Something which has happened a couple of times today, and a lot this week, is I’m remembering childhood homes, people, schools, churches…a lot of stuff I don’t normally recall.
Not sure what or why it’s important. But all my life, that’s been rare. Something is working, which I can not see, but it’s inviting me to go further. Very mystical talk, I know. But, it’s about me, and I don’t think this has ever happened.
Change is brewing.
Also, today I read @Simon’s reaction to an old post about using multiple subs simultaneously. His message was SC subliminals are already stacked like that. Multiple cores stacked together require simultaneous messages being played.
And I’d been thinking of Regeneration before my meltdown over the coworker yesterday. I’d removed it from my full-time stack maybe 2 weeks back, and EOG has kept me mentally and emotionally busy. Last night I played Regeneration solo all night. I played it some during the day, but switched to EOG and PCC.
I did something I’ve never done. I played EOG and PCC on VLC, and I put Regeneration on Rocket Player, simultaneously. I was tired a little at first, but nothing noticeable as far as reconciliation. I’m playing 2 sets of VLC on my desktop PC now, and am soaking it in.
Maybe why I thought of telling my ex to fuck off is due to Regeneration?? Maybe. I’m doing well with this setup today, and will report any changes down the line.
That’s the first step - recognising that you have a right to defend yourself. How will you do it? That angry feeling you now have will intensify until you act on it. Whatever you say out loud doesn’t really matter (at first).
Commander can help, however look into Regeneration long term. Seriously.
If you just stood there and took it, there’s past guilt and shame programming still sabotaging your efforts.
That’s exactly what I did. I just took it. I’ll be sticking with Regeneration since I’ve had small breakthroughs with it. And truthfully, it’s so subtle that changes are made, and suddenly… a reaction is different. I’m even feeling mushy a bit this morning, so changes are going on.
I’ve woke up with similar thoughts about what I’d do on a lazy Sunday–for years. Something is being changed and challenged in me today. And it feels better (freeing) to allow this. Shame and fear ARE being worked on now.
To further expand my story, PCC is kicking in. 2 shallow dreams this morning had me noticing people’s motives. This is cool. I know guilt and shame have impeded me reading people, but I don’t know why. It’s been like that for many years
Ok, some observations from today.
First off, I thought of looking at my wealth goals sheet today, 2ce so far, and I realized part of me wished to avoid that. I did look after doing laundry and doing a walk—but even then I was detached. Those are signs of reconciliation. However, Iron Throne is active in my thinking. While sitting here, I just changed from
PCC and Regeneration, in 2 different players simultaneously
to
EOG ST1 and Regeneration, in 2 different players simultaneously.
That same Iron Throne pushed me to go walk a different path an hour ago. Me doing the same old non-productive things frustrated me, so I took a walk around a lot more car traffic. My walk was bold and fast, though I never did this consciously. I’d seen a dad, mom, and grandmother walking my way, I noticed them eyeing me, and they suddenly detoured. When I took a mental picture of how I looked, I was in that IDGAF mentality. I was just going THROUGH, ignoring old guilt norms I’ve often fallen into. Those norms are me feeling and imagining I’m strong, but quickly shutting it down to fall into old “I’m small” kind of ways. Why? So I’d be “nice” 
. But I didn’t change my strut. I just kept walking, and it felt goooood.
A good thing related to change happened 20 minutes ago. I’ve written that my attitude and my expectations towards my daughter have hurt our relationship numerous times in my journals. They are unfair and unhealthy, to say the very least. I’ve not reached out to her in weeks, as my mood has slid between anger and self-pity many times. It’s not her crap; it’s mine. So I’ve avoided stirring that pot since some rapid changes are happening here.
Well, half an hour ago, I texted a non-guilting and non-expecting question. I asked simply “how was your weekend?” She replied in 10 minutes, and I continued the convo for about 10 minutes. I’m not “all better”, but some kind of expectation of her dropped. God answers prayers, as this has been on my mind and heart a number of years now.
I can proudly say “I love subliminals” due to quick changes like that.
Her conversation with me was about her present therapy sessions. She’s never tried subs. She’s only seen my rises and falls. And she’s only seen me, plus she’s only 14.
Note: I first learned of her heightened hearing abilities when I purchased my first ultrasonic sub. She was over here at my place 3 years back, I was running it, and she became insistent that I turn the screeching sound off. I had VLC running a music track, and Media Player running the ultrasonic sub. Not until I turned MP off did she visually show that she was relieved.
However, I’m aware most teenagers grow out of that hearing sensitivity in time. Someday, she may try subs. But that’s just my desire. All I can control is me. I’m listening to EOG and Regeneration now, and that’s changing me. From what I’m learning, that is the best place to start.
Glad you noticed that. G1 works similarly, which is why having the thinking written down helps. 
(And that is why the Instructions apply to K1, but not to other Stage 1s. Those work differently.)
Thanks for acknowledging that Simon 
Feeling a little overwhelmed this morning. I chatted with a rep on my bitcoin exchange, and…explaining it is too much presently. I even butted in once saying “Stop”.
Short story: I asked a specific question. He asked another question which he and I had already spoken about 3 days ago. I’ll stop there. Feeling a little overwhelmed.
Reconciliation. I cut off EOG just now and am still running Regeneration.
Also, I feel like a little more “pushing”, and I’d break down in tears. It’s reconciliation
I shut off Regen too. I need to settle
Which day is it?
Day 22 or 23.
I don’t know if reconciliation hit you before but it seems like you got it pretty late in the process (mostly I read people having reconciliation a few days, a week in). Do you plan to listen to St1 for more than a month?
I did this over the weekend. The heavy reconiliation didn’t show until this morning
I did this as well (with Ev4 - two instances at the same time), for about 4 hours Saturday night. My reconciliation showed up part way through Sunday.
What’d your reconciliation look like?
What a day. “Extreme” would be the best word to describe it.
From heavy reconciliation this morning,
to not understanding a VERY GOOD fact from my bitcoin exchange while chatting,
to working with a driver who cares less about anyone else’s life or health when he wants something,
to choosing to go visit a local gym right after work since my subc has been making noise for a while,
to coming home and seeing my miner made a big deposit…
Extreme. Good. It’s life, and wow, what a day. I turned on Regen driving home, but began feeling tense, so turned on EOG solo. Considering loops tonight, but haven’t decided.
Oh, and another big extreme: Iron Throne has been making more noise presently. It’s why I visited the gym after an 11-hour workday (I just priced them). I’d been thinking about it for months, but thought about @Simon’s advice on taking action, so I followed the nudge. I am realizing I’ve been ignoring a LOT of nudges in my life. It’s branching into more of my whole life. When I pay attention, that nudging is constantly prompting me on what to do. Even sharing here. It seems connected.
Truthfully, sometimes nudges have no apparent connection to whatever the very next step is, so they’re easier to ignore. (That’s me dismissing and validating my reasons to ignore nudges (aka desires) )
For example, even listening to classical music while writing here…has old connections. Lots of nudges to play trumpet or horn again these last couple of years. And I hadn’t planned on listening to classical. Connections to an oft-dismissed nudge.
I ran EOG on loops until around midnight, then slept with it not playing. Got up today feeling Iron Throne, and I got my stuff done sooner than I normally do before leaving for work.
I ran EOG solo in my pocket all day, noticing some brain stress in my final hours at work. I got home, and put PCC on. When I’m stressed, I tend to BS myself more, so I’m trying to see if I’m running it too much, or possibly, I’ve not allowed enough recuperation from me overdoing it last weekend. Still feeling the stress tingles. I’ve never had this, so I admit it.
Right now, I’m seeing I’ve been gaining the thinking of acting more vs. doing nothing. I look at my desk in front of me, rather messy, but my concentration is actually not on the mess; it’s on success. It’s a good feeling, and it has me seeing in my mind what a stress-free environment would look like. A clean desk would be wonderful.
–while writing that last paragraph, some crying began, but it wasn’t usual. No tears. I’m thinking it was from the subliminal stress, or reconciliation, so I stopped PCC. While writing, I thought of @Simon’s words that taking action often is a reprieve from reconciliation.
I will clean my room some tonight. This shit is feeling burdensome the longer I ignore it. I say “No!” to reconciliation.
Didn’t clean. Extreme tiredness hit me, and I crawled in bed. Means reconciliation is still going on.
Lots of new thoughts popped up when I first dropped.
The credit for that goes to @Malkuth’s Taking Action thread.
When I use the words reconciliation or reconcile, I’m going by the dictionary meanings.
To me, Reconciliation is a process of elicitation, negotiation, conflict resolution, and decision making… a lot of which, needs to be done consciously.
I think I need to focus on the fact that I’m on ST1.
I slept without playing subs last night, and turned EOG and PCC this morning. EOG hasn’t been rough (besides reconciliation from overdoing it recently), but I began floating ideas with feelings since I’m aware I’ve needed to imput some masculinity in my life. I’ve noticed me allowing certain behaviours once again, and in my gut, I don’t want that.
This showed in 2 different conversations yesterday. In both, men made jabs at me, and I laughed, but I knew something wasn’t right. I’d allowed a standard for people to be rude to me. This is really bothering me, and it’s happening at the same time I’m taking action towards retrieving some funds these last 2-3 days. Doors have been closed, then open there. This part is working presently.
But a part of me is in need, that little boy inside. He needs protection. He needs to know I’ll stick up for him. Everyone, I used to be disgusted (uncomfortable at best) when I’d hear people being gooey with their “inner child”. I saw it as a reality way off, far away. But something works for me when I stick up for myself.
I’m getting hotter the more I write. I know today I’ll pull one of the bosses aside today. I won’t ride with the guy I rode with Monday anymore. I’ll let the manager know I won’t report him, make a statement, none of that, as he’s an ex-con and other people’s life and health does not matter. I also won’t share what he did, as it’d be a shitstorm for me. The man’s one more bully I’ve allowed so far. I need to stand up for ME–to speak up for me.
I realized PCC began playing while writing this. I’d read @anon3072973’s sharing about using Emperor, and I’d wondered. PCC is needed mostly I think