hahaha I am exactly the same. I always like to play chess while I wait for a surge of motivation.
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I’m also realizing the lack of motivation might also be because there may be a better way to accomplish what I’m trying to do. Why would I be motivated to do something one way when there’s another that’s much faster and more efficient? Just spitballing based on what just got me in the zone for a bit. When the focus hit, it’s like I started feeling repulsed from my phone too. All that existed was me and what I needed to do.
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As I said that I just started blowing through everything I had to do today rofl, it definitely has to do with some gap between how I feel and how I think I need to do something. There doesn’t need to be a complete change in state for me to focus, I’m able to get work done just as I am. I’ll need to make sure I’m applying that belief correctly in a way that keeps my work quality high, but other than that I think it’s a positive.
A ton of dreams last night, or more like one that had me jumping between worlds. There was the more fantastical one and the real life one. Some imagery showing me that little child me being excited for a new video game to come out is how me excitedly waiting for anything to release now is processed. One of the earliest dreams actually had me straight up quoting the copy for Stark Black. Someone started asking me about popularity and a recent memory of me from Friday popped up as an example. I started talking about it in context, and then brought it back to value and “what do you offer that no one else has.” A fun little reference.
Me being at a party with kids present with me needing to try my damndest to not slip up and curse in front of them. Taking that as a general message about refining behavior in certain contexts, which was exactly in line with one of my trains of thought and conscious directions yesterday.
The fun part was that after this, the switching between the dream world and real world happened. I was in a lecture, interacting with people in clubs and general school activities, and the next I’d be in some fantasy world straight out of a video game. At one point I was literally Link from BOTW with Zelda who was guiding us to who knows where. The funny thing is that when I’d be back in the real world, I’d receive almost “hate” messages from Zelda that I thought were really funny. Interpreting these as the nitpicks/critiques I get from my subconscious/intuition throughout the day. Another fun part is that when I was under, I also had the “artisan” class despite very much being a hero in this fantasy world. Some connection to me liking the artisan line products here? The end of the dream had me and her interacting with these crazy huge mythical creatures. One was kinda whitish that’s hard to describe, the other two were these huge red dog things that were super smart that we could ride on. The white one was super wise too. The dream ended with some weird nonlinearity. The entire dream turned into something like a comic book or manga for a moment, and these two panels looked like they’d been swapped. The immersion broke for a moment as I tried to make sense of them, before coming to the conclusion that it was some kind of production mistake. I woke up a little after that.
I think it’s really funny that Zelda was the dream stand-in of my subconscious mind that talks to me, since in BOTW you hear her voice guiding you A LOT. Kind of interesting since I haven’t played the game in literal years, but makes sense given that since I was so young when I played, it had an imprint on me. So every now and then I’ll get imagery from it or feel immersed in its world. Given the fact that I was fine just jumping between the two worlds, I guess I got over the distinction between the subconscious and waking reality. It’s kind of cool considering the thoughts I had on the subconscious realm yesterday. I was literally describing it as its own world full of evolution and nature. Except nature being described as creatures that want nothing more than to sustain their own existence at the expense of anything that gets in their way. I had that thought just by observing how some beliefs are so deeply engraved and will tear down anything that either contradict them or absorb and twist the ones would make them stronger. Literally took one train of thought and created an entire fantasy world from it. I’m glad we got to find some benevolent creatures willing to help us though. It makes sense that my intuition was also just another person in this crazy world (although with her own power), since there are a ton of subconscious voices that probably exist for completely different purposes. This one just exists to help me do who-knows-what, something I thought was worth the effort at least given the fact that I’m working with her. Also interesting that I had no issue jumping between worlds, acting as a completely different person or being a fleshy human fighting against a world of creatures that could kill me in a second — yet that understanding the nonlinearity of time is where the line gets drawn. I guess it’s something I have to become more willing to understand. Absolutely love this kind of dream with its symbolism and continuity, they’re so fun in the moment and to wake up from.
EDIT: Oh and about moving without sight, I can “see” the mental structures I’ve been recently working with now. It’s still grayscale and a little blurry, but after intuiting my way through things in the dark, I’m moving like it’s superhuman sight. The newer topics and concepts are still dark, but I’m used to it, so it’s like nothing. If I can grasp all these different subliminal changes and weave them together into something beautiful, it’ll be like supernatural change. Being able to see an old inefficiency or harmful worldview and transform it cohesively to support my new existence. Not sure if it ever makes sense when I talk about this, but clearly it’s doing something if I accelerate my results like crazy.
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Lovely emotionally symbolic dreams and a recon day after a week of asking for it. Pretty easy to interpret and pinpoint, but those feelings of mourning aren’t something I can rush through. A few other things came up, but I immediately put on Regen and dealt with them.
Now for the fun stuff:
I got these two books today. I kept having the urge to go to the new bookstore that opened up nearby and finally caved today. I just let intuition lead me in picking out books from the shelf and I got these. The timing couldn’t have been better with me having the thought that recent music releases I’ve heard have felt so derivative and watered down from their original ideas. These books take a more philosophical and slightly spiritual perspective, with The Creative Act reading just like a @Malkuth post with a ton of little nuggets of wisdom. Even the introduction is super poetic.
Whereas the other is a bit more of an analysis of the state of art and where it differs from artifice — something meant to make you feel emotions to make you act a certain way. Goes into the belief of art acting as a peek into the all encompassing existence, similar to the dream world.
These aren’t my typical kind of book selections, but I think it’s very well-timed that I find them as I’m starting Vibes ST4. I’ve been leaning more intuitive in the past few years anyway. Less pop psych and literal and more fluid in interpretation, pointing things out but not leading the reader to come to any particular conclusion. Those are the kinds of things I like engaging in now. Am glad I found new books right around the time I wanted more diverse hobbies/leisure activities too. If I’m getting work done in a shorter amount of time, I need to find new ways to spend the time I gained back.
A few other things like being scared to process my future in a new way, but nothing I can’t handle through deep contemplation. As I was reading the introduction for Reclaiming Art, a woman coincidentally sat down next to me. Unfortunately (for me, for her, for the universe at large), when I’m that engrossed in a book, I couldn’t give a damn if a 10/10 supermodel was trying to get my attention and hand me a check for $1,000,000, I’m finishing that book. Although she had two kids with her, so maybe that was for the best.
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I personally haven’t experienced too much conscious relaxation on Regen, since I’m usually using it to aid in me consciously solving a recon issue. But a few hours after I listened to it, I realized I wasn’t getting that much done and decided to take a mental nap. During that it felt like I was asked “Do you want to deal with this?” with my response being a decently strong no, I’d rather let the emotions work themselves out so that I could focus my mind on other things.
The relaxation that followed… that was genuinely so nice. It was like I was happy just to exist and be thinking. I cut my mental nap short a little bit but even felt the urges to stay and even begin to work from that place, from that inner calm. Like make it its own mental location I can work from and live in during my day-to-day. If I can do that then I genuinely think I’d change so much as a person. It felt so soft and relaxing, like my problems were being taken care of for me and I could feel free to do whatever I pleased. I think I’ll focus on Regen this week and really try to bring this feeling into my daily life. It’s like the reality is hitting and my mind is like “no way there’s something else that can take care of these things for me”. Typically I’m constantly managing my own recon and stress, not bad at all and I’ve gotten by pretty well with it, but something about that feeling dude. I feel like I could spend all day just relaxing like that. I’m just imagining reading one of the books I got while relaxing like that. Absolute heaven.
I consciously identified and journaled everything I needed to, and now something else is taking care of the emotional side of it. No way to describe how good it feels. I can’t believe I went months of running this title without experiencing what the inner spa was really like. If all I have to do going forward is consciously make sense of things and point the finger at what needs to be taken care of, life will be so relaxing in the future.
I think some synergy between it and RAIKOV could be found to create a mental environment that not only supports learning, but actively encourages it and makes it extremely comfortable.
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Yeah we’re not getting those new ZPU titles anytime soon 
(was able to get some really good sleep though so at least there’s that).
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The high-pitched hum of an AC unit before it begins to release cool air. The exact mechanism behind expelling the air may not be understood, but one could just become aware of the hum that predates the air. I want to intuitively feel and recognize my own force. Making sense of those tiny signals, understanding them as their own language. Eventually, I’ll reach my own understanding and form my own reality based on the signals I’m perceiving. In anything really. Those are the kinds of realities that I want to perceive.
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The spotlight will no longer spark fear or nervousness, as on every level of your being, you know that you belong there anyway. Being in the spotlight will feel like going home after a long, stressful trip. You’re exactly where you need to be.
Feeling this especially. Walked up for a presentation with absolutely no plan and just was winging it knowing full well I didn’t know all of what I was talking about. It was really lax and the professors didn’t expect us to know much, but having all the eyes on me was honestly fun. I leaned into the ignorance a little bit and got a few good laughs.
I interleaved Vibes ST4 with some of Regen, not all since I did listen a bit yesterday. I’m actually feeling a ton of Stark Black vibes around me. Not sure if it’s ASBR blooming or Vibes giving me a new medium to understand the scripting in. I’ve actually been getting the feeling to switch back to ASBR, but it’s a feeling that’s inconsistent with the rest of how I’m feeling, so I’m fairly certain it’s recon. If it is, then it means I’m close to a breakthrough already, which I’d like.
I actually want to try my own little journaling exercise, so I might as well do it here. Just to relate the ASBR objectives to my life since I’ve been feeling such a strong affinity recently. I want to lean into it and become more cohesive. with what I’m subconsciously projecting
ASBR Objectives
Objectives:
- Unleash Your Innate Potential: Tap into the depths of your being — unlocking the potential for greatness that lies within, transcending the mundane to achieve the extraordinary.
I feel like I’ve become this consciously? Like I’m consciously able to tap into all the deep subconscious structures that can lead me to the extraordinary. Like if I wanted to, I could lucid dream entering the depths of my mind to get whatever I need to succeed.
- Transform into a Force of Nature: Evolve into a being of unstoppable inner power with unlimited external resources, where every step you take resonates with the force of your will, making the impossible possible.
This just feels like moving in sync with my deeper self and having the resources to reflect that. If I decide that I want to do something, like really want it, I’d accomplish it. My brain would become plastic and reform in exactly the way I want it to get what I want. The world itself would bend to my will I feel like.
- Command Respect and Admiration: Walk into any room and naturally become the center of attention, commanding respect and admiration through your mere presence.
I feel like I’ve been living this without consciously realizing it for the longest time lol. It’s only more recently that it’s become incredibly obvious, like being the center of attention and leader of the social interaction almost (I hate words like alpha because of how overused they’ve become). There’s a masculine core in me. If I let myself just rest and relax on that core, it’s like the rest of the room follows. Like how rapport needs to be felt in you to spread, it feels like if I feel steady, secure, and relaxed in that feeling, the entire room follows. It doesn’t matter how large it is.
- Become a Beacon of Innovation: Cultivate the ability to see beyond the ordinary, bringing forth groundbreaking ideas and innovations that reshape the world.
This might be one of the hardest to describe, since I feel like innovation has just bled itself into how I think. I inherently want to break the norms I’m presented with. Not necessarily in a violation way, but like subverting the expectation in the best way possible. I don’t want to be “normal”, everyone else does that. I want to do what you didn’t even know was possible. It’s just a natural desire and trait, that’s why it’s hard to describe here. It feels like the feature snuck up on me while I was focusing on other things and I didn’t realize it, so now it’s hard to recognize as a feature.
- Wealth Mastery: Unlock a profound understanding of wealth, enabling you to attract abundance and prosperity effortlessly.
This is the most interesting one, and also one that I feel gets the most disservice. I get opportunities that are almost made for me at least once every few months. They’re all great, but since I’m still a student, it’s not like wealth is what I’m working towards every day. I go to class, do my assignments, work in a research lab, and get involved in wealth things whenever I have the extra time. So it feels like I may be stuck at the foundational part of this module. In the past few months I’ve started to try to involve myself more, which I know will work out. I feel like the reason for a lot of opportunities falling through at the last minute has been because I myself wasn’t involved. If it got attracted to me, then I should be the one to manage and pursue it, not the people close to me. I’m the one getting the scripting to manage it, I’m the one that went through the change to get it. This is the number one area for change that I’d like to see in myself this year.
- Dominance with Grace: Exert influence and control over your surroundings, not through force, but through the sheer power of your will and character.
It honestly doesn’t even feel like dominance. That masculine core is just naturally dominant. So when I lean into it, its urges or just resting on it itself, I naturally start leading and taking control of most things. My favorite thing is that when I’m in an environment where I’m clearly outclassed, the core itself just takes up less space. It’s not like I get overwhelmed with insecurity, I just know my place in the environment. When I say things like “rest on”, it’s probably easiest to visualize this masculine core like a big, warm rock. Big enough for me to sit on, and warm in the sense that it’s incredibly comfortable to just rest and relax on. Imagine a cool breeze as you lay on a rock in the sun. Kind of like that. At this point, I don’t even feel like it’s dominance. It’s just the natural order of things. I don’t think about it, it just happens when I am who I am.
- Unbreakable Resilience: Forge an indomitable spirit that can withstand any challenge, turning obstacles into stepping stones towards your goals.
I think this obviously manifested when I first started the title. Recon is a direct challenge to me rather than a reason to feel like shit. Resolving it means my direct growth, so why wouldn’t I want to embrace it? Same for other things as well. Sometimes it feels almost contradictory, I want to be challenged so that I can overcome it and prove myself. If it’s easy, sure it’s easy, but it isn’t as fun as pulling out all the stops and still coming out on top. It’s like the champion of some game getting challenged by someone and feeling the fear of losing for the first time in forever. It’s invigorating and adrenaline inducing.
- Extreme Cognitive Enhancement: Sharpen your mind to perceive and understand complexities with ease, elevating your cognitive abilities to new heights.
Similar to resilience, just that the moment I’m challenged intellectually, I’ll adapt immediately to win and learn whatever I need to. It doesn’t matter what methods need to be used, I will understand it.
- Romantic Magnetism: Draw in meaningful and fulfilling romantic connections, captivating the hearts of those you desire with your charisma and allure.
Millionaire heiress and girls generally of higher economic status expressing interest. That’s all I have to say on the romance front specifically. But it feels like the charisma and allure thing also fall into place once I lean on that masculine core. My comedic timing gets an insane boost and it’s like I know exactly what to say, do, and what facial expressions to make. I could complement a specific person’s vibe if I wanted to and know exactly what they want.
- Harness the Power of Fame: Learn to navigate the waters of fame — using its influence to further your ambitions — while maintaining your true self.
I guess I’m still learning this, but the fame effects I’ve gotten have been amazing. The “eventually powerful people will know your name” thing definitely applies. My school’s administration would cover for me HARD if I had an event I had to miss weeks of class for. In addition, a ton of influential company presidents and investors know my name, as well as well-trusted insiders and well-connected contacts.
- Embrace the Spotlight: Find comfort and belonging in the spotlight, where being the center of attention feels like a return to your true home.
See my report from earlier. Being in the spotlight literally feels more comfortable and fun than not. Only thing that tops it is being asleep or just being able to rest, or working on something that I really like.
- Cultivate Popularity Through Value: Achieve popularity not merely by being liked, but by being invaluable, offering something unique that no one else can.
I’m understanding this more and more now. I feel like I’m developing my values and what I uniquely can offer to the world. Actively being worked on though, so I don’t want to say too much.
- Ethical Dominance: Exercise control and influence while respecting the autonomy of others, balancing your desires with ethical considerations.
Again, it doesn’t even feel like dominance. It’s just natural. I don’t think about any individual person or control. My ethics are literally just a vibe check with myself like “is this cool?” and if I feel like it’s too much of a dick move or infringes on someone in some way, that action is out.
- See Beyond Societal Veils: Develop the vision to see opportunities and patterns hidden from the average eye — capitalizing on them to create your legacy.
I feel like this has also started to show up. Since I’m not actively involved in industry work, I don’t have too much experience on capitalizing on it. But seeing beyond the veils definitely exists. I’ll even be able to guess the financial and strategic position of certain businesses based on a single decision they make. Also a few human nature/collective patterns, but I don’t direct my attention too much to that right now, so I can’t say that much.
- Unparalleled Innovation: Generate ideas and solutions that revolutionize industries, redefine norms, and establish new paradigms.
Yeah, especially now. See the innovation stuff above, but this bleeds into every part of my life now. I like coming from a perspective no one has ever seen yet.
- Personal Transformation: Undergo a profound transformation that elevates every aspect of your being – physically, mentally, and spiritually.
This has definitely been the most dominant feature. I’m always undergoing this transformation and it feels like I’m always ascending higher than I was before. My standards keep rising, and I keep adapting myself to reach them. It honestly feels like this has been an insane investment, and that once I’m in an environment that directly reflects my own being back to me, I’ll start reaching success almost immediately.
A lot of writing even for me. I’m glad I did it though, it’s nice to see these things I think about out in words now. My own theory is that major titles work by instilling the “core” of what it’s about, and all of the features act as byproducts/explorations of how that core expresses in the world. That’s why it’s not fair to call them just modules. As soon as I started interacting with that masculine core, a ton of other features immediately went into effect. Maybe I should just start calling it the Stark Black core. It’s ingrained deeply enough that I can just go back to it whenever I need. Once I’m better in sync with it, I think going back to ASBR will be golden. It’s still golden now anyway, considering I’m basically listening to the same sub. I just want to be able to operate from it like it’s as natural as breathing. I’m reaching that point, I just need to trust it more.
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Spent yesterday pondering on what makes a force attractive in nature rather than repulsive. Came to the conclusion that it involves coming from a similar source, but expressing as opposite in polarity. Masculine and feminine, high and low concentration, magnetism, etc etc. Basically, possessing the same feeling or trait as something/someone else, but expressing it in a different way. People that speak up and say exactly what we were thinking, but were too scared to say. Same source, opposite expression. Still being refined, but those are my thoughts for now.
In addition, similar to wealth, there are invisible attraction currents that occur around us. Those currents do show a bit of favoritism, mostly to those who let it freely flow through them, similar to wealth. The person is just the physical expression of it.
A lot of dreams last night, all pointing towards good. It felt like getting different perspectives all on the same event, and the different mental structures involved. Like, one might be handling a specific relationship, the other managing the use of a particular skill, the other at a general framework of social interaction.
I’m toying with the idea of cyclical washouts. Still having regular washouts at intervals I feel I need them, but regularly washing out a sub to focus on the other two. It’s been almost a week since I last listened to RAIKOV and I was worried about not feeling its effects, but it’s actually been solidifying and finding how to execute naturally now that I’ve had a break from processing it. I think my other subs could also benefit from this. Just an idea, seeing if it’ll be integrated more and if it brings me benefit.
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It’s difficult to describe my results in the past week. A lot has been internal shifts that I don’t have the exact words to describe, like what I can verbally describe would only be the effects and not the changes themselves. A ton of things feel more profound and just have deeper meaning. Almost all people-pleasing thoughts have just left without a trace. Not necessarily being a shitty person, but more like niceness only within the realm of what wouldn’t be a burden on me.
Extremely subtle people results. Like subtle signs of attraction or just pleasantness in the people around me when I interact with them. It’d be so easy to handwave them as coincidence or “this would have happened with or without growth”, but I don’t exactly think that’d be fair. Maybe that’s just how deeper and more energetic results feel?
It’s like emotions pass through me easier, without me jumping to actively feel them or do anything about them, they just are, and I’m the vessel that lets them pass through me. There was a moment earlier that felt super deep that if I were to describe it, wouldn’t seem so. Just that I, either energetically or emotionally, have changed and am moving past so many of the things that I thought would define me. I really can’t describe the feeling, it’s just like I’m moving forward no matter what the emotions feel like now in the moment. There’s a pull to a specific future and self that I just follow. It’s not like an immensely strong magnet, but it’s still something I follow the inkling of.
Small fame or energetic hints here or there. Like the deep subtle levels have changed and are causing shifts despite there being few channels of its expression. It’s been hard for me to reflect throughout the day and follow my trains of thought behind actions. A lot of them were “I just felt this” and the action just followed without any kind of conscious thought. I think that some of this might also be me following some currents and letting them express through me. I’ve been incredibly more open in general in a way that I don’t think anyone in my life would notice yet, but in a month or so would say “you’ve changed a little”.
I’ve felt really drawn to how I did things in the past, not in an obsessive reliving way but a re-experiencing and applying what works for me. An example being the mindset of “if I see it twice, I can do it”. I originally had that mindset with learning skills, but it also began to apply to my beliefs and worldviews in the past. Two times is enough to create a pattern to me, unless I consciously go in and edit it. Like “I’m doing something different this week/month, these different reactions aren’t exactly what ‘normal’ is.” Whenever thinking about a weird action, I also immediately come to a conclusion about why the person could have done it. Very subtle identification, but it’s like I just naturally begin to sense the advantages in approaches and actions that other people take and rationalize them in my own way.
The other night when I woke up from my dream, it felt like my head went from buzzing at a particular frequency to a lower one. At the exact same time, there was an emotional shift that felt like I went from being completely satisfied within myself to becoming reliant on external factors to be content. That’s probably just a natural difference between sleep and wake, but it’s really interesting that I had that feeling and it immediately applies to all of sleeping and waking as a whole. It’s not like it’s just a feeling I felt that one time.
I might update later because there’s probably a lot I’m leaving out, it really has been hard to vocalize anything happening recently. I think I’m starting to get a sense of how the deeper mind works. I can see and interact with my beliefs directly, see how they get reconciled and how they interact with and predict the world around me.
I also plan on doing 15 mins of RoD and 10 of WDB today. Spring break is a thing and I’ve also really been craving it this week. Don’t know if that means anything deeper, but it was quite literally my motivation to get out of bed for multiple mornings. I think it’ll help more with exploring these feelings and emotions I can’t put into name. Especially from today. What kind of growth am I going through, and what’s the nature of me leaving behind my old systems of thinking? Even up until a few months ago, I was very active and set on these beliefs. Then, it’s like they slowly started to be peeled away while I was telling myself that nothing was going away. Without intending it, it’s like I drifted away from people that I normally relied on so much — people literally manifested from me starting SB again and that I got messages from my subconscious about.
This update’s about as scrambled as my mind has been, if that gives any more insight. Not recon or overload, just that all of these seemingly unrelated things are connected and manifesting change in some direction that I don’t know. Every memory is evidence for almost every feeling I mentioned. I also want to explore my dreams a bit and ask myself some questions. I feel like my own identity has been changing without my awareness, so I want to feel more of what that is.
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I feel like I might be localized to here for a little bit. Every single sub is finding a way to hit me super deep. I accidentally did the full 15 minutes of WDB that day, but got immediately reminded that it’s just more exposure to process. No recon symptoms as per usual. The effects though? I feel as though it’s synergizing so well ASBR (and I guess Vibes now) that many things just feel like a combination of both. Standard reflections and things I might go more in depth on later when they’re relevant.
But the nature of results feels different now. It’s not just like “oh cool this thing happened”, it’s like something will happen to cause me to question a shift on an identity level. It could just be everything latching onto the way I process ASBR but it’s still something that feels new. The other night had me questioning so much of who exactly I was when I was operating exactly within the Stark Black archetype passively, and then WDB infecting my relationships. It feels like things are being finetuned perfectly for me to change, rather than just a random collection of experiences. Like, no matter what the next few months are, it feels like it’s an inevitability that I begin to realize myself into the archetype and certain feelings will be felt. Like the universe will make sure I understand this. I’ll try to find a way to put other feelings into words, that night just felt so deep and meaningful, on top of a day full of small SB and WDB results indicating the kind of person I’m perceived as. There’s a gap between other people’s perception and my perception, yet other people’s might be turning out to be more generous and positive than my own (where I tend to stay closer to neutral).
(small aside that in games, I even could feel when my luck would be off and it wasn’t even anything I felt any emotion about. Just like an “oh, okay” kind of thing of going with the flow and being completely unaffected by the forces around me, but still letting them flow through me.)
Had my obligatory mario kart dream on RoD again. I’m remembering how the nature of dreams is so different on the title vs off. I want to stay with the title long-term, since I think it’ll help me a lot with processing every other change (and since I was technically on it during the profound encounters/realizations on WDB). So I’ll probably go back to an experimental listening schedule of just managing overall exposure time. I did it just fine in the past when I didn’t have any stronger builds, and I’ve somewhat adapted to these builds now.
I think it’s ironic that the topic of nervous system regulation and flow factor comes up now. I don’t know what my flow factor is, but I do know that I’ve always been drawn to higher intensity listening schedules than recommended and still got results/changes on par with the standard. It might just be because I’ve always just been an inward oriented person, but recon is rarely ever subtle. It’s something I can “see” and used to interact with a lot back when a lot of beginner work was being done. It felt like being pulled down into an apocalyptic world in chaos where I had to locate the changes I wanted without triggering anything too strong. It’s less vivid now, probably because I went through that growth, but it’s like that widespread general negativity is gone. Everything is acute, and I only feel these emotions because I’m actively searching for things to change.
RoD also feels less dense and more acute now too, so I guess I’ve been doing a lot of work behind the scenes. Eventually I’ll probably put it in a custom with ASBR, but that’ll be after having a while to grow on it. Since it’s subtle, it’ll also combine pretty well with more externally based titles. I probably work so well with it because I’m already so internal and like visualizing what’s going on mentally. I feel like it’s even more free than RAIKOV in that I can work on anything I want on it, consciously or unconsciously, awake or asleep.
Another metaphor for subs working is like construction workers working at different sites. The less internally aware you are (and less bandwidth you have), the harder it’s going to be to navigate around these sites and meaningfully engage with each of them as you live your day to day. But as you get used to navigating around them, you eventually start recognizing what they’re working on and how exactly you can help the workers. If start to capitalize on your day to day, you can then start to achieve two things at once. I’m studying, but I’m also gaining greater mental clarity and identity flexibility on RAIKOV that’ll help me understand the true nature of identity better. I’m relaxing and being social, but ASBR is giving me a core identity and WDB is making these relationships more meaningful, while also drawing more people into my orbit. It’s getting used to the multitasking and turning actions into things that naturally serve multiple purposes.
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Got this book. A very fun title to be showing a cashier at checkout. With my luck though, me and him ended up in conversation about Costco ice cream and Re:zero. I also dropped it on my way back which typically never happens since I’m extremely (over)protective of my books. Taking that as a sign that some part of my subconscious doesn’t want it… which makes me want it even more now.
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Just got my RAIKOV, Minds eye dual core major NE 
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I remember in the past you said you used the RAIKOV method to Raikov the archetypes of subliminals. Its stuck in my mind and I really wonder how you went about doing this?
You also mentioned that you where doing it but never mentioned the results, How did that work for you?
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It became more of an unconscious process, but it’s like if you ask how to achieve something while listening to a sub you think is relevant, the answer will get spelled out to you.
I’m more into taking this deeper and adapting to exactly what I want on a deep subconscious level. It was about the time I started getting crazy synchronicities, SB and WDB blooming at the same time (with zero decreases since), and things generally going my way.
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Existential Kink is like connecting fully put together portions of a puzzle. Some that I learned as a kid, especially the transmutation. The sadomasochistic part is a little more recent, specifically when I started getting used to Stark Black recon. Finding a shadow trait I’d normally reject, seeing how useful it could be, and giving it permission to exist in the context I wanted — actively feeding and encouraging it. Some subtle awareness of unconscious patterns I wouldn’t touch. It’s like I’m being reminded I can actively do whatever the fuck I want. Those feelings aren’t off limits when I’m exploring dreams or resolving recon, why would they be during daily life?
@Malkuth, I understand what you meant now when you like listening to builds that are around where you tend to mentally “live”. I think I really liked Terminus before, the intensity + still being easily consciously accessible. I’m leaning more into Quantum though, I actually enjoy how calm that part of my mind is. Everything is knowing, and if I want to change, I do it on an identity-level before I even try to touch the pre-existing thoughts and beliefs. It’s so reassuring. Even when I was immensely out of it earlier, I can access Stark Black on a deep state level and still somehow end up socially at the center. I can focus even if there are distracting thoughts, they just fall away. It’s like this universal calm and knowing.
I love how I never know what RoD is going to do until after the fact, when I see the change it’s created. I went into last week with just the thought of wanting to consciously change. I’m still decoding the rest too, but it’s deeply satisfying. I enjoy this a lot.
Even when increasing exposure past previous limits, there was an immediate thought of “Okay, do this” and me gravitating towards the actions that would put me in alignment. No recon, just moments of wishing I got a little more sleep or needing a bit of time to relax. Inherently understanding what pieces are being placed where. Hearing deeply ingrained beliefs as I go about my daily life and seeing how they’re expressed.
The only “negative” I can even give is just me feeling a little more nostalgic for the older days of fighting negative beliefs directly as I waited for my world to change. It felt as though I was being productive 24/7. Now it’s just… patience? I know exactly what the change needs to be, exactly how it’s going to come about. But that means I’m left in a buffer, I don’t have exactly what I want, yet I don’t have much I can do other than live my day-to-day. This new EK stuff gives me some more to do now, I’m already used to twisting my emotions around to feel good and be beneficial. I think my dreams have been having a little more to them than is first seen, so I’d like to explore that. There’s a feeling I’m not feeling yet. Some portion that could be felt from fuller immersion, from truly enjoying them without guilt.
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Ironic how we excavate the earth to get the means by which we leave it.
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Ended the Stark Black washout. I think Vibes 4 will serve as a nice sub to cycle it out with since I at least did recognize them as distinct titles.
If the belief being reconciled affects where you ate mentally right now, then you’ll feel an emotional pushback. That’s mostly what I’m understanding. Having the stoic understanding and watching results happen is nice, but I prefer feeling a little pushback. It’s just a matter of changing where you are mentally, so the switch wasn’t hard. It’s nice to feel the victories and losses as you’re invested in them, not just a “oh, that happened” feeling.
Ran my first loop back yesterday and immediately felt it kick in. The sub is genuinely fun to me. My mind and body immediately recognize it and get excited for the massive growth being prompted. I even had a dream where I was part of a travel group exploring an abandoned town, yet only I knew it had been overrun with zombies and we were all about to be attacked and killed/turned. I’d been informed beforehand and told that naturally I wouldn’t die, and I took almost a twisted enjoyment in the fact that I’d be surviving this. Like if there’s a house on fire, it sucks that it’s on fire, but if it’s cold outside then I’ll definitely be enjoying that warmth. There was another girl who was speaking slightly cryptically which immediately made me suspicious with the possibility of her being like me, someone destined to survive in a hell like that.
Generally feels good to be back, although it may be a little while before the rest of my stack solidifies. My intuition came back too, so I guess that’s tied strongly to this title specifically.
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@SaintSovereign it also feels like Summertime’s script is being repeated back to me. It goes by fast and pretty quietly so it’s hard to catch the words more than the feelings. But without any prompting, the moment I sat down and had time to myself, I started subtly getting directed to the feeling I felt and how it moves outwards. I then inquired how it is that it affects other people and I got a stronger push inwards — like for every outward impact it has, I too have to feel it.
Again, no actual words yet, but it felt really weird to be getting that kind of direction out of nowhere. Even with RAIKOV it took some kind of prompting for me to get real time responses. It’s like it’s continuously spinning around in my head just waiting to get caught and understood by some part of my subconscious.
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The imagery from one of my dreams just clicked. It was a nice night with fireworks shows nationally and a bunch of people in my neighborhood (and others) sitting outside to see them. One of my neighbors started freaking out about how this would be the perfect time for us to be faced with a nuclear attack since everyone is outside and nobody would be able to tell since we’re already looking at bright lights in the sky. This was in one of my childhood homes that I distinctly associate with parts of my life. I listened in to what she said a bit but had also noticed everything was a huge mess — my car had a ton of stuff on the outside and the outside garbage can was busted. While I was keeping mind of what she said I was just cleaning and putting these things back together. I was also prepping a lot of belongings from the house for a move. I was just indifferently doing these things as the fireworks and my neighbor went on. The dream eventually ended before the fireworks show did, and it showed the progress I made with cleaning and packing.
Firstly, the fireworks and the lady definitely are the relaxation and enjoyment scripting and the paranoid part of me trying to assert that the moment I let myself relax, I’ll open myself up to being attacked in so many areas of weakness. Me indifferently listening as I notice my childhood home/outside in disarray is me and ASBR cleaning up my mental space and memories. There’s that apathetic feeling that lets me get things done and push myself, but even I took time to listen to her concerns and see the fireworks every time I came outside or felt I should. The coexistence of that productivity and discipline with that enjoyment, as well as still listening to the negative and keeping it in mind. Me moving and organizing these things also meaning my own active and growing state, I’m not staying in the same place. Not satisfied staying where I am, and preparing to reach a new place both mentally and physically. Moving out of this house also represented a distinct time of my life with a lot of emotional connotations and feelings around the time period, and it also served as a few closures from that time. There’s still a lot more to be unwrapped from then, but that definitely touched on some.
I didn’t even realize it at first, but the dream was such an elegant way of conveying multiple subliminals, my resistance, and my conscious self as well — on top of providing emotional closure and healing. The other dreams I had felt like more blatant experiences, adults from my past apologizing to me for things I can’t even remember, me acting weird or childish and either being told it’s fine or me reassuring an anxious part of myself that it’s okay and I don’t care if I’m breaking old rules or standards that I set for myself. This one’s the culmination though, such a concise way of packing so much meaning into a simple storyline.
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Remembering all the things I used to do as a kid, making me realize that me responding better to denser titles makes so much sense. The same kind of intense self-introspection and solution providing from ZP is what I did when I was really young. It was like self-induced recon, so I felt depressed a lot, yet managed to get everything I set out to. I’m guessing the older ZP titles didn’t do much for me since I was already pretty harsh in how I’d force myself to change, so it didn’t feel very challenging or life-changing. I even remembered one of my old change principles, “Sit in your discomfort until it becomes your home.”
Loving that I get to unlock all these blocked memories of me genuinely knowing how human cognition and manifestation worked. So thankful that the tech’s evolved to the point of reaching that point and more. Now I get to utilize all my old ways of doing change work and dominating in anything along with these subs.
(it’s also probably why I clung to ASBR so hard, it gave me that level of intense questioning and results generation I was missing. It might also be why recon was never a huge deterrent for me like it was for other people, and it being virtually nonexistent now)
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