Sungaze’s journal - Dragon Reborn

Journals - Major Programs
#41

1st cycle DR st2 + CFW - Day 23 - Washout day

Not much to report.

I’d say that the mood is overall a bit better BUT I got a call from one of those companies looking to get you a contract or sell something… well, it’s true that the girl was quite annoying and passive agressive and I’m receiving these calls almost everyday lately but I’ve literally gone into berserk mode :japanese_ogre: lol

I’m not sure if this is caused by the subs but it was quite unexpected…

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
1 Like
#42

DR st2 + CFW / 1st cycle, Day 24 / Washout day

@FireDragon Speaking of dreams… last night I dreamed of being possessed by a demon and drinking glasses of blood (it was from some animal, I don’t remember which one)… :sweat_smile:

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
3 Likes
#43

That’s creepy. Next time you should order something more reasonable. An expensive red wine, for example. But kidding aside, now that you’ve drunk some poor animal dry, your punishment is to listen to CWON. This is demon and beast law. :joy:

1 Like
#44

The next day I remembered I had some opened tomato sauce in fridge… maybe it was referring to that :joy:

lol
I’ll probably try it indeed, at least for one cycle of DR.

I was also considering PS or Primal to direct the healing to sexuality, but probably DR would “bypass” that if there is something more urgent.

1 Like
Question about Primal and DR
#45

DR st2 / 2nd cycle, Day 1 / Listening day
CWON

I woke up quite tired… I remember I was crying in my dream

Washout after the first cycle of DR stage 2 ended yesterday, I did an additional day of rest.
The strange thing about this last washout is that while the other times my mood tended to get better this time it is the other way around (I felt better last days of the cycle than how I feel now)

Yesterday that despite having spent all day with friends in a place with a lot of people I “spent it alone” practically without socializing at all.
Feeling isolated and finding myself often thinking about what other think of me (obviously not good things).
Then one back home at night I’ve PMOed.
These things triggered todays mood. They dont “cause it”, it’s just the relfection of my ego fragility.

Today I feel unwilling to act, quite lethargic but at the same time with a subtle but constant feeling of frustration/anger.

As per title, I’ll try CWON (instead of CFW) for this cycle of DR.

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
1 Like
#46

DR st2 / 2nd cycle, Day 2 / Washout day
CWON

Yesterday I was so tired that after coming back from qork (8pm) I went to sleep. I then woke up at 10pm, done some meditation observing with equanimity my feelings (mainly anger and sadness), this helped in partially letting them go their way.
Again in bed at 11pm.

I dont remember my dreams but I woke up feeling better then yesterday.

The day passed quite “flat”, nothing special happening at work, and no desire to talk or share with anyone.

Still having some peeks to porn material

I had an appointment with a girl this evening to explain some things related to computer use. She cancels it at the last minute.
Strangely I don’t get mad about the situation, it’s like I already knew it was going to happen.

At the moment I am managing what used to be my mother’s shop (my mother died 2 years ago, my father 5).
It is not my life’s work and I am here for “circumstances”, I never had an idea what I really wanted to do in life.
Last few years the store is not doing well, like the whole economy in the country…

I dream of my brother, he asks me “what would I do without the shop, what is my plan”
I find myself confused, frustrated and sad … I know perfectly well what the answer is.
At the end of the dream, almost crying, I tell him that I have no idea, that I am tired of life pressures to achieve something.

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
5 Likes
#47

DR st2 / 2nd cycle, Day 3 / Listening day
CWON

Nothing new to report… I feel less tired than yesterday

I’m reading the list of objectives for DR from time to time, to check if at least one of them comes true

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
2 Likes
#48

DR st2 / 2nd cycle, Day 5 / Listening day
CWON

3rd listen with CWON and the refreshed version of DR.

Energy levels are more functional now, mood its still… meh…

I’m feeling an almost costant “undercurrent” of anger, its more like being annoyed by things, people etc
I found myself not confident even around old time friends, and thats makes me “stay in my head” as I said before, very self conscious at times.

This night will be at a party, it’s one of my best friends birthday, and I found myself imagining all possible unpleasant situation I’ll be in…

I’ve noticed my mind starting to doubt about having results from these audios.

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
2 Likes
#49

DR st2 / 2nd cycle, Day 7 / Listening day
CWON

First week of 2nd cycle gone.

I’m not noticing anything different from using CWON instead of CFW, but maybe it’s too early.

Energy levels are back to “normal” so I think I’ll keep going with the full 15 minutes for both audio.

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
1 Like
#50

DR st2 / 2nd cycle, Day 9 / Listening day
CWON

Some things that might be related to DR

  • In the last couple of months on 3 occasions I’ve been to parties, I’ve started dancing (although self conscious thoughts still arise here and there about it) … I have probably never danced in my life due to resistance to it
  • I’ve started a “functional posture and movement” course… eventhough this might be related or not cause I’m basically always starting self-improvment programs :sweat_smile:

There are other courses I’ve started related to business, relationships, letting go etc… but again I’ve basically always done this.

My mind is more calm then a week ago and I’d say energy is normal now, I’m not having very good sleep mainly due to the abnormal hot weather here in italy.
I was considering adding Paragon sleep for this (or LBH just because I’m reading others reviews lol), but it’s probably better to not too many irons in the fire.

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
1 Like
#51

DR st2 / 2nd cycle, Day 11 / Listening day
CWON

Quite a tough day again.
After returning home from work I had the afternoon off.

Did some shadow work on my mother’s death. I cried almost without pauses for half an hour or soI’m quite sure DR has not helped here because if just feeling the same level of sadness and grief.

In the evening I met some friends for a beer, needless to say I was like in a bubble. Watching a movie I’m not interested in.

After that I went for a walk in some parks around my area, just to try “take some breath”
But that didnt help much, once back home I lied myself in bed just to find myself in that sadness again.
Asking God to give me purpose/guide me, willing to surrender my ego (this is strange for me because I am not a believer, at least not in some “humanized god”)

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
1 Like
#52

DR st2 / 2nd cycle, Day 15 / Listening day
CWON

In the weekend a lot has been processed related to my parents death (there is still processing to be made).

Saturday night I was invited to a dinner with friends, or alternatively to a party.
I was completely sure it wasn’t what I needed, and that many times I use it as a distraction.

So I refused both and unlike the other times I was ok about it, there was almost no victim thoughts, trying to get attention. I was just there to listen to the one who needed to express grief and sadness, but also anger and frustration.

Again shadow work and meditation helped speed up the process, and sunday afternoon I was calm and present/aware.
Naturally observing my ego currents (thoughts, emotions etc) but seeing it as a story.

I met a friend in a pub on Sunday evening. Reality was not happening around of me but “inside of me” or better “out of me”.

Mental fog is much less, and awareness seems quite stable so I guess I’m going down a valley right now in terms of recon.

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
2 Likes
#53

DR st2 / 2nd cycle, Day 17 / Listening day
CWON

I usually take a nap on my lunch break (about twenty minutes) … Something very strange happened today.

I was sleeping on my stomach and woke up suddenly seeing and hearing the hum of a quite large insect (like a bumbelbee but completely black).
It was like coming out of my head (from my point of view) flew onto the headboard.
Then disappeared. I’ve searched up and down but there wasnt any insect at all. :exploding_head:

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
1 Like
#54

DR st2 / 2nd cycle, Day 22 / Washout
CWON

Eneded yesterday my 2nd cycle of DR stage2 + CWON.
5 days rest now.

Probably I’ll do Stage 3 along with LBFH instead of CWON

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CWON
1 Like
#55

I’m sorry to hear that. Are there people in your life that give you that close bond that we have with our blood bonds? Maybe an uncle/aunt or a partner?

And after this cycle, you will start with DR st3? That will be the moment that you feel things are getting better ;). Much respect to you for sticking on this path and seeing it through. You will make it for sure.

1 Like
#56

Thanks for your kind words!

Unfortunately no…

I’m on day 6 of first cycle DR3 + LBFH (I’ve switched CWON for LBFH).
It’s going a bit better.

1 Like
#57

My mother has also died years ago and my dad left when I was 11, so I kind of understand the pain and loneliness that comes with it. Just know that life will get better. Right now I’ve got a great step-dad with an amazing girlfriend that took me in when I came back from Spain. They feel just as close as my real parents and sometimes I still can’t believe how it all happened. Also, a girl that I love to death, it will all work out for you brother.

I believe that the hardship that you experience only happens to the people who can take it and make something out of it. That’s the burden of being a strong man, you are here to learn and grow even more. In time you’ll look back at this period in your life, while having a family of your own, as one of the greatest times in your life. For that I’m certaint my friend :wink:

I’m happy to hear that!

1 Like
#58

Thanks for this :muscle:

1 Like
#59

DR3 / 1nd cycle, Day 7 / Listening day
LBFH

Things I’ve noticed lately:

  • Increased emotional sensitivity toward nature - In the last few day I had moments of love/joy for simple things like seeing bees feeding on flowers in my balcony, and even rain. Also feeling very physical sadness after seeing a hedgehog victim of a car.
    This this might be a “residual” of CWON used in the second cycle of DR2, if that’s the case I’m seeing the effects after the washout (I didnt see any when listening)

  • Vocal fluency - This is probably due to DR, I’m not seeing a deepening (my voice is quite deep already), but more power/volume without any effort.
    I’ve always been said as someone with a low voice, even though to me it always seemed perfectly fine (often people ask me to repeat what I’ve said)

  • Better mood and sense of fulfillment - This can be LBFH (after only 4 listens) or Stage 3 of DR. Basically I’m noticing a reduction of self-judgment, hopelessness etc… and an increase in self-love (not in term of thoughts but emotionally and physically)

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CWON
4 Likes
Main Disc. Thread - A Love Bomb For Humanity (FREE Title!) (Nov. 2023 Updated with New Subliminal Experience!)
#60

DR3 / 1nd cycle, Day 12 / Rest day
LBFH

Got some recon yesterday, mainly sadness and anger.
Would say mainly is need for acceptance (due to be alone, not having a partner, etc…)

Also probably getting a bit overexposed, I’ve slept 9 hours the last two days.

  • Incresing courage to feel/listen to repressed feelings - I guess this is going on since I’ve started DR, but now is getting normal/habitual and very evident.
    When recon starts I just feel the need to sit and listen. Distracting or repressing as a way to cope is getting very unnatural.

  • Effortlessness of meditation - Related to the above but I bet an effect of LBFH. Increased acceptance of whatever is appearing at any moment during meditation.
    Also when meditating with an object (usually the breath) much more easy to go deeper into it, beyond concepts, thoughts, images about it.

Completed so far
  • 1 cycle DR1+LB+SM (this was before coming into the forum, had very very bad recon)
  • 1 cycle DR1+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CFW
  • 1 cycle DR2+CWON
2 Likes
Main Disc. Thread - Dragon Reborn ZP
Main Disc. Thread - A Love Bomb For Humanity (FREE Title!) (Nov. 2023 Updated with New Subliminal Experience!)