Soul Search - My first diary ever

Journals - Major Programs
#1

I’m opening this thread so I can freely write stuff I experience or think while using subs.

I’m on a third day washout of a cycle of Regeneration, Sanguine Elixir and KhanBlack st1 + LBFH last 3 days.

I guess the subs are blooming because it feels very intense these last days, there’s obviously the new year energy kicking in strong as well.

I’m wondering what to run for next cycle, I only have one cycle left before a trip to India end of January where I will stop using subs during a month long detox program.

I will not run Regen again for now because it is too disrupting emotionally for the winter, I’ll run it when the weather is better, no sunlight and freezing temps is crushing enough in itself, I live in Norway and it’s under zero celcius all winter and minimal daylight.

I’m tempted to try LotS for a cycle, and I’m wondering what could fit nicely with it, I could keep going with KB st1 and Sanguine Elixir.

There’s also the new Primal that’s very attractive to me, so it would be LotS+Primal+KBst1 or LotS+Primal+SE.

Or maybe I just try LotS+Primal on its own for a while with touches of either KBst1 or SE as needed.

Too many options, I’ll let these choices simmer for a few days.

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#2

Yeah, when I’m in a recon period, anything other than what I’m listening to feels attractive. I’ve jumped around a few times in the past when all this change was in my mindset. Like “oooohhh, something SHINY!!” it’s me trying to avoid the changes.

In Saint’s words, it’s “textbook” recon.

And to encourage you, the new NSE inclusion makes recon much, much less. I say that since Regeneration goes straight to what we’ve been holding on to forever, and tries ripping your hands off it (thus the tears that come swiftly).

And Regeneration has not been updated with NSE yet. I’m on Phoenix myself, and it hits home quickly. However, all that recon doesn’t hit. Old fear, old patterns do. But not the intense mental recon I’ve experienced in years past. It’s much more about me changing my little daily choices, the same ones keeping me in an emotional funk.

Good luck with your time off of Regeneration. And I’m clueless when it comes to Lots and KB. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

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#3

:love_you_gesture:

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#4

I read the whole Primal page again and I think it might be a little too much seduction stuff for my taste, I’m not interested in getting laid through superficial relationships with women, I think of sex as a byproduct of a loving relationship, but I love the part about raw authenticity and the fun scripting is a big one also.

I’ll start with LotS because I already got it and I’ll see from there, maybe I get Phoenix.

I’m not sure what I want or need in my life so it’s hard to decide what to run.

Healing is always a good way to go so maybe Phoenix works, or maybe I do another Regen cycle but I’m kind of dreading Regen now because I feel overall very sad and in constant processing of emotions which is kind of disrupting to my natural fun and joyful mood.

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#5

Oh shit I just remembered I might want to do a cycle of Chosen Way of Nature, I only listened a couple times and it was amazing.

So I’m throwing LotS+CWoN to simmer.

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#6

Day 4 of washout I feel depressed, I’m doing the usual self harm pattern where I try to feel even worse by not doing the things I know make me feel better.

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#7

Have you tried ice cream or chocolate :slight_smile: ?
And btw after my second time of Phoenix I felt somehow blue for I do not know, half a day, but it slowly went away.

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#8

I still feel pretty awful tonight, heavy sense of being lost, sadness, despair, nothing specific in mind, just heavy feelings, I will have some ice cream as you suggest, vanilla with cherry sauce and chocolate sprinkles, I cannot think about what sub to run in this state.

#9

It’s 11pm and I’m feeling better, the weight is lifting a little after a lot of stomach pain the last 2 hours.

I’m giving up on the idea of running LotS since the detox in India in 3 weeks will make me lose a lot of weight and I’m not supposed to do any physical exercise during the process, so I’ll wait for after India to build an awesome body.

So now that I can think a bit more clearly there’s only 2 choices left, I have decided only 2 subs at a time and a third one occasionally maybe 3-5min loop once a week or as needed:

CWoN + KB1 for a powerful, beautiful and fairly easy to run stack

or

I go hard with a KB1 + Phoenix.

Tomorrow will be day 5 of washout so I will make my decision then, but Regen has shaken me hard enough I feel I would enjoy a little break from this kind of subs for now, so I tend towards CWoN stack, and KB is not a piece of pie anyway.

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#10

I was reprimanded by ouroboros that listening instructions say only to rotate one title per cycle.

You can drop one and switch another after a 12 days washout. But changing two might lead to serious recon/ overexposure.

#11

I’m sorry for your experience with ouroboros.

I’m going from a 3+ stack to a 2 stack and likely keeping KB1 which I was already running so it seems to be within guidelines, thanks for the reminder!

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#12

Don’t need to. It was in best intentions and I needed this.

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#13

Washout day 6, feeling good, I will extend washout at least one more day, also I will not have coffee today and instead will have tea, I thought of not having caffeine at all to start detoxing to prepare for India but I love it too much as a morning ritual, feeling the caffeine kick flowing through my veins, pure love .

Ouroboros found its way to me on a different thread so in a way I was double Ouroboroed now @Lichtenauer :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

I will listen to your voices of reason, considering I ran over 3 subs last cycle and slightly over recommended listening times I decided to run CWoN on its own for a few days and see from there when I feel like adding KB1 and LBFH, I’m still tempted to buy Phoenix though.

Lots of stalactites building up from the roof, I wonder if I should break them or not, I don’t want to get trapped in a prison of ice! There’s already half meter of snow it’s hard to get by, hibernation mode in full swing.

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#14

One of my best friends and I, I pretty much
shaved my head for the new year, my friend declined.

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#15

I am not sure, which one is you.

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#16

Easy to guess, I ran full cycle BDLM, so the one with the big tail.

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#17

Oh the furry one then :slight_smile:

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#18

I have to shave this part too, thanks for the reminder!

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#19

A friend told me a cute joke:

How does the Ocean say ‘Hi!’?

:ocean:It waves :wave:

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#20

I ran Ascension Chamber for the first time ever last night, I found out afterwards I was supposed to listen on a listening day but this was my off day so I will take an extra day off today.

Anyway a couple hours later I made an impulsive decision to buy Phoenix and ran a 5min loop just before bedtime.

I had the most intense dream night, lots of very clear long dreams, meetings with childhood friends, childhood crushes, and other subconscious desires of mine manifested.

I woke up middle of the night very hungry so I grabbed food from the fridge.

I just woke up and I’m feeling very fine, I’m looking forward how this Phoenix works.

So my stack for this cycle is now CWoN + LBFH+ Phoenix.

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