The chosen stark! (+Love bomb)

Journals - Major Programs
#1

Ive already stated a lot in my previous journal, but i tought it might be a bit more clear whats going on in a journal that actually has a proper title lol.

Im currently on day 7 of love bomb + chosen from within. So far really loving it. Ill probably go for about a month (or whenever the lockdown fully lifts) and than switch to a stack of daredevil ZP + ascension ZP + love bomb ZP. I somewhat see this as preparation to heal all the problems that stand in the way so my stacks after this can fully shine even more so than they otherwise would.
I try to combine the healing from chosen from within with some other healing methods i know to really be able to target it towards problems i want to fix.
So far it has already made some reallyy powerfull changes like i used to always feel this inner sense of “not being good enough”. This has completely vaporised and been replaced with a lot mire positive believes. I also had a really toxic trait where i was constantly comparing myself to others wich has also been lessened to a great degree. Im hoping next it can clear some of the issues that make me get frustrated so easily and some sexual issues.

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#2

So today is my third listening day. Still feels like a lot is being processed. Ik currently on an experimental schedule where i have one active listening day followed by 2 rest days. This seems to work extremely well as i usually see best results on the third day.

Ive also definitey noticed that i should never run a really dense title like emperor or stark in a stack untill im very prepared to utilize every part of them. My subconscious jusf reacts very badly to that amount of scripting and not being able to utilize a big part of it (mostly the business scripting as i have no desire to start my own business).

Now for how im feeling after just having listened to my stack:

I feel somewhat frustrated at myself for not eating a proper dinner last night lol. But also feeling excited for today.
One of the first things i did after waking up was reach out to some of my close friends to arrange a big monthlong trip in the vacation. The plan is to take a giant trip troughout east europe going from country from country for cheap using a service called “interrail”. Intereail basically allows you to with a one time purchase, take as many train rides all throughout europe for free.
Me and my friends all seem heavily into it so it definitely looks like this is happening and i couldnt be more excited!

(Sorry for being all over the place lol, with my adhd im not always super coherent when im just freely writing my toughts and experiences.)

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#3

Im slowly starting to realise one thing. I really dont need much healing at this point. Right now im extremely stable and feeling really good in most of my areas in life. There is just one thing that i really need to work on.

Ive already talked about this quite a lot in a lot of previous posts since its a very reoccurimg problem… but damn im so lazy. I think this has to do with my adhd but i can so easily just spend an entire day mindlessly scrolling youtube/instagram/tv or even just listening to music. Im wasting so many days doing nothing really of worth. I think this is for a few reasons. 1. I lack a real schedule of things to do in a day.
2. I wake up so late since i have very little responsibilitys, despite being a morningperson and usually doing the most early in the day (if ik awake than).

To counter this im from now on gonna restart setting my alarm at 8:00 and the first thing im gonna do in the morning is go for a run. Im also gonna put my phone out of my room so i cant spend 2 bours in bed scrolling youtube.

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#4

I just realised one thing. When i think of the past of some people that really pissed me off, the real “fake alpha” dudes that are acting like asshats to try and seem tough, you know the type.
I started thinking about these types of people and rather than feeling resentment towards them, i recognized that that type of behaviour actually comes from a place off weakness in them.
In a weird way this simple realisation has made it that i have lost my resentment against them and become more tolerant. And started seeing them more as well… people, just like all of us.

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#5

You feel pity, rather than annoyed?

#6

Not even neccessairly pity, more understanding. Id still rather avoid those type of people ofcourse, but they dont grind my gears as much as they used too.

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#7

Recon is hitting. Feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything. My high school crush also started reaching out to me again out of nowhere. Apparently she also boulders at the same place im bouldering, wich is a very strange coincedence.
Ngl though with her i had so much drama back in high school and i cant be bothered to have shit like that again, so im not to excited about seeing her again. regardless, such a strangely specific coincedence, i kinda gotta give credit to subs for this, i think this may be one of my first manifestation results ive had lol.

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#8

This is the one! The one that made ZP shine for me. So, i just went for a walk to reflect a bit on what was happening with me and in my life. I went over all my biggest shames i could think of. I than started to recognize that all these shames just came from my inner child, or baby even. The connective thread they all had was that something externally happened and i took that way to personally and went to far trying to correct things, overcompensating if you will. Somewhere as a ababy i mustve learned myself that if something bad happens that means im less as a person. I started accepting that this is what ive learned and that although its a very bad believe, its gonna be around for a bit. I went back to all these shames in my head and just accepted how i felt at the time and told myself its okay to feel that way. This very much seem to have alleviated the shame.

But that was when it hit… i stopped feeling bad and as if hit ny a lightning strike, i felt this energy surging through me from my heart area. It caused:

  • a surge in confidence
  • feeling really powerfull, not coming from the ego, but coming from just a sheer acceptance that no matter what happened i could do everything, achieve everything, and all that coming from a very sincere place.
  • everyone i came across during the walk started acting overly nice
  • a true sincere love of myself
  • the feeling of a powerfull aura around me that felt very… “sincere”

This aura was different from the one i got from chosen. With chosen it felt like the powerfull aura came out from my eyes, meanwhile with love bomb it clearly originates from the heart area. Therefor it feels like not only what youre directly interacting it is affected, but the entire world around you.

On a side note, when i started on my walk and reflecting, there was litterly nobody. Than as soon as the surge hits, out of nowhere there were soo many people. Strange how this works.

There is just one negative, the aura seems somewhatinconsistent right now. Like the. Aura feels extremely potent when im in that state of acceptance, but that state is not yet my permanent state, so the extreme potent feeling isnt always present, meanwhile with chosen the aura from the eyes seem to always be there as potent as ever. Im fairly certain that after a bit this state of acceptance is gonna be somewhat of my neutral state though, so im definitely excited about what im chasing.

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#9

This was basically what i felt like when the surge hit lol. It felt sooo powerfull, almost a bit like a god that was affecting the entire world around him With just my mere presence. (Although a bit more loving)

Man legion was such a freaking good show.

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#10

I now understand why saint said that love bomb is the most important sub.

So all those things about accepting everything i previously mentioned? Well today all those things transformed into straight up loving every single thing about myself. I started thinking about my journey to get to this point, and how goddamn awesome i am for having made it this far. Than, like previously it caused such an extreme surge in confidence, its freaking insane. I feel even more confident than i did on emperor, its genuienly insane just how goddamn great i feel and i freaking love myself. This also caused a few other things:

  • remember how i previously said everyone started being really nice to me? Well today this actually translated into girls being really into me, litterly every girl i saw that i didnt know did this shy giggling. Like they were high school girls talking to their crush.
  • once again felt like my aura made everything around me amazing. It felt like the outer reality was just a mere reflection of how awesome i am.
  • felt soo freaking powerfull, this goes hand in hand woth the aura i mentioned. I would add to this that it wasnt the way youd expect from love bomb. It didnt neccessairly feel super “loving” in a spiritual way. It felt more powerfull in a way you might expect emperor to feel. Like i could do whatever the fuck i want just for the mere fact of how awesome i am, and people would appreciate it.

So the big realisation i really got from love bomb as a whole is:
While you mught expect LB to translate to you loving everything and everyone, and therefor they love you, but for me it has more been i started loving the shit out of myself and therefor others started to feel the same way.

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Main Disc. Thread - Love Bomb ZP v2
Main Disc. Thread - Love Bomb ZP v2
#11

I do want to add to everything by saying though that the state i mentioned above still is somewhat unstable. I havent gotten to the point that that is how i normally feel, that said i do feel like everyday my baseline is getting closer to there.

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#12

I feel like at this point ive gotten so far in my life, now for me to get even further i HAVE to take my workouts more seriously. While my muscles have grown a lot on WANTED, i gotta take it up a notch. With how powerfull i feel i must also have the strength and look the part.

#13

Mutch success for you

:vulcan_salute:

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#14

A new problen has surfaced. With all the selflove it has opened up the doors for a lot of pride. I now have moments where i get to caught up in my feeling of pride and can become a bit arrogant.
This is probably recon, im still adjusting between being on the more insecure side (wich i havent really felt much anymore lately) and the arrogant side (wich i honestly dont mind to much haha).

This said it seems most stable when im feeling that middleground, where i do feel a lot of confidence, selflove and general trust in myself, but dont get to caught up in it and lose that humility.

I definitely think though that this sub works wonders for those that have a bit of trouble feeling much of that reported emperor confidence on the stoic alpha titles. Ive never gotten anything insane out of that, but now i am fully feeling it if i decide to do so, without even running emperor. May be interesting for @Budewr

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#15

I havent neccessairly been having those peaks of pride and love like a previously mentioned, but i have very stably been feeling really good and i can definitely sense i have quite a presence everywhere i go. People still seem quite eager to talk to me. I do notice sometimes some negative “anxiety” thoughts coming up like old habits. But even when they come up they just seem kind of… silly, so i can instantly reject them. Its a bit like my brain hasnt adjusted to my new mindset, and some of those old patterns are still engrained. This despite them not having much meaning at this point.

I have quite a few plans over the next couple of days, but first ill have some tests i still have to learn for. For the tests i actually feel zero stress, i really seem to pick all the subject up extremely easily, even more easily than normal. Perhaps this is the brain scripting in the primer?

Im also very interested in attempting to combine love bomb with libertine. Given how powerfull the internal effects of love bomb were, i can only imagine how amazing that would be alongside the inner effects of libertine. And thats not even mentioning the external effects!

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#16

I just decided to join a climbing studie… group (?). Honestly not sure what the english word for is, but that thing where a lot of students with the same hobby meet a few times a week to, in my case. climb/party/train/go on a trip.

This may not seem like a big step, but for me it kinda is. This may be related to my asperger/add, but ive always had a fear of rejection that can be a bit extreme sometimes. It has let me to sometimes have a hard time fully stepping out of my confortzone for a fear of being rejected by my peers. So the fact that the selflove and confidence have caused that issue to pretty much dissappear from my mind and just sign up for one of these groups without thinking twice about it (nor any anxiety), that is a very big deal to me.

in other news, ive also been experimenting with libertine. So far what ive noticed is that libertine is giving me a bit more of an edge. So far it does seem to somewhat slow down the love bomb aura, but that is probably because libertine does seem to cause a bit of recon. It also has shot up my libido, but in a weird way where it hasnt really resulted in me desiring to masturbate at all. It more so results in a desire of… well… girls.

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#17

Some of my mates have corona so theres quite a chance i have it as well. Havent yet felt much aside from a really sour, almost “acid-like” throat. Ill likely have to spend some time in quarantine.

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#18

Wishing you the best. You’re going to kick the corona’s ass. And I do commend you on the quarantine part. You don’t want to give it to someone who won’t fair as well as you. Take care bro!

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#19

Hope it’s light if you got it, and get well!

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#20

Tomorrow im gonna get an official test, so that should confirm it wether i have it or not.

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