Sungaze's Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#81

I didn’t sleep much because I was late last night and I had to work this morning anyway. My mood is usually not so good if I dont sleep a good amount of hours.

Wanted (or the combination of the two) is definitely doing something, I’ve noticed a lot of girl gazing at me last night.

I’m still not confident on how to approach or relate though.

There’s still a lot of doubt about my worth, and I as I said in other posts I see this not only in relation to the opposite sex.

This makes my drink, smoke in social situation with the result that I get even more insecure and “in my mind”.

#82

Today starts a new cycle :partying_face:

As I’ve said previously I had long periods of no PMO, but lately I resumed to porn (probably due to an increase in sexual energy).
I’ve decided to stop again and see were it goes.

I’ve also started looking again into sexual practices (pelvic floor muscles, deep breathing, awareness of arousal).
I’ll keep track of any physical change I see in this regard, but for obvious reasons I’ll not put details here on the online journal… lol

I keep receiving “attention” from girls, mainly not good looking ones :sweat_smile:

Saturday night one literally took my face with both hands and said something on these lines “you are hot af, I’m busy at the moment, otherwise…”
She looked quite drunk to me :rofl:

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#83

Maybe try black pill and looksmaxing.

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#84

I have not the slightest idea of what you’re talking about… but I’ll take a look

#85

Isn’t black pill a pretty bad belief system to recommend to someone :eyes:

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#87

I woke up in good spirits, a slight erection and not very tired.

While driving to work, I was listening to a song and imagining myself playing it and dedicating it to my parents, and I almost started crying.
I don’t see it as a bad thing, but I know I’ll have to work on that (releasing etc).

I did meditation last night before bed. It was very soothing and grounding.
As I said previously my interest for meditation is coming back and it’is deepening, I’ve also started practicing Open Focus again.

#88

Second listening of this cycle, probably experiencing some recon these days, thoughts like “maybe it’s just my imagination, delusional thinking…” etc.

But I’ve learned to not trust too much these chain of thoughts lol

Mood is still quite good eventhough not as one week ago.

I’m considering restarting a “gratitude” section in my offline journal, I have started it before but then abandoned it.

#89

Hey man nice progress on Primal.

Don’t you think Rebirth Zp would help you to integrate the primal better ?

Here is an old post

And i found this to be so true with LBFH. I ran 2 cycles and got only “mild” results.

Added 3min of rebirth after reading this and Wow

I unlocked something inside of me that gave me that flow of self love and self validation.

So my suggestion is to get it a try for one cycle since now you have run Primal for more that 2 cycles.

Cheers !!

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#90

Welcome back!

To be honest I never read its page… It’s quite interesting indeed

Thanks for the suggestion, but

  • I was trying to limit my stack to 2 (I’ve also bought Mogul with the 2 above), I don’t want to overload my subconcious
  • I think that two cycle are not enough to see if I need a boost (I’ve ran DR one year, and LBFH 5 months)
  • I’ve already bought 3 titles recently :sweat_smile:
#91

Had some strange dream this night… except for a sexual one which is the norm lately.

My mood is quite good, energy not that much though.

I’ve not seen much in terms of attracion lately. But it’s also true that I’m in social situations pretty much only on the weekends.

I’ve noticed that while a week ego when looking at the mirror my mind went “I look awesome”, now the opposite is true, I find mylsef looking for defects etc…

Maybe some recon :man_shrugging:

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#92

I woke up quite early and did some meditation.

The mood isn’t bad, but it’s quite “flat”. Yesterday there was a party to which I was invited but I preferred to stay at home.
Although in Primal and Wanted I don’t feel particularly inspired by being social.

I’m also struggling to keep myself clean from porn, I guess it’s due to my “blank” mood. I am still able to observe the thought of looking and let them go. They are definitely more frequent lately though.

While a few weeks ago there was a certainty that something was changing due to the two subs, now, as I said yesterday, I’m not so sure.

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#93

I woke up in quite a bit of anxiety.
Yesterday evening I was at a friend house for dinner. There was other people too and I felt out of place almost all the time.

Then this morning I started the day mulling over me not being good in these situation, but also about my work etc…

Then I did some meditation and the day got better. I did a various duties and now my mood is almost opposite than this morning.

I’ve also been able to really wind down and relax through out the day.

#94

The mood is up again… yay!

Today felt good in my body, and relaxed attention throughout the day.

I’ve started waking up a bit early in the morning to be able to meditate a bit in the morning too.

This usually set up the tone of the day for me.

On the sexual side, not having a woman right now, I can just say that everytime I woke up during the night my friend is already very awake lol

Strangely I’m seeing much less interest from womans then I was seeing on the previous cycles? Maybe I was more alert before?

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#95

I woke up quite realxed and in good mood.

My sexual practices still going and I guess I’m getting a bit more sensitive to energy moving around my body when aroused.

Thoughts about porn are less then a week ago, and that’s good.

I’m currently not recognizing anything else that’s obviously coming from the two subs.

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#96

Lately I remember several dreams I have.
When I was younger it was normal for me, and often became lucid dreams. In recent years, however, this was not the case.

Now I’m remembering them quite easily, and in the last few days some are particularly strange.

I wonder if it’s because of this

This night after one of these I woke up and had a hard time getting back to sleep. I’m actually quite asleep today.

This afternoon I did some sexual practice and to my surprise I had no control over my arousal… maybe because I haven’t ejaculated for several days?

Soon after I felt frustration because I’m using two titles that should work on this, in particular Wanted.

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#97

Yesterday I saw my ex. As mentioned above, we have started seeing each other off and on over the last few months.
Most of the time it was for a simple chat or something to eat together.
Yesterday we went to a show because they had given her tickets.
After that we had to eat something together.

Anyway after the show we ended up talking about us he would like to try again in a relationship with me.
I started expressing all my doubts about it and his reaction was very emotional.
We ended up talking about it all night and it was exhausting… we skipped dinner entirely

For my part, I don’t have clear ideas, on the one hand I’m afraid of realizing over time that I’ve made a big mistake in letting her go. On the other hand, I have no illusions that past problems can recur.

Added to this is the doubt that he was wrong to continue seeing her.

I guess it’s good that some of the topics were discussed after all. But today my mood is pretty “blank” and I don’t know how to deal with the whole situation.

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#98

As an outsider, it is always difficult to contribute something, but I will try.

What are your feelings towards her? I think the strength of those feelings can determine whether it still makes sense or not. These interpersonal relationships are always the most difficult in life. I think we have all experienced something similar.
Probably a second meeting will bring even more clarity.

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#99

Yes, but I’m glad you write

That why I was still seeing her… I still have love for her and I guess I’ll always do, but unfortunately I don’t think that would suffice to start over again.

Actually we have already done this, and the second time we where together I was still trying to “adjust” things, while she was completely exausthed and we decided to end it there.

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#100

Thank you. I didn’t know if it was appropriate to comment.

Of course, these are not the best conditions and nobody knows if it will work out the third time.
Only you can decide how much strength it cost you and how much it gives you to be with her again.
I think ultimately the feelings will decide the whole thing. At least it has always been like that with me. Of course, it can also be the wrong way. What says your gut feeling? Often you are not wrong with it.

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#101

I’m not sure. I have strong contrasting views about the whole thing

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