A number of my friendships have changed since DR. Not that there was anything wrong, they just changed without any logical reason.
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Stage 3 is the shit.
It’s all well and good saying affirmations like I love myself and I have self worth, but why? What exactly is worthy about me?
I had no clue what about me was unique, talented and worthy. No space to develop my self concept either due to the tough childhood environment.
Enter Stage 3.
I’m now aware of what makes me tick, my likes and dislikes, value system and such, so that it stays with me whilst interacting with life and not disappearing when others with more conviction show up. This is fundamental development that should have been completed before age 7 now finally showing up.
Now I realise why I had such a chronic need to cling onto people and seek validation my life:
I tried to get others to tell me who I am!
A dangerous position to be in, vulnerable to users and narcissists of varying degrees.
Why not develop a list of qualities that I possess and install them in the mind instead? Sounds like a plan.
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I’m a little disappointed with the progress of healing as during Stage 3 work, another family event happened (the usual I can still trigger you off for shiggles headfuckery games) and now I’ve dug out Regeneration for releasing. It’s demoralising that shit like this can still happen which distracts from the perceived linear progress of this sub stack.
On the upside I’m still appreciating the development of the emerging sense of self with its own kinks and drives.
I now get these unconscious downloads when half asleep, as if my intuition suddenly opened out and is now connecting to a great source of information. Can’t say whether that’s Dragon Stage 3 eyesight or it was working on the third eye all this time, with the ongoing recon in that area.
Other than that, things going right are:
- Much reduced hardcore deep difficult trauma conditioning
- Regeneration dealing with that unexpected trauma
- Ongoing physical recon issues easing up
- Still losing weight (the inflation diet)
- Self perception has changed (Ascension)
- Less time watching YouTube
- Art painting more refined and efficient and looking more realistic
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Ran Regeneration last night as it became available in ZP last night and now up from a very deep sleep. Didn’t have that in a long time.
First result is the heavy sinusitis (spiritual) that has been present since starting Dragon 3 months ago lifted within 5 minutes. Second was my calf muscle started twitching.
Now up and refreshed, feeling a natural calm and a clear head. A day before ZP Dragon had me calm and relaxed with most of the usual trauma triggers gone, even if they came about, they were around a 2/10 intensity. I’m used to feeling 7/10.
I plan on finishing Dragon ST3 however I’d be interested in how Regen ZP performs.
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OK this is weird…
Received an email from someone who represents my art enquiring about a couple of paintings. This is after several years of hearing nothing from them.
Also another person enquired about my blog that I’ve been neglecting…
Not saying it’s all down to ZP, but that’s a little too odd to be in demand all of a sudden…
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Imagine a time when being “broken” was no longer an identity. That’s Regeneration ZP. This one sub has done more to motivate me to move out of victim identity and just get on with living live the way I want to. Very happy with the update.
Now back to the Dragon ST3 for another spin.
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Regeneration ZP insights
Did test Regeneration with Wanted, but have since dropped Wanted as I don’t feel particularly wanted at the moment.
Trying two loops as I might be a hard gainer, every time I play a new subliminal, my mind reacts as if something outside is invading and blocks it with sinusitis usually the result. One loop makes me sleepy, playing two makes me hyper like a madman.
Couple of thoughts accompanied by reconciliation and mild anger:
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the time I was unfairly sacked from a job because the middle class staff were jealous of myself and a team mate. HOW DARE YOU take food out of my mouth just because you are a scumbag individual who doesn’t mind destroying my life just to get even. Fucking evil [___].
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Abandoned once again even though I’m 40 years old, a grown ass adult at mama’s place. Pathetic. Time to get out but how am I going to handle it this time with no financial back up guaranteed?
Observing how frustrated about my current circumstances, I’ll try to relax and think things through.
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I have forgiven an long time friend for moving on. Previously I kept ruminating in my mind about why she no longer responded to my texts anymore (biggest gap was three months) and decided to accepted that the friendship is over and draw it to a close myself. Probably for the best. This also means letting go of her opinions and beliefs as well.
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Reconciliation is different on ZP, like a quick burst of anger with restlessness.
Coincidentally the reason for my constant sinusitis is the anger I hold towards my narcissistic mother, his she is unflinchingly stubborn and inflexible, if she’s declared me the “bad seed” who does everything wrong, why am I trying so hard to change her mind?
What do I stand to gain by remaining with someone who is toxic to my system? Safety from the outside world? What am I scared of, since I’ve done it before twice?
Immediately after my recon episode:
- unexpectedly got a call and I’m going away to work in a different location for a couple of days, so will take this opportunity to breathe, live and be myself and use it as inspiration for the near future.
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That’s interesting. How did you make the connection between sinusitis and anger towards your mother?
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There were a list of options online regarding possible spiritual causes and thought it was the most likely one. It’s chronic so something major has to change.
The other option was a lack of a belief in abundance, which is also true and my current circumstances.
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Huh. Thank you for sharing.
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To add to my post on the Regeneration thread:
I got a three day job away from home and using the time away from home to reassess where I want my life to to. First thing ZP told me was a reality check:
- Your family doesn’t care about you
- You’ve got to make your own way in life (I’ll show you how easy that is, no fear needed)
- You’ll have your own back
- If things get tough, I’ll step in for help
- You’ve got this
It felt like the universe gave me permission to grow, in that I felt the most comfortable being myself and focusing on what positive attributes I bring.
The job I have experience with but my colleagues were much younger than me, however the limited time I got talking to people, they automatically assumed I was the manager.
Sounds like Chosen could help here…
What I saw was managing people is solely a matter of voice (saying bullshit, sounding dominant, assertiveness, calming others). I can do that…
I have the right to be here, I know who I am and I can pay it forward, others can attempt to smear/put me down but I know my worth. It was a matter of redirecting the urge to befriend everybody (who do not deserve my kindness) back to myself that got me through the job unscathed.
So Regeneration ZP for another few weeks, then it’s Dragon ST4 with a new title. My finances need urgent boosting, so Rich ZP?
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I could have written that. In fact, when I usually want to write a truth here, I’m wondering “how will (anyone) think of me?” I usually imagine worst case scenerios first, which stifle my objectivity.
I’m doing Regeneration ZP now. Thanks for pointing out what you notice, as it opens my eyes to similar realizations.
I’m also wondering about either RichZP or MogulZP since some fears still direct me often in money. I’ve not touched a wealth title in a while.
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I get it now.
The perception shift. I woke up and instantly noticed that my view of the world changed. Everything looks the same but I am not the same.
I don’t know if someone replaced me overnight, but this new person isn’t concerned about anything to do with the past anymore. In fact he is quite handsome, stylish, talented in arts, works extremely hard and is perfectly comfortable with himself. So much so that it enrages his family. See, he isn’t supposed to be happy and attending to his own needs, his role is still the “identified patient” garbage can in which everything is his fault.
His view of the world is now less fearful and more hopeful because he travelled outside the narcissistic regime and found out that he could cope by himself just fine. In fact with extra money, he may just do that.
I wasn’t sure that Regeneration ZP would be that effective in a "system restore "of my whole being within 2 weeks, with the added bonus of a new pair of life goggles. I’m happy to have been proven wrong.
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Congrats on the breakthrough bro.
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That’s the end of 21 days of Regeneration ZP.
So what do I think?
Hard to describe but I just feel - “normal” . If Dragon Reborn stripped me down to the bare bones of my being, then Regeneration restored me and now I just feel stable with a new titanium strength inner emotional core. Had some bad news in the family and took it surprisingly well, since tragedy and early abuse tends to force one into being stoic.
Chop wood, carry water.
I still cannot escape the scapegoated rôle just yet. I’m going about my own business yet others still have a problem with my existence. Others can be whoever they want but I’ve gotta remain in my “box”? People show me everyday that their words and actions don’t match. I can’t do anything about it directly so I’ve decided to say fuck it close up and proceed on with my own goals.
But being closed off means no one can reach you.
Frankly, good.
Now, money is a sore point, I’ve avoided tackling my lack of abundance with Sub Club (maybe because I might actually be successful) thinking that it’s all I deserve as a wrong’un. Well, not any more. Giving Mogul ZP a spin.
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Sounds like you e stabilized yourself emotionally, time to do it financially too…all about taking care of yourself, self love bro. Welcome to the ZP wealth club.
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Ok, another update
I applied for a more regular job in customer service (currently been working at swing jobs for a few years) and was told there would be no positions available until the new year, which was a little disappointing, but Mogul would kick in eventually given time.
Now onto the surprise - a last minute job interview! Perfect time to go in on a ZP title. But which one?
Then Emperor ZP dropped. Gave it one loop, forgot about it, went out on my way.
Well…
I couldn’t understand why I had such a strong inner frame, focus on my own tasks and a feeling of “I do whatever the fuck I want”. Women also seemed to be attracted to me…
Then I remembered.
Emperor is the antidote to a narcissistic/"helicopter parent upbringing (@Grimm1390). It turns you into a fully functioning man of steel. More importantly it fits.
I’m not getting the angry, boss like domineering, get pissed off at idiots vibe from Qv2, it’s more of a walk softly, but carry a big stick flavour. No need to prove anything to anyone. I have my centre of gravity, don’t want anyone pushing me off centre with manipulation or associated bullshit.
It’s what I’ve needed for a very long time. 
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Multi quote eye bleed warning:
The sole reason I avoided Emperor was due to the losing my shit at slow, drama queen colleagues, however the one trait I’ve envied of other men was that solid inter belief in themselves and their path.
The majority of the advice I’ve seen online adds this particular nugget. It’s not wrong, however…
Power Can Corrupt ZP. When you’re ready, Saint…
Family is everything, if you don’t have family, you have nothing!!! Bullshit.
Some families resemble a gulag, with extensive emotional training in being a codependent with trauma and learned helplessness.
An adult elephant is big enough to rip the rope around its foot, but does it even bother?
Commander ZP please Saint…
Regeneration ZP should help too.
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I personally can definitely attest to Emperor activating one’s darker side. More so, it made me less afraid of it, more accepting and guided me on how to use my darkness as a weapon during the EV4 phase. Later versions taught me how to integrate it more into my whole being to the point where I’m not even bothered being seen as a villain of the situation calls for it.
@RVconsultant my bad, post edited.
I also feel you on your family views. This past year I’ve heard my own mother and sister talking shit behind my back, these were the two women that raised me and I would’ve done anything for prior to this year, but growing up can be tough when you realize what happens behind closed doors or what’s said about you when you’re not around.
Not saying you have to become cold hearted but in this life you’re definitely better off putting yourself first. This year taught me that even when it comes to so-called friends and family, all the “love” they show could be fake.
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