How are you doing today?
PS I think @remarkable has a perspective to consider. (See above this post.)
Thank you @remarkable.
Dragon so far is a paradox - emotionally feeling low yet never looked better in my adult life.
@RVconsultant it’ll get better I’m sure, just need to figure things out. Part of the mood is not knowing what to do with such a clean state of mind, after so long fighting and climbing up to get to “normal” level like everyone else. Now time to honour that survival strength and kick on.
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End of Stage 1 report:
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Noticed more of the effects of my childhood parental Gulag have lifted with Dragon Fire. Dragon Reborn was the absolutely correct program to demolish ALL the historical trauma and bad memories associated with over controlling, violence, scapegoating and generally being treated like some stray dog. Now I do wonder how good my life could have been without the oppressive rain cloud hampering my best efforts. All that time on earth taken up with being someone’s emotional trash can
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the realisation that I made my mother an absolute god in my mind. Whatever she said about me goes. Little shit, fat, loser etc.
I never developed my own inner god. Therefore any success was downplayed as it happened outside my mother’s concept of me. So now I must make a god to myself. “Love and light, you must kill the ego” type advice isn’t going to work for me. -
test playing Stark showed me the possibilities in store once Dragon is completely done with my soul. No more blocks means clearer programming and greater future success. I stood up for myself automatically when family began talking to me to like dirt, which shocked my mother. I eventually want out of the Gulag, there’s no repairing a family that set me up for failure before I could even speak.
On to Dragon Blood, lets heal up.
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You are awesome.
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Stage 2: Sea Dragon in the Atlantic
Wow, what a rough couple of days moving on to Stage 2.
@ksub made an interesting stack suggestion for a newbie, Dragon ST1 and Ascension. Whilst I intended to see out the Sea Dragon by itself, that little test of Stark showed it was possible to install a sort of pre-foundation whilst getting cleaned out. So I ran a loop of Ascension and it works. Too well.
The result? A brand new feeling of… Self worth. What’s that?
Self worth , you mean I am allowed to think and feel positively about myself and have it be first above others opinions?
Self focus, you mean I can navigate life from within?
Self worth, You mean I have a right to be here and not just here to sacrifice myself for others? That’s “selfish”!
Fantastic.
I’ve returned to myself after a very long time, possibly for the first time. Since installing this pre-foundation is very new, reconciliation is a mild issue, so taking it one day at a time, but what a breakthrough! Exhausting but good.
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You are beautiful, sir. Salutations.
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A Brutal Realisation
Reconciliation is giving me a headache. Whilst lying down in meditation, a valuable Dragon insight came to me regarding all of my relationships with women.
Because of my childhood blueprint of a miserable, distant and unstable mother, I eventually attracted the same type of women into my life - unavailable or unsuitable for a relationship. I acted as counsellor, guide, companion, someone who was always available, always agreeable, who tolerated sloppy behaviour - all for the kudos and social brownie points that the image of a woman on my arm brought to me. I wanted to be valuable and a “real man”. I even tolerated being the side piece to another person who was far away or violent. I was pretending to have made “alpha” status but was still obviously the classic Nice Guy.
I did eventually find my balls and stood up for myself.
It now shocks me looking back on every significant encounter with a woman that the same qualities kept showing up. Then as an accountability exercise I asked myself what kind of beliefs I had that kept attracting these types of women. Answers were:
- I am not worthy of relationships
- I am not worthy of love, nor even self love
- I can fix her
- I expect to be abandoned
And surprise surprise that’s exactly what I asked for and got. A brutal Dragon induced perspective.
Acknowledging the above has bruised my ego a little but it has meant my week long reconciliation headache has now largely subsided. Now I can release the pattern and install a much better pre-foundation thanks to Ascension.
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The fight is over
Ascension and Dragon Reborn put up a reconciliation fight for the ages , against the current heavyweight champion Mr Nice Guy People Pleaser. It was a 12 round spectacular with many highlights but the winner on points was Ascension. So the following few weeks is about integrating the ethos of the program which is
- Put yourself first
- Fill your own container
- Let others crass opinions slide, yours is more important
- Develop your mind, body and soul
- Always be looking forward, and not backwards
- It’s OK to say no
I’m pleased with the results so far, taking time off to chill and cook for myself, painting small, going for walks, learning a new language, and asking for what I want whilst remaining non-needy and capable. These small wins are appreciated in getting over a difficult obstacle towards something utterly basic like just having adequate self esteem - being a full container, always checking within and being rock solid in who I am is the Holy grail of my years of self development, to finally achieve after years of self improvement is satisfying.
I’ve climbed out of the deep sea and landed on the beach. I might even start walking…
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Quick Update
the pre-foundation is doing its best work and is showing itself as a solid place within that is starting to be outside resistant. Starting to be more self interested and self directed! My attention which was freely given to get approval from others (and, yes, women) is now brought back to me, what I need and what I want.
That sounds a little selfish. Selfish is good. Because the other option is to continue to forget yourself and leave myself open to be exploited - like for the last 40 years.
To be fair, that was never my fault, as a child I was open and vulnerable to malicious influence, now I’m not.
I’m so grateful for Dragon Reborn for destroying everything to do with my extremely challenging upbringing, disappointing adulthood and the associated conditioning and beliefs that have sabotaged my growth. Now Ascension is slowly but surely building up my self worth, self esteem and confidence.
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Being selfish to me means being myself.
Love to read about your progress, such a big difference to read now compared to before 
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The Art of Selfishness is a book by David Seabury here’s the blurb: Are you shocked by selfishness? Then you are just the person who can most benefit from mastering the art of selfishness - because you probably allow yourself to be made the victim of people who use the word “selfish” as a weapon to compel you to do what they want. This landmark book provides a total, specific, working program that can put you in control of your life. By showing you how to improve your business life, your family life, your sex life, your relationship with your in-laws, even your creative life, The Art of Selfishness, can make you a happier person.
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There are a couple of books with a similar title, one by Brigitte van Tuijl called The Art of Divine Selfishness, basically a spiritual take on putting oneself first (hopefully not a paradox) . All fascinating reading material, thanks.
Alright, nearing the end of ST2 and it is a journey that will reap rewards for the near future however it is messing me up. Having to ease up on the Ascension loops as combined with Dragon ST2 is a little too much for me at the moment, had a reconciliation episode where the world looked bleak, I was still a little fat, have no resources and was frustrated with my pace of progress. Then I reminded myself that the Dragon path only started in October and its tough. Ascension loops might need to be maybe a once a week play. I’ve possibly underestimated the power of stacking healing and boosting.
Despite that, my own confidence is slowly climbing up to a fairly basic level and I’m starting to get respect - mostly other men saying good morning on the street.
Also a burgeoning sense of frame developing - as I’m being subtly shit tested by family - and passing it (me saying quietly “is that all you’ve got?”)
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One week of rest completed and trying to narrow down the overload symptoms from my stack has lead to EMF sensitivity caused by and parasites! So have included some binaurals that deal with it. It must have worked because my stomach is once again shedding weight, down to the last few inches.
Feeling a lot happier, whole and complete! Family senses a change as I’m now more integrated and solid. Having the attitude of I deserve it, learning from my mistakes of giving too much and staking my place on earth whether others like it or not.
Then a massive revelation hit me and realising that the nonsense with my mother with the criticisms and unnecessary competition is - a giant shit test!
Basic red pill info you already know about:
Women need someone to push up against and are constantly shit testing to see if you’re really that strong man she thinks you might be. A man who doesn’t care either way because whether she stays or goes, he’ll be okay with himself (watch out for shaming, which destroys confidence). He is desired simply by staying in his own frame.
I’m dealing with my mother in a way that she’s backing down quite quickly from the useless criticisms and even putting her on the defensive for once. It’s an irritating waste of my time but it’s happening less and less and now and again it is sweet to turn up the heat on others for once.
Art painting is going well too, I’ll link a post to the artists thread (that I’ve avoided so long) soon for fear of exposure. Instagram posts have comments like “forward it to popular accounts” it’s that impressive. (Thank you Ultimate Artist!)
Onto Stage 3 and Ascension and let’s consolidate this shit.
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I was actually going to ask if Paragon deals with parasites. I’ve seen a lot about that lately on my social media feeds. I don’t knowingly have parasites but I plan on doing a cleanse at some point because fatigue is something I’ve dealt with for a long while and either way some fasting and a cleanse/detox will help.
Dragon Stage 3 takeoff
So what can I see from the skies? Projective identification
Pathological projective identification - A child looks to his parent for accurate reinforcement of who he is in the world. The narcissistic parent will say: “I feel terrible, but the problem isn’t me, it’s you. You are terrible. Why are you so terrible?”
There’s a conflict between the new identity forming within and the one handed to me by family and society. In order to survive I’ve adopted the part of “evil bad man” for so long that a newer fairer self concept is causing terrible reconciliation.
I cannot freely just being my true self around people who believe God made a mistake with my existence. So I fall in line with what society insists I am, even though it’s bullshit.
Stage 3 comes with a foresight to recognise how my whole life track comes from the tightly imposed identity of “this person isn’t worth a goddamn”. The dilemma I now have is can I break out of this box and give myself permission to think differently, positively and separately? It’s not easy to reverse this type of gaslighting but I’m adding Rebirth to help with this.
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Good stuff. Getting free is not always an easy path.
Similar to what I’ve gone through with people. It’s left me unable to hold a job until I can get this solved hopefully with DR too when I can afford it.
I’ve done the “work” on myself for like 20 years. The happier and freer I got the more the world hated me. It’s like I’m a mirror and people see their own bullshit but want to tag that on me even if I’m just feeling a state of love and freedom. It’s gotten better as I persist in taking out my triggers so they have nothing to “feed” on and therefore lose their will for trying to cause conflict and blame it on me.
So how I think of it is the more “right” I get the more wrong the world sees me because that’s how it’s programmed. To go right in this world is to be wrong to the programming. Fortunately many people are stepping or even falling out of the program as time progesses and things seem to be coming to a peak or something.
“It is no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” - J. Krishnamurti
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You should look into increasing your metabolism and methylation first, which should solve any pathological infections. Fasting and cleanse/detox will only weaken you and worsen infections unless you are already healthy, which then it should help.
If you fast when unhealthy you will degrade your thymus and your ability for the thymus to adapt to viral mutations, which puts your body in an inflammatory state.
If you cleanse/detox incorrectly you could kill off beneficial Helminths, which open you up for a worse infections, and worsen the inflammation caused by an inefficient immune system, causing autoimmunity.
Something that could be researched is HIV positive people with no viral load. Getting a healthy body is key and it doesn’t require fasting, cleansing or detoxing.
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