Was feeling good, then I started getting lightheaded during work.
Damn near had a panic attack, fuck me.
Now I’m on edge, I really hope this subsides quickly.
Gonna try and re focus my thoughts on more positive things in the meanwhile.
That’s all I can do for now
Update: this has subsided, thank god
Despite the emotional upheaval felt earlier today, I still feel this amazing appreciation for the beauty of life.
That’s the best way I can describe it.
I’m in such a joyful mood, emotions like anger, sadness, and apathy have no grips on me since my first loops of Chosen and RICH.
Which do you think caused the panic attack, RICH or Chosen? What were you panicking over, if you don’t mind me asking. If it’s too personal, that’s fine.
Last night I had another dream; I was in school. There was this cute new girl. (who looks a lot like a girl I work with)
I don’t remember all the details, but I do remember seducing her, and we fell in love fast. Then we decide to leave school and find a place to continue our romantic endeavours.
For some reason, we ended up in my childhood best friend’s backyard. And we were looking inside. We noticed his parents immediately hit the ground and started freaking out. We felt stuck with no way out.
Then suddenly, the fence to the neighbour’s house disappeared, and I approached the house. I then met a Chinese lady; I convinced her to let us walk through her home and leave out the front door.
Weird lol
December 3rd, 2021
Today was a better day, with no anxiety whatsoever.
I played StarkQ this morning and experienced typical recon. Mostly anger.
That was also partially due to a situation at work but nevertheless.
The upbeat mood remains.
Towards the end of the day, a girl
I work with…
I was waiting in line to sign out along with another co-worker. I’ve never worked directly with her or even talked to her. So he and I were speaking, then she joined in. We started laughing about how he’s a video game nerd, and all he talks about is marvel movies etc. That’s not important though, but her look was. I think she’s into me; she had that typical high school girl excited look on her face. I don’t know how to explain it, lol, but hopefully, you know what I mean.
Another thing, I was directing a co-worker while he was operating machinery today. I put my hand up and told him to stop and wait. (Calmly and assertively)
I remember looking over at her, and she was staring right at me. She didn’t look away for a good 3 seconds. She had that deer in the headlight look.
While these small things usually wouldn’t be a big deal to me, after that dream, I just found it odd.
I figured I’d write it down.
I’ve decided to make a Stark custom to run with my zero-point titles.
After nearly 3 hours of brainstorming and cutting module after module…
Here’s my current final draft:
The focus of the custom is
Other modules I’ve considered are stress displacement, sanguine, inner voice, Yggdrasil and Raikov.
The first three are because when I get stressed or angry, it takes over me, and it’s hard to control. I hate getting into negative spirals because it makes me more introverted. I subconsciously do this to avoid taking my anger out on others.
Raikov: the best is the best for a reason. Learning from them is a wise choice.
Yggdrasil: Improve and speed up manifestations.
(Although now that I’m running zero point, I question if that is even necessary anymore?) This is why I left it out.
Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
You might want to get accustomed to this.
Also with regards to your custom, I do think Yggdrasil is a good idea. Perhaps Mosaic.
My own personal bias would be to remove Rogue and put something else there.
If stress or anger is a priority, perhaps get that handled before seeking out much attention. Such as removing The Spotlight and putting in Sanguine.
What do you think?
PS I understand what it’s like to be staring at a custom list for hours.
You’re right… it keeps happening. Last night I went to a bar. And this cute chick gave me that same look multiple times throughout the night.
When I hopped on the bus today another hot chick gave that exact same look.
Done
Quick question though, if I wanted to add Mosaic; what would you remove?
I do understand your areas of focus as you posted above. If you would please state your objective for this subliminal in 100 words or less, I might be able to better answer your question.
No need. I changed my mind.
No doubt😅, I started out with 60 + potential modules. It took all day to finally nail it down to 21.
Thanks for your help RV🥂
Man, I’ve had mad writer’s block for the past few weeks.
It’s like I can’t effectively communicate my thoughts.
Sometimes I’ll start an entry, then stop halfway through because I don’t know where I’m going with it. Or maybe it sounds stupid or insignificant.
There are times where I even second guess what I’m writing.
“Did it really happen like that?”
Just questioning the validity of my own perception.
Even when I read over my old entries, I sometimes think I’m over exaggerating.
But then, I’ll remember something my friend said or something my brother said. And this confirms my original experience. (Sometimes I even realize I was understating my experience)
I feel like I experience a constant low level of imposter syndrome. It’s been there for so long that I don’t even notice it. But as I continue writing this entry, I’m starting to see it more and more.
Like last night I was talking with my friend about a night out we had two weeks ago. We went to laser tag with his girlfriend and some of her friends. One of her friends was real cute and seemed interested in me. I told my friend, “I think she was flirting with me.”
When I said that, I felt imposter syndrome. I immediately started questioning my own perception.
“Maybe she was just being friendly; that guy beside her is probably her boyfriend.”
It turns out the guy is just a group friend, and he already has a girlfriend. The girl was single, and my boy’s girl told me she was interested in me.
Like, fuck me. I need to learn to trust my intuition.
I can recount countless other situations that follow this same structure.
Do any of you have experience with imposter syndrome, feelings of doubt, etc.? How did you deal with it?
Ok… whatever is in this ZP stuff, IT’S POTENT.
I ran 1x Chosen + 1x RICH this morning, and I’m feeling high as a kite. I haven’t felt this happy in years. It’s almost uncomfortable; I’m not used to being filled with this much positivity.
I think I’m starting to not only understand but feel reality being pushed through me.
My mind is absolutely blown right now.
Well… I thought today was going to be the day.
My boss called me into his office, facing me, there was a piece of paper on his desk.
I got excited; I thought, “finally, I’m getting that raise!”
It turns out I was getting written up for not wearing my safety glasses. SMH😪
The interaction was odd. He was super friendly about it. It felt like I had the authority in the situation. It was such a strange experience, I didn’t even know how to respond, so I just stayed quiet for the most part.
On the way out, he laughed and said, “you looked right at me and took them off” Oddly enough, I didn’t even remember doing that, so I just laughed and walked out of his office.
I felt like he wanted an apology. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s a respect thing. Perhaps it’s because he lacked assertiveness. This made me start to wonder why I have trouble saying “sorry.”
I’ve even noticed this with my parents. I was the rebel of my family, so I got in trouble a lot. And I can recall many instances where I couldn’t say sorry. It always felt inauthentic, and this made me angry. How can I be sorry? I knew exactly what I was doing. I already know what I did wrong, I’ve already analyzed my actions, and I’ve learnt my lesson. None of this will matter in a week. So what’s the point of punishing me?
Yes, I get it; by punishing a kid, they associate pain with “bad behaviour,” and as a result, they are less likely to repeat said behaviour.
But this never worked with me. It had the opposite effect. It lead to more rebellion. More secrecy. More lying. It’s like I didn’t need an explanation for why my actions were wrong. I already knew why. I was always a logical kid; weighing the pros and cons of my decisions and actions came naturally to me.
So, of course, it’s annoying to listen to my parents lecture me on things I already know. But on the other hand, I’m a young man; my brain isn’t fully developed yet, maybe I’m not getting the full picture.
I’m hoping Chosen can help me with this.
Or, maybe it’s not a bad thing at all?
If I’m not sorry, then… sorry I’m not sorry.
At least I’m being authentic.
Chosen and R.I.C.H gotta go.
I’m not ready for Chosen. Rich on the other hand gels with me fine. But a more focused approach seems appropriate for me fight now.
I have unfinished business with Primal Seduction and Wanted.
And my new Stark custom will compliment it perfectly:
New journal coming soon…
I’m thinking this is part of the Chosen effect. Might want to get accustomed to it.
Sike
That was the recon talking😅
Chosen + StarkQ is a fantastic combination.
I haven’t been journaling as much lately. Mainly because everything has felt stagnant in my life. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened except recon and intense feelings of anxiety.
That is… until Saturday came around. Everything hit all at once. It felt like results were falling from the sky.
Saturday was a huge adventure. I won’t delve too deep into the details as it was very personal.
But I’ll tell you some of the themes:
Adventure, independence, overcoming fear, patience, impulsivity, joy, spontaneity, rules broken, romance, humility, mistakes made, lessons learned.
I’m still in awe of everything that happened. It seemed otherworldly, like a dream or a movie. I’m still taking it all in right now.
I’ll give you some minor details: I went to a party, and everyone was overly friendly to me. I was weirded out by it at first.
My bro and I were dancing and singing in the living room with some hot girls. It’s weird to say, but I felt like a celebrity. Everyone was watching me; everyone wanted to talk to me. Even the people around me were talking to others about me. (In a good light too)
At one point, someone grabbed me and threw me up in the air. I was crowd surfing in the living room😂
My sister’s friend started flirting with me; next thing you know, we were making out in front of everyone. (Which got me in a bit of trouble😅)
I wish I could explain more, but I’m not trying to write a whole book. So much happened both internally and externally. Zero-point truly is revolutionary.
With that being said, Chosen is staying and R.I.C.H is getting swapped for Primal Seduction Zp.
Stark Custom + Chosen + Primal Seduction Zp
That’s my new stack
You really should get accustomed to this.
Primal Seduction Zp feels different. It’s not an in your face kind of sub. (At least to me)
With Wanted QV2, I felt it. Everywhere I walked, I felt sexy, confident and nonchalant.
On primal seduction, the only thing I feel so far is a slight dominant alpha vibe. It’s subtle but powerful. Like if someone were to step to me, I wouldn’t hesitate to knock them out clean. It’s that “I don’t take no shit” mentality.
Another thing, women have been quite friendly to me lately. I’ve noticed a slight deference towards me.
Quick story, last night was my sister’s birthday dinner. I was eating tortilla chips out of the bag, and one of her friends asked me if she could have some. So I hand the chips to her, and as I do, I hit my wine glass, and it spilled.
Usually, I’d be mad. But I was completely nonchalant about it. Straight away, I made a joke that my sister did it. “Why would you go and do that? I get it; it’s your birthday but chill; that wine was expensive.
I remained utterly relaxed and self-amused. Immediately upon breaking the glass, two of my sister’s friends grabbed a paper towel and started cleaning it up.
One of them even said, “Why are we cleaning this up? You broke the glass”. (What’s funny is she couldn’t wipe the smirk off her face as she said it) So I just ignored them, and they kept cleaning. They seemed happy to clean it for me.
(No wonder it’s called PRIMAL Seduction LOL)
Then my mom grabs a new roll of paper towel, hands it to me. And I’m like, “What do you want me to do with this?”
She sprays some disinfectant and grabs two sheets of paper towel, and leaves it right in front of me. I say
“What you want me to do this?” I started laughing, and then she started doing it.
Anyways, I can feel my internal sense of status rising.
(This could be Chosen thought, maybe even my custom)
Hot women used to make me nervous. Now, not so much. Not only do I feel like these hot women are on my level, but now I feel like I’m above them. Like I’m too good for them.
“I am the prize. You’d be lucky to have me.”
Another result. My interactions with women are improving, no doubt there. But many times after these interactions, I’ll think back and ask myself what I could’ve done better.
Immediately I’ll replay the interaction in my head and try a different response. Next thing you know, I’ve got three different scenarios, with three different endings etc. And every single one is flawless. I gotta say, the image of me in my head can finesse; it kinda blows my mind.
So if I can train my RAS to do this, surely I can do it in real life, yeah? 
Side note: I’ve only played PSZP twice🤯
I gotta give it more time, I really want to get back on Wanted but PS is awesome