Soul Search - My first diary ever

Journals - Major Programs
#242

I am getting closer and closer to self-realization.

More and more glimpses and insights happening daily.

Unfortunately for me, just yesterday I realized I will not be the one enjoying the state of enlightenment.

There is more depths and layers to my ego that will be completely erased when the big volcano of kundalini finally rises and unifies my whole being with the cosmos.

I clearly felt a glimpse of this overtaking of consciousness before bed and felt a little sadness and fear at the complete destruction I have to undergo to reach what is the true me beyond all conditionings.

The exciting part is that even though I had an awakening experience 16 years ago that lasted 2 weeks, and I’ve read many spiritual books since and held that memory dearly as a beacon guiding me to the light, what is coming my way now is far beyond what I experienced back then, this is going to be the complete union and fulfillment of a very long journey home throughout lifetimes on this planet, this is the golden lifetime.

Unlike what I thought,
Self-realization is not for me,
Dreams of bright future not,
I disappear in Self sea.

If I want to be free,
I have to feel deeply,
The pain inside me,
Open up my body.

#243

Further breaking down and integration, my path is complex and full of confusing twists, I am looking forward to find stable peaceful ground in my true self to make sense of it all, at the moment, it’s all up for renewal, not much I can hold onto anymore.

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#244

I started running BDLM and RotNW at 1-2min each.

This is a fantastic combo, it opens energetic pathways to the sacral area which helps feeling more grounded and relaxed overall.

The sacral holds a lot of shame and guilt and has a link to the voice as well, so this combo helps me feel more comfortable in my own body by both grounding my energy as well as relaxing some of the bottom line shame and guilt which increases emotional flow and also opens my voice, making it more relaxed and deeper, which also contributes to overall body relaxation.

It also affects my mind by slowing down its rythm, as I can feel a lot of the mental energy is being redirected to the body, anchoring me more in the present moment overall.

I could also try LotS or Paragon for grounding since they are both physical subs, I wonder which one would be more appropriate to use for that purpose, which one would be less energy hungry to run. If anyone reads this feel free to share your opinion about this.

Main Disc. Thread - Legacy of the Spartan (Now Available!)
#245

Your stack is doing already what you want. You’re reconed. Stick to this.

#246

Pardon my french but the only thing in recon here is my underwear :tokyo_tower:

Which you think is heavier in terms of energy consumption LotS or Paragon?

Yeah this stack is good grounding but it’s very very hot in my pants and I also can’t afford to have a penis that doesn’t fit a human body, I haven’t had children yet, that’s why I think one of the other two I mentioned might be more appropriate for longer runs according to my objective of grounding mental energy in the body.