First some background.
I started out, young and idealistic (and always ambitious of course)… fresh out of school I joined a nonprofit organization and was running it within 4 years. I’d hoped to transition that into a consulting career in the same field (green building, generally speaking). But… the reaction that I got, from most people, was that I was “selling out” and had become greedy, once I tried to monetize my time. I was fortunate to have a few contacts that realized (due to the presence of functioning brains) that I couldn’t keep living in an expensive city on the west coast while working as a volunteer indefinitely. I got a few contracts… $5k here, $10k there… that carried me through. But, I became thoroughly disillusioned with the anti-capitalist mindset that I was surrounded by.
I’ve already recounted the story of the final straw that made me split from that group entirely, so I won’t go into it again. The result was that I went full corporate. I made money my primary objective… not by doing anything counter to my morals, I wouldn’t participate in anything that was harmful… but I was done doing work for others without getting anything for myself.
Fast forward several years. Here I am, with access to some amazing subliminal technology that promises to change my reality. Hell yes, sign me up. I’ve had excellent results with RICH Ultima, some great productivity with my wealth custom, as well as some interesting opportunities for partnerships etc come into my life. So, of course when the new tech is announced… I’m all over that.
And then…
Consider me envious of the many successes that others have had with ZP, it has not had that effect for me yet. And I fully recognize that it’s an issue with my brain, NOT the ZP tech. In fact, my immediate “results” after RICH ZP were about $1,500 in unexpected bills and expenses… ouch. I also felt TERRIBLE. A deep despair and sense of hopelessness that I’d not felt in years. Also, deeply disturbing dreams that woke me up with a pounding chest and a ton of fear.
I chalked it up to a bad day, and kept on about my life. A few days later it was another ZP listen day, and once again I felt just… ugh. The worst recon I’ve ever felt… I couldn’t sit still, it was in between a constant panic attack and such overwhelming sadness that I couldn’t do anything but sit at my desk and breathe, trying not to cry. Then one of those big unexpected expenses came up, so I walked numbly to the bank (just down the street) to make the transfer.
Although one friend said I needed to just “push through it”, I couldn’t take it. Not right now, at least… it’s almost the holidays and I’d like to enjoy the time!
So, I’ve dropped ZP titles from my stack for now. As I mentioned previously I’ve gone to a stack of AEM, Emperor, and QL2, and those are working well for me. Dreams have become much more pleasant (though that took over a week until the nightmares subsided) and I feel good once again.
Ok, so why??? I know it’s not a problem with the tech, it’s me. I have some thoughts.
Recently I did a thought exercise. If income generation wasn’t a concern anymore… what would my interests be? I didn’t bother speculating on how that situation arose, just accepted it as a situational condition that I had all the money I needed.
The first thing to go would be the marketing and business books, email subscriptions, and software tools I pay for. That made sense, as I do business to serve my life, not the other way around.
The second thing, which greatly surprised me, was the technical books, subscriptions, etc relating to my business.
Huh?
I always had this mental picture in my head of being this Tony Stark-type character who tinkered with projects in a well-equipped shop, and spun off businesses to monetize what I came up with. That’s what I’ve done with 2 businesses now, though my shop is still rather modest. I figured if I were financially free, I’d continue doing that. But my SubC response was that I might not.
So what would I do?
I went through several answers, and only one truly resonated. I’d live a simple life, being as self sufficient as I could be. Not a lone cabin in the woods, but a house in the country with a big garden. What surprised me was most of the extravagances that I thought I wanted (indoor pool, home theater, museum-quality replica dinosaur skull on display… ok that one might be a bit much for anyone)… weren’t there. A simple house, for a simple life.
I’d happily spend my days doing woodworking, clearing bush, fixing things around the property, maybe some farming.
Am I chasing a dream that I only thought I wanted?
Here’s the kicker. I need considerable amounts of money to buy said land, to build said house in the country on… In this area, even a standard 1970s-era house in a normal neighborhood is near to a million dollars. Land outside the city is several million.
So clearly I need to keep pursuing wealth.
What’s the problem with my SubC then? Sure, I may not truly want as much as I thought I did, but I still need considerably more than I’ve got presently.
Anyway, that’s the loop my brain has been stuck in for the past couple of weeks.
The mental image that sentence created is hilarious.
