Thank you RV. Reconciliation is showing more than I’ve wanted to admit, but it is popping up. Thank you for sharing this option of using ZP titles.
I did Regeneration with Chosen this morning, and it’s still weighing on my emotions. Thank you so much for offering this.
I understand this. Don’t let this fear keep you from switching things up. I banged my head against the wall with a custom for a while before I realized the pain i was putting myself through for the sake of growth was all wrong.
As long as you’re thinking about how to grow you aren’t retreating or giving up.
So I’d say follow your intuition. Throw out any ideas of how you “should” respond to a sub and just focus on using what works for you.
Maybe directly hitting it isn’t good. More fear coming up definitely doesn’t mean more potential for growth. There are a lot of modules you can use to help elevate you and support you vs tackling things head on. And then down the road when you’re ready tackle things more directly.
It can be tough especially with the title switching desires but it’s really important to listen to that. ZP is guiding you to the optimal strategy. It’s ok sometimes to switch it up and add titles or customs that align better with you. Maybe adding ascension or emperor would be good to tease out sticking points and have regeneration zp help you move past it.
All in all ask yourself what would make your life feel better and follow that.
Thanks for speaking up @Fractal_Explorer. I’m holding to your words. I’m remembering pre-Q days when I could just put on another title at will if I desired to. ZP is quite a bit more powerful, so no jumping now. But yeah, I’d do some random feel-good title like Ascension or Emperor.
This will give me a few days to consider my options too.
Grateful.
I’m going to add a bit to what @RVconsultant said here. You might benefit if you forgot about direct healing for a while. Maybe focus on things that you do want to develop rather than things that you want to get rid of.
I recall that you said Chosen made you feel awesome, so maybe use that and one other title that represents something that you’d like to see in yourself and your life for three or six months and see how you feel after.
Then maybe give further healing your full attention if you still think you need to.
My mind’s been pointing me the same direction.lately.
I even looked at my old Kahn journal last night since it does a lot more building vs. destruction as well. I’m still looking at all options though. Chosen will be one I’ll use, for sure.
2nd rest day
Regeneration and all ZP files were said to be trimmed down, removing some parts which may hinder it working. Well, I’m wondering about one of Regeneration’s original scriptings since I felt and experienced something yesterday.
Saint told me in my Ascension journal that Fire had scripted a motivational piece in Regeneration
I wasn’t in Emperor beast mode, but my mind kept focusing on things I’ve been ignoring in my room. I’ve been here 4 or 5 months, and I still had both empty and full boxes I’d brought over from my old place. Yesterday, I had 3 things I’d said to myself I’d do, and I couldn’t relax until I did them. It felt good knowing I’d made some progress.
And this morning, I got an email from my bitcoin miner, and I know I’ve held back from taking action there too.
Surprisingly, I emailed him back, directly addressing issues he was worried about. I did 2 things I’ve avoided, actually.
And lastly, a coworker has been out on medical leave for almost 5 months. I’ve missed him a lot, but have held back from calling him ever since he’s been out. I called him and left a message last night.
So maybe that piece of scripting was kept in there.
Since I’d pulled up my Ascension journal for the last post, I kept reading. I loved Ascension.
I’m writing this since I’m wondering what major title I want to stick with. Chosen first, and I’m not sure exactly after that. Chosen may have a lot more room to shine, but the breaking away from the dependent mindset with Ascension changed me so radically. I’d like a refresher.
I’m also considering that stacking more on top of Chosen may give me recon. I will probably do one at a time every 21 days.
Ascension and Chosen is a tempting combination, I’m almost tempted to try Ascension ZP myself.
I’m also running Regeneration, I’ll have to keep an eye out for that.
It truly worked back then, and I’m seeing a similar drive in the ZP file.
Back in 2019, I had been running Regen only a few days, and I was getting ready for work one morning. I suddenly paid attention to some old clean clothes just sitting on my dresser, and right there, I considered throwing them away. I wasn’t using them, and they were cluttering my dresser.
I remember sharing this in my Ascension journal, and that was when Saint shared that Fire had put that scripting in there.
Even today, I’ve felt a little occupied mentally to “do what I need to do”. But this time, it seemed to be moving into real relationships. I had a 20 minute casual talk with my route manager after clocking out. I realized I was soft when I left since our talk was pretty genuine.
What I’m realizing is that relationships are out there. I’ve just had walls up, supposedly keeping me safe. I even questioned those walls with the route manager since he asked when I was gonna get married. I shared kind of honestly, and I remember feeling soft right then.
Something has been active in me today.
I’m actually seeing I loved Ascension. And Chosen, wow, that would be an amazing combo.
I’m facing the reality within that some things need or should be done, but some things (like Ascension) were done because I desired it. Nothing more. I think I’m learning to trust myself in these “small” decisions (which feel really big).
Edit: this feels like Regeneration still working in me. I took one small step, then got fired up and motivated for the next step, confident I’d succeed.
One loop of Chosen this morning. Self-doubts linger while doing so, but I’ve seen the opposite rise up when using almost any alpha title. I’ll say I’m testing Chosen since it’s loaded with positivity.
Had dreams, but few clear recalls. I am dreaming more now, like waking up and realizing I was in one.
Kind of tired now that I’ve listened to the loop. Maybe that’s why I’m thinking of dreaming. Gotta get to work or else I’ll be tempted to crash here.
First rest day
I just wrote someone, then pulled this page up. A fear arose, basically of dismissing myself to say something to be “liked”. But something is growing in me, something good.
Chosen and Regeneration have changed a lot in me. First came awareness, and I’ve been there a while. Facing what needs changing is up next. It’s different than seeing a change needed and doing it quickly, abandoning the real me in the process. That change is painful and loaded to the brim with fear. I always fight it.
I’m making small changes daily as I’m facing some challenge, where normally I see myself mentally jumping here, there, and everywhere, assuming I’m going to harm myself once again. Recently, I’m both lacking so much fear AND having an inner heart-felt desire to be tender to myself. That’s when I get soft. That part of me is getting louder day by day.
One day at a time is good here. It’s all gonna be ok.
What I’m trying to say is I really don’t know how to love myself. I’ve mostly been afraid to, having been given lots of false messages. But ZP is showing me how.
I have a question, and I’d like some feedback. I thought of posting it in the Questions and Comments thread, but I’m tired now.
I’m feeling ZP working on my mindset currently, and I shared I loved Ascension. I’ve been thinking about money all day, from taxes to sharing some to quitting my job. The whole gamut I went through. My question is:
Should I follow the “impulse” or leading to run Stark when it comes out in ZP vs. Ascension?
I’m wondering if this recon is me fighting a natural inclination to handle money responsibly and intentionally. The question which popped up in my head this afternoon is “am I using ZP purposefully to listen to and nurture the true me?”
So, I’m wondering about this. Thanks for any replies.
My first instinct when I read that is to say no. Spend some time with Ascension.
Handling money properly is something that you do, and you are quite capable of doing it and educating yourself about how to do it without a subliminal that directly addresses it.
I think that the pure boost in self value and self esteem you get from Ascension might do you a lot more good at the moment.
The wealth subs will still be there in a few months.
I’m smiling, @COWolfe, since I’m seeing something I actually lost sight of.
My original aim in my post was trying to figure out where ZP was leading me since when I thought of Ascension, I felt alone and isolated. Thinking of Stark, I immediately remember the social ease I had around others. Saint said ZP fits each of us like the person we really are, and we’ll know when a sub doesn’t fit right.
I was thinking yesterday about a post I wrote in a thread last week, where I said Stark was easy, but Kahn was life-changing. What came to me was the root of my meaning in that. Stark being easy I kept seeing as weak. And then easy found another meaning entirely. It was easy since being more relaxed and social with people actually fed me. It fed me talking to people, listening, and giving back. That social anxiety (using big psychology words, yuck) I notice keeps me feeling low often since I isolate and keep people out. Without it, I do feel more like myself.
That resonates with me strongly.
Loop day.
I’m in an airport waiting to fly out. A snowstorm is hitting exactly where I’m heading, so we have a 3 hour delay.
But I did a Chosen loop here early. It’s kicking up since I’m getting very soft AND courageous. An incident rose up. Not sure how lengthy this will be.
About 2 months back, while making a delivery for work, I saw a man I’d known well almost 30 years back. He got me back in church and I was there a good 15 years or so. I respected him, and I have felt inferior to him, being honest. He’s just always had more courage than I.
Well, this same guy saw me, and we talked about 30 minutes out in his front yard. I agreed to go to church with him, and I went over a month back on a work night. I enjoyed the visit, BUT I realized some discomfort. My old identity was “say YES to EVERYONE”.
He called me half a dozen times on church nights these last months, but I couldn’t/wouldn’t respond. All I knew was playing small and compliant. I never grew in that mindset.
He challenged me via text last week asking if he’d offended me. He wanted to talk. I couldn’t or wouldn’t respond.
Sitting here in this airport, I took time to respond to him. I told him he’d never offended me, but the tension I felt was why I couldn’t respond. I told him I had been making major changes in my life, and returning to old ways was very uncomfortable. I stated that me being everyone’s yes man was my old way. And I left it at that.
I’ve broken into quiet tears a number of times while writing this.
I just read your whole journal and I can only thank you.
From the start I felt I was resonating with it… Reading you felt very similar to me. I didn’t know why at first and actually when you said that thing about your “middle brother” or something, it clicked.
I did regen for a while but as I’m working with customers around me all the time and am there to help them and advise… It became too much mind acrobatics for me.
A month or two ago I woke up from a dream where there was question of abuse…by me it seemed like a party and other children involved (Jeez I’m not even able to write about it without starting to cry)
I don’t know if you’re familiar with the energy test people do when taking food supplements, it acts like some kind of human pendulum, you stand up, put the supplement in front of your solar plexus and if it’s right for you your body will slant forward, if not you will slant backwards.
Actually you can use this for all kinds of questions, like, should I use regen? Should I use Emperor? Etc…
It’s you subconscious answering, you do need some training at first but it’s very useful.
The memory itself that I talked about is still closed to my consciousness but I started asking questions that way and I’m 80% sure it’s not a fake memory or something and I know who it was and stuff.
Anyways, continue writing like this I for one are really grateful for the honesty that pours from your words and your very enjoyable and deep writing style.
I could go on and on about the similarities we have, but those are things I will write in my journal, this is your journal.
I’m touched @Creator, truly touched. I, too, will hang on to a person’s story when they’re similar. A few I actually watch here, thinking child-like, “how’re you going to get out of that problem?” When I was young, I did that constantly, like my brothers were models before me. Yeah, I stil look for a big brother in my life.
I admit this again since I’m anxious presently. I’ve been in bed for over an hour here, feeling afraid of interacting with the adults here. I did a second loop of Chosen last night, and I feel unsettled/unfinished presently. I’m feeling unprotected by me.
Noises stirring, people up now, and I feel locked in unprotected mode. My fear is putting on a face, which I really really really would like to STOP doing. That’s why I’m “hiding” right now.
I read the PCC discussion thread last night, and thankfully, Stark has a good bit of PCC scrupting. I even bought PS a week back since one user said it nixed his social anxiety. I’d have run PS last night, but a fear of hurting her introverted husband with my sexual aura around my ex-wife kept me from using it. He’s more like me, and I don’t want to create a rift.
I’m gonna go downstairs. SC subs often wake up when I’m around people.