Unlocking the Khantastic Potential within: Khanquering My Fears

Journals - Major Programs
#61

Khan Stage 2 (4m)

I’ve come to an important realization for myself. I no longer wish to think in absolutes.
This idea came to me after a long meditation session(I don’t think during sessions, but insights often spontaneously arise after) when I started to notice that I am constantly telling myself narratives about “men are x” or “women are y”, or “Chinese are like x” or “Germans do y”. They started with interpretations of observations, but then my mind becomes so narrow as a result of repeating these self-made narratives to myself that it constraints what I can experience further. In some way that I cannot explain to myself clearly, anticipating what people are like or what the future is supposed like messes with the resulting experience. There seems to be an actual reason for why in ritual magic, one often finds the notion to intend a certain result, and then forget about it instead of constantly anticipating the desired result. Anticipation seems to mess with manifestation.
And I’ve realized that true open-mindedness involves freeing myself from thinking in absolutes. Just earlier today, I caught myself in that habit when I PMed a member here and talked about the supposed wariness that Germans/Northern Europeans have of strangers and the effect it has on socialization. Of course this is based on my own experiences and the shared agreement between people living here which often touch on these stereotypes, but I also have to admit that I experienced interactions that literally were of the opposite kind. I mean, I would have to discount all of the surprising experiences I’ve had lately for that hypothesis to hold, and the only thing I’d gain from holding onto these absolute statements is to reinforce the experiences I no longer like myself through rigidly expecting to experience the same things again. I hope this does not sound too confusing, but letting go of these self-imposed narratives seems very important to open up one’s mind to more possibilities which go a long way to improving what one can possibly experience/manifest.

Basically, to become truly flexible in one’s mind.

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#62

Love Bomb(15m)
Khan Black Stage 1(15m)

Last loops of the cycle. With 5 days of washout coming up, I felt like trying out what full loops of these dense subs feel like. I’ll probably regret this in a few days when the actual recon will hit me like a brick wall lol. We’ll see. So far, just mild symptoms of overload.

#63

First Day of the Washout.
Okay, the “mild symptoms of overload” mentioned yesterday did turn pretty heavy towards the end of that day in the form of an intensifying headache. I meditated it away so that I could fall asleep, but woke up in the middle of the night with the same headache. Slept some more and woke up in the morning with a slightly less intense headache. Ate and drank water like a madman, but it was only went I meditated again that it actually went away. Not as tired as I expected to be, but definitely irritable as all hell.
My curiousity about what full loops of KB and Love Bomb feel like has therefore been satisfied and I won’t repeat that experiment in a good long while…

#64

Been a minute.
I’m now on the third cycle of my current stack:
Love Bomb+Khan Black Stage 1 / Khan Stage 2

Last time I posted, during the washout, I started to eliminate the remaining time sinks I had- and that included my online presence. Thankfully, I never got into social media and smartphones(grew up before the Internet) and I stopped playing videogames when I was in my teens. I just had this habit of posting lengthy essays on various message boards and arguing with people over sometimes rather pointless arguments. This did have a place in my life when it involved clarifying my thoughts by organizing them through composing lengthy posts. Often, it was a pure waste of time since I often had no way of knowing if it made any difference to others or when I knew that I wasn’t even following my own advice.
In any case, I got the powerful urge to fully focus on my offline life and improve all aspects of it.
With my stack, it is difficult to pin down which sub helped with what, and in the end, it is only the tangible results that matter. The transformations are really standing out now, both to those around me and to myself.
The biggest tangible differences, compared to when I started out with Khan 6 cycles ago, are the following:

  • I’ve grown to really like myself. Fondness for just being me. I’d rather be myself than anyone else. I realized that this is key for not seeking external validation(which seems to be at the root of many insecurities). When I started with the subs, I was looking for this relaxed natural state, because I had grown tired of constantly comparing myself(often unfavourably) to others around me. Comparisons instantly make me self-conscious and unnatural, unable to be truly present to the situation. Why do I want to be truly present? Because I had this state when I was a really small kid, but lost it in my adolescence. Magic happens when you are no longer in your head. Most forms of meditation help with this, of course, but at least in my case, the trauma went so deep that they were often a temporary aid rather than a permanent change in being. I’m now getting closer to realizing that I am fundamentally the same as others, but also bring something new to the table that is inherent in myself, which is a better foundation for my self-worth.

  • This brings me to my realization that I shouldn’t attach my self-worth to anything I can lose, such as the muscles I built up over the years. During the three cycles of Khan Stage 1, I often looked in the mirror and felt big and ripped, only to feel the opposite on days when I was hit hard by recon. It not only taught me how my mind can powerfully change my perception through belief overnight, but also that I was unhealthily seeking self-validation through checking my mirror image.
    Years ago, when I was still into lifting weights, I dislocated and teared my shoulder, which led to losing all my “gains” over the next 6 months of recovery. My self-image was predictably hit hard.
    Fortunately, this led me to picking up gymnastic rings, which have proven to be much better for my joints long-term, and have surprisingly also led to faster gains. But the question remained: Why the need for gains beyond reasonable levels of fitness? It started out as a need to impress women, because I felt invisible and didn’t get IOIs, which made approaches really awkward. Nowadays, it has turned into a pure vanity project, as I’ve come to realize, and it feels good. But I was damn close to becoming one of those annoying douchebags that walk around shirtless in completely inappropriate settings, just because their entire self-worth was tied up with their muscles. I am glad I realized this before I made a bigger fool out of myself.
    All I need is to feel completely comfortable in my skin, even if I was disabled or things I have right now were taken away from me suddenly. That is easy to write, but tough to integrate, and I’ve got way more work to do in this area.

  • I am becoming less rigid with my mind. Since my teenage years, I’ve tended towards intellectualization of things, mainly as a coping mechanism for lack in other areas. I realized it was one of my few strengths at that time, so I focused too much on it. However, that in itself isn’t the biggest problem. The real danger is the self-limiting factor of it all. When I work with the idea that my reality reflects my own beliefs back at me, the only limiting factor are my very own beliefs. I set an intention, but because I am usually result-oriented, I tend towards anticipation of my results. This anticipation can be strongly fed by whatever my mind has worked out for myself, and it inherently narrows down the possible results towards what I consider to be possible. That’s how I have come to realize that narrow anticipation strongly fucks with my manifestion capabilities. It is easy to say not to entertain limiting beliefs, but consciously relaxing concepts that have already become rigid in us and to keep a completely open mind is quite a different beast. Suffice to say, I’ve become tired of various mental prisons I’ve built for myself over the years and am in the process of relaxing them so that I can get to that freedom of perception that I desire so much. As a sidenote, I’ve been working with a modified form of Simon’s List since Khan Stage 1, and part of it was a very detailed description of my ideal woman. I now find this list of attributes rather ludicrous, because it feels like I am unnecessarily narrowing down things in that regard. Who knows what woman might stick out of the crowd for reasons unknown to my conscious awareness? Perhaps I might experiment with manifesting someone very specific in the future for fun, but in general I find it wiser now to be open and let myself be surprised.

  • I had an interesting exchange with @Malkuth a cycle ago during which I realized that I have several goals in life that are somewhat contradictory. This has been detrimental to my own progress over the years, because it is like a group of horses pulling you in one direction, while another group of horses pulls you in the opposite direction, effectively nullifying what you do and causing tremendous inner conflict. I was raised to be a perfectionist and that made things even worse in that regard. I even started planning my stacks here with every goal I have in life in mind, and thankfully I didn’t execute on that notion. Now, I simply relax but try to put most of my daily available energy into fulfilling the most immediate goals I have, before moving on to the next. Eventually, I hope to resolve all contradictions in myself so that all of myself can work in harmony towards realizing what I want. One unified ‘I’.

  • I’m starting to get a deeper level of meaning to the saying that silence is golden. Not only because I like to dwell in silence often, but also because I realize now that my mentors were right way back when they admonished me to keep silent about whatever phenomena happen in esoteric self-cultivation. I’ve always been eager to share my results and didn’t like any form of secrecy, but I’ve come around and realized that with no shared reference points in direct experience, it is often rather pointless to talk about things that go beyond what is easy to describe and commonly experienced. It just leads to misunderstandings. And these misunderstandings that are already common in face-to-face interactions are only magnified over the Internet.

Current plan is to keep Love Bomb in my stack and move through the rest of the stages of both Khans in the upcoming months. It’s an awesome stack for me, but it is not easy to run at times.

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#65

Like my avatar…
:rofl::rofl::rofl:

#66

I really admire your Level of self awareness and the honesty to yourself.

#67

I’ve completed my 7 day washout after finishing up my third cycle of the following stack:
Khan Black 1 / Khan 2 / Love Bomb

As with the last washout, the real recon didn’t set in until after the prescribed 5 day washout period.
To me, this suggests that I’ve actually been overloading my mind, despite running relatively short loops. I tend to run 3-5 minute loops, with a few 7 minute loops if I feel particularly refreshed during any given cycle.

I’ve come to realize that I am too greedy and perfectionist about my results. I tend to want to cram in as many subs as I can into the stack in order to “maximize” what I can get out of each cycle, even though I consciously know that it doesn’t work that way. After 8 months with SubClub, I’ve come to realize that I do better with 1-2 subs in a stack instead of three. Microloops definitely work better and for my mind to actually be able to process things, focusing on a narrow well-defined set of goals works better. That’s why I stuck to Khan for 6 cycles, with three cycles dedicated to each stage. I just made the mistake of thinking that I could sneak in Khan Black and then also Love Bomb, all of which are heavy-hitters. Yes, they do have good synergy, but it seems to me that the results either get watered down or that my mind gets so overloaded that the actual processing takes weeks, if not months to kick in.

Of course, I still got tangible results.
When I look at my old list of mental blocks I wrote down when I worked with Simon’s List method, I can no longer identify with most of them, and feel ridiculous for believing so strongly in them before.
That’s why I reworked it a few cycles ago to focus more on the future rather than on the past, as I got the feeling that focusing too much on past blocks would at some point become counter-productive as it would occupy my mind without dedicating much mental energy towards the future I want for myself.
I quickly realized that when I actually sat down and formulated micro-steps to take towards realizing my goals, I often didn’t quite know what to write. I had a clear idea of what had been holding myself back, but manageable steps towards my goals was a different matter. I then realized that if I didn’t have a clear idea about getting to my goals, how could I expect to magically manifest them?

It also became apparent to me that I only had a somewhat clear idea of what to do when it came to my romantic goals, whereas I basically had no idea what to do in order to become financially independent. Surprising to me was that I also lacked clear ideas about my spiritual progress. Yes, I learned the technicalities in my 20s, but the long term goals were lacking so much that I realized that I am kind of spinning my wheels. I think that it helps the subconscious to work out details consciously.
To that end, I also came up with the idea of continuously simplifying and explaining my ideas/what I’ve learned to myself on paper. Sort of like the Feynman method, but for metaphysical ideas. Having everything I can come up with laid out on paper in front of me and clarifying things to myself helps me quickly work out how superficial or deep my understanding actually goes.

After 6 cycles with Khan, I am surprised how introspective it has made me. I’ve always had that tendency, mind you, but it has magnified that tenfold. Going in, I had assumed that it would make me into this caricature of manliness that now seems childish in retrospective. Stage 1 was really about identifying and detaching from limiting self-beliefs, whereas Stage 2 really urged me to clarify to myself who I am and what I want. I feel like I am in a good place now.
I am still socially isolated, but on the few trips I had to make to a small city nearby, I could tell how the behaviour of people, especially of women my age or younger, has changed remarkably. Either get stared at or get overt smiles. People hurry to help me out. I used to be almost invisible, so that’s a change. Nevertheless, the external changes are less important than the internal transformation of my self-image.
Love Bomb is most likely the MVP here. I’ve been raised to be overtly harsh and demanding towards myself, and used to slave away at any given work for 12-14 hours everyday. Now I’ve mostly let go of always being overprepared for everything, and pamper myself a lot. That doesn’t mean that I am slacking off, but I don’t feel like it’s the end of the world if I don’t pull off a perfect study/work day, unlike before. However, perhaps through the recon irritation caused by the three title stack, I’ve not been as loving towards my parents as I wish to be. When recon gets intense, even the smallest sound, like somebody chewing their food, can be enough to make me feel like I need to lash out. I’ll try to avoid running too many subs in the near future and keep the loops short, so that may no longer be a problem soon.

I am pleased with my progress on the gymnastic rings. Putting in around 8-10h a week, and after a year of following a program focused on hypertrophy, I’ve put on around 10kg of lean muscle. I used to lift weights at a gym years ago, so my progress was definitely sped up through muscle memory. I had to stop going to the gym when I dislocated and teared my left shoulder. Since switching to weighted calisthenics on rings, I have not experienced one single injury and my joints thank me daily. This is something that is actually sustainable for me long-term. It’s more fun, too!

Dragon Reborn Red came out just as I finished my washout. I’ve been very resistant about changing my stack, but I have two and a half cycles to go until I move to Sweden, and I figure that it will be better to continue with Khan Stage 3 once I am actually in a social setting and can meet people on a daily basis. For now, I am interested in cleaning my subconscious as much as I can, as I suspect that the Twin Khans alone cannot possibly cover all that holds me back and that there might be blind spots I need to know about and work on before I can execute the subs as smoothly as I want to.

So I’ve run DRRed for two loops so far, solo. The first loop two days ago was rough, as I had myself fall into the mind-awake, body asleep state before starting to listen(which is what I usually do), and by the time I was able to move again and stop the loop, 4 minutes had already passed. The rest of the day was spent in a scatterbrained mode, where I was unable to focus on anything and felt highly irritable.
The next day, I woke up feeling absolutely awesome and fresh like a baby. Deep internal silence, which made contemplation real easy. Also felt ready to tackle anything, something I hadn’t felt on Khan in a long time(Khan isn’t great for productivity so far for me). Today I went for a cautious 2 minutes, and the day has been smooth so far.

In the past few months, I got a lot of Khan-related dreams, which usually either involve asserting dominance towards other guys, women making out with me or feeling up my muscles.
This is how I came to know that Khan had reached my subconscious, because back on the two cycles of solo Genesis last year, I complained that my dream recall was suddenly gone for the duration I ran Genesis, which was odd considering that I expected lots of dreams about finding my purpose. In retrospect, it was likely also caused by overload, because I ran 15m loops of Genesis back to back right from the beginning.

I had quite a few disturbingly violent/sexual dreams when I introduced Khan Black Stage 1 three cycles ago, but mostly my dreams have been on the pleasant side lately.
Dragon Reborn RED induces odd but highly symbolic dreams for me. This morning, I found myself at an airport, and I was about to check-in my luggage when my path was suddenly cut off by a mobile open casket funeral ceremony, where I saw a dead Korean-looking young woman in the casket. As I walked by, one of the attendees of the funeral crossed my path, and she looked like a much younger version of that same woman, but that girl was strangely happy and almost about to burst out into a dance.
Really excited where this is going to take me!

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#68

Done with the 5 day washout after Dragon Born RED Stage 1. I ran it solo for a bit more than a week before re-introducing Love Bomb(was my fourth cycle).

To those around me, I seem like a changed man. From my perspective, I just feel that much closer to who I am supposed to be.
Love Bomb has really started to kick in. I recently realized that it’s been months since I had any substantial negative self-talk. It is easy to swat like a mosquito whenever it appears. I don’t just habitually turn it off, my mind is not a machine, after all. I just quickly recognize if what the negative self-talk brings up merits any investigation, and when it does not, I just choose not to entertain it any further.
I’ve finally stopped wallowing in self-pity and have become acutely aware of that pattern whenever I see it in others.
I still feel like I need to keep my online presence to a minimum. However, I recently also felt the impulse to engage more in helping others. This is tied up with the last major objective of Love Bomb that I seek to realize and which I have not achieved so far:

Develop the capacity to see love as a unifying force, promoting unity among individuals and contributing a global era of harmony. Emerge as a beacon of love, elevating the lives of those around through authentic engagement and profound connection.

I strongly want to embody this, and I’m aware that I’ve been self-centered and feel strongly separate from others. I’ve grown tired of these traits and want to go in the opposite direction. I have this concept in my mind that fundamentally speaking, I am no different than others in terms of my essence. In my offline journal I wrote that we are like a multitude of mirror shards reflecting the light of god, each of us possessing the ability to reflect the light uniquely. We are separate in function even if we are united in essence. I understand this intellectually, but I want to experience this on a deeper level. If I truly love myself, love for others should spring forth from me as I see myself in others as well.

This is an active exercise for me right now, as I want to transcend this feeling of being totally seperate from others. As a kid, I became acutely aware of being different because I was treated differently, mostly because of my mixed ethnicity. I also felt superior to others in terms of my intellect, but as an adult I began to realize that this superiority complex was just rooted in damaged self-esteem from being discriminated against a lot in my formative years. I needed something to protect my frail ego.

This brings me to the forgiveness script in Love Bomb. It is hella strong. I constantly feel this urge to finally let go of my many grudges that I still hold in my heart against my childhood bullies and people that I didn’t have pleasant experiences with. This is an ongoing process now, and combined with the cleaning of DrRed, my heart feels lighter and lighter.

DrRed’s relaxation scripting feels like Sanguine on steroids. I constantly feel like I am in the eye of a storm. I can be in a stressful situation, and yet I always feel in control and can think things through calmly.
The healing process feels similar, but isn’t the same as what I experienced on Khan Stage 1 for three cycles. If you imagine your mind as potentially infinite, but held in place by tons of chains, it gradually cuts through all of these chains and the speed of it is basically how much you can take and allow for.
I can see now why people are warned not to take Dragon Reborn lightly. The recon on it can easily spiral out of control if you don’t already know most of your patterns and are able to adjust things on the fly.
The fifth washout day was the roughest of them all. Woke up and already felt strong emotional turmoil, on the verge of crying. I pulled out all of my tricks to deal with it, and by the time I got to work out outside in the sun after drinking coffee with lots of honey(works for me) I felt invincible again. I recently realized that choline/lecithin rich foods really help with mitigating recon.

Love Bomb helps a lot with weathering the storms that DrRed seems to bring up, as it makes negative self-talk next to impossible, and makes me want to indulge myself and relax a lot. I regularly find myself just chilling and feeling good about myself. While I am strict about my diet, I allow for cheat days to treat myself, especially when I feel recon coming on strong. Previously, I would have viewed kicking back and watching a movie in the evening as a mindless waste of time, but now I enjoy it a lot and it helps a lot with processing things in the background of my mind.

There are some curious things that have happened, which I did not expect.
During this first cycle of DrRed, I had three different types of allergies that I never had before. While on a walk through the forest, I got bitten by a wasp on my ankle. I’ve been bitten by half a dozen wasps before, and I never had any issues before. But this time, both of my legs became covered in hive like outbreaks and there were big blotches of discolored skin that took a week to heal up. It apparently was an allergic reaction to wasp venom.
A week later, I walked through the forest again, and began sneezing a lot and felt like there was a brick in my sinus. Had a headache in my forehead/temples as well. Pollen allergy. I had a mild grass pollen allergy before, but it always happened in spring, not in July.
The most surprising incident happened after eating self-made sushi rolls with some pickled ginger(bought from a store nearby). I began feeling itchy all over, and then had hives all around my body, from head to toe. Food allergy, most likely against the pickled ginger, as that was the only new type of food I hadn’t eaten before. Luckily, a friend of mine helped me get some light medication which took care of it within a day.
Maybe it was a coincidence to have all these outbreaks within one month, or maybe it has something to do with internal cleansing. An allergy is the systematic rejection of something that is perceived as an intruder/foreign element, after all.

Secondly, during the washout after DrRed Stage 1, I suddenly got into astrology. Yeah.
Never thought I’d get interested in that field. There was one subconscious seed for that. In my twenties, a friend of mine offered to do a semi-professional reading of my natal chart for me(he did his PhD on the migration of Greek astrology to China). After a week he gave me a detailed report, and it shocked me quite a bit. Not only was it scarily accurate(things he could have never known about my personal history), but it also disappointed me because he told me that my natal chart was incredibly lopsided. According to him, I was basically set up to do two things in life: travel and engage in spiritual development. Everything was tilted in that direction, with an emphasis he hadn’t seen in other charts before. When I inquired about the things that were(and still are) on my mind, namely getting laid with hot girls and getting independent with a job that still allowed me to pursue my spiritual interests, he said that there was nothing there. No wife, no kids, no potential for money. That scared me a lot. He said that these things were not completely deterministic and that there is a reason why there is astral magic, but that there are definitely strong tendencies. I did end up with a girlfriend and maintained that relationship for five years. During that time I lost contact with aforementioned friend and put that chart in a cabinet somewhere.
Well, fast forward to now, I came across Malkuth’s recommendation for Frater Xavius introductory course, listened to it, and redrew my natal chart, and began to pay attention to where Mars, Venus and my North Node were. I began to see why my friend thought that it was lopsided. Really dominant in Pisces and the 9th house, but disharmony because not everything is pointed towards spirituality/travel. It would have been easy if it was just about becoming a hermit/spirituality, but there are also forces drawing me in seemingly opposite directions: a wish to for luxury, sensual pleasures and the finer things in life.
One half of myself is attempting to chart a realistic course through life whilst the other half is seeking ways to escape it. I struggle with this duality in life. I am an analytical thinker while I simultaneously am a dreamer in the clouds. I am strongly interested in spirituality and refining my energies, while I simultaneously lust after women a lot. That’s not an easy task, but for the first time in my life, I feel inner assurance that I can work out this riddle and avoid getting drawn and quartered by opposing forces.

For the people that love Love Bomb related stories: I visited a dentist after having had my teeth examined by another dentist half a year ago. He had warned me that the removal of caries and other dental work could cost quite a lot and I was anxious about the whole thing because I have no medical insurance. So this new dentist I went to took a look at my teeth, cleaned everything up, and then told me with a big smile that he won’t send me a bill.
I had to ask him to repeat himself because I couldn’t believe the words that came out his mouth. He insisted on not charging me for the dental work after I explained to him that I don’t have medical insurance. I have never seen something like that before, and least of all from dentists. Really nice guy, and he did excellent work on my teeth. Saved a lot of money there. I can’t explain how this happened, so I’ll happily attribute it to the effects of Love Bomb.

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#69

That’s awesome!

#70

Hey GoldenBird,

Hope this finds you well.

I’m intrigued by this quote very much, and was wondering if you know of any good resources to learn more of this system. A quick google brings up results for Nathan Brine’s teachings. Do you have any experiences with his work?

Best
J

#71

Hey JAnon,

Apologies for my late reply. I am glad you’re interested in these things!
That Nathan’s teachings should come up is no surprise, considering that to my knowledge, he is the sole authorized lineage holder of the Longmenpai who is currently teaching in English.
I have studied his books and am enrolled in his course, which is why I recommended them in the KB thread.

  • The lineage is based on a Northern Chinese mountain yogi tradition that turned into a monastic tradition during the Middle Age. That is why there is a ton of seated work to be done. From level 1 onwards, you are expected to be able to sit motionless in full lotus/padmasana for at least an hour. In the upper levels, this increases to several hours. It is recommended that you have some experience with Qigong and that you are able to sit in full lotus for a reasonable amount of time before you engage with the tradition. It is a level above Qigong in that Qigong is normally taught to improve people’s health, whereas Chinese internal alchemy(Neidan) is taught as a spiritual tradition that aims at creating a new etheric vehicle for your spirit / extending your life / realizing who you truly are beyond the body and mind. It starts with the refinement of sexual energy and the creation of the lower dantian and progresses towards getting to know your nature/mind and establishing the upper dantian. It is very different from the way Daoism is usually taught in the West and at modern Chinese universities(which usually amounts to “philosophical Daoism” and the study of the Daodejing, Zhuangzi and maybe the Liezi ). Longmenpai can essentially be described as sanjiao, which means the fusion of the practical aspects of the three big religions of China(Daoism, Buddhism, Confucianism).

  • The things that you mention as attracting your attention are not bound to that tradition, although it naturally leads in that direction. If you simply sat down and completely emptied your conceptual mind until you see a bright light in darkness, you’d build up sexual energy real fast(this is what is described in the first chapters of Taoist Yoga, translated by Lu K’uan Yü, which I linked to in the KB thread). It is dead simple and works. However, most people don’t get to that point, because their mind is overly active and/or their legs hurt too much. As Zhuangzi liked to say, you gotta have a body that is like dried out wood, its heart like dead ashes. Getting random boners during meditation is the natural consequence of that. The next challenge is maintaining a pristine state of mind when you’re full of sexual energy, as even just visualizing a horny thought leads to the immediate deconversion of the energy into physical semen for the purpose of procreation, which can then no longer be harvested for spiritual purposes. Restoring the state of a 16 year old can be done in many other ways. What Daoist priests call “jing” contains, but is not limited to hormones, so just lifting heavy weights and eating well will lead to feeling youthful and having high libido. Notice how users of Khan Black here have reported feeling much younger. There is a multi-millionaire on youtube that has this obsessions with staying young, so he invests a lot of money into all kinds of chemicals/routines to slow down the aging of his internal organs. That is the materialist way. There is a frankly cheaper, but much harder way that involves manipulating your life force. That was the way of the practicing Daoists. I think that Daoist techniques combined with Khan Black and/or RoS can lead to some very interesting results long-term.

4 Likes
#72

Thank you for your insightful post, GoldenBird. Plenty for me to sit with here.

#73

I’m currently in the middle of DrRed Stage 3 combined with Primal and since the second half of the cycle, SSX also.
I had combined DrRed Stage 2 with Lovebomb(which I had been running for 5 cycles) and the results were outstanding. Both DrRed as well as Lovebomb cause a strong introspective urge in me, and I figured out many things about myself that I hadn’t known consciously before.
Each cycle on DrRed, I felt like several layers of weight that had held me down before just went poof. Gone. My base mood became significantly happier, and it must have been months since I had any major negative thoughts about myself. Before, I had to reframe the negative thoughts directed at myself, now they practically don’t occur anymore and I feel like a free bird.
What surprised me the most was that the inner urge to switch to DrRed after 3 months on Khan Black Stage 1 paid off exactly in the way that I had hoped for. I had begun Khan Black Stage 1 in the hopes of “finishing off” the urge towards PMO for good. During the 6 cycles of Khan Stage 1 and 2, I had significantly cut down on the urge, and thought it would be finally vanquished with Khan Black. But it actually became more intense during Khan Black despite my best attempts to circulate the surplus energy in my body. I thought that perhaps the root of the problem was not within the sexual sphere but rather in something that I wasn’t directly aware of, so I thought that the blanket approach of DrRed could work. And it did!
So I began DrRed three cycles ago, and the desire for PMO disappeared during DrRed Stage 2(which was also the heaviest in terms of recon). A month later, I am happy to report that this PMO free state has remained and that my interest has been completely redirected towards real women. This is what I had intended months ago, and now I finally have reached this important goal of mine. I’m not sure if it was just Khan Black blooming after three cycles or if DrRed Stage 2 did the job, but the result is the same, and I can finally live how I intend do. I’ve always been interested in deepening my spiritual practice and to become better at seducing women, and I always felt that PMO was the greatest block towards success in both.
I recall that almost 20 years ago, I had already tried over and over again to quit PMO, because it acted as a strong subconscious block through guilt and draining my energy and prevented me from allowing myself to realize my plans in life . Now, for the first time ever, I feel like I have a chance. I feel so thankful towards subclub for that.

Now onto the social stuff. Since the beginning of my journey with subclub and since the start of this log, I was in isolation in a small village. A few days ago, I finally managed to move to Sweden to study for a master’s degree.
And I found out that what @Yazooneh and @Tobyone said is actually true. Perhaps because of the NSE, you don’t notice that many changes while you are by yourself, but when you “get back to civilization”, you notice how much you’ve changed by how people react and by the kind of actions you’ve never taken before but suddenly feel comfortable doing.
Before my work with subs, I would have described myself as highly introverted, shy and yet, people have often described me as “intimidating” or unfriendly looking. I was also highly awkward and so full of social anxiety that it even affected the way I walked in the street.
My current experience is just the opposite. I intentionally added Primal to the mix before I moved here, and most days, my throat hurts a bit because of all the talking that I engage in.
I’ve become the life of the party, which was made possible because I no longer feel social anxiety. I sometimes feel it when I leave my room, but I just mentally adjust myself a bit and when I actually enter into a conversation, everything just flows and I’m often surprising myself by how quickly I adapt to situations and what kind of witty replies come out of my mouth. I feel completely relaxed and my walk has become normal and no longer slouch forwards. Funnily enough, the people I’ve met here describe me as the most extroverted person in the room, an attribute I’d never have associated with myself before. I am touchy-feely with girls I find attractive, and I’ve caught quite a few stares. I find that my standards have gone up a lot, because the girls in my immediate environment, which would have attracted my attention some years ago, no longer seem appealing to me and I constantly have the feeling that I can do far better.
I’m amazed at how calm I am in all the situations I’ve been so far. The most important thing for me is that for the first time ever, I am having fun during social activities. Before, I associated social activities with various fears and bad feelings. No longer. Now, when I step out of the house, there is excitement in my mind and this is how I want it to be.
During the washout between DrRed Stage 2 and Stage 3, I also suddenly got the urge to pull out all the seduction related books I had purchased but never read like 10 years ago.
Within a few weeks, I read through the following classics:

  • How to win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
  • No more Mr. Nice Guy - Robert Glover
  • Models - Mark Manson
  • How to be a 3% Man - Corey Wayne
  • The Way of the Superior Man - David Deida
  • The Book of Pook

Without knowing it before, at least consciously, the Book of Pook perfectly aligned with the objectives of Primal. It is also the most valuable book on that list, in my opinion. No more Mr. Nice Guy was quite insightful on why precisely I had messed up in the past. Models feels overrated. Corey Wayne’s 3% Man is much more detailed and useful. I like Deida’s almost spiritual take on PuA. But the Book of Pook takes the cake.
I am re-reading some of them and feel kind of stupid for not having read them earlier. And now I need to implement them while I keep running Primal and SSX.

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#74

I already know who i truly am beyond mindbody complex (experienced initial awakening and unity consciousness) just want more usable energy honestly, but all these disciplines seem very high effort dont really resonate with that. Any recommendations?

#75

Ah, I am sorry for my late reply here.
If you went deep before, you’d know that in deep inner silence, massive amounts of creative/sexual energy get released. It’s always available to us and generated in us, and it is your identification with your mindbody complex that limits it. The more you worry, the more you are constantly occupied with something, the more the energy gets dispersed. The energy follows intent, at the more abstract level.

So if you can truly be silent, that is already the solution. And don’t kid yourself, many people think they’ve found inner silence, but it is not an on/off switch, but rather like an onion with infinite layers to it.
The next best thing is to engage with the formal energy cultivation practices, and they’re built in such a way that you basically have to organise your life around them for them to really work(3h+, and you gotta watch what you do and think day and night. If you don’t want to do that, Qigong practices might be the next best thing since you can get palpable benefits from just doing them for 30m to 1h a day). I get the feeling that you don’t want to do that, so I recommend sticking to Khan Black, or the new vitality scripting contained in Emperor Daddy if you just need more usable energy in your daily life.

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#76

I that period of awakening for me i dont remember as much being horny as much as massive energy stream coming through from crown downwards to the point of having to be still laying down to handle the intensity of it and periods of insanely massive and intense aura.

Miss that period but after that full dark night of soul experience…

What helped you with reducing the automatic thoughts, emotions? I find with meditation im just still during it but not during rest of day.
I need to cultivate more mindfillness throughout the day and be more present.
I find drred helping a bit in this but i still have a very intense mind and emotions underneath.
Perhaps new updated kb will help more with energy control.

Also i try to put my focus often during the day on energy of gratitude and things i want to bring into my reality so at energy flows toward beneficial positive outcomes.