Unlocking the Khantastic Potential within: Khanquering My Fears

1xSanguine 15m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 15m. (Third Cycle)

I am becoming really stingy with what I spend my energy on. Unless I absolutely need to do something, I don’t do much for entertainment anymore. I find that all the good ideas I get come from deliberately placing myself either in nature or somewhere where I am alone, away from all electronics.

Instead of watching youtube or listening to music, I’ve begun listening to my own recording of my offline file that contains all of my identified limitations and responses to them. I’ve noticed that whenever I feel like I am in slight recon or have doubts, listening to my own voice recording immediately lifts me up and puts my back into what I am calling the Khan state now. A palpable inner power that drives and coaches me.

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How are you today?

1xSanguine 15m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 15m. (Third Cycle)

Splendid actually, thanks for asking!
I still am in above average mood all the time, which is precisely what I was looking for. Still look high to some people around me.
I’m currently trying to figure out how to replicate Sanguine’s effects through the afterglow effect I get from practices such as Yoga Nidra or Fire Kasina(focusing on the afterimage of a candle flame for prolonged periods of time to induce deep concentration and bliss). Why? I don’t want to become dependent on Sanguine and I think it is within my means to reach most of its goals on my own, which will make it possible for me to replace it with Lovebomb.
I’m ready to move to Stage 2 of Khan after this third cycle of TB, and I know that either Sanguine or Lovebomb will always be the perfect second title for me, personally. However, I know that I’ll fall in love with Lovebomb since its main features are like a comprehensive list of all the things I need to work on, and it is one of the titles I want to keep in my stack for a very long time and fully integrate in my being.
Through TB I’ve also come to realize that I need to go through Khan Black for three reasons: first, to kill off the remainder of my urges for wasting my sexual energy through porn(and the weakening of my inner frame that goes along with it), which have already gone down substantially through TB, and secondly, to help with the formal Neidan(Chinese refinement of sexual energy) practice which I plan to take up seriously, and thirdly, to help power the love bomb aura(or any of the seduction related titles I may run in the future).
I am aware that there are quite a few people here who run Khan and Khan Black concurrently. However, I intentionally avoided running Stage 1 of both titles since Khan TB on its own was already kicking my behind.
I know that Sanguine is a very gentle title which I didn’t need to microloop at all, and which has given me no noticeable recon so far. I really hope Lovebomb will be similar in its feel, because it will make my stack more feasible.
So the current plan is:
Love Bomb / Khan Black Stage 1 (microloops)
~ Day off ~
Khan Stage 2 x 2
~ Day off ~

I hope this will be manageable. If anything, this is the time to take risks with recon city, as I am still able to in the upcoming months.
On a different note, I’m currently waiting to hear back from a Swedish university about my application for a MSc program that I submitted half a year ago. Keeping my fingers crossed! If I get accepted, it’ll finally bring me to a city again where I can actually get social feedback, the one thing that has been missing from my Khan progress so far!

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1xSanguine 15m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 15m. (Third Cycle)

My dreams have become much more symbolic in the past few weeks. Last November and December, I was running Genesis and a bit of DRLD, and to my surprise, I had almost no dream recall at that time. It was so strange me, considering that I normally recall 2-3 dreams per night. It could have been a sign of overloading my mind back then, but a few months ago, I really thought I’d need to run full loops everytime to not miss out on anything.
The dreams I am getting these days are all either centered on something I identified with in my teenage years, or my time in high school. I lost much of my confidence after I turned 18, because I simply stopped many of my former habits and hobbies because I moved a lot and changed my life too much. For example, I had a dream in which I was sitting down with my guitar teacher and my mom and we all cried reminiscing about the good old times when I joined all these competitions and won prizes here and there. Despite it forming a huge part of my identity back then, I radically broke away from it and basically stopped playing the guitar 20 years ago because my stage fright intensified with each concert I gave and at my last competition, I didn’t win because I forgot how to play a passage in a song and there was a long awkward pause. So I did not consider it a viable career option for myself, despite everyone around me, including my mom, thinking that I wouldn’t do anything else. In retrospect, it would have been far simpler to have simple continued on that trajectory, but that’s life.
Now running Khan, it seems that I’m continously shown aspects of myself that I thought I had left behind decades ago, but actually still haunt me to a certain extent because deep down I am still attached to them and they did form a large part of who I thought I was.
I feel like I consist of fragments that were not integrated with each other as I grew up and that my personal power will only grow once I learn to make peace with all these fragments and unify them into a coherent whole. I also feel the urge now to finally open the case that contains my guitar and simply start playing it again. This time, for fun.

1xSanguine 3m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 3m. (Third Cycle)

Tried microloops today, since there’s been much talk about this, recently.
Surprisingly, this felt harder than the full loops I had been running before, as I experienced more uneasiness towards the end of the day. Slight anxiety, but nowhere near what I had before.

Received the admission letter today. Really happy and now I’ll have a place to go to in August. I know I’ll need the social feedback to get the most out of the Khans and the other related subs, and it will be really interesting to test them in a country even colder than my own. Time to learn some svenska!

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Less input, faster processing. The recon you might’ve encountered days in the future just started up a bit earlier, but lighter.

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Thanks for pointing that out!

Is it possible that this accounts for why some people here have noticed this common pattern, where they experience swift success with straightforward seduction approaches like Libertine, but encounter slower progress(but eventually more stable and profound) with sophisticated programs like Khan? “Lighter” titles execute and hit you with recon faster than denser titles?

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1xSanguine 5m. (First Cycle)
1xNew Khan (Stage 1) 5m. (Third Cycle)

Tried 5 minute loops today. This was the last loop for the third cycle of TB.
I had an incredible wave of relaxation and relief pass over me today. Lasted several hours, which I used to further refine my romantic/relationship goals and start with a section for my spiritual goals. I plan to eventually merge them together, as I find it artificial to seperate them. Really clear thoughts and focused determination to refine my goals and work towards them. Funnily enough, I had this constant feeling of something massaging my brain today, something I’d have expected from QL, but it happened on Sanguine/Khan instead.

Really? Does it mean that meditation improve just that also? I heard feedback that people who meditation a lot had a reduced libido.
Curious about your opinion/insights about that.

Here’s the funny thing: Western meditators I’ve met often brag how they’ve “conquered” or “mastered” their libido by reducing it through meditation. However, tantric yogis in India and Taoist cultivators I’ve met often indirectly brag about their virility, which is often connected to their ability to first channel it through deep silence and to refine it through breathing/visualisation or other techniques.
Also note how monastic orders like the Buddhists intentionally starve themselves to a certain extent by going vegetarian, eating only one bowl/meal a day and avoiding all type of foods that increase your libido. Whereas tantric and Taoist yogis often intentionally eat as much meat and libido improving foods as they can get their hands on. Very different priorities, because they understand our bodily needs intuitively and are generally not under monastic pressure to appear holy or not cause trouble.

In practical terms, the sexual energy which manifests as libido is a natural charge that builds up, but there is also a limit to it, set by your inherent capacity(some people naturally have a high libido, after all). This capacity can be increased through deepening your inner silence through whatever means you can find. The most common theory I’ve encountered is that energy follows intent, and many intellectual thoughts disperse energy in all kinds of directions(hence why artists and scientists seem to benefit from celibacy from time to time). Remove the various thoughts, and you are back to the natural state where your sexual energy optimally recharges after depletion through sex or masturbation.

The most interesting thing is what happens when you go into deep silence for prolonged periods of times. The famous “100 days of setting the foundation” as a formal stage in Taoist cultivation is just that. The real challenge is not to have any sexual thoughts because they instantly convert the energy into semen for procreation. You have many religious orders that enforce celibacy, but don’t tell their members why. So while they may refrain from having sex, they still think about it, and keep converting their energy down. And once it turns into semen, it is no longer usable for energy cultivation.
So real meditation would have to be supremely disciplined, especially when you come from a background like mine where you have been hammering your mind with porn for several decades in a row. It’s like when you say “don’t think of the pink elephant!” and can’t avoid visualizing it. Hence why Khan Black would be really useful for that end, too. If you remove the original addiction and habit, it becomes easier to regain your youthful energy and ambition.

The idea that meditation reduces your libido(beyond the initial stage) seems rather strange, considering that for example the Longmenpai Order of Wang Liping is literally focused, in its beginner program, to “restore an adult man to the energy configuration and libido he had when he was 16”(their words, roughly translated). You are supposed to get spontaneous erections at some point. Of course, these sadists want you to have boners and absolutely avoid having horny thoughts. But yeah, there’s many layers of complexity to these things.

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Day 2 of the Washout.
On the first day, I had a very symbolic dream in which I kept pulling brown yucky type of chewing gum out of my mouth. It was extremely sticky, but I still managed to pull all of it out through sustained effort. Ended up with a comically large pile of it in front of me.
I interpret it to mean that I am in the process of cleaning myself out, but I am holding on to many of these self-imposed limitations, hence why they appear sticky.
Yesterday, I only had some mild anxiety in the evening and thought that the washout would not be as god awful as it was between Cycle 2 and 3 of Khan TB.
However, today, I got friggin KO’ed before lunchtime. I initially had some problems focusing on calculus exercises in the morning, but by noon, I felt like I got hit by the strongest mental fatigue wave I’ve had so far. It became impossible to process anything in front of me and my eyes were difficult to keep open. I actually slept for 10 hours before that, but I suppose that despite the microloops in the past week, the heavier loops from before caught up with me?
Anyway, I did my best to deal with it by drinking lots of water, going to the forest and exposing myself to as much sun as I could(thankfully, the Winter is over). Meditated on a park bench and ended up sleeping on it lol. Woke up a few hours later and headed home, only to sleep a few more hours.
I am still sleepy, but at least there is no anxiety or panic. I had some really good insights into how to let go of some of my obsessive thoughts that have been holding me back.

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Nice deep stuff on the subject :slight_smile: So there is deep energetic consequence in meditation/ what you call inner silence, on top of regular meditation benefits.

Day 3-5 of the washout were fairly uneventful, aside from feeling surprisingly dominant/aggressive during conversations, and not encountering any fatigue anymore. There was a mild “background anxiety” during most of the day, and I also noted down a dream in which I vomited out a lot of stuff and in which I felt greatly relieved afterwards. Similarly to the chewing gum dream, they all seem to point to my subconsciousness wanting to get rid of old patterns.

Today I began with the next stage.
Love Bomb(5m)
Khan Black Stage 1(5m)

The third title will be Khan Stage 2 in a few days. 5 minutes seems to be my sweetspot for me right now, although I need to experiment more.
Like last time I went with that pattern, recon(in the form of mental fatigue) hit me hard and fast right afterwards, but just for a few hours.

My libido has shot up even more now. It was already ridiculously high during the last cycle of Khan St.1, but during the washout and today, I’ve had a hell of a time cycling the energy. My need for sleep is also going down slowly. I wake up 1-2 hours before my usual time, and feel wide awake.

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Man, recon hit hard today. I thought I had played it safe with the 5 minute loops yesterday.
Shortly after I woke up, I was hit with classic recon in the form of mental fatigue and becoming unable to concentrate on anything, pretty much. Had to use a lot of willpower to drag myself to the forest to work out. As expected, the coffee and the workout routine made me feel somewhat normal again, but the fatigue came back in waves and has persisted until now.
As a result of my meditations, my energy is circulating better now, though, so my horniness has come under control again.

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Khan Stage 2(5m)

Bit of mental fatigue in the hours after the loop. Felt sad and doubtful about myself in the afternoon. Recovered in the evening. Recon is far less intense than on the Lovebomb/Khan Black combo a few days ago.

Love Bomb(5m)
Khan Black Stage 1(5m)

Recon is getting easier to deal with. The energetic type(strong pooling up of energy in the heart area along with feelings of grief) isn’t happening to me right now, perhaps due to my increased efforts to keep it circulating.
The shorter loops really make the recon waves less delayed than before. They hit immediately after, or a few hours later. Mostly sadness and it is easy for me to get emotionally worked up over something trivial. Again, I am grateful that I can work through this difficult phase while I am not occupied with too many responsibilities. At some point, I’ll have to become careful with how much I let potential recon affect my level of productivity or overall concentration.

Khan Stage 2(7m)

For the past three nights in a row, I’ve had vividly sexual dreams that sometimes border on the bizarre.
Without going into too many details, there’s usually a violent element to it, like in the first dream in which I exited a train and immediately got pinned to a wall by a girl, who started to lick me after holding a knife to my throat lol. Last night I somehow ended up in a sex cult and was mostly busy trying to figure out how to escape from it and how to retrieve my money.
My dream recall has become really good, which is a big contrast with how it was during my first two cycles of Genesis during which I barely recalled any dreams(which is unusual for me).
The consistently sexual nature of the dreams is most likely because of Khan Black, although Love Bomb and Khan could play a role(although I haven’t been dominant in these dreams that much).

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Love Bomb(3m)
Khan Black Stage 1(3m)

Went down to 3m Microloops for today’s LB and KB run.
Much better than 5m for me, as it turns out!
I felt very relaxed and “sealed off” 1-2 hours after the loops. I’ve experienced this “sealed off” feeling before during certain energy exercises. It normally consists of being the opposite of being sexually aroused and scatterbrained. When, normally, one has the feeling that one’s energy is constantly “leaking out” or that one’s attention is uncontrollably taking one for a ride everywhere, the sealing restores that feeling one had before puberty, pretty much.
I’ve had intense joyful wonder as a result, as any negative self-talk disappeared and was replaced with my imagination running wild about all the possibilities in my future. Was planning out future math studies, how I would go about meeting people, that sort of thing. I also had the distinct feeling that this is the right place to be in terms of one’s mind. It made it clear to me just how bad self-pity actually is, and how it prevents true growth.
Sanguine is definitely still blooming, as things are also very vibrant and people still comment on me smiling like an idiot for no reason. It’s melded with my practice, so it is hard to differentiate what comes from what.
But overall, I feel like I am on the right track with my sub selection and the microloops.

Khan Stage 2(3m)

Okay, I really got to admit that microloops work far better for me. 3m make the recon fast and predictable, and the positive effect are also more pronounced during the day, and the dream landscape also more closely reflects the goals. And most importantly, it allows me to actually study or work. Before, I used to think that I would have to add some productivity sub to Khan just to have a functional life. Turns out, I just needed to go down to 3-5 minutes.

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Love Bomb(3m)
Khan Black Stage 1(3m)

When I switched to this stack, I expected that progress would slow down, but the opposite has occured. I feel like I am executing on all three titles in very noticeable ways, which I mainly attribute to the 3m microloops getting processed faster.
After all these months, I am finally having the type of dreams I thought I’d have on Khan. Dream recall is back to normal, I usually recall 2-3 dreams per night, and I am usually trying things out in them that relate to social dominance or sex. Also getting into fistfights lol. They’re generally fun and not as morbid as what I had last cycle.
During the day, I am feeling the effects of both Khan Black as well as Lovebomb. I’ve let go of something that apparently made me tuck in my pelvis a lot, so now I feel like there’s a newfound freedom in the movement of my hips, sort of like I am swinging my penis around while I am walking(not literally lol).
I am already in a situation where I am caring for my parents, but now I feel like I should cherish them even more than I already do. I’m also spending more and more time in nature, and noticed recently how I get really inspired by certain passages in songs I hadn’t noticed before. The smallest things feel deeply moving. Interestingly, my father tells me that he had similar experiences with music while he smoked weed in India in the 1970s. I’ve never taken drugs before aside from alcohol and coffee, so I can’t compare these things. They seem to arise naturally, perhaps as a combined effect of my meditations alongside the subs. It certainly leads to a place where everything looks like it is magically enchanted. Good place to be in. I’m also finally feeling the desire to judge myself less harshly. This is a big thing for me, as I come from a household where self-esteem is taught to be derived from social/academic performance only. Working through that inner block is one of my big goals, and I feel like I am getting there. Completely letting go of silly projections in my mind, forgiving myself for things I did or said in the past so that I can actually move on without heavy baggage dragging me down. Deriving my self-esteem from unconditional self-love that replenishes itself without needing external validation.
And I must say, I feel now that this is something that is realistic for me to realize for myself. And I’m getting these thoughts on my first loop of Lovebomb, and the loops are 3m microloops. Just amazing, really. Of course, this is not entirely from the subs, as I am linking them to a practice I am doing on a daily basis now: I sit down and start feeling my being, starting with my face and then a general awareness of my body. I then start to basically shower myself with love and sharply pay attention to any inner resistance to that feeling I am directing towards myself. This is crucial part. Inevitably I notice hesitation and some thought comes up that is usually related to a feeling of not deserving it. I then have something I can consciously analyze. This has worked well for me so far.