I haven’t written in a while since I’ve been resistant to constantly “needing” people’s validation of my thoughts. I’ll do it at work some, but mostly with low key guys who are similarly quiet natured. Ascension is putting some things in me which, when I consider them, are pretty foreign to my thinking. And not seeking everyone’s validation is definitely a big thing. I’m still trying to figure out changes coming on, and I’ll say maturity is definitely one of them.

My mind is still trying to argue its case as to why I “need” validation. But it’s not truly validation it’s seeking. It’s community. Belonging to a tribe. I’ve felt inferior to most males around me for decades, and that initiated distance by me. I’ve not even thought of inferiority lately, as I’ve not felt it, at all. My mind has battled with me, even today while working, to hide my weaknesses around people. Damn, I have definite thoughts on this.

If there’s been one uncomfortable, but fruitful action I’ve done many times, it’s answering honestly regarding weaknesses. I find it first kills the umph of bullies seeking to embarrass me. Bullies live off other people’s fear, so no fear leaves them without a target. I also know it encourages others to admit their own weaknesses. I wasn’t smashed, so why should they be afraid? And lastly, I feel I skip past the bullshitting among men and move into more honesty and vulnerability with some.

This sharing happened today with a coworker I rode with. He was kicking the shit out of himself, callling himself bad, and I gently asked him why he thought he was that bad. He spit out that he keeps cheating on his girlfriend with another woman. He’s scared of himself currently, having limiting beliefs about himself and how he should be treated by others, himself, and God. It was safe for him sharing, as I had no judgement on him. But since I’ve not bullshitted him, he shared the biggest present battle in his life.

Keeping this post on myself though, what I have sought lately (and feared simultaneously), is an independence. I’d have to say I’ve allowed fear to dictate my life. I’ve had fear directing my steps each day, and it kept me feeling small, powerless, and weak. This is bullshit thinking. Powerless, unfruitful, circular thinking. The reality I’m questioning is "am I expecting or HOPING money will allow me to hide like I did before? I really don’t want to live in la la land. Money will allow some changes in my life, but it won’t set my mind free. That’s a choice I have to choose every single day.

So, tomorrow I’m going to begin Ascended Mogul. I’m also beginning a big investment, so mental money rules and reminders will be most helpful.

Also, I’m going to run Ascension while sleeping tonight. I’ve wondered if the prior sleeplessness was due to my mind battling it initially. All good subliminals began to “settle” into my thinking and norm after a while. I’ve been listening to Ascension each day while working, and I’ve not been angry lately (aka scared). I’ll try it and see. I’m also wondering if I’ll be able to run AM while sleeping.

I need some sleep now. I’ll write later.

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#147

Great post!

Do you belong to one? Sports team, church/religion group, etc?

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#148

Not at this time. Not even church presently, though I’ve considered just walking in a few Sundays. I’m becoming more aware of this lack of relationships being on Ascension (Ascended Mogul starting today), and I’m enjoying the gentle push to just go and just reach out.

@refresh, why did you ask?

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#149

Even if I’m not really religious, I find that groups of people who have a common belief (faith, teams sports team, poker, …) make it easier to have “reasons” to socialize.

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#150

Is it normal to not know who you are sometimes on these subs?

I began on Regeneration early this morning since I couldn’t sleep (and I slept with Regeneration!). I ran it on my phone at work, and I came home and decided to put on Ascension and Godlike Masculinity since I’m feeling slightly softer. Not weaker, just soft. I had to go forward with a financial move online, and I decided to leave one trader today, as she’s been demanding. I’ve ignored her all day, and I even purposely chose to ignore her IG texts since this one’s a massive manipulator. She was the reason I put on Ascension and GM. I’ll not have people push, shove, and force their way in my business decisions. F*** her.

Regarding my first question, I’m not kidding. Who am I? I only ask this since I’ve lived most of my life following set rules and expectations others have made. This is all I used to think about. I’d feel sheepish and scared, and hide from this constant strain, both physically and mentally. I thought of this today while running Regeneration since…my default switch…is not working like it used to. I could imagine scary shit, mostly relational stuff, and quickly transport myself to some “nicer” place, a land I’ve hid in thousands of times. I was not so attached to my traumas today.

And regarding changes and growth, I’ll share something I did 2 nights ago. A buddy lent me his entire Harry Potter movie collection, I took it home, and I thought I’d see how I feel watching it now. I put on the 3rd (Prisoner of Azkaban). I only watched it for 30 minutes, and stopped it. I left it in my computer, but haven’t resumed it.

Harry Potter was a world I could hide in years back. The first movie came out 2003, and coincidentally, that was my first year of marriage. I felt soooooooo immature and incompetent as an adult, and I “tried” a lot, and I was mid 30’s then. I’ve not watched a HP movie since maybe 5 years back when book 7 came out on film. And even then, I remembered the old attraction to hiding and lying while watching it. I felt a mix of anger at this old truth, a fear of going back there, and a sadness that I was not a young prodigy myself. I felt sad knowing it was all a lie to myself. I had lived in that fantasy world for a couple of years.

I still like fantasies, but in moderation. What I’m not liking…is me bullshitting myself. That’s how a middle aged man hides from life. By living anywhere but “now”. By denying EVERYTHING that’s true in life. By hiding from it.

I can’t live like that anymore. I can go there and visit. But that is not where I can rest.

Thank you Saint and Fire, for hearing our needs while growing up in today’s world. For following your instincts. And for trusting the process of change. Life is all about change. Thank you for supporting this truth via your subliminals. It really does make a difference.

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#151

This was really beautiful and even ur journal in general seems super real and open, keep up the good work

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#152

Thank you @myspace123 :slight_smile: Those are kind words.

I’ve had Regeneration on solo all day. Our game day switched from Saturday to Sunday, and tonight I played and ran Regen in my pocket. I’ll make a post about it in the questions forum, but I’m wondering if it’s ethical to play ultrasonic with people around if I’m not playing it for anyone else but myself.

I had no emotional earthquakes happening all day. A little sadness here and there, but nothing which held me and had me all depressed. I did notice 2 or 3 times today where I suddenly felt free, like I’d let go of some old thinking.

I’ll share something I just became aware of. Sharing here, and around groups of men, has sometimes had me wrapped up in fear. And paradoxically, I’d become so obsessed with maintaining a front, a mask, another “not really me”. I’d show or say what I thought would bring me acceptance, though it wasn’t really “me”. Sitting here, running Regeneration, I realize…I reject myself when I do that. I feel led to feel my loss vs. get angry and blame anyone else. I did that. I created that. But right along that is the realization that I am the only person who can change this. With Regen unlocking the chains of regret and self-blame, it helps me see…that change is not as hard as I thought. All it takes is a baby step. Just one. And that is progress, for me.

I think I may be surprised by Regeneration. I really underestimated it, thinking it’d dig up stuff but not find a resolution. What’s different in my experience is that this one is leading me to make changes in my own thinking. This has really piqued my interest, for I’ve never felt motivated to do this.

Thank you Fire and Saint.

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#153

Just a note before I head out for work.

Regeneration is having me want to pick up little untouched messes I’ve left in my room for months, even years. I looked at a stack of old, unused clothes this morning, and thought “I can throw those away”.

It’s not from shame, fear, or guilt. To me, it’s symbolic of unfinished business needing closure. These little successes are good. :slight_smile:

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#154

Yep – there’s direct scripting that handles things like this. :wink:

Tackling small things that are part of a whole has an extremely positive psychological effect. It builds a sense of momentum, like a boulder rolling down a hill. It’ll crash through any obstacles that stand in your way.

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Chosen and Regeneration: ZP changes
Kahn Journal: New possiblities
#155

That’s very encouraging Saint. Very, very encouraging. Thanks for sharing that. Wow… I might gain real traction this time…

Saint, I’ll admit…again…that you and Fire scripting these subs with a perspective of freedom, inherent personal power, and self love and discipline is why I’m here. I’ve often felt completely dependent on other sub creators (I’ve only had experience with 2 others). But these subs make me feel supported, capable, and empowered as a man. THAT promotes action. THAT encourages taking risks to make needed change. I don’t come here now thinking “what is everyone else thinking about me?” My habitual mind still looks for that norm, but I don’t like its lie of possible pain and fear in my thinking. I never have. Rather, it’s exciting, for it’s very new feeling like someone believed in me (and scripted it in the sub!), and I feel I’m beginning to believe in myself now. That’s amazing!

Thank you for making these subliminals :smile: My mind seems to be opening up. I’m wondering if Regeneration plays a major role in one’s freedom of expression, and thus, their creativity. For me, it is, for it’s tearing down unquestioned fears and stances which I’ve just acquiesced to. This change is fun!

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#156

Reading your latest post makes me want to add two loops of Regeneration each morning! I am currently running Primalx8 and SSx2 every night… your story is really inspiring to start adding a little bit of healing every day… how much time have you been listening to regeneration ? :open_mouth:

Continue your great journal, I really like reading about your experience! :slight_smile:

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#157

Thank you for the compliments @GoldenTiger :slight_smile:

I bought it Feb. 7th, listened for only a day, but was not desperate enough yet to keep it on. I listened to another Vendor’s sub for a day, and from that one listening I did…I remembered and felt that dependency I’d been mired in. I wanted to feel independence again like I did on Ascension, so, I came back here and began reading updates, questions, and experiences with Regen. I asked Fire some questions, and I was quickly answered. A major one for me was “does Regeneration promote independence similar to what is in Ascension?”, and his answer was yes. So I jumped in last Saturday morning, played it all weekend, and it’s only been 4 days now.

Seems like I’ve lost some time awareness while playing it, which is progress. Me knowing all my when’s and why’s screams “control” to me, for controlling my thoughts (or attempting to control other people) gave me an illusion of power. Something in Regen works contrary to this. In fact, I even had some dreams last night. I know from my time using subliminals that I don’t dream much…well, I very rarely remember any, both before using them and presently. In the context of my control though, dreams and control are complete opposites. Dreams allow all forms of expression, while control completely repels spontaneity.

I like the results I’m seeing on Regeneration. I’ll keep playing it. I played it all day at work, came home and am running Ascension v.2 now, but will turn Regeneration back on to sleep to tonight.

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Finding my True North
#158

Yesterday I did something unplanned at work. It felt good.

Weeks back, I’d had tense moments with my main coworker, aka Ghetto Guy. One day I’d spoke to him right after he’d been reamed out by another older coworker, which I was unaware of. But he was so hot he went off on me, and another coworker came in, shutting him down. I didn’t intervene myself since I was scared of his anger. I learned later I had been instigating his anger. This was true. I had.

Well, the day after I texted a good boss on the grounds, seeking to speak to him. We talked, and he insisted I report it. So I did.

Yesterday the head boss called me into his office, for he had me sign papers, an official “verbal warning”, which made sense. Under the circumstances, I should have brought in the supers sooner. I’d not done so out of fear of Ghetto Guy.

And near the end of this short meeting, I shared I learned I had instigated him. I shared I had been as much a problem here. I shared since I don’t like blame, both giving and receiving. This encouraged the boss, him smiling and saying a solution can’t be found without admitting a problem.

I took responsibility for myself, and that felt good.

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#159

@subliminalguy The one major thing that caught my attention immediately about Subliminal Club when I was reading the sales page for Ascension is the goal of making you self reliant both mentally and emotionally. To me that stands far above anything anyone else can or will offer. True freedom comes from self reliance.

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#160

@James, you nailed it there. I had a vivid realization last night about why I’m with SC, and I’ll share it now.

I’ve been on Regeneration all week, I’ve felt strong and clear, and surprisingly, I’ve had no lows. However, I’ve not had much sleep all week too. I know I’ve also been dreading/fearing some major financial changes coming in my life, so an anxiety has been on and off. These are positive financial changes too. But I’ve never done this so far in my life, and things I’ve sought for years are finally happening. I’ll be adding Mogul pretty soon.

And I diverted. Regeneration has been nice, yet not loud. Looking back to yesterday, I was tired at work. Not real low, but definitely not high. I thought some self confidence would help my mood. So I put on a competitor’s confidence sub, and it stimulated my thinking some. I ran it off my desktop when I got home, and left it on while sleeping.

I woke up around 3 with no alarm, but I’m up early every morning. My mind was more rested, and I resumed thinking about both money changes and subs since I was listening to a different scripting style. I felt…I’d given up control again. I felt dependent again, just enough to bother me. And remembering this vendor’s script for this sub, I saw something. (I changed back to a SC stack too)

I grew up with a mom I was afraid of, and in fear, I was her “yes man”. I did what I was told, mostly. She even told me I was her “best child”. That treatment hurt me inside since it squelched any exploring of anything; whether in work, jobs, relationships, or businesses. I just followed, fearing being not liked or loved. I learned “if I want to be accepted and loved, give people what they want”.

That same message came back up when using the other vendor’s subliminals, and it ran me when I wrote on their forum. It was a soul sucking lifestyle of “do you like me now?” The lack of change in me was due to this same message. I was afraid to venture out, make mistakes, and just be independent. But those subs were scripted to be obeyed, and SC writes theirs where the listener has to seek and find their own solutions. Doing the latter is pure growth for me!

Now, SC comes out, scripting a whole different message. I wonder now “can I do this? Why am I afraid?” I imagine myself doing these things, and even that thinking is so new. I’m growing more on these subs every day. I even wrote heavily when I first arrived at SC, still running on “yes man” mode.

This is so freeing, even where words seem meaningless. If I could summarize it, it’d be this:

other subs: follow their directions. Don’t question. Just obey. You’ll feel like a kid, and if you stay, you’ll die like a kid. (BARF!)

SC subs: you’ll be led to trust yourself again. You’ll find answers which have always been there, for we’re made to grow, change, and trust this growth. You’ll have both successes and failures, but you’ll appreciate the failures since you’ll make other choices next time. You were made to grow.

This is living. Thank you Fire and Saint.

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#161

This is what our mission at SubClub consists of.

Having people not blindly following others, but thinking for themselves. You cannot reach your potential as a follower (talking generally) - only you can grow into who you are meant to be, no one else can do it for you, and until you realize this, you will be a follower and therefore you will not be living the life you want, as a man you want to be.

Only when you let go of the crutches and stand on your own two feet will you see what you are truly capable of, be it business, women or spirituality.

And you seem to be close to internalizing this. Trust yourself and the decisions you make for yourself, because they are the only ones that truly matter for you, never get complacent and follow your mission.

For me personally, this was something I learned through experience. When I was younger, I went through depression, was overweight, went through all kinds of mental trials, was not good at all with women. My family was and is amazing, but during that time we went through some tough stuff (unrelated to me) and fights would escalate further and further every day.

I vividly remember staying up for hours on end during the night, listening intently, if anything horrible was about to happen.

This lasted for years. My escape was gaming. The virtual world was how I would barricade myself from the reality of the situation.

And then, one day…

I couldn’t escape anymore. I realized - it was not leading to any resolution.

It was useless. Same as looking for answers in others. The answer is always in you.

Only you can save yourself.

After that, I took up martial arts, and lost all the excess weight. I went through grueling workouts. I broke my depression through sheer will. I started talking to women with unshakeable confidence. Soon after, the problems in my family were resolved.

So many years have passed, but the lessons are worth their weight in gold.

Hence why I say - trust yourself. It is normal to doubt, the power comes when you trust yourself enough to push through it anyway.

Also why I say to never get complacent - when you are not moving forward, you are going backwards.

And finally, why you must always follow your mission. When your heart is burning for your mission, you will automatically know what you must do. Both @SaintSovereign and I sometimes doubt ourselves, but our hearts burn for SubClub - SubClub is our mission and dream - so we know what we must do, and do it.

And now, Subliminal Club is growing faster than ever, consistently breaking through every last month’s sales, connecting people together with the idea of becoming better while creating a powerful community, and helping hundreds of men.

…

We have a grand mission for this company and the world - advancing human potential, and this means turning men into great men; forging leaders that will live their lives to the fullest.

Thank you for your trust in us, and always trust yourself.

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#162

Is Ascension Mogul 1 major program, or 2? I used AM today while at work, it wasn’t distracting at all, and I’ve needed Mogul’s message. I’ve been thinking of Mogul by itself…but I need Ascension still. So I replaced Ascension with AM in my stack. I need both, plus I’ve slept well with Regeneration stacked with Ascension. Ascension alone kept me awake.

I’m moving ahead.

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#163

I looped AM and Regeneration last night while sleeping. I woke up with some uncommon old fears active, and they were all money beliefs I had growing up. I’ll be able to identify them soon enough, so I’m sharing.

It’s been a very long time since I’ve been going forward but felt clear connections to my past. I grew up on government assistance most of my childhood. My mom’s still on it. I never knew wealth. I’m realizing a greed and fear would surface when opportunities arose, like money would be spent quickly and rashly, thinking it would not be around long. What I just wrote sounds like lottery winners. It was a mix of “I’m unworthy of this” with “use it before someone else takes it!” Fear, fear, and more fear. I actually am feeling sad though. Since I’ve been remaining aware what opportunities are out there constantly, I’m seeing I was afraid to be responsible at all even up to this year.

It was normal.
It was extremely fear based.
So I was scared.

Ascension has changed and challenged some things. I’m grateful for this. Change is good, one day at a time.

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My subliminal journey
#164

Actually I have such a fear myself coz ever since childhood my parents took away whatever money I got and I was always desperate for money coz I wanted to buy so many things but never had the money to buy them, even now I spend lots of money on bullshit and rarely end up with money saved which can be problematic

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#165

Subliminal guy you are an inspirarion

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