Alchemical Odysseys: A Journal of Inner Transmutation

Journals - Major Programs
#76

Bro I’m just tired of this. It is not healthy anymore and I am fed-up. I feel I am not being listened to and am just trying endless different methods and schedules while my life is ticking away.

Again after just ONE SINGLE MINUTE. I wake-up with a completely dried out mouth, my brain fried, my nervous system is clearly electrocuted and I am already trying to fix my nervous system because I think I have harmed it from overloading it and that it is damaged.

Its just not even funny anymore this is insane.

Like when I get into horrible reconciliation states and think okay this is enough I cant endure this anymore and stop listening even after 1 month I am still suffering because the programs go that deep and there is just no escape, either I keep going and overcome the limitations that prevent me from executing it or I am just forever in a depression and tiredness because my nervous systems gets stuck some where.

And despite all this I am using my willpower to work some of the most advanced yogic practices to improve my health and well-being but despite all that I just notice the mind is the ultimate tool and that it is SUPERIOR to anything like that. It is superior to any physical medicines, any practices or exercises. If the mind has an issue it has to be resolved within the mind and not otherwise. The mind rules reality simple as that.

#77

Consider trying out this: Trauma Release Exercises - TRE

Start very slowly with it too. Just like with subs, 30 secs could have an insane effect as well

It should release the burden from your nervous system, potentially freeing it up and in the future, allowing you for more exposure with better results with less recon

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#78

You could take a 2-3 month washout, people have done that, and even longer.

#79

I just did a long one and eventually I just felt like I was not getting any results or making any progress. I feel like I need the boost of the programs to support my growth and help me through blockages that may potentially be there from running programs in the first place. As in my life already took a turn running the programs now I cannot stop in the middle of the progress but must continue until I arrive at the objectives or destination and not somewhere in between!

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#80

Will check this out thanks. Anyhow I am doing surya kriya and yoga asanas which is meant to remove energy blockages. I feel like it is a mental thing my mind in and of itself is creating mental blocks and I need to remove it from the root.

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#81

On TRE subreddit, I’ve read that for many people all those yoga practices and stuff doesn’t work before they do the work with TRE first. And those things might even overburden the nervous system

I was one of those people who would get only negative results from meditation, breathwork, etc. I’ve been doing TRE for quite some time now and while I haven’t attempted to do any spiritual practices again, I’m feeling MUCH better mentally and physically, and got more receptive to subs (unlike you, I’d often not feel anything even with 15 minutes and get very little results). There’s a high chance TRE can help you because it moves nervous system to a healthy state, not hyper responsive or hypo responsive

btw @Fire and @SaintSovereign you might find this feedback on TRE interesting

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Trauma Release Exercises - TRE
#82

Actually the interesting thing is I will be getting results on any type of listening amount, just that my nervous system seems to get stuck and numb and I will feel very exhausted or overwhelmed.

Results are always there it is undeniable.

Its just that my body is not cooperating and acting out. My goal with all of this is just have the body be normal and get results at the same time I think it will give far more results as I will have the flow, the desire, the energy, the emotions all working with me to achieve the results.

I even get irritation in the brain now.

But @anon15812918 I will be looking into this TRE stuff you are sharing.

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#83

TRE definitely worth trying!

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#84

Noticing huge breakthroughs since hitting 1 min, lot’s of positive results and no noticeable recon, only the tiredness and numbness from time to time but it seems to be improving. I genuinely think it is just past overexposure still playing itself out not as direct processing but more like as permanent changes trying to integrate themselves without support!

#85

1 min loop today, with one day in between loops according to schedule.

Same thing as usual, entire brain irritated feeling like scratching it everywhere and have already developed redness at the back of my head for months now.

Overwhelmed nervous system, can feel pressure all over and especially in specific spots, the energy gets stuck or is not flowing. Feeling like I care about nothing or none and nothing matters to me.

What is this nonsense? Totally ridiculous. Tired of this shit honestly. 1 min loops and I get the same symptoms as I do the full loops. This is not normal.

Maybe I’m thinking the only reason this can be it is triggering the 15 minute structures from the past at 1 min and causing this?

#86

Yeah not continuing this, my brain gets ruwined even from 1 min and just no life at all in a very weird state and just not feel like doing anything or inspired. Mind feels blocked, emotions feels blocked, feels like I’m not even in reality.

Nope not healthy at all.

#87

That’s interesting. I don’t know if this is confirmed by SC, but there was a (experimental) theory flying around here a while back that if you run a full loop, then run microloops the brain remembers the other longer runs if that makes sense?

This was from the beginning of ZP. So perhaps take a longer washout, perhaps a full month, and then try again.

#88

Whenever I go to microloops things get even worse I’m just tired honestly. Whatever could go wrong today went wrong. My entire plan I worked towards for months just collapsed.

And I don’t even feel anything. I’m just like okay meh. Something is just wrong and I’m tired of it all so fed up!

#89

All I know is that there is actually no subconscious or unconscious mind and that you are not your mind. You have body, you have you, and you have your mind which is just a collection of memory and information that can greatly limit you or program you in certain ways etc. You growing mentally, and collecting more knowledge and information actually means nothing, you memorising any kind of advanced knowledge or information means even less. You enhancing your intelligence so that your perception can perceive, understand and come to that same knowledge yourself through contemplating and right use of the mind is everything. This is true intelligence. Many great scientists discovered something and now you learn it in school and believe yourself to be equally intelligent but in most cases the discoveries would have not even crossed your realm of thought.

Now since we are not psychic developed enough and are mostly mere thinkers we do not access a big part of the mind, the awareness and life is lacking for us to use the full comprehension of the mind, hence science has compartmentalised our mind into conscious, that which we are mostly aware of and the basis of our daily interactions with our mind the world around us, then the subconscious which is more like a door, tunnel or pathway between the conscious and the unconscious. Think of you going into your attic and finding a box of pictures from the past and suddenly accessing long buried memories, without a trigger like a picture or something else you do not access certain layers of information. From within the mind, you exist, your emotions, deep feelings and your alivenessness, the more alive you are, the more aware and conscious you are most likely the more you can access of your mind as everything because more fluid as your consciousness and intelligence expands.

#90

Hey, I just read through your journal because I was thinking about your posts earlier.

Firstly, I noticed you went through some absolutely rapid transformations and insights which seemed to be followed by very deep recon

I’m also noticing in your latest posts the recon I get when I am frustrated and thinking I’m not getting the results I should be

Only thing I can suggest is like others have as well and take a washout of another month or two

Reason being is that Alchemist might need time to bloom for you

Sorry I can’t be more helpful than this but I do believe Alchemist is about to bloom into something beautiful for you

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#91

Thank you. I cannot say enough how much it means to me to get support and encouragement from people who are also on the arduous path of self-development.

Actually I do feel the microloops are doing things beneath the surface and that shifts WILL occur at some point.

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#92

No worries, and correct me if I’m wrong but I think because you had such breakthroughs at the start that this may start to feel slow

I’ve settled with the conclusion of taking things slow as well unless I can afford to take massive bouts of reconciliation for the following transformation to happen

Otherwise I end up with massive bouts of anxiety, anger, sadness etc. affecting my day to day life

#93

I feel like I have been pushing against a wall for far too long.

Whenever my breakthrough happens it will breakthrough everything at once. That is what it feels like.

And when this happens a gigantic energetic explosion will occur that might cause some volcanos to erupt somewhere. I am that kind of intensity within myself. It is just not outpouring right now. Here and there I will have a sneak peak.

#94

I can relate to that, it’s a frustrating experience

Having a similar thing with Wanted Black

I keep going though, even though it feels like crawling I am making progress :joy:

#95

Maybe Wanted Black is not at all important to you, you know. Deep inside resides an intelligence inside of you that knows exactly what you need and where you need to head in your life to find true satisfaction and happiness.

Which why I chose spiritual subs. I want something to enhance my life not turn me into some character or a personality that hunts certain experiences. Although it can be fun being the wanted black men, until… it isn’t.

But everyone seeks different things in life of course.

Nothing wrong with anything, just need to be honest with what you seek. I know I have run in circles and coming back in the same place realising that I have not progressed because I was running towards the wrong destination which I knew all along!

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