Falling into the light (thought and observations about Khan's Journey)


#1

Hi,
I’ve been here for a couple of months now and I must start by thanking the creators of subliminalclub and subliminalresults, I really appreciate what you guys have built. I also want to thank all the community around here, thank you for building something great!

NOW… I’ve never done any journaling of my progress, didn’t feel like I made a lot, but I guess I was wrong… in january I was still living with my dad and my brother while studying, didn’t know what to do with my life and didn’t know where I wanted to go!

Few months later, I am now working at my first full time job with responsability, making my own money and taking care of my budget, living in my own appartment… no daddy making lots of money to back me up (unless I am in a really bad posture, but I have invested something like 3k in the last 3 months, so I guess I can manage my budget :slight_smile: for now). I work at a bank, which is not even related to the domain I studied in hahahaha, but I like that I can learn a lot about money and markets!

My dad sold the house I grew up in last month, my dog passed away a month ago, and my grand father passed away two weeks ago.

I hooked up with two girls in the month of may. In June I started running Khan ST1 to clear my belifs it really wasn’t the best month… lost my motivation to do anything I’ve been on three dates and they didn’t went really well like they usually do… I feel really passive and not horny at all. Still talking to two of them that I saw more recently, but I don’t know what I want to do with them!

My current plan is to finish my 30 days run of total breakdown so I can run stage 2 and start implementing new belifs in my brain. As of now, the subliminals really helped me

  1. Being non needy in life and taking what I want
  2. Becoming more responsible of my life (financial life primarly, but also dating life)

Have a nice day, I don’t plan on posting here every day, maybe do some weekly updates :slight_smile:


#2

Sounds like you have made alot of if progress my friend. If the going gets really tough with khan stage 1 just take a break for a few days. Then start again.

Can wait to hear about yiur results on stage 2


#3

Thank you for your kind words :smiley:

Yeah, I will don’t plan on healing everything in one run, I will finish this last week of stage 1 and then run ST2 in july, I will take a break from massive healing and run stage 1 again after when I feel things are more stable!


#4

Got a date yesterday after work, I got to the girl’s house we drank a little bit of wine… I was sure I was going to be able to hook up with her, but we only made out a little before she told “let’s watch a movie”. I was a little shocked… and the funny thing was when I started making out usually my brain is full on “let’s get it on”, but this time only my body reacted (I took lots of mucuna prurien which contains L-Dopa and half a cialis because I knew my libido was low). I couldn’t go into a sexual state to turn me on even more… really shocking for me, for the last year, all the dates I had, I always had sex on the first or second date because it was so easy for me to turn myself on, but this time, I couldn’t do it!

I hope Khan St2 will help me with this! :open_mouth:


#5

I think stage 3 total action will conquer issues like this.


#6

Really think like you than Total Action will push me, but I am scared that without the programming of stage 2 the skills to pay the bills are not there yet and I might hit a wall! This is why I still prefer running stage 2 first for a month before stage 3 and then 4. If stage 2 can shift my focus away from my grief (stage 1 is mainly focus on healing so my inner focus must be on my past wounds), and put in in something more positive like social mood, increase in self confidance, it should already give me a good boost from stage 1 :slight_smile:


#7

Nice work, @WhiteTiger .What subliminals were you listening to before Khan that made you move out of your home where you lived with your dad and brother was staying and which helped you gain employment. I find myself in a similar situation.


#8

Thank you for your encouragment Raphael :slight_smile: It was emperor that made me do that, for me emperor is the sub that makes me the “best” version of myself. Only problem with emperor is that it makes me an ermit… so decided to run khan as is emcompass emperor, primal seduction and daredevil. Social intelligence is also a really important thing for me!

Have you started your journal or else PM me your eperience, i’d be curious to hear it.

Btw went to the bar yesterday and felt like some girls were checking me out… it’s been a month since I didn’t had positive interaction with girls… maybe the tide is turning!


#9

That’s awesome. I will PM you soon. Right now am traveling.


#10

Woke up a little bit lethargic this morning after my first night of ST2, feeling more positive emotions tho! I want to get back in shape, I really let myself go in the past years and especially this winter! Just mesured myself at 25% BF… holy crap! I used to be at 8-10% BF at 20 yrs old… hahahaha!

I have gained a lot of strength over the years, but gained a lot of fat while doing it! I think I should focus on cutting down a bit right now! My bench press is almost back at 245 lbs and my overhead press is also almost back at 155… Just created my new macro this morning to lower my BF, I will try to get down to 20%

I have an important exam in a week wich will determine if I can continue working so I will add limitless for 4-5 loops every days! Can’t wait to see how Khan St2 affect me, hope I will live more positive emotions!


#11

Just read Amash’s post (Honest Review of Khan) and I will use the same word… Overwhelmed. The feeling of anxiety is present, I don’t know what to do… plenty of anxiety.

My self confidence is pretty high, flirted in a friendly manner with my coworkers today (without realizing it!). Only problem right now is maybe my libido which was crashed because of a sad/depressed mood during stage 1 and now is crashed because of anxiety during stage 2!

But I had the same kind of anxiety when I first ran emperor before by brain slowly accepted more and more the suggestions and the new belifs… the anxiety will be gone in maybe a week or two (for emperor), maybe more since Khan is bigger than emperor! Can’t wait to see what kind of belifs Khan will modify! For now I have to go back preparing myself for my exam of july 6! :slight_smile:

Best regards,
WhiteTiger


#12

Exactly.

Also very true.

I can’t wait to reach the breakthrough point and for running Khan ST2 to become more “comfortable”.


#13

Went out with some friends tonight to an event with approximatly 500 people, wasn’t feeling that much down to approach, but during the evening my friend pushed me… did 8 approach and got rejected 8 times really fast oops, guess I wasn’t my best evening! Even went to a random girl during the night (didn’t count this as an aproach), and asked her if I had a wierd vibe… she told me I seemed normal! But I wasn’t feeling like continuing the conversation after asking her that… I just realised that all the approach were probaly wierd because I wasn’t launching a conversation or anything, didn’t give a shit and I don’t feel like entertaining someone I don’t give a shit about :roll_eyes:

I really feel like I have a bad vibe in my patterns of thinking, I remember last summer I was approaching some girls and getting their numbers… they weren’t all good numbers, but you know, it was still better that instant rejection… and now I would say that I didn’t get rejected since I just stared at them like I was waiting for them to say something… I don’t know from where that pattern of thinking is coming, I don’t feel like smiling, I don’t really appreciate my day to day life neither…

For the good part, I decided to get my parchute liscence so I can jump alone :smiley: and I’ll see some friends I haven’t seen in a while this weekend! I can’t wait for reconcilliation to stop (or at least lower), I feel a little bit like the opposite that what I am supposed to feel hahaha, there are some belifs that needs to go!

Sincerely,
WhiteTiger


#14

That all sounds pretty typical to me. Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Sounds like it’s digging at stuff you’re not even aware of presently. But something will surface.


#15

Today I just realised something not so funny… I am so socially akward! In the past few days, I have this vibe where I wan’t to talk to people, but at the same time I don’t want… or I don’t smile as often, which makes me a little bit too closed off (and my vocal tonality reflect this also!). I don’t know if it is because of this, or because I was always akward and because of Khan just realised it… or it may be that I am scared of being rejected in general and Khan brought that up by trying to push me socializing! :o Anyway, I hope my mind will get clear with that and I will be able to talk like I used to be able… yesterday I was on fire when talking to one of my old female friend, teasing her (maybe a little too much, but as long as she was laughing authenticly I guess it is fine).


#16

I feel like Khan Stage 2 makes me want to fix myself! Friday last week I stopped chewing nicotine, bad habit I developped a couple years ago, and fell in it again because of the stressful period of my life and my inability to keep my emotions in check. I read that nicotine is good for the libido at short term because it boost dopamine and serotonine, but once you get used to it, it becomes bad because you always need more nicotine to maintain your dopamine levels and it constrict your veins… which lowers your reaction to sexual stimulus!

Then, it has been about two weeks I stopped eating ice cream and started tracking my macros again! I’m following maybe a 5% deficit every day… eating veggies every days… now the “bad” food I eat is pasta hahahaha I don’t miss McDonald and ice cream!

Next, I am still taking accutane, but I was really tired all the time (even when I drink coffee and have a really good night of sleep… sometime I was falling asleep at 8PM even tho I am used going to bet at 10h30…), I thought it might be my liver which is starting to slow down a little bit because I drank alcohool with the medecin even tho I am not supposed to :sweat_smile: Got myself some TUDCA and some NAC just in case!

Also, got 80% at my exam, I will have my liscence to sell investment products! yay!


Honest Review of Khan
#17

I feel the same, social things are being worked hard! Went out this friday, didn’t talked to anybody except people I knew, which is rare! One girl I saw (we already saw each other at another party), I just randomly interlaced fingers with her to say hello… didn’t planned at all… and I was scared as fuck to talk to strangers! I also didn’t felt confortable going to the dance floor because it was too crowded! :open_mouth:

Yesterday I was at a friend’s house and he invited a couple of people I didn’t knew (one of them was a really hot girl, taken unfortunatly, but anyways), I was soooo shy about talking to them… I even got a couple of opportinity to talk to the hot girl, but I was soooo much in my head!

I feel like I am going backward, the “in my head”, “I don’t know what to say” problem when being social was “dealth with” like two years ago and it kept getting better and better! I have trouble maintaining eye contact and my self confidence is a little bit shaken.

On the other hand, a lot of people I knew friday paid me shooters and gave me free alcohool and I was really interested in knowing them! I even talked to a security member and talked for a minutes of two with him!

My mind is so mixed right now, some of the things I used to be able to do socially are crushed and I feel like I am powerless, and sometime I just do something that I was doing in my super social night, like socializing with the staff member and just meeting a girl with the hand thing…

I feel like Khan ST2 is making me relive my past difficulties at being social from the beginning… not wanting to be social at all… being afraid of being rejected and not speaking to anybody… trying to socialize but being akward because of the inner fear… wanting to socialize but not knowing what to say…


#18

Fun week I had, I can see some changes still going on! This week I fixed my gut flora and testosterone (continuing to work on my health), my BF% has continued going down a little bit also… had a great workout once I fixed my T levels! My bioavalible testosterone was at 147 ng/dl (average is approx. 240 to 950. My test is in low range and my SHBG is high)… Started taking my clomid again… and girls seems more attractive all of a sudden (I also booked like 10 appointments with clients next week because I felt driven)!

As far as the social part go, I went to a small house party friday night, started talking with a cute girl, for 30 minutes (and really having fun in the conversation), think we connected well, unfortunatly she said she had a boyyfriend… and I did the same with another girl, learned she had a boyfriend also (the guy came to kiss her while we were talking), but IDC, I really enjoyed the conversation and the fun we were having so I just continued speaking! This is a little different for me, usually I don’t really trust/like (mommy issues) girl and the only reason I speak to them is to have fun by teasing them and provoking them, and trying to hook-up! This time was really different! I was ENJOYING the time and was fully immersed in the present moment. I was lightly teasing and creating a little bit of tension… not too much… just to keep the conversation nice (even tho I can handle tension wayyy better since starting KhanST2). These discussions I had with girls hit me hard because I realised something in me has changed!

I am still scared to go toward people, I am much less forward when I engage people… but I feel like stage 3 is really focused on pushing you… so I am not stressed and really happy with the progress I am making here!

I will start ST 3 pretty soon so I feel confident that I will be able to conquer these last challenges armed with new belifs!


#19

Nice White Tiger i plan to jimp back on Khan in a week. As listening to Khan was making me tearful and tried. Thr last thing i wanted to do is be like this at work.

Right now i am on emperor, true social and Libertine.


#20

When do you plan to, @WhiteTiger?