I have to remember this quote and come to again and again ::: from Vadim Zealand transurfuing. This how I deal with despair sadness and confusion
“The paradox is that no-one can ever know how events should develop in order to realise their order. If a person nonetheless insists that they do know, nothing will work out. Your dreams seem difficult to achieve because you are held in the grip of certain standards and simply will not let these dreams be realised. Your door is locked shut with stereotype locks.
Create the desired image – goal in your mind and then just place one foot in front of the other in the direction of your goal. Everything that happens to you is all for the sake of reaching the goal. Adopt the intention of the Maker: everything is going as it should because that is what I have decided. I manage my world in the way I see fit. I am no longer at the mercy of circumstance but neither do I try and control everything. By playing the target slide in my mind’s eye it is not the circumstances I am shaping but an ultimate picture of the world I intend to live in. Attempts to influence events are the work of the mind’s inner intention which tries to push for its own scenario. The mind has no way of knowing what awaits it on the path to the goal. Circumstances are created by outer intention and the alternatives flow. My task is to determine the vector of the flow, but what channel it takes does not concern me.
Imagine that you are woken up from your mirror daydream because something is happening. The events and scenery are all as they should be but you are seeing things differently as if you had escaped the flow of events and come to your senses in the middle of a huge spherical mirror. A gigantic kaleidoscope spins around you sparkling with the many facets of reality. You are a part of this reality and at the same time you exist separately and independently of it. It is the same kind of realisation of one’s “separateness” that a person experiences when they wake up in a dream and understand that the dream now depends on them and not the other way around. In the mirror daydream everything is just the same, the only minor difference being that reality reacts more slowly. Once you get used to its slower gear you discover something quite wonderful. Reality is quite pliable and changes adapting to the image in your thoughts. What does this mean? Where are you?
You are now outside of this world. You have exited the mirror.”"