The Dice of Reality

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#41

Further updates

  • my body feels slightly massive. Wider frame, bigger muscles, I feel stronger, I feel heavier, but my movement remains nimble.
  • Been taking naps or rest periods
  • Been taking a walk after my biggest meal of the day, usually before 4pm.
  • Just did another fire chicken recipe on the fly.

There’s a craving for DoR, something that contains ASBR. I can hear my inner voice saying “transform” very intensely in the background. Each time I move my attention there, my body reacts—slight uptick in rate and depth of heart beat, energy pumping from my core into my shoulders then to the tips of my fingers. It’s exhilarating.

I’ve had this before, last year, when I tried to use Khan to do what I’m doing now. Gave in and switched to ASBR last time. This time, I’m sticking to GG as my stack anchor for at least one month.

Going further sexual arousal and erection quality are peaking and remain steady for periods of time, even without me engaging it.

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#42

I wasn’t really tired, but my body just wanted to rest against all odds. Had persistent sleepiness from 5-8pm but resisted as I knew it will affect my night. Ended up falling asleep around 8pm and slept for around 15 mins. Now, I can’t sleep.

Also feeling unsettled, like pressure in the background that needs to be let out. It’s tied with a desire to be the best, a very Khan-like feeling. Honestly, I don’t feel like engaging any form of self regulation for this.

The pressure remains there, giving room for discomfort, while I’m craving any form of stimulation just to escape it.

Fortunately, overloading with more information and media hasn’t worked so far. I literally feel like I’m distracting the process, and that somehow makes me discontented.

Then, there’s a revisiting of some topics I went through on Khan St1 & KB St1. Themes of power, romance and sexual prowess.

Guess we’ll be here for a while

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#43

Got my first wave of sleepiness as I almost finished typing the previous post. Passed through very rapidly.

I think I might be revisiting the subs I’ve used in the past, but reflecting in the internal and physiological aspects for now.

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#44

Ugghh, very horrible night of sleep. Slept 4-5 hours max.

Had an episode of stomach pain and knee pain that woke me up 2 hours after I managed to fall asleep.

The worst part was the sexual arousal that was going strong amidst all of the pain. Thought about running Paragon but resisted till I was able to fall back asleep.

Woke up about 10 mins ago, as I have somewhere to be. Stomach pain gone, knee pain subsided by 90%.

However, shadow thoughts are rushing to the surface, the darkest ones I have associated with conquest. Damn.

Anyway, it’s time to start my day.

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#45

These LLMs man.

Been battling with Grok on a project now, I’m trying to refine the outcome but it keeps giving me the same slop.

Had to tell it that it’s basically been lying about the quality of the product and give it evidence that it was doing so, about 4 times, before it actually gave me what I wanted.

Time to start making my own edits

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#46

Yesterday was technically recon high. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong.

I had to be very conscious to keep a balanced awareness, and do things to push myself into a more favorable one, having to orchestrate moments of genuine laughter and happiness.

Also had to consciously hit the recall function on some songs in order to use them to regulate my state. (I found it interesting that one of the songs that kept coming up was the Summertime song.)

Got to work later and upon encountering my coworkers, I somehow opened up. Usually, on days when I don’t feel like engaging people, if I come into work, I spend time shifting my state into a more open one, in order to light up my environment.

Today was different, my state opened up by itself just by hearing a voice over the phone, before I even got anywhere near the vicinity. And I allowed it to proceed.

The opening just continued from there, even till now.

Had a nice time with my friends this night too.

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#47

I am grateful that I have consciously contributed to making my work culture and environment the way it currently is. A process that happened through my natural growth.

I am also grateful that I have become a sun that shines even on my darkest days, if I let it be so.

And on such days, people still orbit, even when I don’t feel brilliant and somehow help me shine brighter.

They’re not just responding to state, they’re responding to something much deeper, something I can’t yet put my hand on.

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#48

I can’t tell if anything has shifted or what the anchor of the recon was.

And made some not so wise decisions on my dietary consumption.

However, let’s see how tonight’s sleep goes.

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#49

Is there such a thing as state?

You know, I used to believe that “your state determines your lived reality” and truly that was my reality, shifting states and the world reflecting that back to me.

People readily responding to my state anytime.

Till I worked with Khan.

I experienced the fact that there was something possibly beyond state. An aspect of me that reality gets pulled toward. A distinct nature had awakened.

Regardless of state or how I consciously viewed myself in any moment, this aspect attracted admiration, power and sexuality.

I change my state, but external reactions didn’t match it. They kept responding to the nature that had awakened.

People wanting to be around me, to talk, to touch, to receive my gaze, just something from me, even when I consciously communicate otherwise with my behavior. If I don’t outright walk out, ignore or tell them, they keep engaging.

I never understood it then, just accepted it as my reality. Hell, I was even confused when I started noticing this.

Now, state mostly affects my own behavior, flow and satisfaction with the moment. Only mirroring externally mostly when it’s a healing state.

I understand now and see why the sub is such a heavyweight. Achieving something like this could not have been easy.

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#50

It’s kind of interesting that this entire phase I’m in now is so I can return to Khan as a more realized me in this current aspect. Tried to do it with Khan, but it just wasn’t the right tool.

The acquisition of skills, establishment of structure, realization of the body, elevation in wealth and social circles.

Khan was supposed to return in 4 months, then got extended to 6, then 8, now it’s probably a year. The goal never changed, maybe the actual milestones got a bit grander, but only because they are still possible if I embody my desired level of mastery. So why not just aim higher?

Along the journey I continue to realize the potential amount of work required and I’m adjusting my timeline as I go.

#51

About this

I slept like I got knocked out for about 7 hours😂

No dream or dream recall, if there was one.

Gut kind of disturbed. That’s on me.

Energy levels are normal. Had high sexual arousal upon waking, but it’s tapering off now.

#52

GG 00:30
Got really hungry immediately after the loop.

Besides that, GLM expressed significantly this morning.

  • More relaxed
  • Voice is steady and deep with a rumble veiled underneath, like a softened rolling storm.
  • Craving self-actualization and deeper embodiment.
  • Stressful situations are less stressful
  • Craving massages again, always get this on GLM😂
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#53

ASBR earlier on Thursday. Khan from Thursday to Friday, Wanted on Saturday. GLM earlier today. Then Wanted again this night.

Now, I’m certain that I’m re-expressing/re-processing subs I used in the past.

There’s two more things too.

I’m experiencing an improvement in freedom with my friends and moments with them seem more beautiful?

Then I’m holding more eye contact within genuine laughter.

Usually, eye contact feels like a bridge connecting my world and and that of others. This bridge continues to deepen with each moment it is left open, so in other to regulate the depth of connection, I break it in intervals—by shifting my gaze momentarily or putting up a wall through holding a more aggressive/serious state.

Laughter deepens the strength of the bridge by a lot within an extremely short time, and that level of vulnerability is “???” on me. (About the question marks. words like “hard,” “dangerous” and a couple others came to me, but each one didn’t seem right and for some reason I feel strongly oppressed to using them).

Putting up a wall directly interferes with the experience of laughter, so I look away while laughing in a playful manner.

This weekend I’ve laughed about four times, without the need to break connection.

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#54

Not sure why, but there’s a feeling that my second set of results in the previous post is related to trust.

To be more specific, an improved capacity to trust

This is something that was recognized 3 years ago, along with all the “whys” behind it. However, it hasn’t really been touched regardless of the amount of awareness put into it all these years.

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#55

This is interesting.

The speed and depth of results are insane but it feels like nothing is happening at all.

And no, this isn’t recon.

I can’t perceive any classical form of processing, expression or sensory effect (since the first loop) on GG.

It’s like not running any sub, but going straight into the integration phase.

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#56

Got two stack ideas, they’re not part of the plan, I just think they’ll be really interesting to see

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#57

Been entering states I can only describe as euphoria mixed with a sense of fulfillment. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before.

In moments like this, I feel like screaming “woohoo” at the top of my lungs, cos I just feel so good and liberated (?)

Started noticing this more when I took a walk on Sunday night. Took my damn time all through, extended it to about two times the usual time it takes to my destination.

This has continued till today.

EDIT: Never been high on psychedelics before, but I imagine this is a scaled down version of how it feels like.

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#58

It’s because Summertime has no demands or “skills,” that’s it’s helping you develop. That which is developed is the end result of you… well, just living your life.

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#59

But I’ve not run Summertime at all :joy:

For now, my current stack is my Sage Immortal + Singularity major name embed, which I named Golden Gates (GG)

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#60

New things today

  • Spontaneously got the urge to look up tai chi teachers around me and anyone who didn’t put up a clear line of lineage was ignored. First step here I guess
  • Seemed I tweaked my right hip, while walking? Sounds ridiculous to me, but I woke up this morning with some radiating pain that originates on the back area of my femur, a couple inches away from my hip joint. Skipped gym today.
  • Recovery still shit. And strength progression plateaued. And I’m certain it’s cos of my workout intensity. Dipping more and more into nervous system exhaustion.
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