I’m feeling this so strongly for the last couple days.
I’ve done so much inner work and I’m feeling more free and clearer than ever before but there’s still a core blindspot that, even after so many different experiences I went through over the years traveling a lot living abroad in many different countries and meeting so many different people and viewpoints, I am back to being this 7 year old self that is looking at the future and has no idea what he wants to do and become.
I need to leave my rental in 45 days, I quit my job 2 months ago on a whim and I’m not going back, I’ve got little money, but there’s so many things I could do but I feel like a completely lost kid, I have so much energy and willpower but my vision and excitement is so blocked that I can’t make a move, so frustrating, I’m like a sports car gas pedal to the max but the handbrake is on and no gps!!!
In 45 days I am forced to release the handbrake and I’m worried where I’m gonna end up if I can’t figure out a proper location to drive to.
All I know is I don’t want to live in a box, I want my life to be an extension of who I am, not get a random job just out of need, from now on I want my choices to reflect my truest possible self and newest version based on what I have learnt from my experiences and not some silly old conditionings or ideas.
Time is ticking, where do I go, what do I do, I have to take it step by step and not expect everything to come at once, but this first step is hard to take, I’ve got not external attachements anymore, job, country, relationship, nothing is holding me back, I can write a brand new chapter.
A blank page in front of me, I don’t want to repeat the same old story.
A new cycle is beginning, my life is once again birthing.
No one to take my hand and guide, like a newborn that parents denied.
A grown up once again a baby, a new awakening in timeless unity.