Stage 3 morbid realisation
I get it now.
Selected as the family garbage can before I could speak. Used for my mother’s unmet needs, then thrown away for another sibling. I’m family but I’m not. The odd one out. They tolerate me barely, just enough to keep around, but no more. For a top there has to be a bottom. I’m the bottom. I don’t exist. Then I wonder why the people I attract also have little regard. Desperate to be loved.
Stage 3 is a bitter red pill to swallow and I can see the difficult life track all the way back from infancy to now, barely noticed, validation starved, barely tolerated. Essentially set up to fail.
Why don’t I just leave and have my own life?
You’re a grown adult now. Am I still waiting for the love and validation that I never received? Do I even have the adult tools to survive independently?
Does leaving still = abandonment = death?
What can I do now to permanently end the cycle? I have no adult preparation to live independently, but if I don’t do it, I never will.
Stage 3 is clearing the last remains of trauma and reinforcing the confidence needed for a better life, unfortunately it still boils down to me or them.