Vestiges in Subconscious Structures
Imagine a small plant that grows into a massive tree. Along its growth path, some other climbing plants grow on it, spreading to as much branches as they can, maturing faster and influencing the way the main plant grows.
Those climbing plants then wither, but the massive and still growing tree has been bent out of shape in many places, like a massive bonsai grown without a vision.
This massive tree is me, and it’s numerous branches the numerous subconscious structures within me.
I kept feeling like there was nothing to “heal” but behaviors and thought processes refuse to adjust themselves to the new equilibrium, they felt calcified. There were moments where I literally felt these “heavy” structures that were difficult to move and some that were too intertwined to easily move.
Tagging @AnswerGroup here cos I think the earlier part might be useful feedback
This felt like freedom but with the underlying sense of internal friction coming to the surface. I understood that the tree is not as calcified as it seemed, the current growth path just has stronger connections, and, this can actually be resolved. The requirements were
Vision
For the tree desired to be realized, the guiding vision must be established. A vision spanning from within then interlayed upon reality. This gives some sense of the destination, which makes it easier to build the framework.
To make this conscious, this requires some sensitivity and awareness of worlds, yours and those you interact with.
Once the framework is done, things will naturally get attracted to that order. Like reality wants to be complete.
Curation
This is consciously generate alignment. Choosing what is allowed to attach itself to the framework that has been built—people, data, stories, structures, environment, even resources. This requires focus and sacrifice, possibly pruning off some very odd branches.
I found this part to be the hardest because every form of curation I’ve engaged in always required me to go scorched earth and pruning has not been one of my best skills so far. It is painful. Especially in terms of people.
Each time it feels like burning bridges, not amicable in any way and I’m not fine with that. It’s also possible that I just haven’t learnt how to do that.
Combined with the part that I wasn’t really good at building bridges in other directions. This in turn made already existing bridges more valuable due to perceived scarcity. And the cost of decoupling them became too costly.
Action
This is the state of activity, of any form. The reason why this is important is because it moves levers and generates feedback. Both are
This is usually confused as “finally taking action,” meanwhile, it has always been there. The act of crafting a vision, the art of curation, just living, all are action, the true questions that matter here are
Does it serve the vision or not?
Is it conscious (curated) or not?
Personal notes
- I’m not good at constructing and managing bridges. I’ve known the why for a while now, I’m just gradually expanding on my action taking, and I’m seeing results. So patience or more focused work?
- I cognitively understand that it doesn’t have to be an “either or” situation, but my lived experience has been different. Must I really go scorched earth?
- Possibility that I can’t bear the sacrifice of pruning due to potentially causing pain to myself and others. Seems I haven’t gotten over this hurdle. Why?
