- When I looked in the mirror this morning I noticed something. I look really good front on in a rather tight T shirt. Side on, my gut is still fairly evident, but the pear shape that I was starting to show from the front is gone. Matter of fact, I’m looking pretty V tapered. Nice for not having gotten really serious about working out yet.
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I got up this afternoon and did the first workout of my new program. That was the plan, get on it before I did anything, before coffee even. It was a good workout, a lot more athletic than what I’ve been doing.
This feels much like when one of the habits I developed last year just kind of clicked in and became a habit almost instantly, and I’m expecting it to yield good results in looks and capability. -
The wife went back to her hypercritical ways a bit last night. She accidentally made a mess, and came up with a creative reason that it was my fault, and then went on to point out a number more things I did “wrong” with a snotty superior attitude. I haven’t seen this in a while.
I did clean it up because that involved taking the refrigerator apart and she was having a bad MS day. However, I went cold on her as I left for work. No warm goodbye. She asked and I told her why and then just left.
I don’t know if that was an effective way of dealing with that or not, but it is different. I think The Boundary may be at work here.
The next day everything was better.
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**4/10/22 CYCLE 4 WEEK 4**
**WASHOUT WEEK #4**
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Yesterday was interesting. I had been looking for a certain type of vehicle for a while. On Friday a dealer I’d been talking to called and said that he had a trade in that was the equivalent thing from a different brand, had very low mileage, and everything we wanted.
The wife and I went in when I got up, and got it done. It was a bit older than we were looking for initially, but it was very low mileage and had all of the features we were looking for. Pretty much perfect, and damn is this thing nice!
This actually checks the box on one of the bonus points goals that I listed at the beginning of this journal. -
After we were done with that, the wife and I had a date night and more interesting stuff happened.
We went to a bar and grill type of place where alcohol was flowing. It wasn’t too crowded but there were some people hanging out.
I noticed a huge change in how I interacted with people, especially women, and also how they related to me.
It started before I even went into the building. This lady was outside smoking and she said hi and started a bit of a conversation. There was strong eye contact and I think several IOIs on her part.
My reaction was different too. As soon as I looked at her and several others I automatically broke out into a wide smile and said hi. That is quite different from my usual where I either give a quick mouth closed smile, or don’t react much at all. This was more of a genuinely glad to
It felt different too. Hard to describe how, but in a good way. -
After that, we found a deserted place in the middle of nowhere and, shall we say, christened the vehicle.
The reason I inflicted that piece of TMI on y’all is that was me pushing through my inhibitions.
One of the major things that has prevented me from enjoying life as much as I could is that I have been extremely risk averse. There are a lot of things that I have wanted to do, but when it came to actually doing them, all I could think of were the consequences of something going wrong, however unlikely those outcomes were.
In the case of having sex in a car, the possibility of getting caught was all I could think of. I had only done it once before, when I was a teenager, and I got so paranoid that I didn’t enjoy it and couldn’t finish.
This time, I still felt a bit of trepidation, but I was able to have fun with it anyway.
There is progress there. -
Last week was the Wife’s washout week. It’s hard to put my finger on, but it’s really changing her.
She has made matter of fact statements about her own attractiveness that she never would have at the beginning of the year, and she’s considering things that she never would have. She seems to be pushing her inhibitions too. In ways that I like.
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- I took a polygraph for the job I’m in for today.
The last two times I’ve done that, I haven’t passed. Not from lying, but from, well, self sabotage. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it here, but I talked about it in my DR journal. There were some off the wall manifestations that have stopped me from moving forward in various aspects of my life.
That was one of them. A few years ago I was trying for the same type of job, and taking the same test. When they asked a crucial question I felt this pinprick itch/pain right in my eye. It was very intense, and I knew that it had made me flag for that question. They do ask all of them multiple times, but from then I was freaked out about that one, so I’m sure I flagged on it for the rest of them too.
Since then, I have become gun shy about hiring processes because I envisioned failing like that again.
I must admit I felt that way a bit going in this time too.
Once I got going with it though, all of that was gone. Some of the credit goes to the examiner. He took the time to explain how some things worked, and they didn’t work like I thought they did.
It went without a hitch.
I admit I was a little gun shy about the whole process. Maybe I’ve gotten too comfortable where I am, maybe I have just had so many problems with this that I was subconsciously expecting more. I don’t really know.
But I do know that I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and im expecting success now. This was the last stage of the process that I was really worried about and it’s all downhill from here.
Something definitely got better over my DR year.
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Really good journal, it’s this journal here that is making me debate on wether I should do a run of DR or not
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Thank You. Running DR is definitely worthwhile if you do it right.
By do it right, I mean take your time and run it stage by stage in order while making it the main focus of your subliminal use for that time. I went a full year, and probably did more healing and development than I had in the previous twenty five years combined.
That said, if you want the results from DR, it’s much more of a long term commitment, not a touch up or quick fix if you’re feeling bad. I strongly suggest running Sanguine, either the title or the module with it.
Here is that journal.
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Yeah that’s what I plan on doing. I decided to run DR ST1 and Ascension together for two listening days prior to a washout mainly cause I have been debating if I wanted to do DR and it’s was insane on how much my mood improved and I had a few moments where I looked into my past and realized a lot and accepted a lot of truth as well as admitting where my mindset has held myself back and with that the healing can begin. I understand DR will give me some bad days but they will be worth it. I want to start with Ascension and move to Ascended Mogul at stage 2 mainly for a good solid alpha foundation all the way through stage 4. 6 weeks per stage so it will be around 6 months. Then move to Emperor again with a better and healed mindset. If I still feel the need for deep healing I will just run Emperor and stage 4 together for a while
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That’s a pretty amazing effect isn’t it?
I would encourage you to double that. Do three full cycles per stage, and keep whatever else you are running the same.
If you were going the custom route, a DE Ascension or AM combo would be downright awesome if run for a year.
- I am at the point in the hiring process now where I’ve got the job unless something goes wrong, and it’s unlikely to. We’re looking at a start date in August for detention academy.
I know that I said that I was sticking with my stack for the rest of the year, but I am thinking of doing up a custom for the academy and the on the job training to help myself get the best start possible with an agency that I will very likely be with until I retire.
A good start will pay dividends in promotion and choice assignments as the years go by.
I was thinking of replacing either one of my titles or my entire stack with the custom below to help with that.
It may not be necessary because I have a lot of experience with that type of work, but it’s tempting.
- Limitless Executive Core. (To pick everything up quickly, get all of the work done, and go the extra mile)
- Spartan Core. (To help with the physical part of academy and the job, plus have that badass warrior aura)
- Mountain Breaker
- Furious Ascent
- All Seeing
- Eagle Eye (noticing everything is kind of important)
- Call of honor
- Lifeblood Fable (Start building my professional reputation)
- Alpha Body Language
- Dragon Tongue (most of the job is being able to communicate)
- Voice Master
- Fearsome
- Manipulus
- Iron Frame
- Sanguine
- Ebon Manuver
- Fenrir
- Steadfast (steady in a crisis could be useful)
- The Boundary
- Mosaic
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-
I’m having a bit of, I don’t know if I’d call it recon tonight. I’m feeling kind of lost. I am aware that life is going to change, and I am going to succeed at a career goal, but I’m not feeling any excitement about it. Not really looking forward to it.
I think that somewhere down inside I’m feeling some fear of that change. While the next job will be more lucrative, and something I can be more proud of doing, it will also be more difficult. Less comfortable. And I’ve gotten too comfortable in my extremely easy, fairly good paying job.
This job has done me good. It gave me the time to find Subclub, run programs, reflect and think enough that I got my internal world sorted out enough to be ready to take on the external world.
It has now served it’s purpose though. It’s time I started growing in the real world again.
If I have to force through a lack of overt enthusiasm I’ll do it. Forward! -
The wife went off on me the other night like she hasn’t in a very long time.
This time I just stopped helping her with what I was and walked away.
She spontaneously apologized shortly after, and kept apologizing for a few days. It didn’t sound like an appeasement this time. There was a different tone to it.
She told me that she was frustrated from a bunch of other things, and felt like she had lost control of herself and couldn’t stop.
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-
I’ve been doing a bunch of things to work on my appearance and attractiveness lately.
Just kind of trying stuff. I ordered a bunch of cologne samples to find one that really works for me.
Also, I thought I’d try some of those shoe inserts that can add a couple of inches to your height. That’s a bit odd. I’m a fairly tall guy to begin with, but if these things do what they’re supposed to, it’ll put me in the six three, six four range to really stand out.
I’m guessing that this is Wanted at work. -
Seductress is really changing the wife. She’s not only willing to entertain some wilder things that she wouldn’t have before, but she’s downright enthusiastic about it. And these are things that could really make my life more fun and interesting as well as hers.
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**4/17/22 CYCLE 5 WEEK 1**
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I’ve been noticing a few things about my physicality a lately. I look thinner from the front. Less pear shape and more v taper. I’ve still got some gut overhang showing from the side, but even that seems to be lessening.
My muscles also seem to be tighter, harder and more prominent. My face may look a bit more angular too.
All that without really working out for the last few months. -
Tomorrow I start my new workout program. I’m also thinking that I’m going to get really strict on diet. I may try the meal prep concept. Ill have to get really strict on not eating junk food and the like. I think that work days will be one meal and two or three protein shakes.
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If I’m going back into corrections, I think that in addition to making myself an academy custom, it might be a good idea to remake Dominus Maximus with PCC in it.
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I was browsing supplements and I remembered you mentioned something about your wife. I was on amazon reading reviews and I found this stuff called MacuGuard by Life Extension. I found this review and it reminded me of your wife, I think you mentioned something about eye pressure before. There are two different versions both have good reviews. This one is from the one with Saffron & Astaxanthin.
“Honest review. I have high ocular pressure. Both my eyes were around 27-29. My glaucoma specialist had prescribed me lumigan. The next time I saw him he told me both my eyes were around 19-20 with Lumigan. He was suppose to refill my prescription but I never received it. I had called them multiple times with no prescription. Luckily during this time my Amazon order came in (MacuGuard). I know it is very irresponsible of me but I decided to take these instead of pushing them to get my Lumigan. 2 months later I went to see my optometrist to check my eye pressure. It is actually the same as when I was taking lumigan. It was around 19-20 in both eyes! I was ecstatic! Now, I would not recommend anyone to go the path I did. But, it just proves that this stuff works! I use to have dry, red eyes as well. I feel that combining Lutein and billberry has also helped improve my eye health because I no longer need to take lubricant for my eyes. MacuGuard seriously worked for me. I hope with an open honest conversation with your Dr and taking MacuGuard, it’ll help you as well!”
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I appreciate that, we’ll check it out.
- I’m having a bit of recon tonight. This isn’t the same as I experienced on previous builds.
That manifested as high energy stress and anxiety and sometimes got so bad that I felt like I was crawling out of my skin.
This is more like, I don’t know, an existential crisis. It’s hard to describe. As I’m sitting here at a job where I barely do anything, I feel lost and like life has reached a dead end.
It’s not that I don’t think I have the ability to reach the goals that I set for myself, it’s that I wonder if I’ll even like it, if there’s any point. It also feels like I don’t have the energy to get anywhere I’d want to be.
This is t as distressing as it sounds. It’s really odd.
I know what this is, and it shall pass.
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- Strange wake up this afternoon. My wife woke me up about an hour after I would normally have woken up. She said that she had heard my alarm going off at the usual time and heard me turn it off. I must have turned it off in my sleep because I really have no memory of doing that.
I was dreaming when she woke me. It involved me driving around what I think is my local area and somehow interacting with some people. I think that at least some of them were my former co workers at the department of corrections.
No idea of any meaning, I don’t remember enough of it.
I felt really tired and kind of crappy for a bit after getting up.
This may mean that I’m starting to sleep more deeply and hadn’t been getting quality sleep before.
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- I woke up feeling considerably better than yesterday. I remember dreaming again. This time, I was working out and practicing a takedown that is common in wrestling and BJJ.
That is interesting for two reasons. First, the only time I really dream is when a sub really starts penetrating. Second, my body seems to ne responding like I’ve been working out even though I haven’t.
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**4/24/22 CYCLE 5 WEEK 2**
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Had a pretty good weekend. All one day of it. I’m back to working six twelves a week for the foreseeable future. That’s good in that I’m making bank, bad in that I don’t get time to do anything else.
That makes it difficult to gauge my progress on the social front. I have very few interactions with anyone other than my family and my coworkers.
Interactions feel different, and in a good way, but I haven’t had enough to really put my finger on how exactly they’ve changed. -
I’m going to be getting a new tattoo in the near future. I did the drawing myself, and I was quite impressed. I’m actually a fairly good artist for someone who has no formal training in it, and who barely ever does it.
That really kind of sparked my interest. I used to draw a lot, so now I’m going to be spending some of the time I have to kill at work improving that instead of uselessly dinking with my phone. -
I started my new workout and nutrition program this afternoon when I got up. It just clicked in, like this is what I do now. I’ve had several habits do that since I started DE last year.
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My sexual performance keeps getting better and better. That’s what my wife says and it’s backed up by undeniable physical reactions from her.
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Success on all fronts 
Awesome!
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- One of the things I do while doing nothing at work (more or less what I’m supposed to be doing actually) is watch a lot of YouTube.
I’ve noticed that I have been watching a lot more inspirational stuff and less just entertainment and or out and out negative content.
I’ve run across a number of them that were stories of a young man who either got rejected by a girl or who lost one, and while it was painful, they used the feelings as inspiration to improve themselves and become better men rather than allowing it to break them.
That lead me to think about the fantasy/mental exercise that I indulge in sometimes.
In it, I am able to send my point of consciousness back in time to the year I was between colleges and living at home.
That year I spent in Mom’s basement (I was only 22, it’s not that bad) was a real opportunity to change myself, a time out when I could have reinvented myself and changed the trajectory of my life for the better. I actually did to some extent, but it could have been better.
I am able to bring back the entire Subclub catalog, and write myself a very limited letter with no specific future information.
Since pining for girlfriend #2 had a lot to do with why I flunked out of the first college, continued into that year, and then caused a number of other things to happen afterwards, I think I’d send those stories back too.
That’s probably the number one concept I’d like to convey to my past self that year.
To be specific, tell myself that the best way to respond to that is to work like hell to turn myself into a man that she couldn’t refuse.
I would likely have gotten it.
In the beginning my motivation would doubtless be to get her back, but at some point I’d hopefully have realized (no doubt would with these subs going) that I’d become too good for HER, and been able to move forward with greater confidence from there.
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