Building a solid Base

[Parsifal]

Spooky Dream

This night I had the strangest dream. I can’t remember that much.
I had a task and think I failed and hurt others.
It was in a religious setting.
I was in a church, received the holy communion, made my peace with God, and then I’d received some poison stick. The strange thing was I received it just like the holy communion, kneeling and on the tounge. It felt like a religious act. The one administering it to me even checked if I had the proper permission.
After receiving it, I sucked the poison out of it and I felt my body dying.

That was the moment, I realized, that I actually wanted to live. And I woke up.

Interestingly, I felt cold this night despite the heating being on full power and my fiancee was feeling like a rotisserie chicken. I even got a second blanket.

Just remembered, that I wrote

@Parsifal

I’m going with a bang.

On another note, often when I go grocery shopping I get a Donut and an energy drink.
Today instead I got a piece of pizza and a pear juice spritzer. At least drink wise that’s much healthier. And even the pizza is probably better without all the sugar.
Might be LB.

Gaming wise it started dto feel boring yesterday. Today when I felt a bit bored I started playing again but turned it off after three minutes.
Another good development. Instead I started doing some cleaning.

[Parsifal]

New Cycle started today

KB2 6:43 GM 3:34 AC 7:00

A lot happened since my last post.

Opened mail I had laying around for a couple of months. Unpleasant but necessary. Still more eto open, but it was a first step. LB doing its thing. I’m worth it. Now.

I slept rather shitty.

I started spring cleaning.
Went through two rooms, all closets and drawers. I feared opening some of them because of all the chaos.

Getting a Job

Monday I got a call from the Gas station
Wednesday I had the Interview
Today I had a test work day
And they were more than pleased with my work.

Its nothing I wanna do for a longer period.
But it’s my first serious job in a long time, without someone getting me the job or having a job for me.
And its a constant reminder that I need to improve. Because its stressful work for minimum wage.
I even got about 2 bucks in tips. I didn’t even know that that’s a thing.

[Parsifal]

1. April 2024
   Listening Day 2
   5.5 min LB 4 min Phoenix

[Parsifal]

I listened directly before sleeping.
I don’t know if it was the subs, or if it is because of my first regular paid workday today, but I slept miserably.
First, I cricked my back (what got me a massage ), then I needed over an hour to fall asleep, slept shitty, and finally I woke up at 4:45 and was wide awake. The alarm was set at 6.

Now I’m asking myself, if it is still my self worth issue that’s sabotaging my efforts to get a job?
Or is it the subs?
Financial fears in general?
I sometimes have this feeling of a damocles sword hanging above my head like Cowolfe because of the letters I still haven’t opened…

Gonna take a shower and then have a coffee to get the day going.

[Parsifal]

3. April
   Listening Day 3
   GM 15 min + KB2 3 min

I’m starting to recover from this miserable night.
Slept pretty well tonight and had a 2h nap this afternoon.
Work is going well, boss is happy with me.

Feeling a bit horny since I started listening again. I guess it’s KB2 or it might be LB activating something older. Nothing serious. Still no porn temptation. Only wanting my fiancee.

Getting my household chores done easily despite feeling a but shitty this week. But the tension feom work is fading. It feels rather easy and I don’t get stressed out that much anymore if there a lots of customers.

Today I had one customer that came in with a pretty annoyed expression on his face. He wasn’t really nice in our interaction. But after I gave him back his change, he gave me back 2 bucks that I’ve given him to much. That was a wonderfull experience. Especially from this grumpy guy.

And angel numbers. None all day. An hour ago I went to the supermarket, listening to GM, to get some stuff and while the salesperson needed a bit to get the pineapple into the system I saw the cash register showing 7.77 for half a minute.
Now, while writing, I started to charge my phone and it said 1h11min till full.

[Parsifal]

I also was tempted to throw in a microloop of RotNW because of horniness. But I resisted this temptation as well.

[Parsifal]

I just need to save this in here.
Microloops work much more immediate as you’re exposed to less.

@Fire

@James

How is only one minute causing so much recon?

Because the processing is much more immediate as you’re exposed to less. Hence why microloops work so well, they help you work through those basic issues that you might stonewall when processing higher amounts.

It’s important to point out when we mentioned each title being essentially its own four stager, that each “mini-stage” contains the whole of the script, just simplified, but can still get you to the goal - in smaller steps.

If I were training you to invest money in forex on my behalf, the first stage is me giving you a limited amount of money, but advising you on which currencies you can invest in. The more stable currencies, for example. Obviously, that means your margins for profit are smaller, but you can still learn A LOT about trading forex and still get incredible results.

The second “mini-stage” will then help you expand to the more volatile currencies, while still providing that advice to not go too deep. Third and forth - more and more expansion.

But the way it’s written, each “mini-stage” contains the whole, so ultimately you’re not missing out on anything.

[Parsifal]

5. April
   Listening Day 4

18 sec RotNW 5:55 LB 5:55 DRP

I gave in. Hornyness is low, but I want more intimacy. So I threw in a quantum loop (how do you call something smaller than a microloop?) Of RotNW.

Today I slept pretty good. I recovered from the couple of bad and short nights this week with a few naps the last days and I slept solid 8.5 hours tonight, so I feel regenerated today.

My minijob is still a bit taxing, but it’s getting better everyday. The last two days were super chaotic. The day before yesterday our coffee machine leaked water so we called a technician. He sad, it’s a plumbers job because of a blocked pipe. So my boss (female) decided to do it herself (waiting time would have been a few hours at least, and coffee is money).
She did it, but it wasn’t nice. 11 years of milk and cacao residue. When it finaly dropped out of the pipe, it sounded like diarrhea and smelled even worse.
Yesterday, our gas pumps didn’t work. Super chaotic.
But she said, either I’m very unlucky to experience all this bad luck in my first week or very lucky. I think the later. After all this chaos and trouble, a normal shift will be a cakewalk.
Tomorrow I’ll have my first late shift (5-10pm), what will be my regular shift.

I paid a lot of bills yesterday. Car repair 900 bucks, other stuff 850 bucks. And I canceled a trainer course I booked 16 months ago.

All things that would have been rather hard in the past.

I still have a lot of mail to open and answer, but it gets better.

[Parsifal]

Today I was woken up rather early.

Our neighbor was vacuuming something at 7 am.
The buildings are like 5 meters away and it echoed like in a gorge.
And ge didn’t just vacuum for 15 minutes straight. No. He vacuumed for a few minutes stopped for some time and started again. Like at least 5 times. Everytime I fell asleep he started again.

The interesting thing is, that I turned seriously angry and had the craziest revenge fantasies.
Like filling waterbombs with aged urine and dropping them on him, putting some durian next to his airfilter and stuff like this.

I didn’t have them in this intensity in quite some time. Could this be LB healing the underlying causes?

[Parsifal]

7. April
   Listening Day 5
   4:20 KB2 5:40 GM 15s RotNW

RotNW bore fruit.

[Parsifal]

9 April
Listening Day 6
6:44 LB 1 min Phoenix 10 sec RotNW

[Parsifal]

10. April

Main Disc. Thread - The NEW Love Bomb (2024 -- Now Available -- Free Upgrade!)

Interesting realization today: My boss entered the Gass station and seemed a bit annoyed and grumpy. I immediately felt a bit off and feared that I’ll lose the job in a few minutes. It became worse after she talked with my colleague that teaches me for 20 minutes. After that, she talked to me how I liked it so far and I got the impression that she’s pretty pleased with me so far. Next shift I’ll be alone in charge of everything without supervision. So what is going on in my mind? Is it stil…

I start to reflect more on how I spend my free time, now that I have a minijob.

Gaming takes less and less of my time.

Sexual thoughts are down to a minimum.

I wake up and feel exhausted again. A bit like at the beginning of KB1, but not as strong. I think that will pass pretty soon, once I adapted more to the scripting.

More bills and reminders, but I manage to stay rather calm and optimistic, that I can manage it all.

I paid another few bills on 2. reminder from my coaching class. Something I procrastinated on because I forgot that I booked another class with them, which I couldn’t pay. I paid the first rate by accident, and then I panicked when I realized later, that I have now 500 bucks less then expected. So I finally wrote a mail. They not only reversed my booking for free, they even offset the payment I already made with open demands. LB?

I’m gratefull for the opportunity of my minijob to build self esteem. On the other hand, it seems common in these kind of jobs, that you get only paid for time behind the register. But I have to be there 10 minutes early to prepare my register and stay longer to do the accounting, close the gas station, do all the work I’m supposed to do during my shift but can’t due to customers demanding my attention non stop etc. That sums up to at least 30 minutes of unpaid work every workday.
That increases my urge to get a better job. So I’m kinda thankful for this suboptimal condition.

[Parsifal]

On another note, working behind a register and handling hundreds banknotes everyday, I became much more connected with money.
My relationship to banknotes changed dramatically.
In the past, I crumpled banknotes, I rolled them up, folded them, put them in my pocket, whatever. I didn’t appreciate them.
Now that I have to take care of them, remove earmarks etc before I put them in the safe, I treat my own money far better. I searched my wallet for some time recently because I didn’t want to just put the banknotes in my pocket.

[Parsifal]

Food for thought for those who know

“Master Elodin,” I asked slowly. “What would you think of someone
who kept changing their own name?”

“What?” He sat up suddenly, his eyes wild and panicked. “What have
you done?”

I shrugged, beginning to regret bringing it up in the first place. “I was
just wondering what you’d say about a girl who keeps changing her name.
Every time I turn around she’s picked a different one. Dianah. Donna.
Dyane.”

“It could indicate she doesn’t know who she is,” he said. “Or that she
does know, and doesn’t like it.” He looked up and rubbed his nose
thoughtfully.
“It could indicate restlessness and dissatisfaction. It could
mean her nature is changeable and she shifts her name to fit it. Or it could
mean she changes her name with the hope it might help her be a different
person.”

Patrick Rothfuss, A wise man’s fear

[Parsifal]

11. April

Listening Day 7

30 seconds RotNW 7min KB2 5:05 min GM

[Parsifal]

13. April
    11:30 LB 16 sec Phoenix 30 sec RotNW

Find the bird

Here it is

Went to an alternative health event today. Pretty interesting how much you can that school medicine says is impossible.

[Parsifal]

My Job and Angel numbers

Last day I worked, on the way to the gas station, the car infront of me had a 777 on its license plate. I passed it pretty quickly. When I entered the town where I work, again I had a car with 777 on it’s license plate right in front of me.

Today, I looked 2 times at the numbers of liters the customer refueled. First time it was 8.88 liters, second time 7.77 liters. Both motorcycles.

And many more, but this were the most outstanding.

[Parsifal]

15. April
    Listening Day 9
    9.5 min KB2 9:50 min GM 11 sec RotNW

I realized I didn’t play Assassin’s creed for 3 days in a row. Whenever I usually played I have more important things to do. Either some chores around the house or reading a super interesting book from Alberto Villoldo.

When my mom came back from dialysis, she told me her driver spoke very highly of me and my work at the gasstation. He’s the bf of the owner and his daughter was the one training me the first three days. So praise form authority. It’s building my self-esteem.
LB, GM or both?

It’s spring and I enjoy nature coming back to life much more than in the last few years.

I listened to my subs early afternoon today, so I’m looking forward to see if it makes any difference on how tired I’m gonna wake up tomorrow.

Today I prepared some Chashu. Japanese pork belly for Ramen. Tomorrow is Ramen day.

[Parsifal]

Longest KB2 loop ever yesterday and I woke up today and felt much better than normaly
Since I started with KB2, it always felt like I was hit by a truck again as in stage 1.
Today, I still felt tired, but all the bodily ailments are gone.

Might also be a factor that I listened in the afternoon instead of the late evening.

[Parsifal]

Forgot to link it. But it’s important so I’ll link it now. LB caused some serious recon with 11:30 minutes.

Main Disc. Thread - The NEW Love Bomb (2024 -- Now Available -- Free Upgrade!)

Yesterday I’ve run 11.5 minutes of LB the first time. Serious headache + a feeling of clouds in my head today. Tried chocolate tarts, sunshine, water… but nothing helped. Then I tried some banana milk with pink salt (for electrolytes) and took a shower afterwards. Suddenly the headache was gone.