Story Of Jack | Khan & stuff

Journals - Major Programs
#81

“Sin is seeing your life through somebody else’s eyes.”

”If you were alone, a thousand miles from any other person, it was fifty degrees below zero, and you were dying, what would have to have happened to allow you to die with integrity and a sense of completion?” - Howard Thurman, asked his class this after have read Admiral Byrd’s account of being alone and near death at the North Pole.

Washout watch out…
My mind is still processing things. Unbelievable!

I’ve realised I eat too little vegetables and have therefore taken a break from supplements because I don’t live a balanced and healthy life. The supplements are just self-medicating. First, let’s eat better, hydrate, exercise, meditate and sleep on time. Then we can add in supplements.

I have started to literally just buy bags of leafy greens and try to eat 4 handfuls each day. I just grab it like a caveman and just eat it. Not even with food, just straight greens :leafy_green: like baby spinach etc.

Khan, out.

#82

::: Washout day IV :::

Almost done with “Fire In The Belly” by Sam Keen. A very interesting book, sometimes crazy, and sometimes emotional. A different perspective for masculinity. It’s good to get perspective.

Apparently you should eat 400g of greens/fruits a day. That’s alot no? This only shows of how bad I am with eating more leafy greens and fruits if I think this is a lot.

Pushed cold showers to 2 minutes, so I have leveled up from 30 seconds up to 2 minutes now. I just feel if I don’t do it, I’ll probably choke at other quantum moments in my life as well, and live with regret.

I’m also reflecting on goals and tinkering on plans.

Multiple moments of sadness today, no specific reason, just emotions that want to come out. Getting more in touch.

#83

Last washout day :pray:

The future is clear…clearer. :joy:

Khan

K H A N

:dagger:

That’s all I know.

Its interesting how the recent releases I do around procrastination and purpose is causing so much negative emotions and things to be processed. I’ve been doing this for like 2 months , with different prompts and themes, and this weeks subject is bringing out the most turmoil. I don’t know, I’m just surprised. I thought my biggest issues would be around anger, apathy or maybe fear.

I was only planning to do these releases daily until new year, but now I’m thinking I’ll keep doing the ones that cause the most turmoil once a week or something during 2024. It’s a gold mine!

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#84

A new day and a new cycle.
Just got out of a cold shower. :cold_face:
Khan ST2 → Khan ST3 - Total Action
Khan Level up!

Now I’m putting WB down and NR. After the last cycles lessons I’m adding in LBfH. :couple_with_heart_man_man: :joy:
As for the third title, I am unsure if I even want a third title.

Let’s start with these two and we shall see what happens.

Khan ST3 + LBfH

@RVconsultant Hey friend, could I ask you to change this topics title from
“Story Of Jack | Current stack: Khan 2, WB & NR”
to
“Story Of Jack | Khan & stuff”?
For some reason I can’t edit the title anymore.

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#85

Day 1
Stack: [Khan ST3, LBfH & True Social]

Khan ST3 - 05:00
LBfH - 07:30

Let the recon, action and self-love unfold!

PS:
Will be running another (imo) light sub to further develop social skills while running these two, which is True Social.

Been aware lately there is an element of try hard-ness when I socialise or stream. I’m trying to force a certain persona to please etc, which is why I came to the realization or reminder earlier that I’m enough and I just need to share what I got, authentically. :pray: having a facade or forcing things is draining.

#86

Day 2
Stack: [Khan ST3, LBfH & True Social]

First day was filled with heartfelt laughter AND recon. Shortly after the listen I became really tired and then it went back and forth, recon and laughter/peace.

Woke up really tired and had to do a couple of releases throughout the day because I experienced a dense headspace and just recon. I knew this would be a tougher run. LBfH is probably touching on really deep issues for me.

I should probably stick to microloops (3>=).

But the laughter man, so genuine nice. :grinning: and shortly after the release I kept crushing my day.

I think Khan ST3 is also pushing me to take more action and has me questioning my plans and goals. 🤷

1 Like
#87

Day 3:
R E C O N

Khan ST3 - [03:00]
LBfH - [03:48]

I’m also feeling alot of frustration around streaming. Been doing it for so many years, yet almost zero success. But I can’t leave it either. I don’t know if it’s true passion or some form of self-sabotage.

I love gaming, but do I love streaming?
At the same time I can’t see myself gaming without streaming. Is it because at least when I stream gaming is no longer a waste of time but part of a fulfilling pursuit? Is my drive for streaming driven by a shame around gaming? My parents never understood gaming (middle-eastern, go figure).

What are these blockages to streaming?
Also, why are they coming up when I’m running TB and LBfH?

Unsure also if I want to run True Social. Perhaps run GMX3 and explore the recon around my gaming passion.

Played KST3 ans LBfH instead. We’ll keep it two for now.

#88

Day 4:

Wow, LBfH and Khan ST3 is kicking my butt.

Recon, sadness, anxiety that come and goes. Sometimes I get filled with this intense amazing/positive sensation, feeling really good. Life really cozy and good, like using a warm blanket.

When I lock on to the uncomfortable sensations and breath through then tears can well up. It’s weird.

I’m guessing my mind and body are working through some stuff. It’s intense and I fear adding any more subliminals and just want this deep work to take place. At the same time, a very common desire I have when under recon is go crazy and switch subs. So it’s tough.

But the warm fuzzy cozy sensations make me think this cycle will be worth all the recon.

I wonder how much of the recon is Khan and how much is LBfH. My intuition says it’s all LBfH, but 🤷

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#89

STAGE III – TOTAL ACTION:

The third stage of Khan is completely focused on getting you out there. Total Action, similarly to Total Breakdown and Total Reprogramming, is going to be merciless. Day in and day out it will test you and push you to get out there and manifest your destiny.

:point_down:

Oh it’s working :wink:

2 Likes
#90

How? Explain your perspective on this. My brain is mashed potatoe with reconé sauce.

#91

It’s making you evaluate and dig deep in your deepest aspirations, and it’s going to test you day in and out if this is just surface level stuff or if it is the real deal. There’s no hiding from Khan, and St3 is very pushy and lights a fire under your ass from my own experience of it.

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#92

Alright :slight_smile: Thanks.

I feel streaming is draining, and even saying that is a relief to admit. It’s like I feared, perhaps streaming is self-sabotage, me doing something I don’t like. We shall see.

1 Like
#93

It’s so weird reflecting on my path with streaming. It’s like reflecting on a relationship that does more good than harm. Like breaking up after 5-10 years, ending a long term relationship. Your whole Identity and world is upside down. You just want to lay in bed and your head is spinning with thoughts, scenarios, memories. You see some stimulus or things that reminds you of your relationship, filling you with love or hate. Reason for and reason against.

So weird. Lol

“It’s not you Twitch, it’s me.”
“How about we give it another chance?”
“I can compromise here and there, and perhaps if we just adjust this and that we can make it work? “
“You bring out the worst in me.”
“I’m not myself around you.”
“I don’t like myself when I’m with you.”

Back and forth like the night before when you’re thinking of breaking up with someone. So effing crazy.

My world, my identity has had this thing as a big part, but now I’m questioning it. So dramatic. Lol

I’m thinking I should take a break from streaming for a while and let it simmer.

🤷

True Social [15:00]

#94

Heading to a birthday party tonight. Will be fun :star_struck:

So many exciting releases lately. Will have to sit down and think what I want to run when I get back to work in January. Right now if nothing changes I’m thinking a Khan/Stark combo and perhaps IG: UPX. But we’ll see.

Have a great Friday y’all!

1 Like
#95

Day 7
Today: [Khan ST3 @ 15:00 & GMX3:A @ 15:00]

Been a customer and fan of SC for 1 year and 10 months bro. Time flies!

Going through some recon still from LBfH and other stuff (quitting nicotine), so tough week ahead.

Party was great last night, I felt like a Star. I felt I was like a fish in water. To bad I had to leave early.
True Social kicking in high gear!

Work: “When will you be back!?”
Me: :slight_smile:
Work: “We’re counting the days.”
Me: (I’ll be back with IG: UPX.)

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#96

Day 8 - Nicotine Hell

Day 2 without nicotine

Played some games of Valorant last night that went horrible. But I’m sure I just need to adjust to my new sensitivity and process the quitting nicotine and recon. I was also a bit drunk :joy:

Got hated on by teamates, but surprisingly I didn’t give a f. :dagger: I know in a week or two people will ask me if I’m a smurf.

1 Like
#97

Day 10 - Nicotine Boss Level

Almost out of nicotine hell, which is nice. People keep telling me I’ve lost weight but how? I’ve been eating like a pig to deal with the withdrawals. 🤷

Last night my Valorant games were rough. I did get asked if I was a Smurf because they wondered what a platinum is doing in Ascension games. I don’t know man, ask Riot.

Aim is getting better and I did manage to get good kills but any losing game I would get blamed.

It’s weird people find it cool to act like they do online but they would never dare to do that in real life or run the risk of getting ostracised (+or even worse). It’s weird to me. But then again, I know it’s just alot of pain bodies and hormones.

Lately my mind has been telling me to let go. Let go. This thought keeps on emerging in my head. Like I’m trying too hard and need to let loose a bit. Let go of the need for control and trust the universe. Woah! :exploding_head:

Let go.
Live life.
🤷

1 Like
#98

If I was trying to kick a tobacco habit, I would get a Bio-Tuner by SOTA.

1 Like
#99

IMG_2780

Checked out reviews, this is one of the reviewers. If I look this cool after using it, I will buy it! :grinning:

Jokes aside, I’ll suffer for now. Thanks for the tip though!

#100

“I love you.”
“Let go, let it go.”
“Trust!”

These thoughts or states have started emerging. I’m feeling intense anxiety but these thoughts and states keep me company, they comfort me.

It feels like I’m going through a paradigm shift, an evolution, but who knows. Nicotine is one helluva drug! 🥲

I think it’s related to overthinking, planning and trying to control and know everything. Just let it go, it’ll be fine, trust.

——
Listened to Khan ST3 (04:00) and GMX3: A (15:00).

1 Like