- This is mostly copied from my last journal.
- Some background on me. I will be starting this program on my forty sixth birthday. I’m Male, rather tall and pretty damn good looking if I do say so myself. I am currently in an open marriage, but I don’t have much time or exposure to do anything about that. That has started to change on Khan, and I’m sure it will continue to on this program.
When I’m not working, I take care of a lot at home because we have a six year old, and my wife has MS.
The last five years or so have been a constant major financial struggle. It peaked when my wife lost her last job in 2019 we think because her MS was preventing her from picking up on the new duties. She decided that she wasn’t able to work anymore and applied for disability. That process took more than two years.
Those were the most stressful two years of my life, but now that I’m out of them, I see that I was able to pull off miracle after miracle to keep us afloat and we had an amazing stroke of luck every time we needed one. I credit the manifestation scripting in these subs for at least part of that.
In the beginning of last year, she got more disability money than we expected, and life has been getting better since then.
We did have to take on a lot of debt to make it through though, so I’m still having some difficulty making ends meet with the cost of everything going up. We have a number of things that need to be taken care of that I can’t afford to address at the moment. That needs to change quickly. - WORK: I had been trying to get into a certain field for many years. I’ve actually made it twice, but managed to self sabotage my way out in the OJT phase both times. I now know why that happened and I believe that I’ve dealt with the problem. I currently work in a pretty dead end job that is closely related to the field I wanted to be in, but definitely isn’t it. It pays well and gives me plenty of time to think.
When I started my Khan run I was thinking about making a full court press to get back into that field. One of the things I realized over the last year is that that’s not going to happen, and I really don’t have the need for it to anymore.
It was quite the realization. I failed at the one thing that I really dedicated myself to succeeding at, and I’m not going to come back and succeed at it.
A new direction must be found, and I haven’t got a clue what it is yet. Oddly, that didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. - Romantic/Sex: My subliminal usage over the last few years made me realize that I have always been a girl magnet. At least since the last couple years of high school. Thinking back over my life, every time that I had regular contact with women, a few have blatantly offered themselves to me.
Problem is that I didn’t see that at the time so I missed a whole lot of opportunities. It took a year on DR to get me to see that. Self esteem problems had me telling myself a very different story. Still, enough were blatant enough that I’ve racked up a body count several times the lifetime average for a man. And I’m not done yet.
Since the beginning of last year year, my sex life with the wife has picked up a lot. It went from once every month or less to three to six times a week, and it’s become REALLY good too. We were both interested in pursuing other partners and doing other exciting things now as well.
As I started on my Khan run the wife was having more success than I was. Which is very typical for couples in “the lifestyle” and shouldn’t have bothered me much. It did though. Because Khan stage one was kicking my ass. It really made me face my insecurities. Unpleasant, but I’m stronger for having gotten through it.
The rest of the year we have been more involved in the “adult” lifestyle. At a recent party, while I was on stage three, I crossed a major mental rubicon. I approached a woman and flat out asked if she wanted to “play”. She did, and that was a major positive reinforcement that will lead me to take more opportunities as I progress on this. - Subliminal use: Back in 2006 I lost a job for the simple reason that I lacked self confidence. It was a lifetime problem that I hadn’t really been aware of, and I needed to find a solution. Everyone told me to “just be confident” which was about as useful as “just land the space shuttle”. “Fake it till you make it” wasn’t much better. I didn’t even know how to ACT confident. I scoured the net and found all kinds of things, books, hypnosis, and finally one of the Brand X subliminal companies. You know the ones. They’ve got about ten million titles that at the time came on a CD for twenty bucks or so. The scripts were just affirmations and the directions were to get as much exposure as humanly possible.
I got their confidence title and did just that. For a long time I played it all night at work, and all of my sleep time. It took quite some time before a friend mentioned something that made me realize that it was working. But working it was.
I was on and off of this that and the other subliminal stack for the next quite a few years, and they did something, but never got me to where I wanted to be.
I did find that one company seemed to be actively developing things further (the producer who shall not be named around here). His stuff DID work considerably better. I stuck mostly with that company until I found Subclub with results ranging from mediocre to miraculous.
Then once I got here, I bounced around on pre Q stacks for a while. I then spent six months on an Ascension based custom and thn an entire year on Dragon Emperor.
I’m glad that I took the time out for healing. The results are still showing themselves. DR is amazing if you spend the time to let it actually work.
Journal here: Year of the Dragon Emperor
I started Khan August first of last year planning to do it for eighteen months. Four cycles of the first three stages and six of stage four. It’s been quite the run.
Eighteen Months of the True Khan
I made a QTKS custom with Khan st4, Wanted Black, and RICH.
I didn’t get any of the results I wanted, and I only stayed on it for three cycles.
That’s not to say that it didn’t do anything. It did, but it also made me realize that at this point in my life it CANT work. At least where my sex life is concerned.
The reason is simple. I don’t have enough contact with women who might be available on a regular basis to make anything happen or manifest much of anything.
Also, I am not in sufficient control of my finances, household, and life in general to be so solely focused on that aspect of my life.
I see now that I should have done something like SG right after I finished the year on DE.
I had gotten my mental house in order, and it was time to get my external life in order so that I could go on to the fun stuff.
I’m correcting that now. I’m going into a year or more of what I like to call a total life redesign. I’m hoping that come twelve months from now I have squared away finances, a better job, a clean well running household, and some unfolding of the sex life I want.
I did the Shit gatherer, and realized that I still have some mental blockages. Plus all of the NSE stuff came out. I’m doing this one to break the stagnation in my life as well as reinvent myself. Or more accurately, actually become the guy I saw myself becoming when I was younger.