Beowulf's Journal - Golden Lover (2023)

:pray: I will begin this journal with a prayer,

Invocation of the Almighty - May God Bless This Journal and My Journey

O God, may your holy name be blessed forever and ever,
for wisdom and power are yours.
You change all times and seasons, you remove and install all kings;
you give the wise their wisdom and knowledge to those who know;
you reveal deep and hidden things, and you know what is in the darkness.
Light abides with you, and Light comes forth from you.
I adore you and I praise you,
o God of the angels and the prophets,
o Lord of Heaven and Earth,
o Master of the Seen and Unseen,
o you who gives me wisdom and power.

Truly, he is the God of Gods, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords!
Bless the God of the angels and the prophets, he who is Most High,
the Ever-Living One who reigns forever,
whose dominion is everlasting,
whose kingdom endures throughout the generations,
whose might surpasses the end of time!
None can hold back his hand from acting,
none can challenge his deeds once done!

Praise, exalt, glorify, and bless the King of the All,
whose works are just and whose ways are right,
who humbles those who behave arrogantly,
who relieves those with burdened hearts,
who delivers and saves from perdition,
and who performs signs and wonders in Heaven and on Earth.

Information about Me:-
MBTI → ENTP/ENFP
Astrology
Sun in Picses (10th House)
Rising Sign (Taurus)
Moon in Scorpio (7th House)

Background:-
I’ve actually been a lurker/member :eye: of the SubliminalClub forum for many many years now, visited the forum almost daily under a different account. I’ve been here for so many years but people who were around that time are leaps and bounds are ahead of me in comparison :frog: . As for me, I’ve always switched subliminals prematurely :confounded: , had absurd levels of shiny object syndrome :eyes:, always falling in temptation for the short term results (loved breaking my cycle for Love Bomb :heart: and Libertine :fire: in Ultima back then) and never really took action :muscle: .

Circumstances have been harder for me recently . At the moment I am not performing at my sales job :necktie: , my health :hospital: has been slowly deteriorating due to neglect and I’m treated with not much respect at work :speaking_head: (though that is slowly improving). Thankfully, one area of my life that I’ve had no issues with is my love life :love_letter: . So that’s one worry out of my mind. Now I’m determined to not abandon another journal again to my short-term temptations. I will actually achieve my goals this year and actually put in the effort to do so. Reading @Luther24’s post on the need to have different kinds of people :man: on this forum also influenced my decision to start my journal. I have viewpoints on masculinity :weight_lifting_man: , society :family_man_woman_girl_boy: and women :woman: that goes against the common viewpoint of those on this forum. I aim to contribute the best I can in a civil manner and to not break forum rules :wink:

Oh and I wanted to try out using a lot of emojis for this post, I think I like it so far :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

Important Goals for 2023:-

  1. To go from earning almost nothing to being a top 20% earner.
  2. Consistently workout. From 60kg at 17% bodyfat, achieve 75kg at 14% body fat.
  3. Learn Chinese from HSK 1 up to HSK 4.
  4. Perform my spiritual practices consistently (in the Subliminal Club Black section)
  5. Grow taller from 177cm to 181cm.

My Stack:-

I’ve thought deeply and considered dozens of different possible subliminal combinations. I eventually settled on these three. Establishing my foundation is the most important thing, something I’ve always neglected for the more complex subliminals. So, I decided on:-

  1. Ascension for personal power, ambition and confidence.
  2. LBFH for self-love, healing emotional traumas and uplifting others through love.
  3. R.I.C.H for increasing the amount of wealth manifestations and opportunities
  4. EOG ST1 to clear all wealth blockages that will prevent me from achieving my wealth goals.

I plan to run this stack for 12 - 16 cycles, I will create a new journal once my next phase begins. One may refer to my Subliminal Schedule + Timeline to see what cycle and stack I am currently on.

The 12 Major Habits (2023)
  1. :pen: Journaling :white_check_mark: (17th January 2023)
  2. :running_man: Jogging
  3. :man_standing: Stretching
  4. :sleeping_bed: Sleeping 8 Hours
  5. :person_in_lotus_position: Meditation
  6. :iphone: No Social Media
  7. :computer: 4 hours of focused work
  8. :person_in_lotus_position: Spiritual Practice
  9. :open_book: Chinese
  10. :weight_lifting_man: Weightlifting
  11. :meat_on_bone: Diet
  12. :musical_keyboard: Piano

:hammer: Updates

Update 1 (17/1/2023)

Transitioned from a :heart: Heart-based approach to a pure :speaking_head: Skills-based approach in order to maximize my ability to improve my financial status. Will combine BOTH in 2024.

  1. Changed the title from Golden Lover to Smooth Silver to reflect the change in my plans.
  2. Switching out the planned :orange_heart: Golden Heart custom for :tongue: Silver Tongue.
Silver Tongue
  1. Ascension
  2. True Sell
  3. Alpha of Alpha
  4. Emperor’s Voice
  5. Emperor Fitness Height Inducer
  6. Extreme Exercise Motivation
  7. Joie di Vivre
  8. Carpe Diem Ascended
  9. Natural Winner
  10. Overdrive
  11. Transcendental Connection
  12. Mercy Protocol
  13. Empath
  14. Way of Understanding
  15. Dragon Tongue
  16. Ultimate Writer
  17. Gloryseeker
  18. Spotlight
  19. DEUS
  20. Omnidimensional

Left out Lifeblood Fable, Eagle Eye, Song of Joy, Storyteller, Inner Voice and Invincible Presence.

  1. Share a list of all habits I aim to internalize by the end of this year.
Update 2 (20/1/2023)

Going with both a :heart: Heart-based approach AND :speaking_head: Skills-based approach for 2023. This intuitively feels better and will likely serve me much better now.

  1. Modified plans that I was going with in Update 1. Changing back journal name from Smooth Silver to Golden Lover.
  2. Reverse my decision for Slot 3. Reverting :tongue: Silver Tongue to :orange_heart: Golden Heart for Slot 3.
  3. Replacing :dollar: R.I.C.H ZP v2 and plans for :ocean: Rivers of Gold with True Sell and a revamped :tongue: Silver Tongue for Slot 2.
  4. Added another habit for 2023 (:bed: Sleep 8 Hours)
  5. Added a Current Stack Section.

Current Stack (Last Updated: 20/1/2023)

  1. :bank: EOG ST1
  2. :dollar: R.I.C.H
  3. :necktie: Ascension

Reference:-

  1. My Subliminal Schedule + Timeline for easy access to my subliminal history.
  2. My Subliminal Club Black journal for talking about spirituality.
9 Likes

LMAO :laughing:

i’m totally gonna try this out on someone hahah

awesome journal

2 Likes

January 2nd 2023
Listened to these two before I wrote this post.

Planning
Habits List
Currently I’m in the planning phase of the year. Wrote down a list of habits directly related to my goals on the main post here, then habits related to my daily schedule and then all habits I want to do in my lifetime. Total, it’s about 25 habits. I then filter it out into 10 habits that would give me the most returns if I ingrained them now. Debating whether to do a few at once or do it one at a time. The latter is obviously the most consistent way, so I’ll need to do that first.

Musings
Thinker

Writing on the forum again is actually a good way to see and improve results not just in terms of journaling but also because the forum is actually a playground to see how the subliminals affect your writing, how it is received and how you feel about people seeing them. Noticed a change in the way I type, the way my posts are received and how I feel about posting certain things. Identifying thoughts that pop-up when it comes to other people reading your posts is a good way to see what issues underneath need to be worked on ("This seems like I’m bragging, “Oh god, this sounds cringy to type”, “This is a painful memory, I don’t want people to see this”). If you care too much about whether your posts have likes or more likes than other people for example, then you’re clearly seeking external validation. Upset that no one responded to your question, then you need to work on managing expectations. Feel the need to argue with someone to prove them wrong, then you need to work on your ego.

(Truthfully, some of these are still a problem for me :joy:)

Results

Results
The last time I posted consistently was I think in late 2021 to early 2022. Compared to then, I’ve noticed my writing now seems more confident and less apologetic. Received more likes than before. Messages to me seem more positive and respectful. I even had someone help me out in DMs. A little more open about writing certain things, like this paragraph which would seem self-aggrandizing to previous me. Less fearful about receiving a negative response. So I would definitely say Ascension has been playing a large role in this.

Goal-setting, ambition and organization has improved. SMART goals are being made. Ambition is high but with steps that are concrete and objective. Organization of thoughts and my plans are much better. A lot of it is centered around self-improvement and wealth acquisition. Procrastination lowered but not as low as I want it to be, still quite abysmal.

It seems that Ascension is working very well for me on the forum and in my love life but hasn’t fully translated into my work environment and family yet. I suspect it’s because areas with the least resistance to these ideas tend to manifest faster and more strongly compared to those that remain a subconscious issue.

Where to Improve
Work on the way I think about how my posts are received on the forum. Develop nonchalance and eliminate my need for external validation. Note to avoid a confrontational tone when it’s not necessary, use proper ways of approaching a subject to avoid devolvement into argumentation. Always remember posting publicly is about receiving feedback and to help others on their path.

Cleanliness is an issue. I live alone and I tend to not give a damn about how my living space is organized. I’ve noticed my place feels like I’m a young rebellious teenager who doesn’t care about life and litters everywhere :laughing:

4 Likes

January 3rd 2023

Flashback
I wanted to note this down. Last Thursday (29 December 2022), I had a manifestation in which my uncle :man_bald: came to my house. I talked about my job and he talked (maybe even a bit too long) about ambition, how my job :man_health_worker: can be a very lucrative career if you’re passionate and so on. I suspect this is another :necktie: Ascension manifestation. I even remember thinking :thought_balloon: at the time, “Oh, another Ascension manifestation. That’s funny”. The day before that I ran Ascension so it made sense. He asked me to help him out with some documents :blue_book:

Fast Forward to Today
Finished helping him out today, got some nice cash :moneybag: from him that I was honestly not expecting. I consider that to be another :dollar: R.I.C.H + :bank: EOG ST1 manifestation.

Oh right. I met my client :woman: today and another wealth opportunity (manifestation :pray:) popped up. She is renting out to her tenant for 1 year and plans to sell it after the contract is over. Her tenant is upset, since he :man_artist: plans to stay-in for longer as his relative :woman_artist: lives in the same apartment block. I figured out a good idea on the spot. I can help her tenant find a place to stay after 1 year in the same apartment block or sell them another project. Either way, the tenant is satisfied, the owner doesn’t feel bothered and I get to make more money :money_mouth_face:. She seemed to be impressed and later during the conversation wanted to extend the contract to sell her property with me.

Speaking of which, I ran :dollar: R.I.C.H and :bank: EOG ST1 (25 November 2022) when I first met her. I met her only intending to sell her property but suddenly it came up that she already had a tenant moving in but needed the official agreement :pen: made. I as an agent, was able to take advantage of this opportunity and offered to help her to do so. Usually I would have to help find landlords to find tenants and that would take time :clock1: + :running_man: effort. That was basically free, easy money. Another wonderful manifestation :pray: .

I love the emojis, they kinda add some flavour :shallow_pan_of_food: to my posts and make them feel more attractive to look at. Kinda fun too :laughing:. For anyone that wants to know how to easily access the emojis, just type : followed by the word. That will make it way faster :fast_forward:.

The Private-ish Journal
I’ve opened a journal in Emperor Club Black as it’s more private. Here are some posts that I made yesterday in it.

  1. Return
  2. Marriage
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January 4th 2023

Negotiations
Went to see the upset tenant :man_artist: I mentioned yesterday. During the course of the interaction, I realized why my heart :heart: was telling me I needed to switch my plans from running an :necktie: Ascension + :speaking_head: True Sell custom to an :necktie: Ascension + :heartbeat: LBFH custom. I seem to be a far better negotiator, peacemaker and dealmaker when I speak from a place of love and understanding. Allows people to open up and make them trust you have their best interest at heart, which thankfully I genuinely seem to do. They warmed up to me over time and talked about their worries and fears. I am thankful for having this gift.

I managed to figure out a solution but it seems difficult at the outset :thinking: . I’m trying to find a way to make sure all parties are happy but I’m worried I’m unable to do so and it would result in one or more parties compromising. I see the perspectives and hardships of everyone involved. Hopefully my solution works out and everyone wins out in the end :1st_place_medal: . Using :dollar: R.I.C.H should help me to find a suitable buyer :business_suit_levitating: .

Where to Improve
While meeting the tenant :man_artist: and his sister :woman_artist: , I seem to struggle a little with moving out from deep talk into more light-hearted topics. I love going straight into deep talk :hole: with somebody but sometimes lack the ability to move it away to just having fun before going back in. I really love deep, personal topics but I know it can get a little tense if you stay there too long without coming back up to breathe :swimming_man: .

Lover
Today, my lover :couple_with_heart_woman_man: seems even more attracted than usual to me today. More clingy and loving, it’s really cute :cat: . Pretty certain it has something to do with running :necktie: Ascension today. I think the seduction :kiss: aspects of it are very underreported, that’s all I will say :wink: .

Planning
Finished the planning stage. Wrote :memo: down my habits, my goals and the milestones to my goals. Needed to finish doing all of this before using :dart: Ascension Chamber, as it will provide far more clarity and will give it direction to manifest :pray: .

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January 5th 2023
Procrastination!
Didn’t get much done today at all :face_with_hand_over_mouth: . I’ll consider this a break day, I plan to sleep early tonight and go to the gym tomorrow morning to begin my workout routine anew. Will start off by running according to the C25K program. My cardio has been garbage from inactivity :sleeping_bed: .

On the bright side, I’ve been consistently journaling for the past few days :pen: . This is so far, a good streak that I’m proud of. I tend to abandon journals after a few days. I aim to keep this streak going for the rest of the year. :muscle: .

1 Like

January 6th 2023

Avoidance
If I’m truly honest with myself, I’ve been avoiding doing certain things the past few days out of fear. Things related to my work and my personal life. This sense of avoidance is really harmful. If I’m even more frank, I’ve been doing this my whole life. I avoid it by trying to push it to tomorrow so the me right now doesn’t have to deal with it. I wonder if procrastination is really avoidance, the discomfort and fear of doing something. And so then, it follows, that the act of doing the thing that causes that avoidance kills that discomfort and fear?

Switching Subliminals
I’m nearing the end of two cycles of :dollar: R.I.C.H. It has brought me nice free food, some good money in the form of gifts and my first (albeit) small commission in sales. Now, I’m feeling that it’s actually not the best subliminal for me at this moment. Why?

Because I’m actually a really bad salesman, at least with a certain demographic of people (and that demographic happens to be what I’m dealing with the most). So there’s no point manifesting opportunities if I can’t capitalize on them. Funny thing I remembered when running :dollar: R.I.C.H a few months ago was that it manifest TWO clients that I could close but I only managed to close ONE. I knew that I could close the other one because somehow the universe had to tell me my colleague got them instead the next day. Even then, the client I did “close” wasn’t really “closed” at all because I wasn’t fast and decisive enough with helping them make a good decision so they slipped away.

So no point running it. I also ran this title due to a fear of me not being able to make enough money in time for my long-term goals. Now, after I had a discussion with the person involved in my goals, there was no need to rush it anymore.

Thankfully I was smart enough to create my stack so that :dollar: R.I.C.H, the middle subliminal of the three was the most replaceable of them all. The other two were always non-negotiable in terms of being in my stack. :dollar: R.I.C.H was not. Years of stack-switching gave me the foresight that this could happen.

Enter: True Sell
For my next cycle, I’m strongly considering running :speaking_head: True Sell instead. It will pair wonderfully with :bank: EOG ST1 and my :orange_heart: Golden Heart custom. Plans for a custom based off of it have also been made, so the transition should be done relatively smoothly next cycle.

Private-ish Journal

  1. Outsider
1 Like

You are a dreamer, creative, Pisceans are the only signs who carry the vibrations to easily cross the veil and see beyond it. Make sure not to get too stingy on full moons, Scorpios are protective, loyal, fierce, and cunning, the Moon relates to our emotions and the subconscious… Again rules over the dream world.

You are destined to some great cause in the material world with Taurus something to with finances, material possessions – this can be anything to government of banks, storage houses and museums of ancient artifacts anything of Ceasars! as your Ascendant check what house it is in to see in which department this will express.

Your Journal is very animated I like it… Some things are much better expressed and communicated in images, which tend to be natural and normal with the dreamy nature that you likely possess. Think of water and its reflection this is the Piscean. The mirroring of two worlds and the veil in between!

3 Likes

January 7th 2023

Normal but Good Day
Not much that’s interesting to note of today :thought_balloon: . I had another :bank: EOG ST1 + :dollar: R.I.C.H manifestation today when I met someone who I could recruit. Also a potential client. We had a really nice talk, which I find to be interesting. I don’t tend to talk really well with people like him due to my past internalized bad experiences :calendar: . Today was different and I enjoyed that. :speaking_head: True Sell would be really useful in a situation like this, in addition to the Way of Understanding module. Can’t wait to have it in my stack next cycle. Also, my ability to emotionally connect with others on a deep level was noticeable in the conversation. I don’t attribute this to the subliminals I ran since I was always like this but :necktie: Ascension definitely reduced the fear factor a bit, which I’m grateful for.

Social
Co-worker sought my help today and seemed respectful :bowing_man: . Actually I’m a lot more sociable as compared to yesterday, in a better mood. Not sure why. Perplexes me :thinking: . Respect seems to be increasing slightly, I’m not 100% sure. I feel like respect is earned in a lot of ways. I’m not exactly competent at my job here, so the lack of respect is honestly understandable :tired_face:

This brings something to mind. I’m reminded of Warmth + Competence as a trait for good leaders. (By the way, it’s interesting no one has pointed out that :man_firefighter: Chosen fits this to a tee). Made me find this article which talked about it. Oddly enough, I don’t see it get talked about a lot at all.

The matrix of warmth and competence has 4 combinations or possible judgements that determine both assumptions and the behaviour or attitude we take with people. Cuddy’s research suggests 4 distinct attitudes arise and with then stereotypical assumptions:

High warmth and high competence results in admiration. This is the charismatic CEO or client lead

High competence but low warmth creates envy. This is the highly technical IT guy who is essential to the project but not someone you invite for an after-work drink.

High warmth but low competence results in pity. This is typically thought of as the working mother or older person struggling to understand a changed workplace.

Low warmth and low competence generates feelings of contempt. These people aren’t typically employed, indeed the unemployed are often categorised in this way.

This makes a lot of sense when I think about it. Really good article, everybody should read it. There’s a domino effect as a result of my avoidant and fearful tendencies. It results in me procrastinating, which leads me to not being disciplined enough to do things, which leads to me being incompetent. My incompetency either makes people pity or have contempt for me. It also explains why I’m considered a leader/charismatic in some circles and in others I’m disrespected/ignored. The good news is I’m considered quite warm a lot of the time (still need work though), so the only thing that really needs serious work on is my competence. Which means, I have to work on the first domino in the chain. Basically these three things:-

  • Eliminate and dissolve any internal sense (of) fear, procrastination, doubt.

Things to Improve
Avoidance of responsibilities are still ongoing :upside_down_face:. It manifests as a sort of nagging anxiety at the back of my head until I do it. My bad habit of the years of avoiding doing anything that causes me discomfort is still in inertia and affecting me at the moment. Breaking that static sludge holding me back will need to be done soon.

Saw a marketing video from a competitor and I had thoughts of, "I wish I had the drive to actually do something like that. If only I wasn’t so lazy :bed: ". I feel like I have such high potential, if I just take action everything will fall into my lap :moneybag: Very annoying, I don’t want to be all talk no action.
Lots of work to do. Sleep habits are abysmal, cleanliness needs work, responsibilities need to be done. Small steps need to be made the next day. :pray:

Forum Conversations
Had a nice chat with someone on the forum. Actually in the past few days, I’ve talked to several. Always good to mix around with new people, they seemed cool. Personally, I think most people here at least have good intentions - which I like :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes: .

Things I’m Proud of
I’m still consistently journaling every day before I go to bed :pen: :bed: . I’m happy about this. It might seem like a small thing but I find sticking to something more than a few days to be a major accomplishment for me. Now there’s no denying I’m partially using it as a way to avoid my tasks but still, I’ll take this as a win. Digital journaling is a lot easier than writing it down physically, so it’s a good idea that I wasn’t too fixated to do it physically.

3 Likes

January 8th 2023

Wealth Manifestations
From yesterday,

This guy referred to his :exploding_head: FOUR other friends to buy from me. That’s the most I’ve ever gotten from one person. If I could close all five of them, I’m in for a windfall of :money_mouth_face: money. I set tomorrow as the day when I’ll contact them as I’m a little nervous and need to prepare for it (or really I’m avoiding doing it today).

Family took me out for dinner tonight :shallow_pan_of_food: . A family member felt being generous today so I didn’t foot the bill so that’s more delicious, free food for me :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:. Needless to say this is yet another :bank: EOG ST1 + :dollar: R.I.C.H manifestation.

Speaking of which, my friend owes me food for being late last week. So that’s more free food I’ll be getting soon :cut_of_meat: .

Overcame Fear
I managed to actually take some action today regarding things in my backlog :muscle: . Granted, it was not all of it but I did manage to do some of it. I am grateful for my small steps :walking_man: . Also, I made a CRM system for myself in Notion to help track my clients properly since that has always been something poorly managed :books:

I still haven’t cleared everything though so it’s still nagging me at the back of my head :dizzy_face:. And it’s going to nag at me until I do it.

I might still do it today after I finish making this post. We’ll see. Progress is being made, step by step.

UPDATE:
I did a few things I had to do but ultimately decided it was better to do it early the next morning. I wanted to spend some time with my partner tonight :couplekiss_man_woman: . Unfortunately because of the way things turned out I am a bit mad at her for something she did. I suspect this is recon, since whenever I run alpha subs a sure sign my recon is getting high is if I get mad at somebody :angry: . Thankfully, I’m near the end of my cycle so a washout should chill things out :ice_cube:

Update 2:
Made her cry :frowning_face:. Thankfully, we both made up and we went to bed happy :grin: . I was way too harsh, need to tone myself down. You can notice you have recon and STILL get mad. Need to watch myself.

4 Likes

January 9th 2023

Placeholder
I’m going to update the rest of this post tomorrow morning. This post is so I can achieve my goal of doing one journal post per day - no matter what.

UPDATE

Colleagues
Went out with colleagues today for work. Paid for their lunch :money_with_wings: but I have no issues doing so since I’m grateful for the guidance and opportunities they have given me. I did somehow get a financial opportunity for my lover in return :couple_with_heart_woman_man: so it all works out. Respect seems to be higher, spoke more as mutuals. I was also more confident than usual :business_suit_levitating:. I’ve also realized casual ribbing is not something I’m used to doing when I’m dealing with someone much older than me. In my culture, I’m not sure how to navigate this since they do it towards me :thinking: . Respectful ribbing?

Action
Took action with dealing with my prospects :man: . My lack of knowledge is obvious, at least to myself. My company has training but lacks cohesion in teaching everything there is to know for my job. I plan to create a guide for myself that will allow me to stay up to date with everything I need to know so I can prepare well when dealing with clients :nerd_face: .

Morphic Fields

1 Like

Yup.

That’s the truth.

2 Likes

January 10th 2023

More Wealth Manifestations
Went to the company office to help out a colleague :woman: . I helped her out with advertising and she helped me out by giving me a good way to create more sales :dollar: . Win-win situation, I’d say :wink:. Oh and more free food :laughing:. Honestly, it’s ridiculously obvious how :bank: EOG ST1 + :dollar: R.I.C.H is helping me now that it’s difficult to even deny it. It’s just that I’m not taking enough ACTION!

ACTION ACTION ACTION

Dealt with these four but honestly my approach seems garbage. There’s a language and cultural barrier here :speaking_head: . And my social + sales skill with this group is downright poor :cry:. At least I’m taking action instead of reflexively avoiding this entirely as I’ve done in the past, so I count this as a WIN. Strengthens my resolve to finally get :speaking_head: True Sell.

Journaling
The importance of journaling :pen: at this point seems to have really solidified for me. I can really see my progress and it’s practically speaking impossible to say the subliminals don’t work. I’m even feeling the results have accelerated since I’ve started writing.

Two possibilites - I’m finally internalizing events and linking them to the subs :world_map: or the very act of journaling has increased my trust in my subconscious :brain: . I honestly think it’s mostly the latter at this point.

Spiritual Journal

  1. On Perseverance + On Faith
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Realization
I just realized something :eyes:. I’ve had a major shift internally in the way I think about money :moneybag: . For the past 2 months, I’ve been completely fantasizing about owning multi-million dollar mansions :houses:, fancy cars :red_car: and even a private jet :small_airplane: . Thinking about earning tens of millions and spending it on all kinds of luxurious items (watches :watch: , gifts :gift: and clothes :business_suit_levitating: ). I somehow just didn’t connect the dots between running :bank: EOG ST1 + :dollar: R.I.C.H and these thoughts I’m having.

It’s funny because I’m nowhere near having enough money to do all of those things (at the moment) but I’ll be randomly thinking “Yeah, I’d own that house”, “I’ll get two of those cars” and I’ll search it up online for how much it costs. I’m not sure if people regularly do that but it feels so natural to me :thinking: . Still have some anxiety about not earning enough but “enough” here means millions, not tens of thousands. At least hundreds of thousands. I actually force myself to lower expectations of how much money I’ll earn per year because I’ll imagine earning 10x my initial target constantly. Maybe I shouldn’t though. What do you think?

It’s funny because I’m nowhere near having enough money to do all of those things (at the moment)

It felt weird when I was typing this too, felt like it was “negative” or something of the sort, even with the “(at the moment)” addition. I want to rewrite it into something else. Like, When I do get enough money to do so or I’ll get there in a few years or something like that.

3 Likes

January 11th 2023

Washout
First day of my washout :sleeping_bed: . My brain :brain: was nagging at me for 9 days of washout, now it seems far less decided. My last washout was 5 days and I had a feeling I still needed to do some processing :desktop_computer: . I’ll just go for the 9 days, it’s not like I’ll lose my results.

Fear
It seems obvious to me now that I actually avoid doing my responsibilities and do something else (like say, writing this post) because of my fears :ghost: . I fear being shown a fool for not being able to sell to my clients, I fear being seen as incompetent, I fear being scolded at by my superiors, etc. It makes me procrastinate and avoid what needs to actually be done. I need to tackle this head on by just doing it. :necktie: Ascension seems to have gradually reduced my fears and lead to a small increase in action-taking but there’s still a lot of work to do.

Next Habit: Work
I believe journaling :pen: has become a solid habit for me at this point. I need to make work a serious habit of mine. 4 hours of focused work :man_office_worker: per day. That’s my goal. No point working longer if you’re inefficient. I NEED to do a proper workflow for myself.

Thoughts
Lots of negative thoughts regarding my competence. I berate myself for not being able to be like the others who are far better at me. I doubt my ability to actually hit my target for this year. Lots of doubt and negativity. I’m saving up for my :orange_heart: Golden Heart Custom and it does have :heartbeat: LBFH in it. I wonder how that’d change me.

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January 12th 2023

Not Much To Report
Did not make any progress today in terms of my goals besides writing this journal entry :pen: . I realize I need to cut the root of my problem, spending too much time on social media :computer:. Not entirely sure what’s the best way to go about it. Complete abstinence? I think that’s Monk Mode. Also, I’m a little bit on the annoyed side today, so my recon is still subsiding. Don’t stress out, Beowulf :wolf: .

Lots of thoughts though :thought_balloon: . Lots of thinking :thinking: . So the self-introspection done today is worth something.

Private-ish Journal

  1. Nostalgia
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January 13th 2023

Again, Not Much Progress
Disappointing :frowning_face: . Not much was done and procrastination was pretty bad. However, I did make a commitment to not use social media and I did manage to curb using it for half a day. I must acknowledge my tiny wins whenever they come. Also, to relieve my anxiety and fear I’ve started writing a guide so that I can have more clarity in what I’m supposed to do in my work. Building pipelines :man_mechanic: and workflows :ocean: that will ease my confusion.

Thoughts on the Forum
Since I’ve been writing :pen: more on the forum, I realized it’s a good idea for me to spend time here. Why? Because I think my viewpoints here are necessary - as I’ve stated in my first post in this journal. I disagree with quite a few people’s views here and I think the lack of an alternative viewpoint will lead to an unfortunate echo chamber :card_file_box:. I’m also glad to read other’s viewpoints coming directly from the horse’s mouth :horse: , so I don’t get a misrepresentation of what they believe.

HS-01
I haven’t reported on this yet. I’ve noticed it gave me a cooling sensation in my arms on the first day I ran it and it does increase my exhaustion a fair bit, leading to me sleeping way more on the second and third day. I do think it heals me but it’s taking it’s time.

Update
Fixed the image from January 14th 2023 to January 13th 2023.

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January 14th 2023

Very Minor Progress
I took some baby steps today in terms of contacting my clients :man:. Unfortunately, I’m not sure if I’m incredibly unlucky but none of them picked up since they were all busy :upside_down_face:. I’m happy I actually bothered to do it. I’m starting to realize I have some kind of subconscious “block” in terms of just doing things I need to do. It’s a mixture of fear + anxiety. So now I finally understand what people mean when they say procrastination isn’t laziness - it’s a sign of something else inside, deep-rooted within you.

How to Move Forward
Past few days have been complete to near stagnancy in terms of progress. From my journaling, it either has something to do with :hospital: :ocean: HS-01, my washout or some unknown third factor. The effects of :hospital: :ocean: HS-01 are interesting, I can tell something is happening. The tiredness I feel is similar to when I ran :hospital: Paragon Complete. My intuition so far tells me there is no real interference. I will see if this is true. For the :sleeping_bed: washout, this is the 4th day. I’m okay with pushing it to 9 days, I’ve run SubliminalClub titles for years and never took longer than 5 days off. Honestly I should even consider extending it up to 2 weeks.

Journaling
Time passes by quickly and it has been 2 weeks since I started journaling :pen: . I’m honestly really happy with this, it feels like a small but meaningful habit I’ve formed this year. Forcing myself to run a journal entry before I go to bed everyday has been a major challenge that I have overcome :muscle:. It’s not as difficult as I thought it was and it’s actually enjoyable for me since I consider journaling to be an enjoyable activity. There are just 9 more major habits to go :eyes: .

Social Media
One “minor” habit I’d lack to tackle is my honestly chronic social media consumption :video_camera: . I consume hours upon hours of social media (Youtube, Twitter, Reddit, etc) every single day for :calendar: years now. I’ve sort of justified to myself that I’m learning things that benefit me but if I’m being frankly honest I don’t remember about 99% of the things I’ve consumed. I very rarely laugh at any funny videos I watch too, it’s just for the sake of keeping up to date on meaningless things. It’s a ridiculous :toilet: time-sink. If I had taken the time that I wasted on social media and used that on a useful skill instead, I’d honestly be an expert by now. I find social interaction of any kind to be so much more emotionally fulfilling than mindlessly browsing :iphone: social media.

So this I believe, is what will lead to a powerful domino effect on my life. If I can eliminate my hours of useless consumption and use that time for something productive, I will radically change the trajectory of my life.

My next habit is to eliminate all social media use six days a week. I will give myself one hour every week on a specifically chosen day to consume anything that is enjoyable for me. This will allow me to actually enjoy the content I am consuming and regain control of my time lost to these companies that thrive on my attention.

January 15th 2023

End of Reporting for :hospital: :ocean: HS-01
With the official response from Support, I will stop reporting on my use of :hospital: :ocean: HS-01. I will personally continue to use it see the effects and interactions I get with it and future morphic fields in the future but will not report on it here, on this forum.

Minor Progress
Went to a class today teaching my field. While I did not learn much, I’m glad I at least went there since I am very sluggish around work the past few days :sleeping_bed: . I’m getting disappointed in my lack of progress. Journaling :pen: here regularly is in a way a public reminder of my failure to follow my commitment, which is good. Makes me actually follow through eventually. I’m losing money every second I’m inactive. That’s the beauty and pain of a commission-based job.

Recon
My recon symptoms have actually been increasing since I’ve started my washout and hit a peak today on my 5th day :face_with_monocle: . It’s interesting, it must be because there’s a backlog of subliminal input that needed to be processed :brain:. I’m a bit more easily annoyed today and it shows.

Reducing Social Media :iphone:
I haven’t REALLY done this yet today. I have watched a couple of videos discussing the need to cut social media (ironic!) but not much reduction has occurred yet. Just cutting out a negative habit isn’t enough. I need to find a good way to actually replace it.

Mandarin Chinese :open_book:
So, here’s the plan. For short-time periods (a few seconds to a minute), I need to control my urge and focus at the task at hand :nerd_face:. For moderate-time periods, I will need to use apps like Hack Chinese to learn :open_book: Mandarin Chinese. For longer-time periods (say, an hour or two), I will need to switch it out for doing a course on Chinese called :world_map: Mandarin Blueprint. This way, I hit two birds :bird: with one stone and I’m able to hit two habits at once.

So starting tomorrow, I will start going for absolutely no social media especially Youtube.

Gonna move this to my journal so I don’t derail the thread.

Oh yeah, absolutely. You can see in my recent post here that I’m actually facing more recon during my washout. I’ve been listening to SubliminalClub’s subs since the time Emperor came out. I think it was 3 to 4 years ago? I haven’t took a washout longer than 5 days so it makes sense. I’m personally taking a longer washout now for 9 days, maybe 14 to process everything. I’d recommend you to do the same and extend your washout until your recon is 100% subsided.

Will check them out for sure :+1:

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