Intro
This is basically a continuation my stack from Digger’s Journey to becoming a Quantum Mogul
The only difference is that I have replaced AM with EQ.
I finally decided to join the testing pool for EQ because of the positive things I’ve seen from other journals. Although now, I think I should refrain from reading said journals to be less biased.
So we’ll see how it goes.
DAY1
(Day 56 for QL ST1)
So last night, I downloaded EQ and loaded it to my phone. I was feeling like I was about to get sick with my back and joint hurting and all that. So I decided to stack QL with EF ST1 and EQ on my phone connected to Bluetooth earphones. All the while, QL and Mogul were playing on a speaker for my wife.
When I woke up, I continued playing QL and EQ throughout the day. Woke up to a lot of energy. Although my back still hurts, no more joint pains. Also had that zen-like feeling. Like a calmness washing over me.
Normally, being stuck home with my kids with nowhere to go would drive me nuts. This morning and afternoon, I was rather calm. Didn’t shout once nor did I get mad. I haven’t felt that calmness for a long time now.
Given that the dresser drawers I assembled a while back didn’t match the other furniture in my kid’s room, my wife decided to switch some with that from the downstairs guest room. That’s where the problem began as I had to carry heavy stuff up and down. My back started to hurt once again. By dinner, my back was throbbing painfully. I guess because of it, all that calmness suddenly vanished and grumpy old me was at it again.
Hopefully, it will be better tomorrow.
DAY2
(Day 57 for QL ST1)
Slept like a baby last night. Sometime while sleeping, my earphones fell off so I can’t really say how long I was listening at night.
When I woke up, my throat still hurt. So I decided to run 2 loops of EF ST1.
Not sure why, but I missed the calm, peaceful feeling I had yesterday morning. Maybe I wasn’t able to listen enough overnight?
Although I wasn’t as calm inside, I could still see that I can react less emotionally. Although, I still had that tendency to shout whenever my kids don’t behave. I somehow felt like there’s a part of me observing me shout. It’s a bit hard to explain but that’s just how I felt.
Went to a big box store to buy some essential medicines for my kids and cleaning supplies. Was rather surprised that most on my list was there on the shelves. Although there were people, it was eerily quiet. Nobody was talking. Cashier seemed to perk up when I approached. But given the aura of the other people, I just couldn’t find myself to be talkative. Was able to smile and thank her, but it felt rather bland and robotic when I looked back.
Feel a bit bummed out that I haven’t done much work with regards to my project at the office. Been helping my kids with their school work. But then, a part of me feels that I don’t get paid to teach my kids.
DAY3
(Day 58 for QL ST1)
It’s been rather weird that I haven’t had any dreams since I started running EQ. Journals I read before said they had dreams right off the bat. But then, I guess that’s why I shouldn’t be reading any EQ journals (by the way, I read them before I got into the testing pool). However, I must say, I’ve been sleeping like a baby. My wife’s been complaining because I’ve been snoring a lot. And yet when she nudges me, I just turn around and fall back to sleep. In fact, I don’t even remember her nudging me. Before, I would have problems going back to sleep if something wakes me up.
Another thing I’ve noticed is porn. I have not found the urge to look at porn nor had the urge to masturbate.
My productivity on the other hand, is weird. Given that the kids are home and their teachers set up virtual classes, me and my wife are almost always helping them. Problem with that, is that I can’t do any work-related stuff. In fact, I aught to be studying up on driver programming. Good thing though is that when I do get the time to do so, I quickly grasp and comprehend the subject matter. The thing that gets me down, is that as soon as I understand it, my kids call me for help on their school work!
So it’s been a tough balancing act. To be honest, it’s been rather frustrating. I wake up feeling calm and peaceful. But as the day goes on and I see that I’m not doing any office-related work, starts getting me mad. That by the end of the day, I just wish this pandemic ends!
Funny thing though is that before I used to complain about my work. Now, I feel that I have this huge urge to work. And yet I cannot do much because of circumstances.
DAY4 (Early update)
(DAY59 for QL ST1)
Just had to write it down before I forget. Unlike previous nights, I woke up around 1:30 horny. I started touching my wife and we did the deed. I can feel everything inside her while we were doing it. However, after a while I just noticed that she was getting tired and sleepy. So I just stopped. Normally, I would at least try to ejaculate. This time around I stopped and it was fine.
Another thing I wanted to write was that I had a weird dream. It’s slowly starting to fade so I’ll try to remember as much as I can. But the summary is that I staying at a Las Vegas hotel. Which one? I don’t know. Before going to my room, I bought a delicious chocolate cake (box not slice) and brought it to my room. Somehow the room was right beside a pop-up food bar. I decided to go there and get something to eat. When I came back to my room, people were coming and going. The room is a large suite with a living area so bedroom has its own doors. When I was about to checkout after eating I saw that the cake was sliced and looked like it was being served at the food bar. The whole dream was about looking for a manager and all that. When I finally found a manager, I was about to explain about the cake. Unfortunately, I woke up.
DAY4
(DAY59 for QL ST1)
Already am currently listening to the new AI Covid-19 sub. While focusing on the track, I felt a warmth sort of calming sensation spreading over me. Will continue adding this to my stack. So my stack will consist of AI, QL and EQ and maybe add in 2 loops of EF ST1 every now and then.
So my throat still hurts. Its mainly just 1 point on the left side. And only when I swallow. It’s not like a sore throat that goes around the throat. Will probably get it checked if it does not subside by next week. Though going to a medical facility may actually cause more harm than good. So hopefully EF and AI can help with that.
Kids were not behaving today. At the start, I felt that I needed to let go of some steam. Unfortunately, I guess I wasn’t able to close the valve quickly enough so to speak. A lot of shouting occurred and directed at my eldest who is the most stubborn among my kids. However, was able to reign it in as the day turned to night.
Funny that my brother texted me to ask how we’re holding up. Told him, we’re almost to the point of tearing each other apart. He replied with:
Familiarity breeds contempt. But in order to survive, you gotta stay together with a one meter distance apart.
Told him that kids being kids, it’s very difficult to keep them 1 inch apart. This was his response:
that’s when you tear them apart.
I guess my brother’s been my silver lining these past few days.
Trying times. Trying times.
Naah. No need to do that with your kids and wife.
There’s no way a family will benefit from such distancing. Too many shared things & places that all members will touch.
This is a directive to prevent catching/transmitting the virus when outside.
Take care with the throat. Try drinking all the liquids warm-hot, even water.
DAY5(early update)
(DAY60 for QL ST1)
Had a weird dream last night. Was in the car backing up. For some reason, I wasn’t looking behind me nor was I looking at the screen for the rearview cam. May or may not have been swiped by an incoming car. Car stopped but then proceeded out. Felt something “hit” the car gently but with kids, car shakes often. Although, looking back, I’m not even sure if the kids were riding in the car with me. As I write this, the dream is already fading. It’s actually been some time since I woke up. And yet, I only recalled parts of it now.
Food for thought
Just a thought. Why spend energy on anger? You expend energy when you get angry. Energy that could have been used for much better things.
DAY5
(DAY60 for QL ST1)
Nothing much to write about really. Aside from my dream and the thought that popped up really.
So tomorrow I will be starting with QL ST2. Feel like there’s been enough repairs done to my neural pathways for now.
So something weird happened last night. While running AI covid19, I started to feel a tingle on my right wrist. Then when I looked at it, I saw what looked like a rash developing. Later on, I felt the same thing happening around my nose. When I went to the bathroom rashes were popping up around and on my nose. They weren’t the very itchy kind so I was able to sleep with them. Also they’ve subsided now though there’s some small red spots but not that prominent as last night.
Aside from those 2 areas, I haven’t seen any other rashes.
Although my throat seemed to feel somewhat better while playing it. But now that I’m not, it’s actually kind of getting worse I think. Before it hurts only when I swallow. Now there’s a dull throb I feel. If it gets worse next week I should go to the doctor.
DAY6
Current stack:
When I woke up, the kids were already awake and toys and stuff were all over the place. Told my kids to start cleaning up so that I can have them wash up. My eldest refused and acted stubbornly. Tried to remain calm but I just couldn’t. Maybe some recon from QL?
Later when AI was running, I noticed a calm warmth again. Same goes when EQ was running.
Although my throat was still hurting, I felt I had energy to fix 2 cabinets I bought 6 years ago. They’ve become rickety and looked like any minute they could topple over. I’ve been putting off repairing them for some time now. But today, even if I wasn’t 100% ok, I still fixed them.
Actually, the pin prick type of pain in my throat has lessened a bit. Although now, my whole throat has become somewhat sore. Seems like the discomfort just spread out a bit? But at least it’s not as hard when I swallow food.
Wife’s been “clingy” lately. It’s like she’s basically throwing herself at me. Told her my throat hurts and I don’t want her to get whatever I have right now. Not sure why, but before, even if I had a full blown flu, if my wife wants to fuck, all my pain suddenly goes away. Now, I’m more level-headed. I mean, I still tease her with pats and light touching. But not going all in when I’m sick right now. Maybe it’s AI, EQ or just me?
By the way. I woke up about 3 times last night. 2nd and 3rd time I know I dreamed of something. I just don’t remember what. As soon as I woke up each time, the dream just goes away, and all I’m left with is the feeling that I dreamed of something.
DAY7(early update)
Current stack:
Lately I’ve been waking up a few times at night. Last night, I woke up because of a dream. It’s starting to fade from my memory so I’ll try to write down as much as I can remember.
I was back in college. Turns out I had exams that day. And one overlapped with the first. It was my understanding that our teacher for the 2nd exam knew and understood that situation. There were 3 of us who took the 1st exam. What that was, I don’t know. But the 2nd was for an advanced math course. The weird thing was we were told before hand that he would meet the class at the lobby of the arts and sciences building and from there go to the exam room. When the 3 of us arrived at the lobby, given that we were late, our professor was no where to be found. We asked the people at the secretary’s office, but they too didn’t know where the exam was to be held. Given that it was a math course, I told my classmates that I would go look for him at the math department a couple of buildings away. While going around the math department, that was when I woke up.
I had a little trouble going back to sleep afterward. But when I did, I recall I dreamed another dream but I can no longer remember what it was.
DAY8(early update)
Current stack:
Was not able to update last night because I had to fix a clogged toilet and it took me some time to fix. It’s a shitty job but someone has to do it.
Anyway, yesterday, I noticed that while playing EQ and AI, my energy levels were higher than normal. I was a bit calmer too. But when my playlist switched to QL, I grew tired and easily get mad.
Last night I had a dream. Don’t remember much except that my wife and one of her sisters were outside. In my dream, I just woke up and knew that I had to go somewhere. I went outside to my wife and told her I’ll just go and take a bath when I come back before our trip together, as we had to go somewhere else after my errand. Her sister asked why I didn’t want to take a bath now. I calmly said “Because I don’t want to. I’ll do it when I come back.” And then I left. All the while my dream self was pondering whether or not I was rude, what other things could I have said, and even the fact that the brain can process multiple things in an instant and yet that’s what came out of my dream mouth.
DAY8
Current stack:
Went to a warehouse store this morning. Can’t say much about it as I was so absorbed looking for all the stuff in the list my wife gave me. The thing that peeved me was that the list had no such order! Vitamins, sausages, shampoo, conditioner, spam, kids’ medicines, then hand soap, etc. It’s basically like, if you follow the list and cross each item off, you would have been like a ping pong shuffling across multiple shelves. The other thing was, some were so scarce or out of stock. To make it worse, they rearranged some items and switched them over to different aisles.
Was relatively calm today. Even if my kids were getting antsy being stuck at home with nothing to do at all. So, maybe EQ and AI helped with that.
Throat’s still sore but not as bothersome as before. Slowly fading away I hope. Though I think I’ve got a rash. Now even my forehead’s covered in red splotches. Already had chicken pox when I was young. Had measles vaccine before so hopefully it fades away too.
Got a nagging idea about starting a blog showing tips and tricks I learned with my field. Maybe update it every week or monthly. Got an idea that if you’re blog is good enough, maybe companies would hire you because of the content. Already got a name for it. Though not sure if I would like to invest on the time and effort for it.
DAY9(early update)
Current stack:
Woke up around 4 am to a loud bang and a flash of light. Maybe I was dreaming but it felt like a light bulb just exploded right in front of me. Had a little difficulty going back to sleep.
Woke up later than usual. Feeling tired and sleepy still. Maybe because I have colds too.
Somehow, a part of me is making up excuses as to why I shouldn’t start with the blog idea from yesterday. Now, I’m not sure if I should even start. Starting to doubt myself.
Just wanted to add, why do I have this sudden urge to comment on my friends’ Facebook feeds? With all the covid-19 things I see there, just depresses me. Especially what I see happening back home.
DAY9
Current stack:
Still got the sniffles. Been sneezing all day.
Been feeling both sad and hopeful. Sad because of all the things I’ve been hearing about from back home. Worried for my friends, classmates, former colleagues who are left with a lousy, self-centered, selfish form of government. And hopeful that all this will pass. Hopeful that through it all, we become stronger.
Kids have been restless. But then, who can blame them? Even the simple grocery trips we used to do cannot be done now. Even burger and pizza night is not possible now, as we don’t know how much care the handlers did to the food, and whether or not they may be asymptomatic carriers of this virus.
Wife’s been both clingy and easily gets mad. Still able to tell her when she’s out of line. Though, maybe it’s because of the stress and worry.
Oh well. Taking things one day at a time. Not really sure how much EQ and AI are affecting me now. But at least I can still keep calm at times. Though my kids really know how to push my buttons and test my limits.
DAY10
Current stack:
Still have colds. Rash isn’t as red. Though sometimes I feel itchy. Also my skin’s been very dry.
Anger’s been more or less kept in check. Though I’ve been shouting still. Missing the calmness I felt before. Probably because of all the restless energy around the house with all the kids cooped up. Even the playground is now closed so the kids can’t go anywhere.
I noticed that my voice is getting deeper again. Been deep when I was running Khan ST3 but when I switched to AM, I don’t recall it being as deep as now.
Also, haven’t been able to exercise much due to colds. Been tired by the time kids are put to bed as wife and I have been juggling between work/housework, helping the kids with their schoolwork and providing tech support to my kids (been on virtual classrooms). And yet, I’m not gaining weight. In fact, I think I lost a little actually.