I think I used it once before. It seems like there is separation happening between me and the thing that is so frustrated. I dont identify with it in such a way I did once.
There are people who call me crybaby, but I dont care because I know they dont know anything at all.
This progress is many many things. The tricky thing about it is that a lot of this progress is internally so the critique in your mind has an easy time calling you delusional because nothing of it manifested in a physical realm yet. Examples are that I healed my panic attacks, found a purpose in my suffering and quitted my job, as soon as I noticed it doesnt feel right.
Now those are good examples of what I mean. They are fine and important, not actually something you can touch or see. But it is a foundation. And yet it sometimes is so frustrating to not be where you wish to be.
It somehow feels like I got a shit load of work to do, just to be at square one so I can actually start building something.
This point really caught my attention, and it must be a very difficult state to be in.
Do you have any ideas where that critique in your mind originally comes from? I imagine it’s not something babies have, so it seems people are not born with it.
And does it have any good purpose?
I meant it says that I delude myself, if that didnt make sense.
Well I think it is the archetypical sceptic, doubter.
If it has a purpose, I dont see it. I guess it is there so often because my vision is so high above my past/current standards that it seems impossible.
This seems to me something more related to perfectionism. Any ideas @anon3072973 how this relates to being a sceptic and a doubter in your own experience? And honestly, how will your life be 10 years from now if every day you continued to doubt? Positive or less than positive?
You trying NLP? 
Dont worry, I got to know myself a lot better to know what works for me.
I actually dont worry about making the vision come true. That is not the issue. I know I will.
I am talking about days like today where I am frustrated because I dont have it right now already.
Well… actually it is mostly a life with opposite attributes.
weak -> strong
sick -> healthy
broke -> rich etc.
I found it pretty hilarious when I discovered that my vision of myself is the opposite of what I am right now, when I started back then 
Thanks man. I feel better
This is cool. I think everyone here is looking forward to the day they will have it already.
And I wonder, @anon3072973, without NLP or bullshit, will it be the end and you will relax forever once you have it already? How different will your experience be?
Because this reminds me of this comment, once you are “there already”
I know. You know, on 5 days of the week I know everything is fine and Ill get there smoothly. On 2 days of the week I am like today.
This reminds me of the Buddhist concept of expansion and contraction 
I am also grateful that I started with Emperor before doing Khan or something.
I mean… man… it comes in a really nasty way you dont want to mess with. I am nearly at 300, if I remember correctly you said at around 500 the magic happens. How long do you think should you listen to before starting Khan?
As long as you’re feeling shitty, stuff is happening unconsciously, things are shifting. So keep listening!
However, Emperor is not your first sub. You have somewhat of a foundation, and from your words, it’s clear and obvious to me that you really need a true Break Down experience.
So, it seems clear to me that the best choice for you would be to listen to Emperor until the end of the month, then start with Khan ST1, but listen to ST1 for 500 full hours to get things totally clean and healed and regenerated and rebuilt in there!
Man I seriously have no idea if I am gonna make it with Khan. I mean it is known to be fucking intense. Holy shit…
Well… thats what we signed up for… lets see.
Thank you
Btw. you kinda became the subclub-doc somehow, huh? Hahaha 
Believe it or not, ST1 is easier than ST2 
All I do is try to help, man
I know. I am very grateful for your input. Thanks a lot
I just found it funny how everyone would ask you for advice and you’d always have some good in store haha
You are welcome @anon3072973. Maybe I am not real, just a manifestation of your subconscious to give you the advice you need to evolve 
Well I guess we are all manifestations of one another
First, just allow me to thank you for continuing to share!
It sounds like you’re really going through a rough patch. I used to have a friend that went through something similar. I remember feeling uncomfortable around him because his dark cloud was rubbing off on me. But I’m a good friend, so I stuck with him and he got out of it eventually. Now the roles are reversed as I’m in a bad place. And he pretty much broke off all contact.
I’ve been getting into Quantum Healing lately. One of the theories is that all physical symptoms are manifestations of an underlying emotional or spiritual issue, belief or blockage and are you request to heal, you will be confronted with those things and will be forced to deal with it. Much like how an energy healer find underlying issues that cause physical symptoms. Came to mind reading your journal.
Keep going through it, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My recommendation, as always, is to wait until you get there before switching things up.
As an analogy, the process of fasting comes to mind. When you are fasting, you can hit what is called a detoxification process, where the body realizes it is fasting and uses the now excess energy to release stored toxins in the body and deal with them. During such a phase, the organs, especially the kidneys are loaded and all kinds of physical symptoms pop up, from drowsiness to back pains to headaches to nausea. So most people will break their fast by eating something. The symptoms will go away rapidly as the body stops processing the toxins and stores them back in the fat cells for later processing. Essentially these people still didn’t get through the detox.
Maybe you are experiencing a mental detox, where your subconscious is releasing stuff you need to deal with to make room for better stuff. If you stop what you’re doing, the symptoms may go away, but the underlying issues will simply be put back into the closet for a later time.
I actually thought the same thing sorta. Not sure if @amash meant it that way or not, but that’s one of the distinct Sleight of Mouth patterns…consequence if memory serves. Regardless, definitely great the support we all have in here for one another.