Finding my True North

Journals - Major Programs
#1027

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Stage 1 - Setting Sail

Initial thoughts: There’s a fire that burns in the stomach, cleaning up my chakras, then moving upwards through the body. Feels like I’ve had an intense reiki session.

Sensation lingered around my heart for a while, possibly dealing with heartache and grief, then seemed to filter up my neck muscles and head.

Overnight dreams spoke to childhood upsets and failures, not being able to pass exams owing to a complete lack of confidence.

Early results are a total lack of shame over being and doing what I want, without the shadow of “what will others think/looks of rejection”.

I don’t know if it will be this easy all the time, but I’m prepared.

4 Likes
#1028

I’m wondering if Sanguine might help you on your journey. What do you think?

#1029

Not sure as DR was a big purchase for me.
I’ve seen Elixir used as a recon add-on, I might try that if it gets unbearable.

My life has been one long recon episode, so I’m not scared of emotional pain.

Famous last words :joy_cat:
#1030

If there’s something that we can do that might help, please post.

Also:

please submit a support ticket about this.

Yes, please, as in now, please. Seriously. Please.

1 Like
#1031

First impressions:

Feels like an intense reiki session, starts with a warmth in the stomach. Then it moves up to the heart centre and filters upwards to the head. Serious hands were recorded on this program.

So far, so smooth. Not feeling crippling recon.

I feel “clean”, like an ice cold shower. Before listening, my spirit body felt like it had creaks and cracks and energy leaks, now the various negative energy clumps have been released and I have even more energy. Spoke to a Whole Foods assistant and he said I have a good energy. Also got a free coffee drink on the house :+1:

Most important: now I do what I want. No more guilt tripping “what will they think of me?” and fearing and expecting to be rejected and judged negatively by others. Assuming others were better than me and had more say. Assuming I don’t deserve anything out of life. Fuck that noise.

3 Likes
#1032

I’m happy for you about this.

Now I have a question, did you submit a support ticket about the above?

#1033

About the recon episodes? Naw, I’ll probably save that for when DR gets really hard.

#1034

Ended up sending a ticket after all, the response was thoughtful and interesting. Support surprised me with their reply.

Confidence - the elusive beast

Imagine being unrelentingly beaten, blamed and criticised for things that aren’t your responsibility by people who were supposed to love you? Then try and succeed in the real world. That’s my issue. DR is wiping this clean.

Luckily DR Stage 1 is quite light, cleaning out the solar plexus area, memories of being crap at high school (except art) came back, no real trauma behind it.

I was able to figure out that I give up easily if someone mocks or rejects my truest expression of my real self. Been adopting an identity that could be accepted by some.

Deep discoveries.

4 Likes
#1035

Would you please post the reply here?

Others might benefit:

@Fractal_Explorer tagging you to stand by.

#1036

Thanks for reaching out to us. Confidence can be a struggle sometimes, especially when we’re not always in supportive environments. I’m sorry this is your current situation.

We’re excited to hear of your success with DR, Ascension is a great title to help boost your confidence. I also believe you can have great success with Spartan and/or StarkQ. These titles can help give you the boost of confidence you need and help you overlook or not care for the unpleasant comments said by others.

Remember, many time people will point out what they believe are flaws on you to make their flaws look better. Try not to let those things invest too much space in your mind. You are already taking steps to better yourself and are on the right track mentally, envy from others will only increase the better you become. The best thing you can do is stay focused on your goals and become the best version of you!

@Fractal_Explorer

5 Likes
#1037

With Dragon Reborn, its smooth sailing so far.

A realisation followed from the 5th day. Eventually I’ll come across someone who has a bad reaction to me just being present (spitting, running away scared, pulling up masks) and I’ll take their side. I’ll shrink myself to make the other person “right” in their judgment of me. Automatically. Without thinking about it.

Then it hit me - How can confidence build if you’re joining the war against yourself?

What’s the correct alternative?

Instead of trying to control their reactions, how about this - if they can reject me, I can reject them and protect myself?

Recognise there is a True North within, to start listening to it and build up it’s strength in order to withstand the trade winds of life. Sounds like a plan.

5 Likes
#1038

What has the Sea Dragon dredged up from the depths now?

Lack of Confidence

OK great, that’s what every healer and counselor I’ve ever seen said. But why? Tell me and I’ll fix it.

The crux of the matter is this:
I must emotionally separate myself from others opinions. There is no more collective we, it’s now me and them. No more merging and forgetting.

some astrology

Anyone proficient in north nodal astrology can recognize the journey from Aquarius past life skills to Leo current life lessons.

They call it codependency. Emotionally relying on other people to tell you good (mostly bad) things about yourself, then taking it as the absolute gospel truth about yourself. Removing the responsibility and burden for others’ displeasure off my shoulders.

Detaching and becoming whole and independent was the way to fix my confidence. Shame that lesson took 30+ years to learn, better late than never.

1 Like
#1039

Another confidence revelation breakthrough:

I can’t be happy if my mother isn’t happy.

Which means being independently happy and fulfilled is an affront and a crime. In order to survive, I must forgo myself in order to be looked after.
This means the basic ability to just be is hindered. Nothing I do will please everybody, but reading the room before behaving in a socially acceptable way is crippling.

Of course the added relentless constant criticism for extremely minor things (blown up to big things, because it was me) didn’t help.

Deep down I knew this but never had the balls to confront it. The Sea Dragon found it and healed it.

4 Likes
#1040

This is a big insight :+1: I keep getting amazed by the level of clarity that people running Dragon Reborn begins to see and be able to articulate in text. Just think of each breakthrough you’re having, and just how much more energy that is freed up to used on other more constructive things :metal:

1 Like
#1041

Has it been two weeks already?

The Sea Dragon has been gentle with me so far, releasing negative conditioning and cleaning up my aura. No recon whatsoever but a dog in the park saw me and suddenly flipped the fuck out, barking and running wide circles around me. Bizarre.

Another result was some Dua Lipa looking chick deliberately stood in front of me (I’m sitting in the train). She was looking at the map, but I saw a lot of skin.

Dragon Reborn. Heals, releases, scares dogs and gets you dates?

4 Likes
#1042

And that’s just the beginning.

2 Likes
#1043

Dragon Reborn? Piece of piss, mate! Dunno what everybody else was talking about, difficult subliminal…

Well, the Sea Dragon just kicked my arse.

A week long rest in bed with some of the worst subliminal “recon” I’ve ever experienced. Worse than Khan. I feel weak, drained, depressed, don’t want to go out, don’t care. Khan Stage 1 felt more like "I’ve wasted my life" type regrets. This is more like dark night of the soul type shit.

On the other hand, whatever emotional ties that kept me stuck brooding over being wronged a few years ago has been eliminated.

I also feel a little disoriented without the internal self concept labels of

  • loser
  • inferior
  • weak
  • poor
  • insignificant
  • victim

the experiences associated with those above beliefs that have stacked up have also disappeared.

There is now a profound acceptance of “you know what, it is what it is” and “yes, that shit happened”. Before being laid up, I tested whether I really got over the near past by going into town and visiting the places where they reminded me of

  • confidence failure
  • getting dumped
  • taking girls out for company (but no sex)
  • being treated like shit at work, etc

I feel like I’ve been forgiven and given a new start. I don’t have emotional flashbacks of “remember when this happened here? Yeah, you should be ashamed, you suck”.

Now I can overwrite a much happier story for the future. Or as @SaintSovereign said, ‘get revenge on my past’.

Trouble is, which subliminal to choose [afterwards]? Stark? WANTED?

7 Likes
#1044

My guess is this aspect of your identity is disappearing.

Patience, my young jedi. By the time you get another month of DR, you might change your mind.

1 Like
#1045

Well, it’s a month of Stage 1 and I must say the Sea Dragon is the toughest sub to run, period. It’s left me feeling depressed, inactive and with no hope.

The main benefit of stage 1 is the resolution of years of abuse, trauma, stalled development in confidence and the numerous self beliefs that created a string of disappointing life experiences. There is now peace in my soul.

I’ve also lost a significant amount of weight around the middle, which was a longtime symbol of my lack of confidence. It’s protected me from attacks from family and society in my childhood, it was my shield. Now it’s time to say goodbye.

4 Likes
#1046

In which case you should not be feeling:-

When you are clearly making progress.

Well done and keep it up.

2 Likes