And I haven’t even started stage 3 yet.
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The positive thoughts and feelings stayed strong throughout yesterday. It’s a weird effect. I’ve just decided that this is the turning point in this year, and the things I need to have happen to get me to my goals for the year are happening starting now. I KNOW that this is the case. I got my usual tasks for the weekend done, and then another outdoor job that needed done.
The boost in productivity here is simply amazing. I’m not sure if it’s Emperor or if DR has pulled me out of the last of my depression, or what, but I’m getting things done like none other. -
I have definitely decided to go with that custom Ultima I discussed earlier, and get a pair of Sennhieser (spelling, I know) 280 pro headphones to optimize my Ultima results from here on. I’ll do that as soon as I get the money from that asset I liquidated. Should be Tuesday since Monday is a holiday. I jus got paid so I might order the sub today. I’d like to start it next Sunday when washout week ends.
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- I had a really good day today. I was super productive this morning. I followed my usual weekend pattern of getting a large number of weekly tasks done and also doing something bigger that has needed to be done for a while. I also got the problem getting our lawn mowed solved. Then we went to a store we love going to and had dinner. We had a good time.
- I actually managed to talk my wife out of overtaxing herself by going on a multi store shopping trip which usually leaves her in pain and useless for several days after. I convinced her not to go, and to use curbside pickup any time she has to do more than one store.
It was odd. She begged me not to make her do that all the time because she didn’t want to feel incapable. That was significant. She sees me as an authority figure who CAN “dictate” to her. Odd.
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- Dream: The wife and I had been somewhere and she was driving us back. She chose a route down a winding dirt road with a sheer cliff on one side of it. We had done this before I remembered in the dream and to my perception she nearly got us killed each time. Wether that was true or not, it scared the hell out of me when she did this, I didn’t think she could handle it and wasn’t going to let her do it again. I remembered the stretch of road well. I suspect that I’ve dreamed of it before.
I yelled at her to stop and (amazingly) she did. The tires were about three inches from the edge of the cliff. I got a good look as I got out to get into the driver’s seat. It was a loooonnng way down.
When I got over there, I told her that I’d be driving. She answered that she’d been taking me to a little barbecue restaurant in a trailer along the way, so she couldn’t let me drive. Turned out that it was pretty much right on the other side of the road. I walked.
When we got there there were all kinds of people partying including some very good looking topless women.
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**Stage 2 Cycle 2 Week 6**
**Washout Week #4**
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Something else happened this weekend and it was significant.
I was driving through the area where I worked when I finally got the job I wanted but failed the on the job training due to a poor sense of direction. I was very good at every part of the job except for finding my way where I needed to go in a timely manner. The problem was that I really didn’t have a sense of direction or my location in the bigger picture. (GPS during training you say? You’re funny).
I took a different route home than the one we’d taken to where we were going. It lead through a maze of housing developments that had really gotten me confused many times while I worked there.
This time, I had a sense of where I was, what direction I was going, and where I was trying to get. I got there flawlessly. That was a major victory for me over something that had handed me a major defeat in the past. It felt really great, and showed me that I really am making forward progress, matter of fact, I’ve made a lot of it since then. -
I have ordered my RICH ultima custom. The final module list is:
- RICH Ultima Core
- Debt Annihilator
- Wealth Limit Destroyer
- Financial Success Reality Shifter
- Wayfinder
- Fortune’s Favorite
This is lean mean and very focused on exactly what I’m going to need in order to accomplish my one real external world mission for this year. That is to get my family to a place of financial stability. This sucker will really dig in with all of the progress that I’ve made with DR clearing mental crap out of my way. I am expecting to be in that place very shortly.
I swapped Secret Source out for Fortune’s Favorite because SS seems to be more something I’d use in a longer term sub to actually get wealthy.
In order to get our financial crap straightened out, I’m going to need a bunch of things not under my direct control to go right. In other words, I’m going to need luck.
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The name for my financial ultima custom came to me while I was in the shower this morning. This is important to me because names can be really powerful things. It’s going to be called Financial Phoenix. It’s what I need to take my family from the brink of disaster back to a normal equilibrium. Along with Dragon Flight and Emperor, this is going to get us to a place of financial stability by the end of this year.
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There is real belief behind that last statement and the majority of my self talk is backing it up. I’m feeling that the battle is really won already and it’s just a matter of time until that becomes clear in the real world.
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In case you didn’t pick it up from that last post, I feel really great today. Something has really shifted in my head. I used to walk around with a constant background noise of anxiety about the future. It could be more or less prevalent at any given time, but it was always there. It was kind of like the carrier wave of my consciousness. I was always worried about something going wrong or something I’m trying to get to go right not happening. The feeling ranged from a constant dread (you know, the one I said I was addicted to) to a barely perceptible nagging feeling depending on the day and when I’m my life we’re talking about.
It’s been fading away the entire time I’ve been on DE, and at some time in the last couple of weeks it’s GONE. That felt good in and of itself. Today is different though. Not only is the negative anxiety gone, but I actually feel a positive anxiety in it’s place. There is this formless sense that great things are about to happen, an anticipation has released the dread. Much better feeling. I’ve never felt this way before. I mean, I’ve looked forward to things of course if I knew they were going to happen, but it’s never been my background noise before.
I just feel ready to get out there and kick major ass the rest of this year. -
Our TV stopped working. Yes I could live without one, but it would upset the wife and kid. Instead of thinking that it happened just as we gained some money so we can’t get ahead (in truth replacing it is a very small fraction of what I’m getting) I’m thinking, “at least that waited until we had the money to handle it to happen”. I actually feel grateful for that.
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Excellent reframe!
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Sort of. I didn’t really do it on purpose. I find that kind of trick difficult to use on myself (impossible for anyone else) because my response to a reframe is usually “oh bullshit”. Previous attempts to use such things on myself have always failed. With this, it was the first thing I thought so I didn’t have to reframe it.
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I think DE is going that for you on autopilot.
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I think that’s right. I had little to no success using conscious techniques like NLP to change my subconscious. It just plain didn’t work. Apparently I really needed something to get behind the veil and make the adjustments without my conscious knowledge.
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- Ok, there’s still some negative shit in here. I just finished my workout and it’s following the same pattern it has every other time I’ve tried strength training. I make some early gains and then I don’t just hit a plateau, I start getting weaker. I am able to complete fewer reps than I could last time. That’s not supposed to work that way, at least not this early in the program.
I have the sense that my body could push harder but it just stops and won’t respond no matter how hard I tell it to with my mind. The first few workouts, it was my muscles that failed. I was shaking and straining and all that fun stuff. The last couple of times it’s just stopped.
After the workout, the negative thoughts played hell with me for a good half hour. They mostly confined themselves to being physically weak. Not pleasant though.
I suspect that it’s a mental issue relating to always having perceived myself as physically weak, but I’m going to get my hormones checked next week just in case that’s the problem.
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This sucks. I didn’t do well at one thing, and my mind starts spitting out negative crap.
The physical weakness thing was a big negative factor to my self image growing up. Until I hit my late teens I was very fat, had no energy, and was generally the worst guy in my class at any athletic endeavor. That sucked. A lot. I tried to build strength, but it just didn’t work. At least not as well as it did for others. I became a favorite kid for the others to demonstrate their superiority on and to humiliate.
I suspect that the constant stress I was under for reasons I’ve covered caused me to pump a lot of cortisol into my system which caused fat storage and prevented muscle growth. It also likely canceled out my testosterone when it started flowing.
It also got another one of those emotional state addictions going and set the truth into my head that I’m weak.
I’m really not. Or at least I had some level of athletic skill in my late teens and I’m doing a lot better physically than a lot of guys my age. -
I’d say this was recon, but I’m on day two of no subs after my normal rest days. Maybe it’s DR st2 executing by flushing out the last of the deep dark crap I don’t want to think about. Come to think about it, the feelings of weakness and humiliation would be hidden in the darkest place because I was most ashamed of them.
We will see how I feel when I wake up.
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- I got Financial Phoenix this morning. That was fast. I’m running a test loop now. Feels really smooth. It might be evening out the less than stellar mood I woke up in, but not sure what it’s doing other than that.
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- The optimism returned a while after my FPU run today. It’s more of a calm, matter of fact optimism than what I felt yesterday. I’m just quite sure that I’m going to want and need, and there’s really no need to be excited about it. This seems to be a lot more mellow than the standard version of RICH.
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- I got some good news. It turns out that one of the bad financial things that we were dealing with might not happen after all.
Interesting that we got it the evening after I started FPU even though it had to have happened a while before that.
I don’t feel a whole lot from FPU, it’s subtle but something has shifted.
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Calm, assured optimism. Thats the best description of how I’ve been feeling since I ran FPU upon waking up this afternoon. I haven’t thought about our financial situation that much today, just a fleeting thought here and there, but not enough to cause myself any kind of anxiety.
When I do think about it, I have the knowledge that the solutions to the problems we have are happening as I think about it and I don’t need to worry about it, or do anything other than what I’m already doing.
It’s kind of like how I know the solution to how I’m going to get home in the morning is that my car is parked behind the building a hundred or so yards from me. It’s something I don’t have to think about very much and it doesn’t cause me much stress. I may glance at it occasionally, but all in all, I just know it’s there.
This feels very different from other manifestation based subs I’ve run. Those caused me to have bouts of euphoria along with imagining the outcomes I was after. They were very high energy, and I actually think that that may have been what caused the dueling manifestation effect I’ve talked about. My theory is that when I get too consciously excited about a result, it triggers The Negator. It caused me to fear losing the result that I was imagining as “already mine” and caused an equal and opposite reaction from my manifestation system to cancel out what I was doing.
I also don’t feel the need to consciously “push” the process like I used to. I have a feeling/knowledge that my subconscious is pushing plenty where I can’t see it, and my conscious attention isn’t necessary.
With this, there isn’t the frantic excitement, but there’s no fear of losing it either. It’s calm and certain. -
Since this is my last work night for the week, I’m running my first loop of DE stage 3 as kind of a preview. So far, I’m just getting “new sub feel” from it. The official start of stage three is Sunday.
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- I’m not noticing anything earthshakingly different from one loop of Stage 3. Not yet anyway. I’m still feeling good and really mellow.
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- I got up, got all of my house and yard work done, and got my workout in. I love having more discipline and energy. Now I don’t have to do any of that for the rest of the weekend and can focus on doing other things that need to be done.
I think part of what’s happening here is I’m not wasting energy on keeping myself in one of those negative emotional states so now I have the bandwidth to think about and do things.