Building a solid Base

Journals - Major Programs
#141

The Big Porn Liberation part 3

We managed to get the app up and running on all systems. After some minor challenges it now captures regular screenshots.
So a lot of fear subsided.
When it didn’t work out at first, it almost made her anxious because she feared to loose this calmness she gained with the safety of the app.

So let’s see how it works out.

From my side, I feel liberated as well. Whenever this tiny temptations pop up, most of my subconscious is now totally in line with my conscious decision to live without porn. This form of accountability makes this so much easier because one of my main goals is not to hurt my fiancee. And this is of much bigger importance, even to my subconscious, than some cheap dopamine from PMO.

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#142

Listening Day 10
5.5 minutes LB 1.5. Minutes DRP

Decided to go slow with LB and to add Phoenix to it to burn down everything that stops me from loving myself.

I know this experimental.

I was preparing some cigarettes while listening and suddenly I thought “Why not make yourself some compliments?” And so I did. Felt good and natural.

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#143
Absence of appetite

I don’t know why this happened, but yesterday I couldn’t get myself to eat anything until afternoon. Usually it’s the other way around with me. I’m not hungry but I can eat without appetite.
Yesterday I was hungry, but whatever I found in our fridges or pantry, I couldn’t get myself to eat anything.
I forced myself to eat some cheese (including one ball of mozzarella) for lunch, but it was more appalling than appealing.
I felt totally weak and powerless the whole day.
We went pruning our trees again, but I didn’t dare to climb the ladder. So I started raking the watersprouts. I was sweating like it had 40° C. So I started bending down and picking them up.
Today I feel my legs and my glutes intensly.

I had some yeast braid and coffee at afternoon and a pizza for dinner, so my appetite returned slowly over the day.

But absence of appetite I’ve never experienced before (outside of severe illness)

Is absence of appetite a recon symptom?

#144

Does it feel just unusual or do you feel bad?

For me KB (and probably Fusion Optimized) have similar effects. I’ve been intervall fasting for a while now, but my 1st meal is slipping to a later time (started at 12am now at 2-3pm), I’ll probably end up with OMAD.

Sometimes the changes can feel a bit weird for a couple of days. Are you drinking enough water?

#145

I felt hungry. Not extremely, but it wasn’t a nice feeling.
And yeah, that’s pretty unusual for me.

Yesterday, I probably drank to less as well.
I called fiancee to bring me a bottle of watered juice. To get fluids and a bit of sugar into my system.

I used to do intermittent fasting, (even omad or omead a few years back on carnivor) but I never felt so weak Like yesterday.

Today everything is back to normal, besides the muscle soreness. But that is quite normal after the kind if work I did.

I guess everything is explained by my absence of appetite. Only the cause for this absence…

Perhaps KB1? Some changes in energetic system?

Or something completely sub-unrelated?

#146

Quite possibly. I had some energy shift with KB which felt strange for a bit. Maybe it’s just a bug.

It’s overall a bit difficult shift in perception.

With the very focussed listening to yourself and analysing of alleged subconscious movements, many (me included) relate nearly everything to the subs. But you can have a bad day, a stomach bug, headaches, a gloomy mood with or without subs.

It’s difficult as part of the process is looking for the links.

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#147

Wanted to bring away the green waste.

Car got stuck in the mudd.

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A farmer we know pulled us out , thank God.

I still got super sweaty pretty easily and felt a bit like I had a cold. This evening I had a cold shiver.

Either I’m a bit sick or something in my energetic system is getting overhauled.

Tomorrow is my last day of KB1. Then 5 days of washout. Maybe I make it 6. Then I can start my new cycle on Easter Sunday.

#148

I’m asking myself right now, of it would be wise, to switch between healing intense titles and other goal oriented titles from cycle to cycle.

That would give the healing titles the opportunity to bloom.

Like my next cycle with LB, than exchanging it for NR for one cycle, than coming back to LB.

That would both titles the opportunity to bloom for one full cycle.

Has anyone reading this journal tried this before?

What do you think about alternating titles?
#149

Hopping back and forth will probably hurt your results. Goal should IMO be to get them snowballing, so consistency is key.

Do you see LB primarily as a healing title?

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#150

I’m not sure how to classify LB.

On the one hand, I wanna build up self love because I know, mine is low. So not healing but building up.

On the other hand, why is my self love down in the first place? Because of not so pleasant events that destroyed my self love and still longer in my subconscious (like the repeated rejection of my father). So that would need healing so that my selflove can grow, I’d guess.

And for the hopping, my intention was to get the most out of the blooming effect. When some users tell, that the effects show most intensively only after some longer washout period, I thought I could get a constant blooming of the healing title and the other title alternating.

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What do you think about alternating titles?
#151

I don’t think, blooming is this steady. My guess is it happens more and stronger early on, when parts of the script just click really well with you and just need a bit more space to execute.

I got LB in my custom. Really feels like a big, comprehensive program which will need time and a lot of processing power. Consistency is probably key.

Stack defense is probably the most difficult skill to learn with SC subs.

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#152

Stack defense?
You mean like not switching stack every couple of weeks or whenever something new or an update is released?

#153

BTW, yesterday, I was slightly irritated it seems.
At least my mother said that I’m getting easily angry.
Last listening day for this cycle. Tomorrow the 5 off days will start. I’m excited for the bloom.

Edit
If this irritability was a build up from the last weeks, I’m more than happy, that it will go away with the off days.

#154

Exactly!

#155

I had quite some irritability with the new LB.
The contrast with the old LB is kinda striking.

Working on self-love first can be hard.

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#156

I know. But the one thing I learned in the past few weeks is that most of my deficits in live stem from my lack if self love and fear of rejection.
So be it finances or romance and sex life, I need to clear this self love issue first.

So LB it is.
But probably in shorter loops like 5 min max in the beginning of the comming cycle.

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#157

This is so true.

LB is a pretty good point to start the journey.

Besides KB it’s the only sub I can’t see leaving my stack anytime soon.

#158

My mentor always says “selfworth equals financial worth”.
And only in the last weeks in noticed how true this is.

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#159

Yepp. There is a lot of truth to that.

Sadly it is also often linked the upbringing.

Coming from a workingclass family, wealth was always considered bad, suspicious, pointing to shady stuff going on. This can hurt the self-image a lot.

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#160

Listening Day 11
15 min KB1 15 min LB

I’m going with a bang.

Saturday or Sunday is my next listening day, so some food for thought.

I’m excited for my first real washout after my first complete and disciplined cycle this year.