Now I’m no @Skadoosh, so don’t expect a novel length in-depth answer 
First off for me is that self-love has no conditions attached to it, it’s simply just the most natural thing in the world. But just as on a cloudy day the sun is always shining behind the clouds. All you need to do is remove the clouds and the 
is there as it has always been.
That’s why I’m such a fan of alone time like mediation and nature (a tree won’t look at you like, hey fattie you should really put some jogging shoes on,) because if your in an environment which triggers old trauma, well that triggers your build up defenses over and over again. It’s called blind-spots for a reason, so what you need to do is build up your awareness enough to be able to spot the warning signs, and then respond instead of habitually reacting to them.
It’s like in the meditation as you mentioned before, don’t give nutriments to the hindrances, don’t feed it or it will be just like a Gremlin when you pour water on it…
Also be kind to yourself and don’t see it as you are lacking something, because you’re not. Just as with the sun and the clouds covering it, see it as you rediscovering what you already got.
Also, the most simple way to feel more self-love and love, is to give it away. It sounds simple… but just random acts of kindness and loving actions towards others, freely given ofc, will come back to you, which then in turn makes you want to give more, and more you get back… you see where I’m getting to.
The epidemic these days that people love loathing in their own misery (not saying you are but generally,) and the victim mentality that is everywhere… just start giving freely, not to get anything but because it feels so damn good doing it, just smile (such a cheat code as it activates happy chemicals.) What I mean you will forget your own misery if you start helping others, which I ofc know you do as a father… but expand that to all beings and see what happens.
Like with the Metta meditation, take that with you and in your mind as you move around other people, just wish them happiness, wish them health etc. You are sending positive energy and good vibes to them, and it is affecting them as this world is built on energy.
I would seriously if I were you consider adding LBfH together with Khan. I have had many cycles of that duo, and it’s a very powerful combination to rediscover and work through old trauma regarding self-love. It’s like Khan is the big driver and engine, and LBfH the direction and the steering wheel.
I know these tips are not the most ALPHA yeah I’m a big bad wolf type of stuff But without a good base, which I had to go through a lot over the last decade to get (man I wash I had LBfH back then,) it makes everything so much easier.
And keep the door open you never know what might come suddenly…
sobs
Action!!
