The Conqueror’s Bliss: Prelude

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#98
Rant

Again. Again. Again.

I keep getting spiritual results. This is not what I currently, consciously desire.

Perhaps on a deeper level I desire it, but why now?

It is obvious I’m trying my hardest to ignore it, to return to it at my own timing, at my own convenience, just to prove a point to myself. I know it sounds stupid and mentally the solution is brain dead simple.

But this point I’m trying to prove is currently foundational to everything—my desires, worldview, everything

How can everything within my last two years revolve around this call that I have refused to answer, and the reminders multiply with each day.

Hell, every sub I used within this period has expressed as 90% spiritual, no matter how much I push to embody more.

Is it fate? Is it the way I’ve built myself to be? Is it something grander I’ve refused to accept?

The sadistic part about all these is that I know exactly why—the context, the timing, the reminders. I know that I’m my path needlessly difficult. It makes utmost sense. Even complaining is ultimately useless.

I just don’t want to conform to a plan not of my own conscious making.

I want to cuss—at the spirit, at my free will, at everything created. Yet I am still. I feel my heart beating, I feel my body—no agitation perceived I write all these with a straight face, trying to find harmony, but refusing to accept it.

I desired to reconcile the darkest part of my being, not my spirit, yet my hand will soon be forced.

An almost disgusting paradox.

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#99

Rant over.

Now, how can I unify my spiritual desires with my material desires?

Consciously, I would argue that they are two parts of the same coin and I will win that argument.

Now, it is obvious that has not been integrated into my very being.

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#100

I didn’t exactly get the results I was expecting from FK-0. It took me on a tangent I have long since been aware of but pushed resolving it further into the future to focus on more pressing objectives.

Today, I finished designing two new narrow customs to refocus back on my conscious objectives as they are the tipping point necessary for the next steps to come.

But guess what?

I step outside my house and there is another spiritual manifestation🙂.

#101

Also, not answering the call has hindered and will continue to hinder my ability to use subs for accelerated growth.

#102

The trajectory of this phase is about to split into two. I can’t say I’m happy about it as my focus has been diluted. Perhaps, there could be some resentment from being forced to face this now. However, taking a broader look at my journey, this feels natural.

Anyway, two facilitating customs coming up.

FK-0 will be modified as It didn’t express the way I envisioned, and then trimmed down for more focus and stackability.

#103

All sub input and routine actions apart from my job have been paused and being reevaluated

#104

Simplified FK-0. I’m going for enhancing the cores without adding much to it.

Z Infinity

Khan St3 Core
Emperor Black Core
New Result Enhancing Experience Core
Synergy: Winner Overdrive
Omnidimensional
Auric Overdriver

Objectives

Still the same concepts and goals as this season. This season is very important and demands utmost focus as it holds the necessary criteria and skills necessary for me to be able to properly use my next season.

It’s practically do or die🙂.

#105

Then

The Revelation of One

Alchemist/Singularity Core
The Revelation of Mind Core
Void of Creation
Synergy: Subconscious Mastery
Synergy: Divine Dominion
Experimental Anti-Recon
Mosaic
Pragya

Objectives

  • Transcend duality and reunification into one whole. Major target is unifying the dichotomy between my material and spiritual lives. I have a penchant for going to extremes and these two dualities are no exceptions. I have fragmented beliefs and opinions on both extremes and the lack of integration needs to be addressed.

  • Heightened connection within my mind, internal world and body (facilitated by mind).

  • Result enhancement

  • Been getting really interesting energetic results and I want a little more focus on them.

How I Plan to Use It

I’m going full on revelation route. Honestly, I don’t exactly know how to proceed, so I’m going to let the path reveal itself to me. Resources will find me at the right time, like they’ve always done. I just have to actively follow along.

No current time frame.

Listening schedule is going to be mostly intuitive, with more focus on Z Infinity.

#106

It’s just me, my desire and my guts.

#107

I was a fool to realize that what I’m experiencing is ultimately of my own making.

Coming into this new season, one loop of FK-0 sent the reflection of my internal world into my external into overdrive.

And the nature of my internal world?
A more subtle version of utter chaos, to say the least.

I’m naturally curious, I love knowledge, fun facts, information, anything you choose to call it. It’s always been easy for me to connect the dots behind them, see how they function, how they interact, why they’re even a thing in the first place. I get a high off of it. But Embodiment has never been my strong suit.

I encounter something new, I dissect it, it makes sense, I try it, it works, and when my focus shifts, it’s automatically tossed into the background, rather than integration, I move on to the next. I believe them all as truths, after all, they were indeed true when observed in isolation. They become individual truths.

I refuse to harmonize and be the living embodiment of the truths I believe in, because it’s too much work. Sheer laziness.

Over the course of my life, I’ve accumulated more individual truths than I can currently choose to remember, gathering them like I was catching Pokémon’s lol. The extreme ones were so impactful that they became cornerstone beliefs in the respective areas of my being. With desires naturally stemming from said beliefs.

Fragmentation

Now, I’m wondering if you could imagine a cathedral. Massive and grand with all its high spires, patterned windows and riveting choir. Can you feel that ethereal presence in the air?

You know it’s the perfect medium for music to elevate your spirit beyond. Like that canvas perfect for the painting laid upon it.

Then, imagine you hear the piano’s intro reverberating through your being. Other instruments enter and yet…all you hear are discordant sounds. Nothing makes sense. Revolting

I know it seems like I went on another bender, but in my defense, I’m just trying to give you an idea of how it feels when such stacked internal chaos is amplified and reflected outwards. Not really fun to experience.

I thought only the darker aspect of my being was fragmented and segregated, but it’s much more than I thought.

FK-0 worked the way I designed it to, not just how I wanted it to.

#108

Some results I don’t think I’ve properly noted here:

ROI — Don’t waste my time

It’s surprising the amount of posts I just glance through and if something catches my attention I’m like “shit gotta go read this from the beginning” there’s a kind of annoyance, especially if the post is long. The annoyance dissolves the moment I recenter to properly engage the message being passed.

Some, I know outright there’s value in it, so I try to absorb it. It’s kind of intuitive and I don’t question it anymore.

While the rest I’m like “nope, not it” and I just scroll past.

Some thread I don’t even look at because of how long it is.

Energy

This is the one that’s astounding.

  • I go through periods where there’s static electricity emanating me and anything I touch — metal, fabric, skin, anything except rubber — gets tickled.
  • Then sensitivity is still very light but definitely up. I can differentiate what is coming from within myself and what’s coming from my environment.
Internal

  • I can sense internal vibrations. Although it’s very light, and can only sense it when I focus.

  • Then actual energy, the energy also has its own vibrations different from the other internal vibrations and flow direction.

  • There’s an heavy energy and often emotionally dense one and it sends ripples through my body. This one requires a state to properly dwell in it. It’s easier to sense and currently easier to control. I can block it out, amplify it and consciously invoke it, but can’t yet do more with or redirect it. This energy craves expression in the process of conquest. Suspected to be heavily influenced by my stack.

  • Then there’s another type, a soft one. This one is in the background, often synchronized with my breath. I can only sense this one when it calls to my attention first, then I answer, almost subconsciously. I close my eyes feel it in whatever capacity I can, breathing slows and progressively relax. Then I snap out of it, almost like it’s telling me “that’s enough for now.” No state has consciously allowed me to access this. It currently happens about twice a day or kicks in when I take breathes (developed on sanguine) to balance stress level in the moment. The entire process here is almost completely subconscious and I don’t interfere or bother with it. Just answer when it calls.

External

The major focus is vibrations.

  • I sense them even in empty spaces
  • Differentiate and identify origin of localized ones from background ones.
  • I remain aware of the background one, after the first encounter with it. It’s like there’s a dedicated part of my mind to holding that awareness.
Others
  • I’ve always had a good sense of smell, but I’m certain it’s improved
  • Sensing my body in motion. I’ve noticed work on this from the non-thinking adjustable reflex development on RoM, to hyper motion prediction on QL, to something different on Spartan, to a form of interconnectedness developed E:TWTP, then the value of structural alignment on E:AoW, and, the way they easily expressed was contributing to faster reflexes. It seems E:AoW sent this sensitivity into overdrive. I sense my body how everything interplays in motion and how my “path of motion” is so off-balance. It’s so uncomfortable that I have to take action to correct it.
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#109

I’ve forgotten how designing a new custom can be tricky😮‍💨. My last ones just came to me, but these coming ones just the cores came to me from the start. I have to research like the good old days. To balance everything.

#110
#111

Hmm, the step after this current one is clearer. I know what to do this current step, but facilitating it still eludes me.

I spill words on whatever canvas I decide to sit to, yet all I comprehend is more chaos, denial and this desire for everything.

At least I understand a bit more.

#112

Time for another breakdown and I’m looking at 3-4 months of deep work. My previous stint of Kst1 and Kst2 were mostly hands off. Now, it’s going to be a more intentional redefinition.

Khan St1 + EB + upcoming Custom
Khan St2 + EB + upcoming Custom

Khan St1 + ASBR + upcoming Custom (not really sure about this)

I’m not expecting it to be easy, is probably going to be one of the most challenging periods of my life. I entered the begging stages already and this shit ain’t funny. Yet, no matter how I think about it, this period seems necessary. These months are to give it more focus and precision, so I can reconcile properly.

The major thing that I know will keep me sane is a brain dead system that that incorporates my new habits that keeps me grounded. Which have gone back into redevelopment.

#113

It’s here again. This same internal feeling of being tempered. It was the norm on St1 had it once or twice in St2, but now on St3 too?

It’s like being taken out of the flame, then being hammered of impurities over and over again. It’s easy to go about my normal day, but I see a telltale sign — I’m taking up every means of distraction, anything to avoid facing myself.

And when I sit still, it becomes clear — there is a disturbance in the force. My body is actually shaking, very subtly. It’s a vibration that comes from within, and when I listen I sense it stirring sometimes.

Anyway, the bottom line is something is shifting and it’s very close to my existence. The difference is I can’t see how it’s shifting.

#114

Keeping this here for further meditation

#115

Wasn’t my most productive day, but definitely moving forward.

Meanwhile, I guess I shouldn’t say shit about my Stack decision till I’m very certain.

#116

There is a lot to do.

About to dump some unorganized writing from offline journaling.

#117

I can’t write as fast as I can conceive, and, my capacity for expression still diminishes that which craves expression.

I’m seeking a conclusion, a summary that I can only get when the pen is done writing. I seek this conclusion in order to use it as a foundation for the story still being written. Like knowing the entire story from beginning to end, trying to see dots that can mostly be connected in hindsight. However there’s a catch, if truly I create my reality, on some level don’t I already know the full story? Or is this still something I’m confused about? Just trying to hold this concept in my head springs me into paradoxes mirrored within other paradoxes that sends me in loops.

Another messed up part is having to suppress the craving to know more, because I feel like I already know too much. And that too much has contributed greatly to this rugpull I can’t make sense of.

Fragmented beliefs are being challenged by their diametric counterparts with no resolution in sight.

Then, even trying to explore my internal world consciously shows signs of a developing a headache in the area around my left temple. Like the exploration requires significantly more energy.

For my shadow, I find I’m trying to control/subdue it, without first coming to wholly embrace it.

There is no emotional, physical or mental strain, yet I’m tired. It’s more of a tiredness in my inner world/spirit and this experience is showing me there’s a form of difference between what I understood as the inner world and the mind. The mind is seeming to be a subcategory of the internal world. Which further, on some level, reinforces the spirit-mind-body system concept I had before.

Also energetic sensitivity is down, more like I don’t want to pay attention anymore, for now. I’m thinking it’s a method to cut sources of input to reduce stimulation, as I currently have enough streaming from my inner world, with no way to properly and rapidly process them.

Within all this chaos, I still find the drive for conquest trickling in really really slowly. This time it lasts for short moments and it’s deeper, accompanied with graphic images (especially when it comes to women). Its having moments where the energetic aspect shows, other times the EmpB voice kicks in telling me I won’t get any pleasure before doing what most be done, sometimes they come together, then they all disappear almost as quickly as they came. I heed the call sometimes and the rest I choose to ignore them, even when they remind me about the decision I’m currently making.

Then a growing dislike for the reality I live - lifestyle, habits, friends, hygiene, nutrition, relationships, sex, you name it. I feel mediocre by my standards and disliking it more everyday I wake up.

Then a search for silence, wearing AirPods on noise cancellation without anything playing just to block out background sounds, leaving my home to another location to find silence. I’ve been subconsciously trying to reduce stimuli.