Day 2 - ST2:
The first day started fun and comfortable.
But then, during the night, I felt my world crashing. ST2 is in some ways harder than ST1.
Why? Because I started to realize all the blindspots I have and all the things in my life that demand to be fixed, all the problems, emergencies and issues.
And it’s as if a voice inside me is nagging me to go, go, go, go and fix them, to hustle, to take action…
At the same time, I felt that I need to re-orient my life, to make new choices, re-evaluate things, and make a new life plan that is more true to me.
So this sense of: My original plan is not working, I am lost and need a new plan + Oh my God so many things are wrong in my life and I have tolerated them for far too long and I need to fix them before it’s too late…
That filled me with deep continuous existential anxiety.
It was almost too much. I almost couldn’t sleep, spent my time thinking, contacting people, brainstorming, catching up with my network, going for new wealthy and money opportunities…
I just worked worked worked worked, filled myself with coffee… Then, when I felt too overwhelmed, anxious, nervous, barely able to contain the fear of the future, I just decided to take a break.
I thought in this state of existential angst, I should go talk to some people, to some girls.
I was not my usual strong self-today, but still, after a couple of approaches, I felt relieved, refreshed, and talked to about 10 girls, very dominant, enjoying myself, and not looking for an outcome at all.
I felt good and recharged. And now back home, to continue my wealth hustle. I’m doping myself with coffee, but I will probably crash soon.
Again, while ST1 made me feel depressed and lethargic, and it was hard, ST2 is even harder: I realize all the problems, and feel a fire under my belly to fix them ASAP, and a deep anxiety because I feel my previous plans are not right, so I am lost figuring out a new plan in the middle of the road.
It’s not fun. But as a man, I am supposed to learn to be comfortable with uncertainty and pressure. So it’s a good learning experience.