About this
I slept like I got knocked out for about 7 hours😂
No dream or dream recall, if there was one.
Gut kind of disturbed. That’s on me.
Energy levels are normal. Had high sexual arousal upon waking, but it’s tapering off now.
GG 00:30
Got really hungry immediately after the loop.
Besides that, GLM expressed significantly this morning.
- More relaxed
- Voice is steady and deep with a rumble veiled underneath, like a softened rolling storm.
- Craving self-actualization and deeper embodiment.
- Stressful situations are less stressful
- Craving massages again, always get this on GLM😂
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ASBR earlier on Thursday. Khan from Thursday to Friday, Wanted on Saturday. GLM earlier today. Then Wanted again this night.
Now, I’m certain that I’m re-expressing/re-processing subs I used in the past.
There’s two more things too.
I’m experiencing an improvement in freedom with my friends and moments with them seem more beautiful?
Then I’m holding more eye contact within genuine laughter.
Usually, eye contact feels like a bridge connecting my world and and that of others. This bridge continues to deepen with each moment it is left open, so in other to regulate the depth of connection, I break it in intervals—by shifting my gaze momentarily or putting up a wall through holding a more aggressive/serious state.
Laughter deepens the strength of the bridge by a lot within an extremely short time, and that level of vulnerability is “???” on me. (About the question marks. words like “hard,” “dangerous” and a couple others came to me, but each one didn’t seem right and for some reason I feel strongly oppressed to using them).
Putting up a wall directly interferes with the experience of laughter, so I look away while laughing in a playful manner.
This weekend I’ve laughed about four times, without the need to break connection.
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Not sure why, but there’s a feeling that my second set of results in the previous post is related to trust.
To be more specific, an improved capacity to trust
This is something that was recognized 3 years ago, along with all the “whys” behind it. However, it hasn’t really been touched regardless of the amount of awareness put into it all these years.
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This is interesting.
The speed and depth of results are insane but it feels like nothing is happening at all.
And no, this isn’t recon.
I can’t perceive any classical form of processing, expression or sensory effect (since the first loop) on GG.
It’s like not running any sub, but going straight into the integration phase.
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Got two stack ideas, they’re not part of the plan, I just think they’ll be really interesting to see
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Been entering states I can only describe as euphoria mixed with a sense of fulfillment. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before.
In moments like this, I feel like screaming “woohoo” at the top of my lungs, cos I just feel so good and liberated (?)
Started noticing this more when I took a walk on Sunday night. Took my damn time all through, extended it to about two times the usual time it takes to my destination.
This has continued till today.
EDIT: Never been high on psychedelics before, but I imagine this is a scaled down version of how it feels like.
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It’s because Summertime has no demands or “skills,” that’s it’s helping you develop. That which is developed is the end result of you… well, just living your life.
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But I’ve not run Summertime at all 
For now, my current stack is my Sage Immortal + Singularity major name embed, which I named Golden Gates (GG)
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New things today
- Spontaneously got the urge to look up tai chi teachers around me and anyone who didn’t put up a clear line of lineage was ignored. First step here I guess
- Seemed I tweaked my right hip, while walking? Sounds ridiculous to me, but I woke up this morning with some radiating pain that originates on the back area of my femur, a couple inches away from my hip joint. Skipped gym today.
- Recovery still shit. And strength progression plateaued. And I’m certain it’s cos of my workout intensity. Dipping more and more into nervous system exhaustion.
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GG 1:15
Was planning to go for 1 min, but listened more by mistake.
….
Something I haven’t noted on here is the clairvoyant dreams I’ve been having since the moment I placed in my order for GG.
Not my first time, been having dreams of this nature for as long as I can remember, it seems to run in the family.
However, anytime I use subs that concern spirituality, this ability becomes more consistent. Although, It’s not within my range of conscious influence but seems the gateway to the part of my self that houses this spiritual connection gets strengthened.
I’m not going to share them, but the nature of these dreams have shifted to be more direct/literal in a sense. Honestly, I still don’t like the implication of what has been revealed.
It’s the same message repeated over and over, especially in my waking life. And it’s one of the reasons I dropped RoS last year.
I think it might be time to genuinely enter the cave, for about a month or two.
Considering my stack, I’m most likely going to focus in on wealth by adding ASBR & RICH.
GG will be there for
- Expanding my base/capacity
- Regulation & balancing
- Energetic development
- Spiritual development
- Self unification and mastery
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Woke up this morning feeling disconnected, like I’m a couple steps from being in the very present moment in my reality.
It then extends further that I’m behind on the amount of growth I set out to have experienced by now.
Now, it feels like I’m stuck.
Recon.
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I’ve been getting literal predictions of real life being used as symbolism in dreams. It’s kinda trippy but makes sense since the future is also just information that needs to be processed, so it can be used just like the events that have already happened (because in a way they already have).
No insight on the actual phenomenon itself, but it’s almost always when I’m actively listening to ASBR. Maybe an alignment of the sub and how one perceives their future reality?
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That’s quite the interesting perspective. If you don’t mind, could you dive more into this.
I get this feeling particularly on ASBR, but this one is different. There is no intent or subconscious driver to perceive future reality. It’s more like I’m “being shown” because I’d satisfied a certain depth of connection.
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Recon
- I honestly can’t tell how I spent my time today, I wasn’t conscious of it.
- Spent time lounging with friends
- Some fears coming strong to the surface, particularly about achievement, growth and freedom
- Been noticing some comparisons come to the surface of my mind recently. Just observing them and most seem to relate to health, physicality and sexual prowess.
Changes and sub expression
- The above seem tied to the desire to be the best, a being very few can match. An experience that causes an inversion in somebody’s story, one you encounter and never remain the same. A conqueror, the Khan.
- Despite all the fears and projections erupting from within, activity might not align, but the way I carry myself doesn’t falter. Well this has been the case for almost a year now, not really new but seems more stable.
- Sexual arousal has returned to baseline, now I’m getting the urge to just approach beautiful ladies. Probably a revisit of PRIMAL, same way I went through other subs last week.
- Noticing a level of bluntness/directness expressing in my behavior, I don’t even bother to soften my expressions anymore. It’s been there but suppressed and veiled for the longest time, probably cos I wasn’t comfortable expressing that way unless in a confrontation. Now it’s more integrated.
- Despite the level of bluntness, I don’t seem to have a domineering/bitchy demeanor like how I was two years ago. Now, it’s still intimidating, but it feels open and sexy.
- Been getting lost in my eyes while I’m in the gym. I just keep staring both during set and during rest.
Health
- Two persistent health issues flared up today, got me shaken up a bit. Which then triggered more fear, frustration and then planning to resolve all health issues for good.
- Hip pain from yesterday vanished.
- First time in a while my body wasn’t tremoring throughout the day.
- Got to the gym and my strength on all exercises were up, didn’t push till the failure despite that.
- One health issue flare up died down after gym session.
General
If my strength still shows progress next week, I’m going to keep doing exactly what I did today no changes, till I get to my peak before I fell sick. By then I should have hit my wealth (focused) goals. Then I’ll reorganize my entire training approach to align with my actual health & physicality strategy, from the very basics. I can add The Engineer then.
Grooming and aesthetics
- Tried to shower fast, but I just couldn’t. Took my damn time and loved it.
- Shaved
- Changing up my hairstyle.
- Still interested in fashion
- Still concerned about fixing my skin health.
- Still tweaking my cosmetics.
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After the gym today, something dawned on me
I need a practice, actually two—one to dive into my mind and another into my body.
I’m still subconsciously leaning more towards using these for transformation, but I want to wield them beyond that, for the purpose of exploration.
Practices up for selection
- Self hypnosis for the mind. This opens a gateway for so many aspects and skills under this category, both for focused work and exploration. Also very transferable. Dabbled in it before, but wasn’t really successful due to very spotty practice. Was able to apply some concepts from here in my daily life though.
- Tai Chi → Martial arts for body
- Rope flow for body.
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Outside of any specific “time isn’t linear” beliefs, it makes sense that there would be events that are highly probable to happen the next day. The predictions I’ve gotten are a mix of interpersonal things and just sheer reads that ended up correct.
One of my first that I had two years ago, had me meet a specific PhD student at my school twice as coincidence. And after the second time, I had a vivid dream involving her. I obviously didn’t think much of it back then and don’t remember the specifics of the dream, just that she was prominent and I was confused why. About 7 months later, when the head of this department was helping me join a lab, this PhD student just so happened to be the one that wanted another undergrad.
I consider that one more of a sheer read with my subconscious weighing the fact that I would want to start working in a lab soon with a person it could somehow tell was open to me working for them, despite neither of us knowing it at the time.
An interpersonal one would be a few days ago when before I went to bed, I started thinking about a meeting I had the next day and how it would be “logical” for it to be moved to a specific time. When I woke up I remembered it and thought it sounded stupid, since there was no actual “logic” I remembered following. About 10 minutes later I get a text asking for the meeting to be moved to the exact time I thought it should’ve been moved to the night before. It turned out one of the people had a list minute appointment they needed to go to.
That I chalk up to being more interpersonal, with there being more “easy” subconscious communication to pinpoint it to. Me and the other person were communicating subconsciously the night before without realizing it. I get this kind of thing a lot where I will get a message in my sleep before I get it for real the next day, so I kind of group that kind of thing together.
Although you could make the argument that both of those point to the same phenomenon, I feel like one is distinctly more probabilistic and involves infinitely more factors. So while they both may be subconscious communication, one has an immediate medium of expression (getting a text) vs one having one a few mediums away (me needing to reach out to this specific professor at the exact time this specific PhD wanted an undergrad).
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GG 2:00
Increasing listening time. I normally test the upper limit of the amount of recon I can handle within my usual 2-3 day processing cycle. This way I know what to expect and then can adjust my input as needed. Sometimes, I also intentionally retest my upper limit to observe how the recon changes over time.
Today was the second time I felt any sort of processing effect on this custom. First was on my first ever loop and then, today.
Quick moment of lightheadedness followed by a rapid transition to mentally feeling the weight of the sub, like I usually do with other subs. Then mood dropped for about 2hrs then returned to baseline, then a headache set in for most of the day till night.
Focus was very high throughout though.
Then started to process some duality stuff, particularly about where I am now and finding balance.
Let’s see how the following day goes.
I went to an event on Thursday and I felt Khan kicking into high gear. All was good but classically, I found it so hard to smile, I had to put in so much effort, that I just let it be in the end.
Then it just got to a point where nothing interested me anymore, I got bored. Actually, I was bored throughout the event, but stayed till the end. I gave my greetings and then left on a good note.
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It was raining outside, the thermostat set too low for comfort, an oddly cold summer night. The bed offered less warmth as time wore on and it was getting too cold to continue my beauty sleep, even under my blanket.
However, waking up at that moment wasn’t an option to be taken, so I let my body do its thing. Legs crossed and torso unwound like a stretched coil. Somehow I felt warm again.
Woke up this morning realizing that my legs were crossed again while asleep. This has been getting too frequent within the past four months and it’s been so, regardless of environmental temperature. It has also spread to my daily life where my legs naturally cross whenever I lay on my bed, after stretching or in some social situations.
It was the first thing my awareness went to as I woke up this morning and there’s a nagging feeling that it’s a sign. A desire for warmth, and me closing up to feel that warmth. It reminds me of being with my baby cousin and letting him fall asleep on my chest, listening to my heartbeat.
However, this desire for warmth has conflicting signals underneath. I see this is bodily regulation, but what drives this rapid increase in frequency?
I don’t know if I feel lonely, hurt or unsafe deep down and trying to pacify myself.
OR
Something too stimulating to cope with.
OR
If I’m just embracing myself.
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Yesterday I was chilling at the bus stop, I felt the desire not to use my AirPods. Then I it dawned on me.
This is the best way to not get results and fail. Don’t test properly and do what you’re supposed to do. Keep throwing last ditch efforts on a time crunch and expect them to land. Perhaps, you’re coping with dogma thinking you’re actually learning.
I had been subconsciously considering dropping my skincare research and going back to store bought ones, which were basically just copium to cope with my skin issues.
A voice has been really vocal consistently reminding me “you’re wasting money, this is not the time for all these experimentation”
The voice that refuses to give up because it knows it will find success chimes in “and so? Price of the learning curve. I’d rather pay it now, be able to create highly tailored skincare for the rest of my life and know I don’t have to keep coping.”
The first voice replied “okay, how about we drop this for now, focus on the money (we both know we’ll hit it big) then actually higher an expert. We’ll have the products s as soon as possible and shorten the learning curve, by a lot “
And the first answer I wrote above was the reply I got from my one voice when that conversation got fully conscious
Truly, if you ask me “What exactly did you test?” “What exactly did you learn?” Well the line gets blurry. I can’t really call what I do “testing aligned with my goal of being able to craft what works for me every time, as required.”
Also, not all last ditch efforts are equal. The more alignment, the better the chances.
Well there it is. Back to the drawing board.
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