This right here!!!
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I listened to Seductress & SB yesterday. I feel okay mentally today.
Shadow Reflection: Fear of Being Envied, Seen & Staying With Myself
Today I pulled a card about envy, and what surfaced wasnāt jealousy of others. It was the fear of being envied. The fear of shining so brightly that others might resent, judge, or misunderstand me.
Iāve seen it before. Iāve felt it. The moments I share a win, speak my truth, or take up more space, and suddenly I sense it in the room or through the screen. Someone pulling back, shifting, feeling triggered. I feel it in my body, the tightening, the heat, the urge to soften, to explain, to dim. Not because Iām doing anything wrong but because a part of me believes that staying small keeps me safe and loved.
Thatās where my people-pleasing kicks in. Where my nervous system tries to protect me by shrinking my power. But Iām not here to abandon myself anymore.
Iām learning to stay present when I feel that discomfort rise. To breathe through the fear instead of making myself less. To hold the younger parts of me that still think shining means losing love. To remember: I am safe to be seen now.
At this level, some people may envy, project, or pull away. And I can hold that, not from a place of arrogance but from a place of deep self-trust. Their reactions donāt define my worth. And I no longer need to manage other peopleās comfort at the cost of my own truth.
This is the work: staying rooted in my body while my light expands. Not retreating. Not over-explaining. Just staying with myself.
Because thatās the power Iāve been reclaiming all along.
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Day 6 ~ rest day
Matched with someone off a dating app and gave him my IG. Heās been very intense and coming on a bit too strong for my liking.
I felt okay saying no to several things while also speaking powerfully. Heās all āIām the very rare INFJ and Sigma male.ā This didnāt impress me. I am also an INFJ but also can be ENFJ since I am an ambivert and Iām like a sigma alpha hybrid? 
I had a realization while exploring my inner world. I found comfort in and attraction to men not really emotionally available because a part of me hasnāt fully been emotionally available myself. I still hold on to the possibility of my former fiancĆ© and I starting over again. I donāt chase or pursue him anymore. I am just showing up being my amazing self.
He was here to get our daughter on Saturday with his mom. He sat at my desk in my healing area while I was teaching his mom about self regulation for kids. In my former career I taught this to my students. I have a visual up in my home which I have taught to my older 2 kids and now working on it with my youngest. They also do this at school in her classroom
He was reading stuff on my wall and touched my book weight seeming fascinated by it. 
I am open to something amazing while continuing to become my most amazing self. No urgency. I am allowing and aligning with what I desire.
Every connection is feedback and offers something beneficial for all involved.
It feels good saying NO!
My new coaching client agreed that he wants hour sessions rather than his initial decision to do half hour sessions. Heās very eager and receptive to what I offer. 
I tried something different with a private yoga student last night ~ Somatic Yin. He enjoyed it.
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I find myself attracted to the idea of a PRIMAL man. I havenāt really thought about this before.
I asked ChatGPT to make an image for me and it came up with this:
Being Primal is more than just enjoying rough sex and animalistic behaviour. Itās also about throwing off the yoke of society that determines how people express their feelings. Living life without shame, without caring āwhat the neighbours will thinkā, without the fear of appearing weak when you cry in public or feeling guilty for your lust.
Thereās also an element of enlightenment to being Primal. Similar to training in Tantra, you make contact with who you really are, not the person you pretend to be in order not to offend civilized society with the force of your passion. Not just releasing the reins, but bucking the harness and running freeā¦
I found myself reading the sales copy for Primal here tooā¦.
A truly PRIMAL man puts his middle finger to the sky and lives to the sky-high standards he sets for himself.
That seems so attractive right now.
Hmm 
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Iām really enjoying my productivity with content creation and engaging with my followers. 
One of my yoga classmates said that I lost weight and Iām looking tighter in my body.
A lady complemented my pants at the cafƩ today.
I find that everywhere I go people are typically complementing me on something.
I found myself thinking about new outfit ideas today.
My Facebook memories showed that my YouTube channel was at 40K views a year ago today. Today itās at over 120K.
I had a fun night dancing, singing and laughing until my cheeks hurt at a local show seeing a cover band.
I went through all my old jeans realizing that most donāt fit me anymore, so I went shopping for a new pair, which turned into getting an outfit for the show! Seductress is helping me in so many ways!
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Gorgeous woman!! Canāt wait to run Seductress next week for me 
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I like the quote.
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Nice noticing that 
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Lately, Iāve been reflecting on trust and how I approach connection. Itās been on my mind after a recent conversation that started off well but shifted into something uncomfortable once we moved off the dating app. I could feel my energy change, and I knew something wasnāt right. My body responded with caution, and I canāt ignore that.
On the dating app, he was agreeing with everything I said, making the conversation feel easy and in flow. But once we started texting off the app, the tone changed. He began focusing on my physical appearance, telling me I was āso attractive,ā and mentioning how much he enjoys the freedom of living alone and being nude. These comments felt out of place and gave me pause. It wasnāt the kind of connection I wanted to buildāespecially when we were still in the early stages.
Then, when we got to the topic of trust, everything shifted. Instead of leaning into the conversation, trying to understand where I was coming from, he became defensive. He asked, āWant me to let you go ācause it seems you donāt trust me?ā I hadnāt even expressed any mistrust; I was simply sharing my perspective on how trust develops over time. But in that moment, it felt like he was trying to flip the script on me, making me feel like I was the problem for having boundaries around trust.
Iām realizing that my self-concept around trust is something I need to work on. Itās not that I have ātrust issues,ā itās that I trust myself enough to know when something doesnāt feel aligned with my values. Iām starting to understand that trust isnāt something that just happens instantlyāitās built over time, through consistent actions and mutual respect. And I want to trust myself more, even in the moments where I start questioning if Iām being too cautious.
When I open up about my experiences and why certain things trigger me, how the other person responds is everything. If they react defensively or try to deflect, thatās not the kind of energy I want. I donāt want someone who canāt hold space for my feelings or try to invalidate them. I want conscious partnership, where both people can communicate openly, understand each other, and navigate vulnerabilities without fear or shame.
When I express my stance on trust, I need to own it, without feeling like I have to explain myself or justify it. There are parts of me that need time, and thatās okay. I donāt want to be afraid to acknowledge the wisdom in my caution. My boundaries arenāt a sign of fear or mistrustātheyāre a reflection of self-respect and the desire for something real, not rushed.
However, I also recognize that itās time to step beyond the cautiousness I feel. I am claiming who I really am: someone worthy of love, connection, and trust, without feeling like I need to guard myself from the very thing I desire. I no longer want to hold back from trusting myself and others fully. I am ready to let go of unnecessary fear and embrace openness and authenticity.
I realize that when I feel a shift in energy, I need to trust myself even more. If someoneās words or actions donāt align with my values or make me feel unsettled, I can trust that gut feeling. I donāt have to explain or overexplain my boundaries.
As I continue to grow, Iām going to hold onto this: I can be open to love and connection without losing sight of my worth. My trust will come from a place of knowing I deserve someone who respects and values me as I am. I am worthy of love thatās built on trust, not something that needs to be forced or rushed.
Itās time to harmonize my self-concept around trust, to find balance between openness and protection, and to let go of any shame or guilt for being cautious. I trust that the right connections will align with me, naturally, without the need for defense or manipulation. I am deserving of a connection that feels safe, grounded, and real.
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To add:
This was uncovered from deep self inquiry doing some parts work:
What my heart is afraid of:
āIām afraid that if I open too much, Iāll be consumed, not cherished.ā
That was in there since grade 9.
Mentioning my fiancee @CurlyGirl here.
If sheās in the right mood, she might contribute.
Trust your sub-enhanced gut.
Did you use Heartsong for a longer period?
Sorry if my answer is made up from super short sentences. I feel kinda overloaded today. Problems with longer sentences and with coherent ones as well
Btw, you look gorgeous.
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I listened to HS a bunch of different times since 2022. I honestly canāt remember how much or how often though! 
And thank you.
This new Seductress gets the most credit for the experiences and results I have been having lately.
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I talked about a similar topic with a friend today.
The trigger was a scene from the movie āThe Celestine Prophecyā.
In that scene, a woman felt the energy of a man, which caused her discomfort. He wanted to dominate her and was trying to steal her energy. Another woman was observing everything from the outside.
When the first woman literally ran away because his energy was so suffocating, he asked his companion what he had done wrong.
She told him that he had tried to control the conversation and thereby stole her energy. The woman didnāt want that kind of interaction and wanted to protect her energyāso she walked away.
He intervened. She said: āWerenāt you trying to convince her? Manipulate her?ā
He said no. But the thing wasāshe could see the energy dynamics between people, and his energy practically consumed hers.
Why Iām writing this: I think it was very similar in your situation.
He wanted to dominate and manipulate you in his own way. Because you have a strong connection to yourself and your energy, you sense very quickly when someone doesnāt share your perspective or isnāt truly well-meaning.
That is both a gift and a curse. (I know what Iām talking about )
I, too, can tell very quickly when words carry an underlying tone, when someone is being manipulative, or when someone is trying to control me. Thatās why I protect my energy so fiercely.
This often meets resistance and misunderstanding and often leads to conflicts here in the house.
Thatās why I feel you so deeplyāhow you want to protect yourself, but at the same time, work on your ability to trust.
In my past relationship, I had no space to share my thoughts or feelings. It was basically always assumed that I was to blame for whatever happenedāor didnāt happen.
And when, like you, I began revealing my boundaries, the guy became even more unpleasant than he already was. He drained my energy and left me feeling empty.
With @Parsifal , itās the complete opposite. He holds space for meāmy thoughts, my feelings. He gives me room to express myself without me having to feel shame or hesitation.
Of course, there are moments where it doesnāt go 100% smoothly, because one of us is triggered or somethingābut thatās such a small part of the experience, and I find it totally valid. After all, weāre all masters in training 
.
Thatās whyāas you already wroteāitās so important to have someone by your side who opens up that space and also holds it. That, to me, is part of what true masculinity really means.
Being authentic, no longer wearing a mask (or masks), is so important.
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You find out who you really are, and
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it filters out the people who arenāt in alignment with you.
At first, itās exhausting and drainingābut in my opinion, itās absolutely essential to live the life that is worthy of your true self.
And you deserve all of that!
Unconditional love, respect, appreciation, and worthiness.
There will be people who wonāt like that youāre claiming all of this for yourself now.
Donāt you dare let that discourage you for a second 
.
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š„¹š„¹š„¹š„¹ 
So much yes!!! 
Thank you for taking the time to say all of that.
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Day 15 of this amazing listening cycle.
Too many great things have been happening, so many huge revelations, so much healing and redefining myself!
I made a decision that I want to be with someone closer. @Trader made a comment awhile back about how I was manifesting distance. I def. was!!! That felt safer since deep down inside of me I wouldnāt be fully committed and had an easy exit. I had to get to the bottom of that and do the healing work.
I made a decision that I want someone closer to home. I am over the distance and this half in half out crap. I am over the clowns and sketch. The anxious avoidant push pull. Fear. Projections.
I just want a good man with pure intentions.
After I worked through all of this last week, I matched with someone on Hinge who isnāt my usual ātype.ā His profile had photos of him surfing and I donāt know how to swim very good. I decided to go for it and see what happens. He sent me some beautiful messages, pointing out how he liked my bold write up on my profile.
I didnāt reply until the next day. We have talked everyday since and met up twice.
Wow, is all I can say.
I think heās feeling my aura from this stack. Seductress, Daredevil and Stark Black.
He was planning to go somewhere solo this long weekend, as was I. We decided we will road trip together. He had one idea in mind, but I had another. He went and found the most perfect spot and booked it! Heās even driving.
I have always been the driver and planner/booker. I feel like I am softening into my feminine more and allowing myself to receive.
This is a big step for me.
To add: he grew up with mutual friends and I am not in any danger. I trust my intuition and my gut tells me when something is a threat. I also had crisis intervention training for 12 years. I can handle myself! 
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I have a question, which might sound funny or sarcastic. However, it is sincere.
Are there toe yoga exercises or stretches that you teach or do that help the feet/toes?
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