Today was a holiday in my country.
I used the free time to do some household chores.
I asked the girl if she was home this afternoon.
You only answered this evening saying no, but to an event in a city 40km away from mine.
I actually started teasing her a bit, then she started insisting that I go to her…
I declined, I didn’t want to drive alone for an hour because suddenly she wanted me
This is quite unusual for me lol
It’s not that I was entirely sure to refuse… But that’s it 🤷
Today I’ll start a new cycle:
I’m still dating the girl I was talking about earlier (I’m also receiving requests from other girls, but I don’t feel particularly interested at this moment).
Sexually things are going much better, she often expresses wonder at the pleasure I give her. For me everything is beautiful and fun, I feel much freer to express my sexuality than in my past.
However I still have some anxiety related to my performance, and in fact I continue to judge the sexual act as a performance. This often leads to the opposite effect of the intended one, inability to control ejaculation.
I also notice how I’m already “getting used” to her presence… On the one hand I’ve always had a tendency to be self-sufficient, self-improve and have my own daily routine. On the other hand, when I’m happy with a woman I tend to miss her even after a few days of not seeing her.
I think both things are related to insecurity, fear of abandonment…
In the first case, trying to be self-sufficient, improve myself to be ready for any eventuality, I don’t risk being abandoned (probably the inner child feels weak, helpless)
In the second case, feeling a sort of anxiety when I’m not in the company of a person with whom I have an emotional bond (again I think this is childhood related, parents divorce, and then having lost them both relatively young…).
In terms of seduction skills I’m not sure if I’m improving, what I’m sure is that there is a lot of rumination about increasing tension/desire by refraining from contacting her/showing interest. Or for example how I have to lead her when we do something together.
All these things I’ve read about in the past, they don’t actually come from me, and at the moment they seem to work very mechanically.
I’m not seeing much of AM yet, but it’s ok, I’ve only listened to it for one cycle.
I don’t feel great today. I saw the girl last night and we talked a lot…
The evening went on like this with a sort of wall between me and her.
Only later did I realize how detached my mood was even before we met.
I think it’s basically due to a lack of sleep in the last two days, this state of mind is then stimulated and amplified by every little thing.
For example, I had to catch up with her and she was late. I started brooding to myself, getting annoyed.
Finally when I reached her she had prepared something to eat which she knows I really like, and the delay was due to that…
Unfortunately I am slow to let go of emotions, so it was only this morning that I realized how she actually very nice to me, preparing something for the evening,
I hadn’t even noticed how damn sexy she was… 
I basically complicated a situation that would have been very simple and fun.
I brought this up with her this morning, she seemed quite happy that I brought it up
Now I still feel a bit stupid, from missing a good moment.
Physically it is precisely tiredness, emotionally and mentally a set of things I believe, fear of losing someone, not being up to a situation, etc.
One of last night dreams 
I’m walking around in a place I don’t know, and despite having my cell phone with the GPS in my hand I can’t find the car anymore.
The GPS doesn’t seem to work… The dream goes on like this for a while, with feelings of anxiety and disorientation.
The solution comes when I decide to restart the device, at which point the GPS starts working properly again.
This dream is very beautiful and deep, it is about everything you were thinking about in this period. I don’t want to be wrong but it seems that the solution is you, you already know what you want you just weren’t sure (that’s why it took you time to restart the phone), you just have to act (restart the phone).
Thanks for your perspective but… actually I dont… As I wrote here
I was thinking about “restarting the phone” as starting again from 0… Like leave behind anything you think you know, you are doing now etc
But that seems an impossible task at the moment
It’s been a while since I’ve posted here and I haven’t actually followed the forum much lately…
A major natural disaster hit my area. Luckily I received limited damage to my home, but quite the opposite at my shop.
As I said a while ago, the idea was to sell, and now not only does it seem impossible to me, but I don’t even know how to start again and if there will be the possibility, with aid from the government, etc…
I am continuing to use Wanted, Primal and AM.
The results of Wanted are evident by now, and PS I think he is contributing at least on the sexual aspect (not sure on the seduction side though)
I’m seeing a girl regularly and I’m feeling pretty good, the relationship is defined as “open relationship” even if in my opinion it’s not clear to either of us if we mean the same thing. Not even if I can handle it…
Meanwhile other girls “showed up”. And yeah smiles and gazes continue every single day
All of this is very enjoyable and obviously what one can be expect from the two titles.
However the importance of this is slowly fading into the background given everything else that is happening.
I was thinking about dropping PS in favor of something more “urgent”.
I think AM can help me in this situation (and the idea was to use it for months anyway), and maybe Genesis instead of PS?
I really don’t know now…
Sorry about your shop. How are you?
I was lucky to move from my house right before it happened… So I’m fine
Still working on getting the shop back on track after the flood.
And as before I’m not sure if it is the right direction to take.
On the one hand I would like to get rid of this job as soon as possible, on the other I’m not sure which direction to take.
As for the relationship I’m having, I’m quite happy, even if I don’t know if it’s the best thing for me at the moment.
Tomorrow I will see the girl after about ten days of not seeing each other because she was away.
I’ll keep Wanted (5 months) for now that’s starting to give me some physical shifts too, and AM (2 months) mainly for career purposes.
I’m thinking of replacing PS (almost 3 months) with Genesis.
However I promised myself to use each title for at least 6 months…
Hey man i just read what happened to you and I didnt know you lived there I am so sorry for what happened…I hope you are well and this situation is resolved as soon as possible
I believe Genesis is the best solution currently, It will help you a lot
Thank you man! However it seems impossible that it can be resolved soon
Yeah indeed that’s why I’m thinking about it.
But I’m not sure cause for example reading @ouroboros journal below remembers me of my year of DR… and I’m not sure I’m actually in the a good situation for it right now
I’d still highly recommend Genesis.
Talking about vulnerability on Genesis was a glimpse of the sub. That was day 4 of a washout which had many colors. I like capturing the flavor of my recon as much as my results.
Genesis has a congruency-alignment in it that’s even stronger than DR, I’d say. Faster acting, VERY subtle and easy-to-navigate recon, that propels you forward in the direction of the sub.
I’ve actually been wanting a “light DR” for a LONG time, and Genesis feels like an answered prayer.
But if I were to do it again, I’d listen to Genesis once every 1-2 weeks, not multiple times per week, so that I can do a bit of introspection, but mainly take action. Genesis does have intense productivity scripting, but also intense introspection scripting. It’s an interesting balance.
I think I’ll go with it, in place of PS
I dont remember though, should one wait more than the usual 5 washout days one replacing one title from a stack?
Official “Guideline”
(Because some people get stupid triggered by the word “recommendation”)
Is to have a 5 day washout, then only change one title in your stack after that.
If your “Stack 1” is PS, DR, and AM, just as an example…
After 5 days, your “Stack 2” could be any of the following.
BUT you aren’t recommended to
Thanks I’ve started today the new stack
Genesis+Wanted+AM
love it bro, gonna be a great stack, good luck
I only get triggered when people call them “rules” or “you can only…” or “you cant…” because hold my beer and watch me 
Genesis + Wanted + AM
Yesterday afternoon I had a nice day with the girl I’m dating.
In the evening she was supposed to see a friend of hers and maybe see us at a live in a club in the area.
In the end I was too tired and didn’t go out.
Today I asked her if she slept at home and she replied that she slept at the house of the guy she’s been seeing for two years (and who’s about to leave), that I didn’t know anything about…
I know I accepted from the beginning that I was in an open relationship, but this makes me feel bad.
I asked her if she would tell me without my question since she talks about being clear and honest.
The answer was that she’s not sure because she’s afraid of hurting me…
I feel so much anger right now. She asked me to meet for lunch to talk but I told her that it’s better not.
I need space by myself, as I’m not in the emotional state for a useful conversation.
As has happened many other times, I used my punching bag to bring out what I was feeling, which from anger became sadness and then a sort of silence/emptiness.